Focus As A Choice

If somebody is kind to us ninety-nine times and then does one hurtful thing, we are likely to forget the ninety-nine good things and remember the one bad thing.  But if we can turn our attention away from that one act of unkindness and turn it to all the kindnesses we have received down the years, the incident will fall into its proper place."   Eknath Easwaran

As free will human beings, we have freedom in choice.  We are not always capable of taking action, but we are free to focus upon our choice.  We choose where our mind dwells.  Is it going to be bathed with repetitive negativity or is going to be nurtured with healthy self-talk?

There was a time in my life where rude people drew me into the drama of anger.  I would obsess over the rudeness as a personal slight.  This would use a lot of my energy, and very likely, it damaged my mood.  My singular focus and my angry thoughts led me to be a worse than the other person's initial rudeness.  We become what we judge or worse.

In time, fortunately, I learned to shift my response.  I learned to expand my focus to include how insult was stemming from some one's painful situation.  It was their bad day, and not mine.  I let them own their rudeness, and gave them kindness in return.  It was always entertaining to say to a frazzled clerk, "Wow, you must be having a lot of work to do today!"  By acknowledging their stress rather than absorbing it, allowed the other person to release.  To my response, they would usually take a deep breath and laugh, admitting they were being bombarded.  I was no longer being pulled into a negative situation.

So what we focus upon, whether positive or negative, is clearly our choice.  When we decide to harshly judge, we are stepping into the arena of negativity with the other person.  If we can step back and see the greater picture, we can remain in love and kindness.