Fallen without Grace

                                May you live all the days of your life.

Jonathan Swift

The first time I read this quote from Jonathan Swift, I didn't really understand it. Now I understand it all a little too well! 

A few weeks back, I was out for my daily walk when I had a very hard fall.  I was lucky not to have broken my jaw, wrist, rib or hip.  My face smashed into the sidewalk, breaking my glass frames, chipping two teeth and grotesquely smacking my chin.  I felt immediate jarring pain shoot up my chin straight into my head. I could feel crumbled teeth in my mouth as I struggled to get up.

My phone was broken from the impact of the fall so I could not call for help.  My face was bleeding, as well as my hands and knees.  I forced myself to walk the remaining four blocks home.

As I limped up our driveway, I began to sob and my body trembled.  I couldn't stop shaking.

Russ was very compassionate and helped me into the house.  He helped to cleanse the abrasions on my face, hands and knees.  I refused to go to the doctor, so I put ice on my chin, knees, and wrist, later switching to heat.  Bio-freeze became my best friend.

Long story short, the bruise on my rib is long gone, and my knees healed just fine.  My phone was repaired and so too were my frames, except there is a chip in my lens.  The dentist repaired my teeth which didn't hurt as much as the bill.  My chin was marbleized with a very rich dark purple with a knot the size of a walnut.  The abrasions on my face and hands have healed.  The worst of the fall ended up being a possible sprain in my right arm.  Being right handed, my every day routine became a painful challenge.

During the next several days, I withdrew to the couch, and tried my best to move through the physical sensation of feeling like I had been beaten up.  Every time I glanced in a mirror I was startled by the bruises glaring back at me.  It was difficult to mentally adjust to looking so battered ... not out of vanity, but from the fear of falling I felt internally. 

During the last few weeks I have not been 'living' life.  I have been tolerating pain and remaining unproductive.  The days have slowly passed me by with very little to show for them.  This is not how I want to be.  I have fallen without grace.