Too This or Not Enough That ...

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully,

everyone is blessed."

Maya Angelou

An adult once told me when I was young, to never let anyone know how I felt.  I must have been oozing with emotion for this to be said to me.  I was told by keeping your feelings private, it would give you the upper hand.  This really didn't make much sense to me at the time, but it did create an inaccurate need to hide how I felt.  

Once again I was chastised for expressing my feelings when I was a young married mother of two.    As a family, we were viewing a house for sale.  I loved everything about the house, but knew there were other offers on the table.  Without thinking, I told the owner how much I appreciated the house and how I would raise my children in love in this home.  She teared up and proceeded to tell me they were not leaving by choice.  Her husband had taken ill and they were forced to move to a larger city where medical assistance would be available.  I felt so sorry for her and acknowledged how difficult it would be to leave such a fine home.

Once outside, my father-in-law literally yelled at me for 'showing my hand' to the owner.  I was totally caught of guard and questioned what he was saying.  "They now know how you feel about their house and will push you to pay top dollar," he said.  I thought about this on the ride home.  It had been the only opportunity to share with the owner what a lovely home she had created.

We did make an offer on the house hoping our bid would beat the other offer.  The owner called us to accept our offer even though it was slightly lower than the other.  She said she chose us because of how much I loved her home.  Expressing my feelings had helped us, not hindered.

I still hesitate to share how I feel, concerned I am being too this or not enough that.  I have to consciously push myself to use my voice in spite of what had been ingrained in me at such an early age.  Ultimately, I am not a game player, and I want to be understood through my emotions and feelings.  Virginia's Voice ... we are all entitled to speak our truth.