Looking Through the Pane

 

"Your desire to be near to a window is your

desire to be close to life."

Mehmet Murat ildan

Early memories of me standing by our back door of the apartment, gazing outside never really seeing the actual view are plentiful.  In the apartment there were no spaces to allow private space.  So I would stand in the kitchen projecting my cluttered mind out through the glass in the window.

Over the years, looking out a window became a habit for me especially when I was feeling isolated or overwhelmed.  I never really explored this method of coping, but I was aware how much better I could feel by slipping through the window pane.

This morning I came across a quote by Mehment Murat idan:  "Your desire to be near a window is your desire to be close to life."  It was the first time insight connected me to this life long habit.   I never lost the desire to understand my life and when I could not find answers, I would mentally escape through the window seeking answers to my pain.