Messed Up

                                     



“Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide open, huge abyss. But that's why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that's why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.”

Alysha Speer

At times, life can be very painful and messed up when we are in the midst of a challenge.  When we are resistant and struggle against the lesson rather than learn from it, life can get pretty complicated.  We can become lost if we forget all we truly know as truth.  If we do not use our tools of faith, trust, and hope, we can wander quite a ways from our true destination. 

After awhile, we grow so tired of wallowing in the void, we begin to try once again.  We may need a mentor or therapist to help us untangle what is at the root of our problem.   The process of identifying our barriers and removing limitations is not easy by any means.  It requires consistent and heart searing work work through our issues.  The results are well worth the effort.  We survive feeling stronger and closer to our life's purpose.

It is good to remember we are not the only ones fighting a great battle.  Every one here on earth faces challenges whether they appear to be or not.  We are not all at the same stage of process.  This is why sometimes we are on top of the world smiling, noticing someone else struggling or people around us are smiling and we are the ones struggling.  We are not alone in life experience.

It is important to remain constant in our awareness, retain compassion for our selves and others, and strengthen our connection with Spirit.  To have a strong relation with the Divine does not excuse us from life's lessons.  No one is excused.  Our lessons, however, can be less painful if we respond to them immediately, honestly, and seek a new way.  We can remember: to believe in our personal abilities to move through problems; our personal relationship with God; and the joy in achieving accomplishment.

Women in a Cage

I thought how unpleasant it must be

to be locked out;

and I thought how it is worse, perhaps,

to be locked in.

Virginia Woolf

 

 

To not have freedom of thoughts, words or deeds is a terrible thing.  Either locked out or locked in, we experience spiritual, emotional and physical pain.  This leads to feelings of lacking power over our own life, depression, and isolation.

 

Some women have never experienced personal empowerment or have never used their voice, and feel as though they live in a cage.  Imagined or not, feelings of unworthiness abounds.  They are told to be thankful for having a roof over their head, food on the table and a bed to sleep in.

 

The saddest part about these women in a cage is that they themselves hold the key.  They have the capability to unlock the cage, but their sense of separation has grown so great, they feel totally powerless.

 

Some women are not in a cage, but have a small pet cage where they house fear that unleashes itself from time to time.  They too will experience the lack of power, depression, and isolation, but just not all of the time.

 

All women are stronger than their cage and with assistance can maneuver rather nicely outside of it.  We need a support person whether it is a professional therapist, clergy, or trusted friend.  Sometimes it is just a matter of finding and using our own voice that allows empowerment to begin to flow.

 

It is never too late to try!  What do you have to lose?



Emotional Boundaries

Boundaries bring order to our lives.  As we learn to strengthen our boundaries, we gain a clearer sense of ourselves and our relationship to others.  ~Anne Katherine


The invisible boundary around each of us is called a comfort zone and it is flexible.  We extend and extract our boundary depending upon how we emotionally respond to another person.  If we feel safe, we will embrace the person, allowing them to step closely to us.  If we feel insecure or threatened by a person, we will stretch our boundary farther out, to keep our distance. 

Emotional boundaries are defined by ideas, feelings, values, wishes, and perspectives that are uniquely our own beginning to form in infancy.  We become empowered by having healthy boundaries that protect us.

By respecting our own boundaries we give ourselves permission to say yes or no.  When our boundaries are not respected, we are placed in a position to experience judgment, pressure to conform, or any kind of abuse ... emotional, sexual or physical. 

The worst thing we can do to ourselves is to say "yes" when we really mean "no".  It misleads others, but worse yet, we suffer the consequences of not honoring our true nature.  We do not always speak our truth preserving our boundaries out of fear of rejection or from feeling unworthy.

In her book,  BOUNDARIES, Where You End and I Begin,
Anne Katherine explores how to strengthen our personal boundaries and what we can do when they are being violated.
By respecting and honoring our authentic set of boundaries, we will develop healthier relationships and a greater sense of self. 

Truth is in the Eyes of the Beholder

Empowerment means learning about my historical past, understanding where I am lying to myself about the truth of who I really am. Feeling whole is not about calling another out every time I am caught up in my emotional reactions based on my past hurts. It’s a long and tricky process learning what are my adult facts and choices rather than my rationalizing, defending fears that are masked as “my truth”.

 Suzy Newman

 Director of the School of Healing Arts

We can all experience the same situation and each of us may have an entirely different reaction.  Our perceptions would be filtered through our personal lenses colored by our life experiences.  My truth may not necessarily be your truth.  Truth is in the eyes of the beholder.

Life is hard, but we do not need to make it more difficult than it already is.  Not all of us need to tippy toe back through our childhood determining who did what or when.  A more modest approach may be to ask our self, "What limitations has my childhood experiences placed on me?" 

Negative experiences whether physical, sexual, mental or spiritual color our vision for the remainder of our days, unless we acknowledge the limitations.  Once we are consciously aware of these limitations, we can trace the roots of their existence.  Processing through an adult perspective, we can remove these blocks, adjust our thinking, and gain a healthier attitude towards life.

Empowerment is experienced when we are free from any distortion from our innocence, truth, and core goodness.  When we can forgive and embrace life as it is, our spirit will soar!

A Place of Security

The most common way people give up their power

is by thinking they don't have any.

Alice Walker

 "The Color Purple"

A friend of mine is attending school, has a job, and is an attentive mother to her four children.  Another friend built her own house.  Still another friend raises her own sheep, shears the wool, and spins her own yarn to do her weaving.  We are all blessed with very different gifts and talents which we often times take for granted.



My green thumbed friend has three flower gardens in her back yard.  They are the home for statues, bird houses and pottery.  The flowers and herbs are well cared for and uniquely displayed.   She says that any one could do this, as she continues pointing out plants (the specific name, how much light or shade it needs, and what birds the plant attracts).  I laugh out loud knowing I couldn't be trusted to even water her gardens appropriately!



We view accomplishments of others and we forget to look at our own. We have a tendency to minimize the value of what we can accomplish and maximize the works of others.  We make the false assumption that 'any one' could do what we do as it seems easy to our self, but not necessarily to others.

By recognizing our gifts and talents, whatever they may be as we all have them, we build self-worth.  When we value our self,

we feel empowered.  As we respect our own worth and the value of others, we can all join together without feeling threatened or competitive. 

When we experience this sense of empowerment, we feel secure with our self which allows us to find a place of security in the midst of others.  We all are called to share our blessings and together we can build a peaceful world.

Looking Beyond the Title

Each has his past shut in him

like the leaves of a book,

known to him by heart

and his friends can only read the title.

Virginia Woolf

People see only what we allow them to see.  Our childhood reprimands and well intentioned parental directives are safely recorded within.  Shame and guilt establish origin in these very early years.  Parts of our selves get tucked away before they have had time to begin.

Generally speaking, men seem to have the 'buck up' or 'it is what it is' attitude pushing themselves forward, burying emotion and challenge deep within.  Women have the tendency to repress such memories, but like well wrapped china.  They are stored carefully and unwrapped with delicate hands on occasion to be wept over and then returned safely again.

In either case, both men and women repress emotions not realizing how these unresolved feelings drive our behaviors.  If asked about therapy to address the past, men usually respond with something like, "Why would I want to dredge all of that up?  I want to just leave it alone! It is over."  Perhaps women have a higher awareness and are more apt to experience the cracking of the emotional foundation where things can no longer be stored. 

A woman is more apt to drudge through her history as though she were rooting through family heirlooms stacked against a basement wall.  She is willing to sort through water damaged boxes discarding tarnished or shattered pieces that no longer hold any value.  The task may take weeks or months, but when she has extracted what she no longer wants to save, she has fresh new spaces to maneuver through more easily. 

Male or female, we may not be able to sort through our hidden chapters.  We may require the help of a trusted friend or a qualified therapist.  There are a variety of tools to help us such as:   keeping a journal, dream recording, prayer, meditation, contemplation and energy work to name only a few.  Nature is a wonderful container to sit in when we don't want to explore alone or a quiet retreat center or chapel.

Either way, it is human nature to want to use our voice, to be listened to, and to be understood.  Deep inside we long for others to accept us, but if we do not allow trusted others to look beyond our title, to read our pages and in between the lines, we will feel fraudulent.  It is when we open our selves to experience compassion from others that we feel unburdened.  With self-forgiveness love empowers us and our life story becomes a manuscript! 



Sticks and Stones ...



Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops.

Weakened by my soulful cries.

Maya Angelou

STILL I RISE

It is part of the human experience to witness first hand rejection or the harsh criticism of others.  It is devastating when the attack is of a personal nature, not necessarily focusing on what we do, but judging who we are at the core.

Regardless of the motivation (cruelty, competiveness, jealousy) emotional abuse can be just as harmful as physical or sexual abuse.   There are no visible or physical signs of emotional abuse, and healing can take years of recovery.

The scars of verbal abuse cannot be seen, but they remain inside impacting our behaviors for years to come.   Often times we are unaware of the lingering power words contiue to have over us.  Words can be repeated as though there is a tape recorder running in our heads.  The tape can be run so regularly we are no longer aware of the constant negative impact being made upon us.    

We can easily ask ourselves, "Are these words true?"  We are all capable of careless action, but our self-evaluation is more accurate than the one with the hateful words.  We need to check within to see if accusations are true or false and then act accordingly.  Whatever does not apply, simply let go!

Preventive measures are always helpful.  If we carry the presence of the Divine within us, we will find ourselves to not be so thin skinned.  Instead of absorbing the words, we can let them bounce off of us thinking, "Wow! He or she is having a bad day!"  We put the responsibility back where it belongs.



  

"Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words will never hurt me!" 

Words can hurt us, but only as deeply as we allow.

Cultivate a Sense of Worthiness

The appearance of things change according to the emotions,

and thus we see magic and beauty in them,

while the magic and beauty are really in ourselves.

Kahlil Gibran

Lebanese Poet and Philosopher

We are all resilient creatures entitled to a life of abundance, creative expression, and good health.  Born into this physical world, we bring unique gifts and talents to be used in carving our imprint upon our own life and the lives of others. 

We are not meant to be the same nor are we meant to be ruthlessly competitive.  In the truest sense of living, we are meant to compliment, encourage and inspire each other.  At times, we are also called to challenge, but never conquer.  Sometimes we are the teacher and often times, the teacher becomes the student.

If the only person we can truly change is our self, we must continue to go within, discovering our connection with Divine Spirit.  Through prayer, meditation or contemplation, we tap into wisdom, insight, and inspiration which encourages personal empowerment ... not a physical power over others, but the essence and the importance of the spiritual abilities we each possess. 

If we do not cultivate a sense of worthiness, we will never be able to make the change we most want to see.  We will continue to have a yearning and a sense of unfulfillment no matter what material accomplishments we achieve. 

By achieving the sense of self-worth, we can slow down and become aware of the beauty we each behold.  Instead of being threatened, we can celebrate the differences between us.  If we open our hearts with compassion, attempt to understand differences between us, and join our efforts towards common goals, our world will be a source of comfort.  Love becomes the bond holding us together.

Freedom in Chasing Bubbles

Resolve and thou art free.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Bubbles are very freeing!  I have always loved the simplicity and magical quality of bubbles.  I not only loved them as a child, I was delighted to fall in love with them again with my children and once more with my grandchildren.

Years ago when I worked down town a card shop had a bubble machine pointing out onto the sidewalk.  I could hardly wait until lunch time when I could walk back and forth feeling the bubbles pop on my face and clothing.  I begged my co-workers to go with me to enjoy this stress releasing activity.  They grew so tired of my manipulations, they bought me my very own bubble machine for my birthday.

At the time, I was living in a condo with a very small but secluded courtyard.  I could hardly wait for the weekend to set up my bubble machine and leisurely read on my porch swing.  It was so calming to watch the bubbles float while the colors glistened in the sun. On windy days, I could hear people walking by commenting about the bubbles, wondering where they were coming from.  I could hear them laugh as the bubbles danced their way. 

When my daughter turned 30 years old, I brought my bubble machine to her party and individual bubbles for each guest.  As we shared memories and blew our own bubbles in the candle light, the evening took on a magical glow.

When my grandson turned five years old, I gifted him with his very own bubble machine.  Oh what fun we had!  Running and chasing bubbles flying in the air. 

There is freedom in chasing bubbles and this simple act sets our spirits free.  Freedom is the natural way of living too soon forgotten, left behind in childhood. 

The next time you are feeling out of sorts, grab a bottle of bubbles and head for the out doors.  Then blow your worries away! 

  

Light Breaking Through

I am always there.

I am always helping.

I never leave you.

I was there yesterday.

And every day before that.

And I'll be there every day that ever follows.

I mean, where else am I going?

The Universe

http://www.tut.com/ 

Why do I forget I am never really alone?  How is it I allow my focus to narrow excluding all of the support I so badly need?  Today, there seems to be light breaking through this darkness that has been hovering over me for days. 

Gathering strength, I reached out to a trusted one and felt life seep back in.  It is so difficult to allow myself to be vulnerable, to let someone see in when I feel so lost.  Too often I forget how wonderful it has felt to stand present in someone's life during a challenge and how important it is to allow that someone to stand present for me in return. 

Compassion and acceptance are gifts we not only offer to others, but we must also extend them to our selves.  We must be gentle and allow our selves the opportunity to explore our dark moments, to resolve residing issues and move forward into healing. 

We become empowered by releasing the pent up fears.  When fears have been removed there is new space for light to shine!

I'd Like To Dance

Listening to your heart is not simple.

Finding out who you are is not simple.

It takes a lot of hard work

to get to know who you are

and what you want.

Sue Bender

The premature arrival of spring warms my face and heart.  For the first time in a long time, I feel my inner self awaken with stirrings of new growth.  I must have been frozen in time during the winter, and I believe the ice is beginning to thaw.

Heavy coats are no longer needed for protection and by taking off my hat, my ears are hearing much more clearly.  And without the bitter cold winter winds, my eyes have a much brighter perspective. 

The sweet sounds of spring are encouraging me to accept the challenge and to master the lesson so new seeds can be planted this spring.  My face embraces the sun and its warmth heals all that needs to be forgiven ... especially my own doings.

There is freedom when I cast my shoes aside and place my bare feet on the greening grass.  Joy pumps up through me, and quite honestly ... I'd like to dance.

Nothing Without The Other ...

"Just as the wave cannot exist for itself,
but is ever a part of the heaving surface of the ocean,
so must I never live my life for itself,
but always in the experience
which is going on around me."

Albert Schweitzer

I can hear the waves rushing in and the soothing sounds of the water returning to its source.  Watching this movement of coming and going mesmerizes me.  The sun reflected off the water blinds me into reverie as the sunshine gently slides across my body.  My only reminder of reality is the sand rubbing across my soles.

Thoughts frequently rush in, and then slowly fade, returning to wherever they originate.  In meditation this receiving and receding lulls me into a trance.  My heart glows with the connection to all things and the warmth spreads all the way down to my toes.

Experiences with the ocean like the experiences with the inner, integrate all parts of me, creating the sense of being limitless and empowered.  All these parts of me blend together allowing me to be my best so I may offer a sense of calm to all who may surround me.  One being nothing without the other ...

Abraham Lincoln's Birthday!

 

“I'm a success today 

because I had a friend 

who believed in me 

and I didn't have the heart 

to let him down.” 

 Abraham Lincoln

Frequently, it is our friends who remind us of our personal goodness.  We sometimes see ourselves the best through another person's eyes.  It is our true friends who encourage and uplift us when we are challenged.  Often times, it is our friends who call us into power.  It is through their love and devotion that we learn to become our very best.

Awaken Once Again

re-awakening

“ there had been a time it had slept
for years and years
to finally awaken with fierce intensity.
her power had found her,
she had claimed it.
and then - somehow -
parts of it fell asleep again.
this time for not so long
as she missed it and knew it was needed.
calling it awake again,
they stepped forward together.
strong and light and real. ”

~terri st. cloud

Power is one of those words that means different things to different people.  Most generally, I use the word in terms of internal spiritual strength that is not used to physically control or gain power over any one.  Power is an awareness to utilize personal goodness for the betterment of self and others.

The holidays challenge our personal power.  We back slide into previous roles as we face expectations imposed by others.  We fall asleep, so to speak, to the knowledge of our true spirit.  When we awaken, it can be like a new birth ... the old lack of self-esteem falls away and a new vision of self appears once again empowered. 

As a fire burns, the fire tender pokes at the coals to stir the embers.  We, too, must poke at our embers to stay a bright light enabling ourselves to find our way.  As we are placed in the midst of those who challenge us or who do not support our spiritual awareness, we must make special effort in tending our fire.  The cold chill of negatively spoken words can dampen the coals, just as the brutal winds of drama or chaos can extinguish our flames.

As we sit around our personal fire, darkness gathers and snuggles near our light.  We must not be afraid of our own dark night.   We all have weaknesses or temptations, but we must have the courage to bring our light into that darkness.  We are all capable of horrible things, but we have choice ... keep our light burning brightly or succumb to darkness.  When we poke at our fire to stir the embers, sparks take flight as little beacons of hope to others. 

If we explore and acknowledge this darkness, we will learn to embrace it through self compassion and acceptance.  Sitting in silence around our fire, we hear self-criticisms ... who is doing the talking ... whose voice is it .... where were these first words spoken ... are they factual or based in fear?  SIT WITH THESE THOUGHTS FOR AWHILE.

Are we frightened at the possibility of being  pure and good?  Do we fall asleep negating our power in order to stay small?  What would life look like if we awakened to find our selves beautiful and filled with light ... visualize ... determine why this might be threatening.  JOURNAL.

The New Year approaches. 

It is time to awaken once again.

Begin to build your fire ...