Standing Still and Shinning

"Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind

be free.  Stay centered by accepting

whatever you are doing.  This is the ultimate."

ZHUANGZI

It is challenging to accept what we are doing, when we are doing nothing.  We experience guilt or maybe shame with our culture's demand for productivity.  It is out right embarrassing when we are asked what we have been doing and we do not have a concrete answer. 

At a small gathering this weekend, I was enjoying a conversation with a relative who reads authors I consume.  Everything was comfortable and pleasant until she very directly asked me, "So what have you been doing?"  I must have had an anxious look on my face so she attempted to clarify, "What does your day generally look like?"  I felt really intimidated for no reason at all as I knew this lovely person was just conversing. 

After this conversation, I made a mental list of all the thoughts flooding through my mind:  low self-esteem, unworthy, fear of criticism, lack of worthiness and the list unfortunately goes on.  "This is truly ridiculous," I said sternly to myself.  I promised I would reflect a better image during the very next exchange. 

The next  social conversation occurred shortly after the last.  It happened to be one of the hosts, and I complimented him on his very interesting home and expressed my desire to look through all of his bookshelves lining the living room.  As I listened to his response, I learned that he was a published author, a philosopher, wrote every single day, never got rid of a book, and reads two books in different foreign languages simultaneously.  Besides being a world traveler, he is a very cerebral and personable fellow.

The situations we beckon into our lives is always of an interest to me and I delight in finding the message in each one.  I had failed to appropriately identify my life style, reprimanded my self  promising to do better, and then had a one sided exchange with an extremely competent man.  I believe the only words I managed to mutter were, "Thank you for having me in your lovely home."

So what these two experiences teach me is important.  What I really do in my private time is really of no importance to anyone else, but me.  My day needs to be pleasing to my self in terms of using Divine Spirit's gifts and guidance.  If I am following Spirit's lead and truly believe whatever it is I do is important, than nothing else should matter.

I thankfully discovered my comfort zone before I had to leave.  I stayed in the midst of others being fairly non-verbal and just holding light.  This is what I seem to do best ... standing still in the light, shinning.