Holding the Hot Coal

      Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal

with the intent of throwing it at someone else;

you are the one who gets burned.

Buddha

Anger is what is called a secondary emotion.  In other words, it is not the first emotion we have felt during a particular situation.  We feel something before anger like betrayal, dishonesty, disappointment, etc...  We feel so uncomfortable with that initial feeling, we repress it and move all of our energy into the secondary emotion, anger.  As we vent and rage, we can release the stress of the situation, but we do not process the original emotion.  If we do not release the anger, it too becomes repressed and in time can build a smoldering volcano impacting our health as well as relationships.

So anger has very little to do with addressing the issue at hand.  In fact, anger, if acted upon, creates a whole new scenario where we are perhaps acting out just as poorly as the first person or even worse.  Anger has very little to do with the healing intention.  Anger is deliberately or uncontrollably striking back either verbally, emotionally or physically, creating or deepening the original offense.

Do not misunderstand what I say.  Anger is normal and needs to be processed in a safe and positive way.  It is the negative behaviors that stem from anger that are not okay.

If the only person we can change is ourselves, then we are obligated to speak our truth, expressing the hurt feelings whether verbally or by using the written word. "You hurt me."  This simple statement honors  feelings within, without doing further damage.  Do not be the one left holding the hot coal.