Self-Sabotage

As the long night slowly yields to day,

I, too, surrender to my next step

Which carries me toward

My natural state of limitlessness.



Danaan Parry





Every day of this week, I have been hoping to have a solid time for writing. I have this idea in my head that needs to get down on paper before it floats away as quickly as it arrived. It is a great thought and I keep adding color, feeling, and substance to it. Each day, however, something gets into the way.

So this morning I awaken, knowing that the day is absolutely free! I can get up, put the coffee on and begin my journey through the written word. I can finally write to my heart's content.

This doesn't happen. I sort laundry, brush lovely Hannah our Golden Retriever, wash out the bowls for Trudy the Tuxedo cat, dust mop floors, run the vacuum, and think about tackling the linen closet that seems to be in disarray. 

This is clearly self-sabotage! I need to give myself permission to create the time and space for my artistic or creative expression. Self-worth is certainly laced into this scenario. All of the roadblocks I have been placing in my way are just distractions. This hesitancy I feel is nothing but fear.

The ego laughs at its ability to mess with my mind. It whispers, "who do you think you are?" It creates images in my head of others invalidating my work. I know this old trick and I must quickly step through this self-imposed fear before my ideas evaporate into thin air.

I open the back door, slip off my shoes and stand on Mother Earth. I let her energy run up my legs and restore my energy. I look at the birds flying freely, flowers pushing themselves up through the ground, and the beautiful blue sky. I breathe in the crisp calm air and release my stagnant thoughts. 

I am ready now. Once again, I am excited to share my words even if they never get read. It is what I do. It is what brings me fulfillment and joy. I am happy to be me!

 

the Essene Book of days ~ 1998

The Blessing

I call upon my own internal voice,

Which is ever linked with the universal voice

Of inner knowing.

I ask, as I slowly move

From winter's inner development

To the first stirrings of outer work,

That I be given the strength

To trust my own still small voice,

Whose guidance is never faulty.

For this blessing I give thanks.

the Essene Book of days ~ 1998

Danaan Parry

Slowly, I am exiting months of hibernation which just might be called another Dark Night of the Soul.  I am attempting to bring with me the integration of my body, mind, and spirit.  As new seeds seem to stir within me, I try to remain patient, and mindful in each new forming moment.  

I long for strength to use my small voice to share the awareness unfolding within me.  All will be revealed in time, but I am eager to put pen to page, spilling the wisdom that has gathered in my heart with great intention to share.

All is old,

nothing is new.

Stories are told

to awaken the heart again,

and yet again.

This for us to learn

the connection between souls.

From our ancestors

to the unknown born,

wisdom remains 

in the spirits of all.

~