Brunch, No Cinnamon Rolls!

In every one's life, at some time, our fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

~Albert Schweitzer


After quite a long spell, two of my favorite friends invited me to their home for brunch.  We had a lot of catching up to do, and they asked if I would bring my home baked cinnamon rolls.  I was mindful to prepare the yeast rolls the night before our brunch so by morning they would be twice their size and fluffy. 
While I got ready to go, I popped the rolls in the oven.  When they were golden, I added some special ingredients and then topped them off with a cream cheese icing.  DELICIOUS!

I gathered my things, and I was about to walk out the door, I remembered that I wanted to bring my friends tomatoes from our backyard.  I set everything down, grabbed a bag and went out to pick grape, Roma, and Big Boy tomatoes. 

Again, ready to leave, I had another thought.  I'd really like to bring them some flowers.  So back outside I went.  I snipped some asparagus fern, a few leafy stems from the holly bush, and then asters, Mexican heather, lavender, sage, and zinnias.  Pleased with my random collection, I popped them into an old favorite bottle, placing one yellow ribbon around the neck.  PERFECT!

Feeling really festive, I threw a batch of Sangria together ... white moscado, peach liqueur, and sprite, adding fresh peaches, strawberries and blueberries.  Now I was ready to attend the brunch!

Arriving twenty minutes late, which is definitely not my style, I offered sincere apologies for my delay.  I anxiously unpacked my car ... Sangria, tomatoes, flowers ... but no cinnamon rolls!  I had packed everything BUT the cinnamon rolls! 

Boy did I ever get teased!  Throughout the morning, my friends took turns causing laughter by saying:  "Pass the cinnamon rolls, please.  Oh, that's right, we don't have any!  Boy, I sure am hungry for a cinnamon roll, we should have asked someone to bake some!" 

Sisters of my heart, great conversation, and sharing of our food ... all makings for a perfect gathering.  In spite of the teasing, my spirit was rekindled by their love, compassion, and acceptance.  Driving home, I was both grateful and thankful for the beauty brought so generously into my life by these two lovely souls.  Their presence in my life is indeed a present!

Slaying Dragons

Courage is not just about slaying the dragon,

but about being true to yourself

and speaking your mind.

Elizabeth Bernstein

If we manage to slay the dragon, but regress back into silence, another dragon will eventually appear.  Dragons can be  symbols of fear; thus the cycle of dragons.

Courage is a part of our self we use to conquer physical, emotional or spiritual fears.  We use courage to face battles, to run calculated risks, and to stand up for our truths and values.

For some, it takes courage just to get out of bed.

The Divine is perfection and the Divine has created us in perfection; however, as part of the human experience we have strengths and weaknesses.  The lessons in this human experience entitled "life" address our weaknesses far more than our strengths.  The lessons are opportunities to strengthen our weaknesses.  Whenever we face our fears our courage  grows just a little stronger.

When we maintain a balance between our body, mind, and spirit, we are 'in the flow' feeling resilient and empowered.  When we respect our gifts and talents, and integrate our personal beliefs with our outer world, we have the courage to move forward more easily.  If we hide our personal beliefs and do not utilize our strengths, life appears to be an upward battle.   Then one day, at last, we gather our courage and break through our fears, slaying our dragons.  

The Listeners

Most people do not listen

with the intent to understand;

they listen with the intent to reply.

Stephen R. Covey

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Before all parts of ourselves are integrated, we have unknown aspects of our personality that will surface, expressing thoughts that surprise not only the listener, but ourselves as well.  During a conversation, we may hear ourselves say something and then instantly think, "I didn't know I felt that way!" 

When we are not fully integrated, we remain ego driven.  We do not feel the strong connection with the world and others, and therefore focus on the needs of our own.  In conversation, we may not be seriously listening as we are planning what we will next reply.

Listening is really an opportunity to learn or understand information on a deeper level or to become informed about something entirely new.  It can be an intimate pause to deepen a relationship or receive a concept that can change the direction of our lives.

Too often we hear ourselves supplying answers that run contrary to how we truly feel.  We may find ourselves being disingenuous or realize we have not heard the disclosure at all.  We may be thinking of our response or closing our minds to new information, and we have gained nothing from the exchange.  Listening can escalate into a heated discussion or a competition.

When we are integrated with our body, mind and spirit, we feel connected to all peoples and all things.  We are one and all deserve respect.  We honor the authenticity of each human being and understand  Spirit speaks through all of us, so we must listen openly.  We may agree to disagree, but we have an obligation to listen. 

More times than not, fellow human beings need to voice their opinion whether we the listener accept it or not.  We have a deep need to express ourselves.  As listeners, we do not have to have remedies or answers.  It is more important to have an open heart and focused eye contact.

When we are comfortable with our own beliefs, we are less challenged in hearing the beliefs of others.  We are all entitled to speak our truths in a space of integrity.  It is truly a gift to others when we develop the art of listening!

Answering the Call

Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love.

We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us.

The world changes when we change, the world softens when we soften.  The world loves us when we choose to love the world.

~Marianne Williamson

In my mind, the word surrender has always been too closely related to the word submission.  I am realizing, however, the belief of submission where I had to give all of my power away was a costly self-destructive action.

By trying to broaden my understanding of the word surrender I realize that it is simply giving in to the unfolding of life.  In surrendering to life or to the Divine we are not called to become powerless, but called to allow life or the Divine to lead us towards fulfillment or total connection.

By being mindful, I desire to overcome my resistance and to say 'yes' to the moment.   I want to go with the flow of life and not against it.  It is time to answer the call.

Where We Go

You are today where your thoughts

have brought you;

you will be tomorrow

where your thoughts

take you.

~James Allen

Before my eyes opened this morning, the ending of a dream floated through my mind.  It had been a dream about my granddaughter whom I dearly miss.  Upon fully awakening, the absence of my granddaughter in my life had been greatly heightened by her presence in my dream.

As I brewed a pot of coffee and opened my journal, I knew in my heart that there were choices before me.  I could get stuck in my emotion of loss or I could acknowledge it and move on. 

As I began to journal, my mind was flooded with memories of when my granddaugher was little and we would cook breakfast together, dance through the bubbles of my bubble machine or take on creative projects with craft paper, glitter and tons of glue.

These memories were not making me feel better at all.  I realized that I needed to save them for a good day and to stop feeding into my emotion of loss.  I then began making lists in my journal of things that made me happy or strengthened my sense of family. 

I browsed through my journal until I came to a page where I had once made a list of things to do when I felt lonely or sad.  The pre-made list offered numerous ideas of what would escort me back into a good place ... go for a walk in nature, get lost in a book store, call a friend, make plans for an outing, get a massage, exchange energy work with a friend, bake something for my neighbor or shop 'til I drop.  I felt my attitude beginning to shift.

We have choices in each and every moment.  Do I want to feel good or do I want to feel sad?  What sense of goodness will balance the bad that I am feeling?  What action can I take that will shift my perspective? 

We are not powerless and we do have options.  The first step of action will escort us out of the heavy emotion.  With each following step, we draw ourselves closer and closer to wellness.
Where we go is where our thoughts lead us!     

 

The Pull of the Full Moon

Full Moon night is one of the best times for meditation.  Energy of Moon has a lot of influence on earth.  It affects the sea and creates low and high tides in it.  Our body also carries a lot of water and it is also influenced by the Moon energy.

Gautam The Buddha



The moon has been a powerful force in nature from the beginning of time, impacting all cultures.  The full moon has dominated the writings of man in legends, poetry,  children's tales and in the lyrics of song.  It plays a powerful role in our lives, but we frequently forget to take the time to look up and honor its trek across the sky.

The last few nights, sleep has eluded me.  My energies have been stirred up and I notice a different rhythm within me.  Perhaps my emotions have been triggered as well.  Watching the weather forecast, there was mention of the full moon.  "Ah," I said to myself, "that explains it!" 

While working in social services, there would be times that resources for families would unexpectedly fall by the way side or children would uncharacteristically act out.  Eventually in exasperation, one of the workers would ask, "Is there a full moon?"  Yes, amazingly there would be a full moon.

Resources inform me when there is a full moon, meditation or contemplation or prayer can become deeper and richer.  So if I am unable to sleep, I can perhaps use this strange full moon energy for strengthening my connection with all I hold to be holy.

So if we are feeling particularly anxious or our well made plans are disrupting, look up to the sky and take in the beauty of the moon.  As we gaze upon it, we will surely feel the pull of the full moon and the energy radiating from it.






 

Lost Hours

And if tonight my soul may find her peace

in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,

and in the morning wake like a new-opened flower

then I have been dipped again in God, an new-created.

~ D. H. Lawrence

Last night, I waited patiently for sleep to arrive.  I cleared my head of monkey chatter, recalled the many reasons for a thankful and grateful heart, and ran down my mental list of those needing to be covered in love, energy and light.  I held my body in the just right position, breathing the rhythm of sleep, and waiting to be transported to a lofty time of dreams.  It did not come.

Sleep remained elusive for more than an hour.  Usually the culprit is being overly tired, but I was not.  Sometimes stress prevents my pleasant drifting off, but I had already used a meditation relaxing my entire body, twice. 

Creeping out of the bedroom and grabbing my robe, I relocated to the living room couch where my current book was open to welcome me.  As I settled in with my old quilt, I over came the desire to eat ice cream my favorite comfort food.  I noted that I had not had any caffeine, so why was I not asleep?

I read for three hours finishing my book.  I readjusted myself on the couch and wondered which would come first ... sleep or the rising of the sun.  Eventually, I drifted off.

In the wee hours of the morn, I staggered back to my bed and thankfully fell back to sleep.  I awakened hours after my normal time, and found my head to be in a fog.

It is going to be one of those days where I'll wander around too tired to think straight, anxiously awaiting a well deserved nap.  Lost hours just when this life of mine is speeding through time.

I cannot afford lost hours, as I want them all to count!

Triangle Approach

The most important thing in life

is to know yourself.

Thales

This morning I was visiting spiritual sites, getting caught up on some of the current thinking.  The word "triangle" jumped out at me on the Tom Kenyon pages.  The triangle is my favorite symbol and has been the most prominent one in my life.

Tom Kenyon suggests a "Triune approach to duality" that seemed quite easy for me.  If you can, visualize a triangle with positive perspective in one bottom corner, negative perspective in the other bottom corner, and the 'self' above in the top of the triangle.  The approach suggests that when we have a reaction to someone, whether positive or negative, we would do ourselves a favor by floating above the perception to get a broader view, to see what we are not seeing by being so close. 

It makes sense to me.  If we are using binoculars and find ourselves in rapture over a rare bird in a tree, we may be so singularly focused we miss the bear appearing from the other side of the landscape.  (I know, a stretch, but you get my point)

We are often called to make a too quick assessment of someone or we take them at face value only later amazed at the glaring qualities we originally missed.  I am not suggesting paranoia or the idea that we hold people at a distance. 

Each and every one of us have positive and negative aspects in our character and we decide which we use and when.  When we view others however, our perception is frequently too narrow.  If we would gently pull our vision back to take in the entire essence of the person we may discover so much more.  We may not be so quick to judge, either way.

So the next time we become immediately attracted to someone, mentally float up above and scan the entire landscape.  The same holds true if we are instantly repulsed by someone.  By pulling back, we will be broadening our perspective, viewing additional information which may alter our perspective.

For years I have tried to understand myself, and just when I think I do, I change.  So this triangle approach is good to be used on ourselves as well.  When we feel our behavior or thinking shifts, we can pull back and see the in's and outs.  We can better explore if our shift is permanent or temporary, is it action or reaction, does it need to be modified or enhanced ... well, you get the idea!  

"It is in the giving that we receive"

I am a promise.

I am a possibility.

I am a great big bundle of potentiality.

Children's Song

Looking for a little spiritual support, I pulled out COMPANIONS OF THE HEART by one of my very favorite authors, Alan Cohen.  As I usually do, I opened the book up to a random page.  The quotation was in reference to overflowing like water falls.  In my less than uplifting mood, this concept of having so much spirit within us we can pool over onto others, just caused me to feel even more empty.

I then randomly turned to a different section entirely.  There was a quote from the BEATLES about what goes around comes around.  This section didn't seem to speak to me at all, so I moved on.

Finding myself in the Letting Go chapter, there was a quote from St Francis:  "It is in the giving that we receive."  These words immediately brought my daughter to mind.  Not so long ago, she willingly came to my side, offering generous emotional, physical, financial and spiritual support.  She gave without anticipation or expectation of any personal return.  How thankful and grateful I am to have such unconditional love and support in my life.

My thoughts became happy in acknowledging that indeed she is being reimbursed handsomely for her efforts.  This unexpected turn of events arrives in a very timely manner as her home has just sold and she looks for another.  In her effortlessly giving, she is now effortlessly receiving!

Now smiling and feeling totally uplifted for the first time today, I turn to the next page and an envelope falls out.  I recognize the envelope as being mine, but what in the world is in it?  I peek inside finding ten twenty dollar bills!  My laughter cannot be curtailed!  I am 'overflowing';  what has "gone around" now comes back around;  and in giving we receive! 

Brief Departure

We are sometimes as different

from ourselves

as we are from others.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld

No matter how well we think we know ourselves, the element of surprise can catch us off guard.  In certain situations, things can trigger a response from us that is foreign to our very nature.  We find ourselves saying things like, "I don't know what came over me," or "I don't know what I was thinking!"

The brief departure from who we normally are could be an unusual indulgent purchase or a cutting remark escaping from generally sweet lips or skinny dipping on vacation.  The uplift in our routine can be caused by a spiritual transition or a financial windfall.  On the other side, we may experience a dramatic downward change from the loss of a loved one or decrease in financial stability. 

No matter how great or how small the dent in our own self-image, it is a matter of change.  In order to flow with these changes, we must not be rigid in our thinking and or actions.  If we can be flexible in thought, word, and deed, we create the opportunity to stretch and grow.

If we truly monitor ourselves, we easily recognize our drifting and can adjust our course accordingly; however, if we are not paying attention, we may discover ourselves way off course with out a clue as to how to get back.

Like the trees, we learn to bend in a breeze rather than snap in a storm.  Nurturing ourselves strengthens our roots with relationships and our changing world.  Being gentle enables us to accept our true selves no matter how we are in the moment.  

Poets and Poems

For poems are not words after all, but fires for the cold, ropes let down to the lost, something as necessary as bread in the pockets of the hungry.   ~Mary Oliver



Poetry never held my attention, until I discovered poets who really resonated with me:  Kahlil Gibran, Hafiz, Rumi, Mary Oliver, John O'Donohue, and David Whyte to name just a few.  A brief line of a poem can  provoke insight better than a lengthy book.

There are several volumes of poems on my shelf, and in each collection there may be only one or two poems to my liking.  In today's world, however, it is ever so easy to get on line and explore a variety of poets without spending a penny.  This resource makes it exceedingly easier to choose a book of poetry that is best suited for your taste prior to purchasing.

Having a small book of poems by your bedside (allows for a calming of your mind at the end of the day), in the kitchen (a sense of renewal while heating up dinner), or even in the guest bathroom (a small reprieve in the midst of a busy day) comes in really handy!

During exploration, you will discover how a poet from another century can express your exact thoughts or feelings in our modern day.  Their words make history come alive.  Words strung together reach out to us over a span of time, connecting us in a very personal way.

Favorite poets or poems grow to be like old friends.  The words can comfort, encourage and inspire.  Who knows, there may be a poem resting within just waiting for you to jot it down! 

Chosing Solitude

The more powerful and original a mind,

the more it will incline

towards the religion of solitude.

Aldous Huxley

Constant emotion like waves flowing in from the sea, wash over my heart.  My body does not move forward, and yet my feet do not step back.  Being still in the moment, I am hoping to unravel the mysteries lingering in my memory.

I discover the difference between isolation and solitude.  Isolation is cutting our selves off from everyone or everything whereas solitude is an act of contemplation.  In isolation, we hide from our self, others, and understandings pressing against us, begging for recognition.  Isolation is a place we withdraw into with fear while solitude offers quiet to enhance further understanding.

Being present in the moment, sitting in contemplation, my mind can release darkness stored behind my soul.  Although the removal is difficult, I hold fast to the light of Divine Presence within me, knowing I cannot do this alone.

In isolation, we are cut off.   We are distant from resources that would help us heal.  In solitude, we find calm and courage to unravel what bothers us.  In this stillness, we discover the willingness to re-enter our world and to try again . 

Not Standing Still

Be not afraid of growing slowly;

be afraid only of standing still.

Chinese Proverb

Rapidly flapping wings, the hummingbird is suspended and somewhat stationary in the air.  Even while eating, the little hummingbird's wings are a blur of movement although remaining in the same space.

Filled with wisdom, vision, and spiritual calm, with a blink of the eye, I am like the hummingbird,  I am flapping my wings as fast as I can, but find my self stationary, suspended in air. 

In this human experience, we grow so slowly, absorbing the slips of magic or the brief movement of the mystical veil.  We hope never to give up our inner journey to always continue to learn and understand, to grasp for the meanings hiding behind the spiritual dreams.   Then the inevitable happens ... we slip down the spiral of life, losing the sense of security we thought we had.  

I find my self suspended in the coiling of the spiral.  Intellectually, I know this processing, but emotionally I am discouraged by the recognition of ancient cracks and crannies tucked away in my darkness. 

Quietly I whisper to my self, "Again?"   I wonder how long this time, how long will I wander in my thoughts searching for the space holding acceptance and forgiveness? 

This searching, this suspension in my security is familiar to me so I know eventually I will find the pathway to love and all  there is ... wholeness. 

One thing I do know for sure, I will not stand still.



Prepared to Scream ...

Listen to the whisper

before it becomes a scream.

Oprah Winfrey

In our fast paced, immediate gratification, and time managed lives, we rarely can hear the small voice inside calling for rest or love or silence.  We are so busy caring for our family or committed responsibilities there is little time for the self.

It probably begins with a small fragment of thought like, "I need a time out."  Then perhaps a desire arises to meet with a friend, but when?  Trying to coordinate schedules can be even more stressful.  Thoughts of getting away, even to the grocery store without the kids would do, but that might be as difficult as escaping to a spa for a day. 

Then we begin to bargain with ourselves.  When I get this, this, and this done, I will carve out some 'me' time.  The little whisper by this time, however, has turned into a whimper. 

To continue to disregard our inner self, forces our inner emotions, thoughts, and stress to interrupt our sleep.  To a greater extent, they may even present in our dreams or in the form of a nightmare.  The voice is out and out crying by now.

Neglecting to meet our original need causes us greater problems.  Our nature or personality shifts into someone we really don't want to be.  Not only are we angry with the world, we are loathing ourselves, prepared to scream.

We all have needs.  Having needs is part of the human experience.  We cannot afford to wait for someone else to meet our needs.  It is vitally important to self-care! 

We must know and understand ourselves in order to recognize and meet our needs.  We come to realize we are better towards others if we first take care of ourselves, not in a selfish way. 

Once we have determined what our personal needs are, then we make plans to meet them.  Is there a movie we want to see that our mate doesn't want to see or we are waiting for a date?  We can go by ourselves or invite a friend.  Miss flowers that our mate used to bring?  We can buy them for ourselves!  The point is enjoying the opportunity ... a gift to ourselves!  Like Bissenger's Chocolates?  Splurge just this once.  Can't afford a massage?  We don't have to be a reflexologist to rub our own feet! 

Get creative!  Read Jennifer Louden's THE WOMAN'S COMFORT BOOK or THE COUPLES COMFORT BOOK to generate fresh ideas to meet needs.  When we quiet ourselves, the little voice will whisper to us ... you are worthy, you are capable!  Don't wait until the whisper is prepared to scream!



Into Me You See (Intimacy)

Intimacy is healing.  Trust is everything, because we can only be intimate to the degree we can make ourselves emotionally vulnerable.  A fully committed relationship allows both people trust in each other.  Trust allows us to feel safe.  When we feel safe, we can open our heart to the other person and be completely naked and vulnerable to him or her  -  physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  When our heart is fully open and vulnerable, we can experience profound levels of intimacy that are healing, joyful, powerful, creative, and intensely ecstatic.  We can surrender to each other out of strength and wisdom - not out of fear, weakness, and submission.

Dean Ornish, M.D.
Founder and President
Preventive Medicine Research Institute


Intimacy, (into me you see), is not exclusive to sexual relationships.  Intimacy can be created between any two people deciding to do so.  Becoming vulnerable to each other in safety deepens relationships. 

Although strong boundaries are needed for each of us, through choice we decide who we will open our heart to.  We create a sense of whether or not we can trust and be safe with this chosen person.

We all have experienced a time in our life when we have just blurted out personal information out of necessity to the wrong person, regretting it almost immediately.  It is very worrisome to question how well our disclosed thoughts will be kept private. 

It seems that many women experience deep levels of intimacy in friendship accompanied by joy, laughter, tears, and healing.  To feel understood, to not be judged, and to be unconditionally embraced can be life changing.

As Dr. Ornish reflects, when we are fully open and vulnerable we experience an exchange physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  Physically, our body releases stress as we release our feelings.  Our body may even feel lighter.  Emotionally, we will also experience a release which enables us to be less overwhelmed or fragmented.  We can begin to think clearly again.  There is a spiritual element to intimacy as well.  On a very deep level, can feel reconnected to love of the Great Divine.

We will not fine intimacy in all of our relationships, but it is a true gift when it is created.  Discretion must be used, but in building a sacred place of safety with another person, the effort strengthens and deepens our life experience.

All Things Holy ... prompted by Hermann Hesse

We must become so alone, so utterly alone, that we withdraw into our innermost self.  It is a way of bitter suffering.  But then our solitude is overcome, we are no longer alone, for we find that our innermost self is the spirit, that it is God, the indivisible.  And suddenly we find ourselves in the midst of the world, yet undisturbed by its multiplicity, for our innermost soul we know ourselves to be one with all being.

Hermann Hesse
Nobel Prize 1946
(1877~1962)


Hermann Hesse authored STEPPENWOLF, SIDDHARTHA, and THE GLASS BEAD GAME each of which explores an individual's search for authenticity, self-knowledge and spirituality.  In 1946, he received the Nobel Prize in Literature. 
(From Wikipedia) If you have not read any of his work, please read SIDDHARTHA.  It is a small book and an easy read, but classic!  If you enjoy biographies, his history is exceptionally interesting.

It has been my observation that in general, we tend to enter our faith more deeply when we are faced with trauma or challenge.  Our faith supports us which give us the sense of additional strength and then we do not feel so alone.  It has also been my observation that in general, we tend to wander away from our deepened faith once the crisis has passed and we have survived.  Observing this cycle has always been of interest to me and I must admit, annoying.  This repeated behavior to me seems disrespectful to all that is holy.

While reading Hermann Hesse this morning, I realized that my energy would be better used if I focused on trying to increase my inner spiritual connection rather than being frustrated by this inconsistent cycle.  If I can keep a greater awareness of  Divine Presence daily, this inner connection strengthens me.
Life tends to move along more smoothly and challenges do not appear to be quite so overwhelming.

There is a spiritual force within all of us.  We make the choice to ignore or cultivate this higher consciousness.  It does not matter how long it takes us to recognize this connection.  Keep trying until this inner existence joins us with all things holy . 

 

 

Navigate with Integrity



Nobody can discover the world

for somebody else.

Only when we discover it for ourselves

does it become common ground

and a common bond

and we cease to be alone.

Wendell Berry

A PLACE ON EARTH

Authenticity is a discovery of our unique gifts and talents.  Too many times, we take for granted our own strengths as though they were common to every one else.  Just as our finger prints or DNA are exclusively our own, so are our life purposes.

We must explore the world, both inner and outer, to know what we hold dear as truths or values.  Our belief systems are tested over time, fine tuning how we perceive the world.  Eventually we emerge through learned behaviors presenting in our truest form.

Embracing both our strengths and weaknesses, we are able to navigate through life with integrity.  We have a polished sense of who we really are and what is our heart's desire.

When we are comfortable with our own selves, we are readily available to embrace the diversity of others without feeling threatened or competitive.  We find that we can join our efforts together creating a world of appreciation and gratitude.





New York City

Cut off as I am, it is inevitable that I should sometimes feel like a shadow walking in a shadowy world.  When this happens I ask to be taken to New York City.  Always I return home weary but I have the comforting certainty that mankind is real flesh and I myself am not a dream.

Helen Keller
MIDSTREAM: My Later Life


Recently, I went to New York City with my daughter.  She had a conference to attend and she invited me to travel with her adding a few days to the trip for exploration.  I have been to New York City twice before, but spending time with my daughter holds great meaning for me.

New York City was much cleaner than I remembered it to be.  We were delighted that the temperatures were not in the high 90's or 100's as we did vast amounts of walking.  We spent a great deal of time in Central Park, visiting different areas and resting by the water.  We scoured Greenwich Village and enjoyed a lovely lunch at an outdoor cafe.  We went by St Patrick's Cathedral which like many buildings was being worked on. We browsed down 5th Avenue, shopped our way down busy streets and snapped a few photos of Times Square.  Then of course we went into Grand Central Station. The highlight was going to the theater to see WICKED.  It was awesome!  (Russ had generously provided us with wonderful seats in support of our adventure!)

This being said, I must admit that I am not a New York City person.  Although I grew up in Chicago, my patience with the New York abrasive energy, the constant overture of honking horns, screaching brakes, and yelling drivers wore me down.  Even in the room of the elegant old hotel, the air conditioner sounded like a roaring jet engine. 

Even though I found New York City dwellers to be friendlier than expected, the constant rush of people, the force of constantly being herded along in massive groups, and being confined by tall buildings caused me to long for the solitude of my midwestern home.  I sadly missed beautiful flowers growing out of the ground, the rustle of trees in the breeze, and  birds other than city pigeons. 

New York City will not be noticing my future absence.  It holds allure for many, but it will be falling to the bottom of my list. 

Sticks and Stones ...



Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Maya Angelou

STILL I RISE

It is part of the human experience to witness first hand rejection or the harsh criticism of others.  It is devastating when the attack is of a personal nature, not necessarily focusing on what we do, but judging who we are at the core.

Regardless of the motivation (cruelty, competiveness, jealousy) emotional abuse can be just as harmful as physical or sexual abuse.   There are no visible or physical signs of emotional abuse, and healing can take years of recovery.

The scars of verbal abuse cannot be seen, but they remain inside impacting our behaviors for years to come.   Often times we are unaware of the lingering power words contiue to have over us.  Words can be repeated as though there is a tape recorder running in our heads.  The tape can be run so regularly we are no longer aware of the constant negative impact being made upon us.    

We can easily ask ourselves, "Are these words true?"  We are all capable of careless action, but our self-evaluation is more accurate than the one with the hateful words.  We need to check within to see if accusations are true or false and then act accordingly.  Whatever does not apply, simply let go!

Preventive measures are always helpful.  If we carry the presence of the Divine within us, we will find ourselves to not be so thin skinned.  Instead of absorbing the words, we can let them bounce off of us thinking, "Wow! He or she is having a bad day!"  We put the responsibility back where it belongs.



  

"Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words will never hurt me!" 

Words can hurt us, but only as deeply as we allow.

Quote from Mary Oliver

I stood willingly and gladly in the characters of everything -
other people, trees, clouds.  And this is what I learned, that the
world's otherness is antidote to confusion - that standing within
this otherness - the beauty and the mystery of the world, out in the fields or deep inside books - can re-dignify the worst strung-heart.

Mary Oliver
American Poet
(September 10, 1935)



Life brings challenges, some we are prepared for while others we are not.  We can easily become confused when we try to resolve our challenges, but we are not responding from a balanced emotional or physical state.  Frequently, we will find ourselves withdrawing rather than reaching out to resources surrounding us.

When we find ourselves indecisive, we can bring balance to our decision making by spending time out in nature with a quiet mind or deep into a favorite book where insights might arise.  This gives our thought process time to consider options that might not be apparent if we have withdrawn into ourselves dispondent.  

General anxiety can be calmed if we just take pause.  Step back from the situation and breathe.  Do not react impulsively.  Contemplate and then act out of informed decision.

By spending more time out in the beauty and mystery of nature, we feel more connected to all that is.  We do not feel quite as separate or overwhelmed.  When we quietly open ourselves to surrounding guidance, we will be nudged in the direction we need to go.

 

 

At A Snail's Pace

It is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top.  ~ Virginia Woolf


Today, I seem to be moving at a snail's pace.  I have a list of chores I want to accomplish and I have been carrying it around for days with not one task eliminated.  Perhaps I need to just embrace this slow state and use it for meditation or contemplation or prayer or sending love, energy, and light to those I know who are in need.  This lazy time might then be turned into a productive time worthy of my day.

Sitting in stillness, I am surprised what rattles through my consciousness.  I settle deeper within and my mindless chatter disappears.  Being mindful, paying attention to what gentle thoughts float into my quiet mind, I sink into the calm.  My body relaxes and I am at peace.

Throughout my day, my pace remains slow, but it gives me time to let my insights unfold.  If I were racing around completing my chores, I would not be experiencing this wonderful state of just being in the present moment.  By late afternoon I am longing to sit with my journal, to further explore what came to mind earlier in the day.  I feel my creative juices longing to flow. 

I think I shall spend more days at a snail's pace.  The experience has brought the gifts of living into awareness and an enhanced appreciation for all that I have. 

All is good in my world.

Loving Self .... OSHO

Love Yourself You will feel the most significant experience, you will become ecstatic if you can feel that the whole existence needs you, that you will be missed, that if you are not here there will be a gap, you will be missed. You are not unnecessary, you are not superfluous; you have tremendous significance. Hence, love yourself. You are needed as much as the trees, as the flowers, as the birds, as the sun, as the moon, as the stars. You have to be here and you have a right to be the way you are. Osho If you do not have the sense that you need to be you, please have the sense to know that I need you to be you!

Building Walls

The walls we build around us

to keep sadness out

also keeps out the joy.

Jim Rohn

The walls were necessary for my emotional health.  They protected me from hurtful measures of others, not realizing the pain was always trapped inside.  The walls could be lowered when I felt safe enough to do so.  They could go up or down, much like a garage door manipulated by a remote control.

There were all kinds of walls:  short walls, tall walls, walls with windows, and walls that were re-patched with great regularity.  The walls were really never the same, joined together with different colored bricks or differing mortar.  They were strong though, and that is where I felt safe.

The walls were my protection, protection I felt I needed; however, I never once considered the harm I might have down to someone left standing innocently on the other side. These walls of mine, they kept everyone out.

Strong winds, storms, earthquakes, or any force in life can crack or take walls down.  Too many times to remember, when life happened to blow my walls down,  I dusted my self off and climbed out of the remaining rubble.  I could always wash off the dust and debris, but some how the scars of survival remained.

It is only now, so much later in life, that brick by brick I am taking the walls down ... all of them.  It is so uncomfortable, this feeling of being vulnerable and so unprotected.  This has not been a conscious decision on my part, but rather a growing need created by a crack in the foundation from the built up pain.  The walls cannot hold it any more.

While excavating, I examine each brick thanking it for protecting me for so many years.  I reach for understanding how this all began and how I can prevent it from happening again.  Although exposed, I welcome the fresh air as it blows the dead past away; and the sun warms my heart as it ushers in the new.  I know that night will come, that dark will fall once again, but I long to see the smiling moon and to watch the stars lead me, once again, safely on my way.

  

Touchstone

Love me when I least deserve it,

because that's when I really need it.

Old Swedish Proverb



No matter how wrinkled life seems to be, if we have the sense that we are loved, we will iron out the creases with strength we might not otherwise think we have.  In spite of our flaws or weaknesses, if we feel the unconditional love of one other, we will have the courage to move forward. 

Sometimes the person who steps forward to be present in our life when we are in need is not the individual we expected.  Often times, a stranger or someone we don't think we know particularly well, becomes our touchstone.  This person may or may not be aware of our need, but for what ever reason, they come forward reminding us of the resilience, forgiveness, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  This touchstone may offer us hope through their own personal story or by being keenly aware of our own strengths.  Perhaps they see us as we do not see our selves.  Through their willingness to be a witness to our struggle, our challenge can deepen into a rich experience.

Touchstones appear all of the time ... a person you meet on the airplane, sit next to in a seminar, share a small table with at an outdoor cafe, or a loving mentor or relative (not all of us have). 
I believe these people are being used by Spirit as a guide or intervention.  Some, I believe, are angels in disguise.  We may have only one exchange with this person, but it may change the course of our life. 

We may also be called to serve as a touchstone to someone we know or don't know.  It may be years from now or just around the corner.  We unexpectedly feel compelled or 'nudged' to share a word of encouragement not even knowing the person is in need.  We may never realize, as Spirit speaks through us, how our words or actions have touched the life of one other.

Allow Spirit to use us as a touchstone, to move us into position so our words can deliver a message to someone in need.  We all have a message for each other.  We are all touchstones if we but take the time to listen with an open an unsuspecting heart.

Psychology and Soul

A friend is someone who sees through you

and still enjoys the view.

Wilma Askinas

The word psyche literally means soul and the word psychology was derived from this word.  So it could be said that psychology is founded upon our connection with our soul.

Psychology has been an important tool for me to use in exploring my experiences, behaviors and reactions.  It has helped me a great deal in understanding my ego and human frailties.  After years of study and application, I finally found my self led within to connect with my soul.  It is how my spirituality came to be.

Combining psychology with spirituality, my life path expanded and I came to understand my life purpose.  This enabled me to have an open and compassionate heart accompanied by forgiveness and acceptance.  I believe through spiritual practices I have integrated into wholeness.

And yet, I stumble in the darkness.  New shadows creep out and startle me.  And even though I know from whence they come, they are foreign to me.  Once again I am called to embrace that which was in order to understand that which is.

It matters not how spiritual we are as we are here for the human physical experience which is accompanied by challenges and lessons.  Through my personal struggles I will continue to grow and to remain happy with who I am.

One Step

Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes.  In order to be free, we must learn how to let go.  Release the hurt.  Release the fear.  Refuse to entertain your old pain.  The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.  What is it you would let go of today?  ~ Mary Manin Morrissey


Every day, we make transitions.  We get up out of bed and transition into our morning routine.  We transition to work and into different thought patterns for the work we do.  We transition from work mind sets to social settings, and then transition back home.  Once again we find our selves in reverse, transitioning back into our bed time routine in preparation for bed.

There are so many variables!  The mood we are in, the weather outside, how someone speaks to us or doesn't speak to us ... all of these situations impact our ability to transition or move forward.  Transitions can be well thought out with extensive planning or they can be impulsive and spontaneous.  Transitions can be exciting or dreadful, welcomed or feared, and successful or unsuccessful.

The healthiest transitions move us forward no matter how difficult they might be.  Whether we are changing locations, jobs, or families, we will experience all kinds of emotions.  It is difficult to say good-bye, but good-byes do not have to be forever.  To leave friends does not mean we no longer care about them.  If moving forward feels "right" but difficult, it is simply a challenge requiring courage and focus.

Moving forward can be easier if we focus on the adventure and what there may be waiting for us just ahead.  We acknowledge that any kind of change unsettles us, but it is not reason enough to keep us from allowing our lives to further unfold.

I loved to swing on swings and still do on rare occasion.  I loved being pregnant and raising children, and was very sad when the time came to move forward into another chapter in my life.
Leaving co-workers was very difficult while the excitement of a more lucrative job lured me forward.  Even though retirement was so very welcomed, there was a period of adjustment to establish a new way of identifying my self. 

Throughout the years, outcomes has been very positive with each transition.  Moving forward has done just that ... moved me further along life's path.  We need to take our foot off the brake, and coast into the next transition.  Obstacles may appear and things may not unfold smoothly, but all things considered, as long as we are connected with our inner spirit, all will be well.  It just takes one step in a new direction!