Worst Nightmare

"When we are stuck  in our convictions and personas,  we enter into the 

disease of having good ideas and being right ... We think we have a lock 

on truth,  with our burnished surfaces and articulation, but the bigger we  

pump ourselves up,  the easier we are to prick  with a pin.  And the bigger  

we get, the harder it is to see the  earth under our feet.

Anne Lamott

As a younger woman, I was approached by a group to run for the position of a representative leader.  I was flattered and amazed to be asked.  I began questioning what good I would be, but the compliments kept coming as I was encouraged to seek the position.  Soon I was caught up in the rapture, and indeed, I won.

After graciously accepting the position, reality set in and I was overwhelmed by what lay ahead.  Expressing these feelings to the women who supported me, they laughed and said, 'No worries, we'll be calling the shots."  It became apparently clear I was no more than a pawn.  These people had used me to seek control and power.  They had expected me to be a good little lamb and follow along.

By nature, I am a loner or independent with a curiosity of all peoples.  I gathered information from other leaders and researched unbiased opinions for what I was to accomplish.  In the end, I was proud of the progress and improvements that I made and cherished neutral contacts who assisted me along the way.  I am sure I was this group's worst nightmare when I refused to become a puppet, but it was an amazing lesson for me ... understanding the hopes and desires of the people I represented and improving their lot, not mine.