Whatever form it takes – whether unhealthy behaviors or limiting thought patterns – self-sabotage always diminishes the passion and energy we need to fulfill our dreams. Self-sabotage is the outer manifestation of our inner feelings of shame, anger and unworthiness. At the heart of the matter, we only create as much love, fulfillment, success and joy as we feel worthy of having.
Debbie Ford
Overcoming Self-Sabotage
Daily Om
We tend to be very careful with words used to describe our best friends, colleagues, or mentors definitely down playing any weakness. We focus on their strengths, kindness, and willingness to share with us. Conversely, the way we speak of our selves is appalling. "I am such a klutz. I am so stupid. I could never do that. I am a terrible person. I am not a good friend." Unfortunately, our brain is an avid listener recording our damaging comments and adding them to a long list created over the years especially spoken by our family of origin. Our self-criticism is harshly being played in the background and although we don't always pay attention to it, the words are digging deeper and deeper into our self-worth.
Through conversation, others will tell me of their unfulfilled dreams or lost passion. They are able to speak of a plan of action and the willingness to sacrifice for their goal; but they have done nothing. When asked, they will say "Oh I could never do that, it would never work." So they have destroyed their dream or passion by censoring self-worth before even starting.
I had taken my car to the dealership to its scheduled mileage check. A gentleman came out and told me I needed new brakes. I immediately said to myself, "Oh, I ride the brake so hard, I bet I do need them." I told the mechanic just to put it back together as I needed to re-schedule when I had more time. All of the way I chastised myself for using the brake too much. My significant other then took my car to his favorite mechanic to have my brakes replaced. The mechanic called us back saying, we did not need new brakes. I had already informed my partner how terrible I was with brakes, so he instructed the mechanic to go ahead an replace them rather than waiting another month and having to do it then. The honest mechanic said, "No. The brakes are fine they do not need replacing nor are they close to needing replacement." How could this be? I sat in my chair in wonderment of how I had totally convinced myself that I was horrible about riding the brake to the point of early replacement. It finally dawned on me. My father used to tell me when he was teaching me how to drive that I rode the brake too much. I took this comment to heart and wrote it on my never forget list. The comment by the way, was made 50 years ago, but I was thoroughly convinced my father was right.
We unfortunately log negative comments that may or may not been true in some small incidence in our life and make the words a verdict limiting our entire life. We must listen to the negative statements repeated in our head, asking, "Who is that speaking?" Is it a second grade teacher, a neighborhood bully, a jealous teen girlfriend or the first guy to break our heart? When we determine the original author of the words, we must ask ourselves of the likelihood of the statement still being true? We will find we have simply conditioned ourselves to think negatively.
At one time, I was part of a family of athletes. I was the only non-performing state champion. I was the family klutz. For years I referred to myself as a klutz until a friend called me on it. She reminded me to playing girls basketball, girls field hockey, girls volleyball, member of the swim team, tennis, golf, etc... I may have been a klutz in comparison to an exceptional athletic family, but I was not a klutz. I was amazed I had taken a one time spoken negative and draped over my entire life as a blanket of truth.
We all have created limitations in our life based on isolated statements that have nothing to do with us as a whole person. We must listen to our self-judgment and remove negative statements that are no longer or maybe never were true. When we eliminate all of these seemingly unimportant criticisms, we begin to breathe more deeply and freely. We begin to once again hope, and feel the possibilities of dreams and goals forming once again.
