Making the Whole Beautiful

She could never go back

and make some of the details pretty.

All she could do was move forward

and make the whole beautiful.

Terri St.Cloud

http://www.bonesigharts.com/

There are just so many years left in my life, so I feel the urge to be more accountable and productive.  I have the sense that I will be greatly disappointed in myself if I leave this world with tasks left undone. 

In this last decade, my personal garden of creative design has been poorly attended.  There are numerous rows that have continued to grow in spite of my absence, but struggle in the death grips of the wild weeds.  Signs of new baby sprouts can be seen, but without necessary nurturing they will not prosper.  More hardy plants off to a good start somehow got nibbled down before reaching fruition.  Elements out of my control bring too much rain or not enough sun.  I must be a dedicated gardener before my seasons end.

The unrestrained recesses of my mind create a vision of my imaginary garden shed housing all of my tools.  I give a shove to open the old door that swings reluctantly on creaking hinges, now allowing the sun to shine in for I know that only light can guide me. The discovery of my old tool box brightens my vision with excitement.  Sorting through my instruments, I find some to be rusty, but many only need a cleaning to be in perfect preparation for the tasks at hand. 

It is easy to imagine myself kneeling inside my fictional garden patch with my wrinkled hands digging deeply into the rich soil which allows me to feel connected and alive again.  No gloves for me, thanks, as the dirt embedded behind my nails reminds me that I am real.  With these hands, I remove all that has wilted or died on the vine, and gently coach the roots of new things to spread deeply into the ground. 

Committed to this last effort at planting, I carefully select bold colors such as purple and yellow dotted with red.  I arrange lily of the valley, lilacs, and peonies to prompt familiar fragrances.  Then I create a boundary, guarding my creation from those who would bring destruction to my dreams.  I ask the winds to blow unkind words away, and for sunbeams to form a tunnel so the new life can safely reach up towards the blue sky.  Mother Earth has agreed to drink all unnecessary rain before it floods my domain.  And of course, the light of the moon will keep the darkness away.

We each have an imaginary garden and our box of tools is uniquely filled.  There is a certain responsibility to our patch of creation and only our individual attention will cause it to thrive and grow.  It does not matter if it is big or small, as it is in the design that reflects how we developed our skill in using the tools so generously given.  Together, let us move forward and make our gardens whole and beautiful!

Loving fully

 Our purpose really comes down to loving fully,

to being alight with who we are

beneath all the names and titles

we are given or aspire to.

THE BOOK OF AWAKENING by Mark Nepo

My long over due visit with two college classmates stirred up memories of past years and reflected transformations in each of us.  We embraced the closeness and acceptance that only weathered friendships extend.  The uncertainty of life and death brought the three of us under one roof, and together we listened with open hearts, supported with sincere encouragement, and celebrated the individual paths that each of us had followed.

Our first discussion seemed to relate to each other as sisters of the past.   Most of the conversation was based on favorite teachers, current details of classmates, and endless stories of the past recalled with great humor.  As the hours passed, however, defining ourselves in terms of who we had been fell away, and we were soon wearing masks of who we had become. 

Three distinctive female personalities, three diverse life styles, and three independent professional careers were outer layers covering the imaginary cords that held us together for over 40 years.  The masks were slowly sliding from our faces as we moved through our career stories and began to discuss life from our hearts, risking vulnerability and joyfully finding compassion.

In our last days together, it was as though we had abandoned our life suits, leaving them hollow and unused.  Not knowing if we would ever be together again, our conversations were honest, meaningful, and thought provoking.  Together we decided healthy relationships must include equality, integrity, respect for diversity and compassion in order for all beings to establish peace within and without.

At the end of many days, departure for me was emotional.  In spite of all my spiritual beliefs, my human nature found it difficult to say good bye with the uncertainty of ever seeing each other in the physical again.  It was overwhelming to visualize my life without the presence of my oldest friends who have blessed me with unconditional love and honored me by graciously accepting mine.   I reluctantly returned to my little corner of the world, readying myself to continue my personal journey best that I can. 

Letting Go and Holding On



All the art of living

lies in a fine mingling of

letting go and holding on.

Henry Ellis

People Will Forget

I've learned that people will forget what you said,

people will forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou

 

Only One ...

I am only one,

but still I am one.

I cannot do everything,

but still I can do something;

and because I cannot do everything,

I will not refuse to do something

that I can do.

Helen Keller

It Takes Courage ...

It takes courage to grow up,

and become who you really are.

e.e.cummings

A Faithful Hand



Oh the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain, that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.   --Dinah Craik

A Sister of My Heart

It is not length of life,

but depth of life.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I was a senior in high school, I traveled to a college that I hoped to attend.  While there, I met another perspective student by the name of Joyce Marie.  Instantly, we became interested in each other.  We promised we would get in touch if accepted.

Joyce Marie and I became not only very good friends, but eventually roommates as well.  I could write a volume about our experiences, our similarities, and our differences, but I will save that for another time.  What is important to know is that even though I am just a few months older, she is my oldest friend.  Although our lives took us in very different directions, and there were some years without contact, the two of us remained important to each other.

I cannot speak for this dear sister of my heart, but for me, no matter what life dealt out, I knew that she would always help me.  Unfortunately, she was put to the test many times throughout my life, and never once did she judge or turn me away.  In fact, I am one of many that has been helped by this dear friend.  She has never known a stranger and there is never a limit to how hard she tries to make a person's life better. 

Today I fly out to be with Joyce Marie for a week.  The length of her life has come into question and so I must focus on the depth of her life and what all it has meant to me.  I want to be present with her even if it is in silence.  I want to memorize her radiant smile and fall into her sparkling wise eyes.  I need to hug her and cover her with comforting love, energy, and light.

It is my belief that we are all spiritual beings having a physical experience.  It is my sense that we have all lived prior to this existence and that we will live after it as well.  So if I am squished by a bus tomorrow, there will only be an interlude before we all come together again.  So let us hold joyful celebrations honoring our loved ones who are simply called ahead.   

Easily Tipped

"The tree which moves some to tears of joy is in the eyes of others only a green thing that stands in the way.  Some see Nature all ridicule and deformity, and some scarce see Nature at all.  But to the eyes of the man of imagination, Nature is Imagination itself."              

-  William Blake, 1799, The Letters    

There are many things that I admire about nature, but trees are at the top of my list.  They have deep grounding roots, contort limbs into gnarly positions simply to accommodate the art of reaching for the sun, and manipulate incredibly slow movement taking years to balance. 

I desire to stand strong like a tall oak tree or to have the grace of a weeping willow swaying in a gentle breeze.  I aspire to be a Cherry Tree to be valued for the grain in my some day future as artisian wood.  I wish to feel the joy of sprouting little buds that unfold into changing fall colors reflected by the sun.  I long to experience being silently present as a stranger sits at my base sharing both happiness and sorrow.  

Instead, I am more like a palm tree with shallow roots, easily tipped by strong rain and threatening wind.  My fronds are plain and seldom do those on foot take the time to see the value I hold within.  Although easily associated with a certain time and place, palms all look the same.  There is comfort, however, in knowing that it was the palm that honored Jesus the Christ as he arrived on a donkey into small throngs of followers.  I can live with that association and glory.  It is enough for me to be me, a more simple tree.

 



more than you are willing to see ...

I am more than I have shown you

and more than you are willing to see.

The Book of Awakening

by Mark Nepo

Insist Upon None ...

There's always more than one right answer, path, possibility, nuance, or flavor - so insist upon none.

Insisting on details, Virginia, always limits you.

The Universe

http://www.tut.com/

This was one of my daily messages today, and a very appropriate one for me.  Funny how that synchronicity comes into play!  I am a detail oriented person which sometimes takes away from just enjoying the time I am desperately trying to organize.  I need these daily reminders of Alan Cohen, Mark Nepo, Eckhart Tolle and The Universe, as I too quickly forget to breathe, to fully live in the moment, and to allow life to unfold.

There are so many paths, indeed, but if I slow down so that I can hear my inner guidance, rather than forcing ego motivated actions, I will find my way more directly and perhaps more purposefully.  Maybe there will be fewer wrong turns, and more interesting landscapes.  As I place one foot down on my unfolding path I will deepen my trust.  When I place the other foot down I will strengthen my faith.  Instead of worrying about the details, I will appreciate the journey as it unfolds!


Just for Today ...

A moment of self-compassion

can change your entire day.

A string of such moments

can change the course of your life.

Christopher K. Germer



Just for today, I think I will treat myself like I would treat a best friend.  I will speak nicely and use supportive language instead of squashing ideas with negativity.  I will dress a little nicer to honor my body for supporting me throughout the years.  Maybe I will visit a beautiful park instead of walking my regular 3-4 mile route.  I will open my ears to the sounds of nature rather than mentally creating lists and deadlines.  I'll stop at the store and buy some flowers and bring the living beauty of life back into my private space.  Lighting a candle will be another reminder to celebrate all that I am.  Then at the end of the day, perhaps I will journal from my heart all that I have learned from being nice to me ... for just one day.

Friendship: Place of High Safety

The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo
Excerpt from May 18th:

I have been blessed to have deep friends in my time on Earth.  They have been an oasis when my life has turned a desert.  They have been a cool river to plunge in when my heart has been on fire.  When I was ill, one toweled my head when I couldn't stand without bleeding.  Another bowed at my door saying, "I will be whatever you need as long as you need it."

Still others have ensured my freedom, and they missed me while I searched for bits of truth that only led me back to them.  I have slept in the high lonely wind waiting for God's word.  And while it's true ~ no one can live for you ~ singing from the peak isn't quite the same as whispering in the center of a circle that has carried you ashore.

Honest friends are doorways to our souls, and loving friends are the grasses that soften the world.  It is no mistake that the German root of the word friendship means "place of high safety."  This safety opens us to God.  As Cicero said, "A friend is a second self."  And as Sant Martin said, "My friends are the beings through whom God loves me."

There can be no greater or simpler ambition than to be a friend.

                                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The greatest gifts in my life have been friendships and the most difficult friendship to honor has been with myself.  I would not be here today without the support, caring, and uplifting spirits of those whom I call friend.  Friends have been mirrors of my own reflection, spiritual travelers on my path, angels in disguise, teachers of difficult lessons, and delightful sisters of my heart. 

It is with great humility and deep gratitude that I thank all of you for being a present and being present in my life.  From each and every one of you, I carry a sacred parcel that helps to enhance the meaning of my existence.  Your friendship has offered me a "place of high safety" where I could be nurtured, healed, and inspired rather than wilt and die.  I would not be the woman I have become today if it were not for all of my sisters who lovingly and graciously witness and complete my circle of life...especially my daughter, Amanda Rose.

A Great Battle Raging

A Great Battle Raging

There is a great battle raging: for my mouth

not to harden and my jaws not to become like

heavy doors of an iron safe, so my life may

not be called pre-death.

-Israeli Poet

 Yehuda Amichai

For Longing

For Longing

Blessed be the longing that brought you here
And quickens your soul with wonder.

May you have the courage to listen to the voice of desire
That disturbs you when you have settled for something safe.

May you have the wisdom to enter generously into your own unease
To discover the new direction your longing wants you to take.

May the forms of your belonging - in love, creativity, and friendship -
Be equal to the grandeur and the call of your soul.

May the one you long for long for you.

May your dreams gradually reveal the destination of your desire.

May a secret Providence guide your thought
And nurture your feeling.

May your mind inhabit your life with the sureness
with which your body inhabits the world.

May your heart never be haunted by ghost structures of old damage.

May you come to accept your longing as divine urgency.

May you know the urgency with which God longs for you.


To Bless the Space Between Us
by John O'Donohue

Remaining Tight in the Bud ...

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it takes to blossom."



Anais Nin


The process of unfolding seems to start quietly with sudden episodes of closing in on the inner self.  Withstanding seasons of wind, rain, and snow growth brings strength to hold self open stretching towards the sun in front of either friend or foe. 

Within the depths of spirituality, clearly one discovers true identity, but frequently in the midst of this earthly place fear overwhelms and ego soars out of control.  "Who do you think you are," asks the dark voice hiding in the shadow.  As if on cue, the tape recorder in one's mind instantly replays every slight, disappointment, and emotional mishap in personal life.  It is as though someone has carelessly yanked at your roots threatening depths of despair. 

Courage begins to glow within the darkness remembering the power of love, energy, and light.  The time comes to face the fear that haunts.  The presence of all that is, the divinity of life, steps through the illusion of what has been allowed to hold the inner self in place.  The movement dissolves the imaginary shackles upon the wrists and awakens the gift of freedom that is waiting patiently within.

Each time one dares to unfold, a fuller awareness begins to awaken and the need to be entirely committed to the spiritual tasks at hand pulls the self into a higher dimension of understanding.  The contrast between living life small and blossoming at long last becomes too great to ignore. 

Even with the warm pulse of spirit vibrating within, it is still difficult to let go of life as one knows it.  It is challenging to step away from all that appears to be security, to take the risk of being whole, and to be a beacon of light for those who follow. 

Once the temptation to remain tightly closed is overcome, running the risk to be whole is invigorating.  Empowerment eliminates the bind as though weeds have been untangled from the rich soil, making room for personal wholeness and invincible energy.

To be fully in bloom one feels the warmth of spirit shining and lighting the way.  To open petals with grace brings beauty and honor to the soul.  To breathe in the fragrance of fulfillment establishes an everlasting sense of joy.  In doing so, one becomes a part of the worlds most beautiful bouquet.

Under Construction

 When did you stop singing?

When did you stop dancing?

When did you grow uncomfortable

with the sweet territory of silence?

When did you stop being enchanted by stories?

Angeles Arien   

    

 

Perhaps you need to harvest some memories,
looking for dreams you once held dear.

Catering to the needs of others for so long,
your own needs have been left unmet.

Do you even know your heart's desire?
What change are you longing for in your life?

Consider your self to be 'under construction' and do some remodeling. 

Put in a stronger foundation for personal security.

Take a class for fun or enhancement.

Piano, art, tap dance or choose to further your degree. 

Create a new view by changing your perspective.

Put on some rose colored glasses and explore new windows for opportunity.

Maybe you cannot replace your entire roof, but do one section at a time.

How about a new hat or hair cut?

Landscaping always heightens the beauty it surrounds.

Wear a new color or increase the color you wear.

Perform your excavation gently as there will be some crumbling of the old.

Invite trusted friends to be of service during discovery.
Journal, play music, and dance like there is no tomorrow!

Let your inspiration flow,

Get excited about being in touch with your true inner self!

Build  an inner sanctum

that nurtures your heart and soul.
Decorate your surroundings
to show this world that dreams are coming true!

A Place To SIt

                                                                               

A PLACE TO SIT

                                                                            Kabir

Don't go outside your house to see flowers.

My friend, don't bother with that excursion.

Inside your body there are flowers.

One flower has a thousand petals.

That will do for a place to sit.

Sitting there you will have a glimpse of beauty

inside the body and out of it,

before gardens and after gardens.

---Translated by Robert Bly

To Change the Child ...

If there is anything we wish to change in the child, we should first examine and see whether it is something that could better be changed in ourselves.  --- C. G. Jung

Promise ...

PROMISE YOURSELF
to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind ...
to talk health, happiness, and prosperity to everyone you meet ...
to think only the best,
to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best ...

to forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to greater achievements of the future,
to look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.


                                                                         Author Unknown

Following a Path

Look at every path closely and deliberately.

Try it as many times as you think necessary.

Then ask yourself, and yourself alone ...

Does this path have a heart?

If it does, the path is good.

If it doesn't, it is of no use.

Carlos Castaneda

Come Alive!

Don't ask what the world needs.

Ask what makes you come alive,

and go do it.

Because what the world needs

is people who have

come alive.

Howard Thurman

Children on Mother's Day

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of life longing for itself.
They came through you,
but not from you
and though they are with you yet

they belong not to you."

Kahlil Gibran

From early on, my children never felt like my possessions.  I took my role as mother seriously, as an educator, nurturer, and protector.  It was totally amazing to give birth to four children who would unfold into individual spirits possessing gifts and talents uniquely onto themselves.  

Three boys and a surprise girl born on Mother's Day, bonded together supplying the family with rich memories and difficult challenges, teaching me the extraordinary dynamics of love and trust.  These siblings grew me as much as I grew them.

There was never a good time to let them go, but go they must.  Each traveling his or her own journey to become all they were meant to be, discovering all parts of  the true self.  The depth of love for these four shining stars sinks deeply within me, all the while knowing they never belonged to me.

A Day of Prayer

What is the best prayer? Gratitude! A heart full of gratitude for what we've received, what we have, and what is coming our way. Thanksgiving is not only for that one day in the autumn when traditionally we are thankful for the harvest. Thanks-giving and being grateful is for every day, every moment, every thought.

And in the same way, the Day of Prayer is not just on this first Thursday of May, but it is in every breath we take and every move we make. We are constantly praying whether we are conscious of it or not. When we mutter under our breath, "I don't know if this will work", that's a prayer. When we say, "wow, that turned out great!", that's a prayer also.

I know that realistically it's difficult to have each thought be one of gratitude. But the important thing is that when we find our thoughts heading the other direction, we say CANCEL, and replace those negative thoughts with thoughts of gratitude... for whatever we can think of. Anything! Gratitude is a feeling and when you're sending out that energy, then it reverberates in the Universe, which then says YES, and you get more things to be grateful for.


A Day of Prayer
by Marie T. Russell

 



Excerpted from the Inner Self.com article:

In What Direction Are We Moving

I find the great thing in this world is not

so much where we stand,

as in what direction are

we moving.

Goethe

The women's retreat I attended near Asheville, North Carolina, was insightful and inspiring, while the revelations unfolding amongst the four women traveling in the car were deeply spiritual and personal in nature.  The four of us drew closely together with awakened awareness of the magical world surrounding us.  Tears, uncontrollable laughter, and the bearing of our souls created a bond warmly blanketing our hearts together. 

Now I journey alone to Nashville, Tennesee.  In the solitude of my car, I have time to process all that I have experienced over the last several days.  I will gently bring all of the pieces together to create a full image of the direction I am moving.

In the forthcoming week, I will fully embrace my loving relationship with my daughter.  We have special events planned to celebrate her birth 31 years ago upon Mother's Day.  She is truly a gift born anew every year.  She breathes light into my darkness, swaddles me in love, and encourages the use of my strengths.  Our special bond will stretch beyond the illusion of time.

Practicing Spirituality

"Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion.  Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives."

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, Ph.D

No Matter How Lonely ...

Wild Geese 

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again. 

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

© Mary Oliver

The Kabala

First we receive the light,

Then we impart the light,

Thus we repair the world.

-The Kabala

Happy May Day!

Hurray!  Hurray! 

Outdoor frolicking starts today!

Kick off your shoes and sit in the sun,

Breathe in the goodness for all is one.  

I am most thankful for you, be happy for me,

Together we'll dream of our destiny!

Now run through the grass like an angel with wings,

For May has arrived with the flowers of Spring!