"...connecting with them is more important than continuing to judge them."
Gary Zukav
Gary Zukav has had my attention for numerous years. Recently, I was reading a passage of his reminding me about being present with someone who is in pain. He says when someone hurts our feelings, it means they are struggling, needing compassion, not judgment. When people are emotionally frightened, we could help by being present.
When a close friend lashes out at us, our automatic reaction can be first hurt then anger with the desire to retaliate. If a highly regarded person in our life harshly criticizes us, we can immediately devalue our own credibility and become self-deprecating. Seldom is our immediate response an assessment of the speaker's current mindset.
We often are not aware of people's inner turmoil, even if we share an exceptional connection. It is easy to accept responsibility for criticism or judgment. When we are mindful, detecting anger in the speaker, a shift in creating a safe space for them will reenforce the connection, rather than destroying it.
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