Light Breaking Through

I am always there.

I am always helping.

I never leave you.

I was there yesterday.

And every day before that.

And I'll be there every day that ever follows.

I mean, where else am I going?

The Universe

http://www.tut.com/ 

Why do I forget I am never really alone?  How is it I allow my focus to narrow excluding all of the support I so badly need?  Today, there seems to be light breaking through this darkness that has been hovering over me for days. 

Gathering strength, I reached out to a trusted one and felt life seep back in.  It is so difficult to allow myself to be vulnerable, to let someone see in when I feel so lost.  Too often I forget how wonderful it has felt to stand present in someone's life during a challenge and how important it is to allow that someone to stand present for me in return. 

Compassion and acceptance are gifts we not only offer to others, but we must also extend them to our selves.  We must be gentle and allow our selves the opportunity to explore our dark moments, to resolve residing issues and move forward into healing. 

We become empowered by releasing the pent up fears.  When fears have been removed there is new space for light to shine!

The Whale Swallowed Jonah

The whale swallowed Jonah

or so the story goes ...

Jonah was a good man and a prophet.  He was asked to go to Nineveh to tell the people to repent, but he did not follow through. He ended up swallowed by a whale or so the story goes.  Let's go with it.

If you have ever spent time in what is termed the Dark Night of the Soul, you too may have felt like you had been swallowed whole.  What would you feel like ... damp, disoriented and frightened or would there be comfort in seclusion, invisibility, and nothing but curiosity about possibly being spit out anew by the whale.

Although everything is bright and beautiful on the outside of my self on this wonderful spring day, on the inside, I feel like I have been swallowed by the whale.  For whatever reason, I am filled with darkness as though I have lost sight.  I have tried all day to gather my bearings and determine a destination, but all efforts seem to have failed.  I feel submerged into the great depths of water with an uncomfortable churning like being tossed about in the belly of a whale. 

Can it be that I am the whale and I have unknowingly swallowed my self into seclusion?  This is not an exhilirating feeling nor an insightful venture.  I sense it is something to be endured until the old me is ready to be spit out and discarded, making way for a brighter new me. 

I don't remember what exactly happened to Jonah, and I most certainly don't know what is happening with me.  I am ready, however, to return to a firmly grounded sanctuary inside of me.

The Dark Knight of the Soul

Save me , O God, 

for the waters have come up

to my neck.

I am stuck in the mire of the deep,

and there is no where to set my foot.

I have come into deep waters,

and the waves overwhelm me.

I have grown weary from crying,

my throat has become hoarse;

my eyes have failed while

I await my God.

~Ann Rice

Harvesting journals can be an emotional, but insightful task.  By harvesting, I mean sifting through writings and highlighting dreams, challenges, insights, and words having significant meaning ... even when you don't remember recording them.  Reading personal inscriptions can be inspiring and reflective of challenges finally overcome.  It is like an emotional tracking system.  

Depression is a normal part of a cycle humans rotate through.  I do not mean clinical depression, but depression in general.  It can be referred to as PMS or menopause, or mood swings, but all people cycle through normal levels of depression.  There are varying degrees, such as: monthly, seasonal, or a one time life experience, etc ...

Several years ago, I spent months enduring an extreme sense of loss.  Loss of my self and of all things I believed.  While reading Carolyn Myss, I came across the phrase, "dark night of the soul".  It was originated as a title of a poem, DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL written by St. John of the Cross, a 16th Century poet and Roman Catholic Mystic.  In addition to his own thoughts, the poet reflected ideas of St. Thomas Aquinas and in part, Aristotle.

The poem written by St. John of the Cross, a Spanish Carmelite 

priest, narrates a journey usually traveled during the night, in search of the light of the Creator.  The poem was written while the priest had been imprisoned. A painful experience of abandonment enables a person to grow in spirituality and union with the Divine. 

My experience in the "dark night of the soul" was most unpleasant.  I felt entirely detached from all things holy, and harshly abandoned spiritually.  My mind was riddled with confusion and doubt.  Hindsight shows this was a gift of purification.  I aimlessly wandered through concepts and beliefs, discarding much of what I once held dear.  Issues from my past surfaced, raged with emotion, and eventually were processed. What remained shined brightly and there was plenty of room to welcome the new.  I felt a more personalized, and yet broadened perspective of the connection between us all.  I had lost rigid concepts and gained a spiritual union.  It was during this time my energy work became more pronounced and a sincere spiritual awareness of others became prevalent.

Spirituality can be very challenging, but always rewarding.  It is a path walked in solitude strengthening personal gifts, insights, and awareness.  Ultimately, oneness with nature and all people grows obvious, as well as the sense of oneness with Divine Spirit ... never abandoned and always empowered.