Where I Next Need To Go

 

A blank journal, carefully selected lays open in front of me.  It is in recognition of a new birth year.  I allow myself the indulgence of looking back over the previous years selecting and recording only positive contributions. Some of the memories I list at one time would have been recorded under negative situations, but by rewriting my story, I can change perspective. 

Personal characteristics once assumed to be poor behaviors are now referenced as well developed coping skills.  Repressed feelings are now recognized as normal reactions to not having needs or desires recognized nor met.  Shame and guilt placed upon me as heavy armor, have been lifted and my light shines. 

It is difficult to face the world with vulnerability, and to allow hurtful situations to pass through me. There is no more hanging on, no more fantasies, and my fears are somewhat diminished.  I am no longer weighted down by 'should haves' or 'what ifs'.  But life can and does hurt.

It has taken a long time to carry my light into dark places, to accept what is mine and what I by no means own.  I feel lighter and happier, but my mind continues to grow curiouser and curiouser.  My extroverted personality has switched places with my hermit tendencies, and I continue to enjoy a more simple life.

This new year is calling me forward, just as I am, but with more celebration.  Each day I will find the words for my journal reflecting appreciation for who I am and who I still yearn to be.  Daily I will be grateful for all sisters of my heart and for the lessons they have taught and shared with me.  I will be more mindful to send prayers of thanksgiving to all  wayfarers  who pointed me in the right direction and often traveled with me. 

As I recall all of my greatest gifts, I acknowledge many arrived as  blessings and not at all what I had expected, or  thought I needed.  My children remain my greatest teachers, along with ancestors, and the ancient ones.  My light, however, I brought into this world, learned to let it shine, and radiance will lead me where I next need to go.

Liberation to Another Realm

"The oppression of your twenties

is the liberation

of your seventies."

 

Panache Desai

 

 

 

Round and round I go, traveling the spiral of life, repeating lessons until I have either mastered them or declared them no longer a bother. It is not as though my repeated lessons are exact duplicates as they appear in different disguises, giving off completely different vibrations.  Indeed, in time, I strip away the casings and the old familiar pattern registers within causing me to either laugh or cry.

 

Panache Desai states we travel upwards on a spiral, and in time we have gained advantage from the view above.  After years of experience, we can look back down into the spiral and have a better appreciation for what we have accomplished.  This sounds very much like wisdom, but for me, I still have grooves in my 'bum' from repeatedly riding up and down.  Perhaps I am one of those slow learners, always choosing the more difficult path or in my desire for perfection crave a serious 'do over' on my tasks.   

 

And why can I  not simply fly down the spiral like being on a water slide, instead of like a salmon swimming up stream against currents?   

I no longer cling to life with clawed nails, as I once did.   Digging my heels in is no longer a jerk (no pun intended) reaction, as I have learned to move more gracefully through the ridges of my spiral.  I have no fear of arriving at some precarious tip as I know I do not travel alone and there must be a deck of some sorts to support us all.

 

Panache Desai mentions liberation when we reach our seventies.  One more day and I will stack yet another year on my pile leading towards seventy.  I cannot help but wonder if I will remember to look back down the spiral when I am that age or if I will even care about liberation ... unless of course it is a liberation to the another realm.

Walter Mitty and Perfect Moments

 

 

 

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY is a book I read a very long time ago.  So long ago, I cannot recall the story line.  The fact I remember the title makes me think I enjoyed what the author shared.  

 

I decided to watch a movie and I am discouraged as I do not recognize any movie titles available.  And then, there it is THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY.  This makes decision making easier.  I settle in with my popcorn expecting to walk down the path of a story once known.  This is not the case.

 

Ben Stiller stars in this movie and I am so what ambivalent about him.  I then realize the main female character is from Saturday Night Live and I keep expecting her to turn into one of her random characters. The movie starts very slowly and it is quite mundane.  As the story unfolds, I begin to wonder what age I had been when I read this book. 

 

I amaze my self by continuing to watch this very bland tale.  Slowly, I begin to notice that scenes from Greenland, Iceland, and the Himalayas are really quite beautiful ... the story, not so much.  In fact, I enjoy the music better than the tale.  Even an appearance by Shirley MacLane doesn't save the day.

 

A reward for suffering through this elementary nonsense comes within the last fifteen minutes or so.  It involves Sean Penn closing in on a "Ghost Cat" with his powerful camera.  It is well known this reclusive animal wanders these parts but rarely is the beautiful animal seen.  Sean Penn has the lens of his camera totally capturing the magnificent "Ghost Cat" but he does not take the shot.  He explains he does this sometimes ... seeks something randomly, but when I finds it, he has no desire to capture it.  The close shot of him reflects tears in his eyes as he says something like, "I just like to pause to enjoy the moment." 

 

The very ending honors all of the worker bees who never receive recognition for a job well then.  It reminds us every success is choreographed by many, and not just one.  A good reminder, I guess.

 

I shake my head in question of wasted time viewing this flick.  It was not funny enough to be a comedy and not serious enough to be a drama.  My lasting memory will be of Sean Penn (who is looking more like Robert De Niro as he ages) with the large cat up in the Himalayans, pausing for a perfect moment. 

 

We all need to appreciate our perfect moments, but unfortunately, this was not mine

 

 

Removing the Details

"As you enter your day,

try not to reach for life.

Try not to leave or arrive.

Try to let life enter you."

 

Mark Nepo

THE BOOK OF AWAKENING

 

 

Outlines, lists, and details often structure my day.  I constantly jot down notations, quotes, and reminders.  From the onset, I am running through a checklist in my head.  Whether I am routed to the grocery store, library or gathering, there are always footnotes for quick study.

 

My inner voice reminds me to be open, to truly listen, and to gather in all folds of the fabric of life unfolding before me.  It is amazing how much well intended reminders simply distract and clutter. 

 

THE BOOK OF AWAKENING suggests we simply embrace the day.  With child like anticipation, maintain an awareness of what is next popping up in the day.  Notice every nuance as a gift being presented to highlight a moment in this time and place. 

 

So for today, I have a loosely made mental list of where I need to go, but I have removed all of the details.  As I pass through my errands, I will hold open my eyes to see what I would normally miss.  I will open my ears to hear what is truly being said.  I will linger over things I touch and pay attention to the fragrances passing through the air. 

 

I feel excitement build. I am hoping to appreciate all things appearing insignificant and small. Time management will be disregarded as I slowly pass through each moment of this beautiful forthcoming day!

 

 



Resilience in Creativity

 

 

 

"Creative minds have always

been known to survive any

kind of bad training."

 

Anna Freud

 

 

Creativity streams through every human being.  This doesn't mean we are each capable of great paintings or musical accomplishments.  Individuals experience creative expression in differing ways.  It can be demonstrated in our dress, language, career or hobbies.  A very cerebral person may use his or her creativity in the manner in which business plans or inventions are developed.  Our choices and 'thinking out side of the box' reflect our diversity. 

 

Often times, people take their creativity for granted, not realizing that not every one can match fabrics, wall hangings, or fashion.  If it is our strength, we have a tendency to take it for granted or minimize it.  "Anyone can do this," states the obvious artist of the family.  "It's easy," says the sous chef to the waitress. 

 

My mother was an accomplished seamstress designing wedding gowns and tailor made suits.  The first thing I attempted to sew, I sewed to the top layer of skin on my hand.  I rest my case.

 

By passing the well known masters, a person can admire the heroes of untold stories.  As we read through biographies we develop compassion for those who suffered humiliation, torture, and unimaginable offenses.  We discover how their ability to use their minds became an escape or partial safe haven.

 

Creativity is all things, not just the insightful eye of an artisan.  Creativity is about what hear, smell, taste, touch, and experience on all levels if we allow ourselves permission.  To take flight into parts unknown to us, heralds a new way of using our senses.  It is seeing with new eyes, changing perspectives, and authoring a new ending to any sad story.  There is resilience in creativity.

Pull Your Lovely Self Together!

 

 

 

"Without the energy keeping it alive,

no thought can survive."

 

Panache Desai

 

 

Today was going to be one of my favorite days.  A day without any outside appointments, commitments, or household obligations.   The day was all mine and I loosely formed a creative agenda.  What a day this was going to be!

 

As I was going through my morning ritual of settling in with coffee, laptop, and journals, the dream from early morn began to flood my thoughts.  I would become aware of wisps of my dream, but would set them aside.  Diligently I followed my routine, only to find the dream resurfacing.  So I stopped and allowed myself to welcome the dream. 

 

I pushed the rewind button, and viewed the dream in its entirety.  Present in the dream were a mom and dad, a small girl and a little boy.  I was there in a mediation capacity.  As I learned about each one of them, I realized the entire dysfunction played out as each member assumed what the other person was saying, never really hearing the personal testimony.  There were nothing but colossal misunderstandings as each person listened only to his or her self making untrue assumptions about all others.

 

Each person in this dream was portraying a part of my self.  All parts of my self were disconnected one from the other.  Nothing was aligned so I was out of balance.  The message was clear, "Pull your lovely self together!"  I needed to pay attention in order to have fair representation on one page.  Respect needed to be given to all areas in my life.  I was being shown the importance of developing all parts of the human spirit.  Energy needs to be given to important aspects of my life in order for them to survive.

Hermit or Extrovert

 

"Vulnerable we are lie an infant.

We need each other's care

or we will suffer."

 

St. Catherine of Sienna

1347 - 1380

 

 

The overwhelming need to withdraw into my creative space can at times worry me.  It is almost too easy for me to hibernate for long stretches of time, until I sense isolation.  As an individual perfecting hermit qualities, I seem to be kept in balance with my need to experience others in the flesh. 

 

When I am withdrawn, I am intensely interested in ancient wisdom, recorded visions, and meditations.  I can write losing all aspects of time and place, totally absorbed in the out pouring flow coming from God only knows where! 

 

On the other side, I crave the connection with sisters of my heart.  To be in a circle of women, laughing and sharing makes my heart soar.  The heart stories, uncensored, teaches me the wisdom not always found in the written word.  I learn of personal courage, bravery, and broken hearts.  I experience the healing of a wounded spirit through the gathered energy of our circle.  When we share experiences with others, our inner lights ban together, and create a majestic flame. 

 

When I combine my hermit self with my extroverted side, balance is established in my personal and spiritual spaces.  My body, mind, and spirit are aligned leaving me to feel whole and free. 

Sweet Spot Within

 

 

"The most common way people

give up their power

is by thinking

they don't have any."

 

Alice Walker

THE COLOR PURPLE

 

 

Our culture has secured specific images in our heads for definitions of power.  While growing up, as as a little girl, I saw men with bulging muscles working at construction sites;  any person wearing a uniform of any kind insinuated strength; and  ministers and doctors always received respect.  All powerful people and all male.  Even though this is not necessarily true today, it was then.  A woman was a nurse assisting a doctor, the little woman at home in her dress building her husband's comfort castle,  or the poor scrub woman scrubbing floors in the manly business complex. 

 

In early years, my examples  for power belonged to male dominance.  Never did I consider power to be anything but physical.  Over the years, I began to see women playing the previously reserved roles for men, except they were not necessarily reflecting  a differing definition.

 

It would not be for more years to pass before I understood there was much more to being powerful other than masculine force.  I began to see the power of reasoning with the mind.  The negative of course was manipulation, but the field of power was growing more accessible. 

 

Fortunately, I grew to recognize personal power which supports self-esteem and the sense of worthiness.  These thoughts were firmly in place by the time I had my children.  My three sons were very physical, but their sensitive sides were nurtured and they developed a balance.  My daughter, no priss here, was empowered by healthy male competition from day one sensing her ability to be equal.

 

In my career, every day I assisted women who deemed themselves powerless.  Granted, they did not have great options, but there were choices.  These women never experienced a sense of power except in sexual scenarios.  If they did allow an urge for strength to surface, they merely got beaten down.

 

Personal power, in my opinion, is one of life's major tools.  A person, male or female truly needs a sense of worth.  In order to navigate the challenges before us, we must be equipped with positive evaluations.  We are led to discover the sweet spot within each of us, to tap into who we truly are which activates true power.

Pondering Possibilities

 

 

 "There is a source of divine wisdom in us that simply knows.

A nudge, an awareness, a dream, an intuitive flash,

a gradual dawning, a gut reaction ~

guidance comes from within,

step by tiny step."

 

Sue Monk Kidd

FIRSTLIGHT

 

 

The month of June has been pretty much  a roller coaster ride.  Not so much with emotions, but with decision making.  There has been this yearning for change, without a specific vision as to what this change might be.  I have been letting go of things out grown, and some things perhaps a little prematurely, but I am making room for something yet to come.

 

Recalling spring, I sift through the seedlings I carefully planted in my list of intentions.  I prepared rich and enhanced ideas to be coddled into growth, to push through veils of resistance and to reach up towards the warm light.  New life is stirring, and I find my creative self still laboring over any forthcoming birth.

 

I have to admit a sense of excitement, pondering over the possibilities of a new project or a creative endeavor.   My time can be best used with preparation:  daily meditation, time out in nature, monitoring communication, energy work, and balance with body, mind, and soul.  Maintaining an awareness of all things possible and welcoming Divine Spirit within as constant mantras.

 

Inspirational reading continues to open my mind to diversity and exploration.  I resource my dreams for signs, symbols, or significant leads.  Even waking dreams (day dreams) help me sort through these waves of June.  So soon, another year will be added to my life, and while I journey longer it is hard to imagine what it will bring.

 

 

 

 

 



Circular Motion

 

 

"For fast-acting relief,

try slowing down."

 

Lily Tomlin

 

 

This morning, I was enjoying my coffee out on the deck while watching my wonderful dog, Bella, run in circles.  I was laughing at her until the thought came to me , "this could be a 'day' dream.  I am one of those folks who believe we dream at night, but we also can receive information during the day when we break certain segments down. 

 

I immediately became defensive, "I don't run in circles anymore," I pompously thought.  Then I watched Bella gracefully plop down and spread her large body onto the grass.  Again I thought, "I slow down, and take time for myself!" 

 

As I opened my mind to what this snippet of a 'day' dream might mean, the message was clear.  It wasn't about my physical body, but about my mind running in circles.  Yes, I do slow down, but my thoughts are still running in those deep circular grooves. 

 

So even if we are moving in slow motion, our mind must be aligned as well in order to deeply relax.  No movement in the body nor the mind.  This sounds so simple, and yet it takes consistent practice.  Primarily, we must be aware of what we tell ourselves.  We might be stating we are relaxing, and yet if our thoughts are not monitored, they can be running in circles, defeating our intentions.

 

 



Success in Increments

 

 

 

 

"To me success means effectiveness in the

world, that I am able to carry my ideas

and values into the world ~ that I am able

to change it in positive ways."

 

Maxine Hong Kingston

Writer and Professor

 

 

When I was knee deep into my career, I began to learn most words could be adjusted to increments.  Words such as improvement or regression and success or failure were frequently minimized or maximized.  There are many levels in between the scale of right or wrong, and each are needed in order to progress to where we need to be.

 

How can I be a success in the world?  Responsibility, pressure, an stress automatically grow heavy on my shoulders.  Worrying as to how to get from where I am today to a smash hit in the world is simply overwhelming.  If we break the process down, however, creating numerous levels of achievement within the route to success, we can move forward step by step.

 

Think of a problem that presents itself today.  When we jet stream to how the issue needs to look in the end result, we can be finished before we even start.  If we slow down and look at all of the small things we can do leading us to the larger result, we can experience a greater sense of control rather than overwhelming defeat.

 

Life is a process with many lessons being learned every day.  Each day helps to build a strong foundation to support where we are meant to go in our life.  If our foundation crumbles, then we had been falsely directed and need to pick our selves up, brush off the disappointment and begin again. 

 

Celebrate each step on whatever path you take.  Enjoy each moment doing the very best we can.  Our daily progress brings a positive element either to ourselves or someone observing.  We are impacting the world as we move along.  We are students, teachers, and mentors and these roles are important by bringing positive energy to ourselves, to others, and to the world.  Success is not just the end result, but the impact we make each day.



 

 

Pointing Our Feet

 

 

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I ~

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

 

Robert Frost

 

 

As human beings with free will, many choices are presented to us.  The options may not always be the best, but decisions need to be made.  We may follow many unrelated paths or be one of many on a super highway, but which exit to take will need to be determined.  

 

As we gather years, we have a tendency to look back and wonder how are lives may have been different if we had taken different paths.  Maybe we wandered off and left an early love behind, or declined a job offer or did not rise to a particular occasion.  We all wonder about the paths we have chosen.

 

Some decisions are incidental and may not have altered life considerably while others may have created an entirely different life experience.  My physician invited me to relocate to an Indian Reservation.  She had longed for this opportunity and was putting a team together.  She of course,the doctor;  her husband, the teacher; and myself as a counselor.  My love for Native American Culture had been developing for numerous years, and I knew this was a once in a life time offering.  My daughter, however, was in her senior year at high school and my move at this time would cause her great adjustments.  And so I declined, but  I often wonder how this would have impacted my life.

 

We are endlessly presented with opportunities to alter our path.  It might be something small like not attending an annual gathering or by attending a reunion usually skipped.  I know of a woman who habitually drove the same way to work every day while hoping to discover a new place to live.  Feeling a nudge one morning, she turned at an unfamiliar corner and came upon what would soon be her new space. 

 

Guidance is always whispered in our ears, but we do not always take it seriously.  The Universe continues to offer suggestions by placing opportunities before us, dedicated to supplying scenarios for our personal growth.  I we are not looking, we will miss the sign posts.

 

We are not all meant to be the same, so it is vitally important for each of us to listen to our heart and determine our  passion.  Through our choices we can nurture our intentions, or not.  Dreams wither on the vine and new life is not sustained by avoidance.  We are called to listen and observe while carefully pointing our feet in the best chosen direction.

 

 

 



 

 

Elementary, My Dear?

"Everybody loves to talk about calm and peace

whether in a family, national, or international context,

but without inner peace how can we make real peace?

World peace through hatred and force is impossible."

 

The Dalai Lama

 

 

Years have passed, teaching me how to reduce drama in my life and how to act responsibly instead of simply reacting impulsively.  Life has shown me the difference between being selfish and meeting personal needs.  If I am nurtured and nourished, those around me well be impacted as well.

 

For some, it is challenging to discover what is involved in meeting a personal need.  When we develop a true sense of self, we can then give honor to our selves..  We no longer feel the desire to be self-sacrificing, a martyr or a victim.   Self-respect forms and lessens the dependency on others to meet our desires. 

 

When we do not have love for our selves, the experience of loving others is limited.  Through self-criticism we are weakened and cannot embrace life fully.  Criticizing others is a sure sign of discontent.  In learning how to accept personal weaknesses as well as strengths, we embrace the entire package and it is easier to accept the flaws and the skills of others. 

 

It is not easy, but it is worth the effort to create calm and peace in every day.  As we begin each day, balance it with work and play.  Reduce the stress of opposition, by surrounding the self with those who make us laugh or feel good about being who we are.  Minimize what is displeasing and maximize whatever brightens the day. 

 

Too remedial or elementary?  Step through that negative thought and find free will on the other side.  Begin again and again until inner peace and calm spread out into the world. We can do it!

 



In Some Mystical Way

 

 

"I didn't realize that waiting had a function.

The waiting wasn't waiting. 

It was working out

everything going on in myself.

It was a pause."

 

DISCOVERING YOUR SOUL SIGNATURE

Panache Desai

 

 

 

On this glorious day, I sat out on the deck with sun shinning on my face and a gentle breeze gliding through my hair.  As I sipped on my coffee viewing every flower in my yard, I thought of you.  Then I began to worry.  "Ridiculous," I scolded my self.  Worrying serves no purpose.

 

I found my hand gently resting over my heart as though I were holding you there.  I covered you with love and imagined you snuggled in my lap.   I whispered endearments into your ear, and stroked your fine hair.  I reminded you of all you have been and explored where all you may yet travel.  I praised your passion and rocked you gently in my arms.  I found myself washing your feet, massaging them with oils, and filling your heart with courage and confidence. 

 

As you safely rested in my lap, I aligned your energies and strengthened the small flame into a radiant light within you.  I closed my eyes saying, "Remember who you are and all you are meant to be."  I felt a small stirring in my lap, and when I opened my eyes you were gone.

 

I made notice of my self, and realized that this pause in my life was a needed time to strengthen connection.  My energies were refreshed and balanced, my heart was full of love, and my connection with who I am was as strong as ever.  I sighed, opening my mind to the possibility that in some mystical way, you too have felt loved and refreshed.

 



Learning With Open Minds

 

 

"The art of being wise

is the art of knowing

what to overlook."

 

William James

 

 

I enjoy people who think for themselves and who are not easily swayed.  Those who have challenged and questioned their thoughts make for interesting conversations.  It is not so much the information a person shares, but rather their thinking process or how they arrived there.  To offer an open mind without the need of judgement, allows for deeper listening.  Sometimes one can even hear what is not being said.

 

What appeals to me, is the situation to be stimulated by diverse thinking, not so much to agree or disagree, but to experience the authenticity of an other.  Whether gathered information resonates with me or not, is second nature.

 

It does not seem correct to me when we explore only that which we already know and close our minds to what we are not familiar.  At gatherings, there can be a person who is highly educated in one particular field.  To me, it seems as though he can get pompous, condescending, rigid, and not open to difference in opinion.  It is by far a better experience to be with a well versed scholar who has opened personal studies to  opposing views so he or she can truly defend their personal truth.  With an open mind, the scholar can listen and not be threatened.  He or she is much more likely to agree to disagree, honoring and respecting each voice.

 

The human experience is all about witnessing others  and following our passion.  Our passion is usually slowly kindled until it can be expanded into a fire in the belly.  When we are certain with body, mind, and spirit, we are more likely to impact each other with our wisdom.  We will never all agree, nor were we necessarily meant to.   It is the wise one who knows what to overlook without righteousness or judgement. 

 



 

 



Diversity in Key West

 

 

 

We are frequent visitors of Key West, Florida.  Every evening there is a Sun Down Celebration by the ocean front.  This celebration is greatly a favorite of traveler, visitor, and home invited guest.  There are mimes, artists with their paintings, jewelry makers, and jugglers.  Several vendors offer food, drink and tasty snacks.  For years, the Cat Man can be seen performing his  tricks with his cats while he speaks in some mix of human-cat whine.  Fire eaters, musicians, and psychics are all in inquisitive forms.  It is extremely eclectic entertainment, and one feels like a child again wandering with strangers, as the sun is slowly swallowed by the horizon.

 

Diversity is the word for I associate with  Key West.  Duvall Street is filled with musicians, tricksters, and mimes.  It is not unusual to see a peg leg pirate in full regalia including a patch on his eye and a parrot on his shoulder.  Then there are the museums, gardens, house tours, and festivals that appear every year: Jimmy Buffet Parrot Heads; Fantasy Fest; Hemingway Look-a-Like Contest, and Dog Parades.  The area is a very animal friendly atmosphere.  While dining, most restaurants offer out door seating through out the day and evening. 

 

Clothing is sometimes optional, but generally very casual.  To add to the mix, there is the opposite side to the coin, down by the cruise ships.  A spectator can  sit on benches watching streams of people get off the huge cruise ships.  They are of differing nationalities, speaking foreign languages, and dripping with gold jewelry.  If this doesn't appeal to the watcher, he or she can wander over to the harbor and watch yachts and magnificent sail boats dock or gently be on their way.  Scheduling a day of sailing or fishing or the party cruises can easily be secured.  And still, if this is not of interest, one can go a little farther along to the wharf.  Here you will see the 'regular' coming and going in little dinghies bringing laundry in or retrieving food to be brought back out to the houseboat.  They are fishermen selling to the restaurants, wait staff, or shop employees.  They wear the most wonderful well worn tee shirts with hysterical sayings.  Although they may appear to be hippies, one can watch them hop onto their skiffs and hand motor back out to a waiting sizable yacht.

 

If a person flies in and spends their time at a fancy hotel, they may never experience the full offerings of Key West.  If a traveler leaves a cruise ship, he or she will never wander into the unique restaurants housed in old neighborhoods.  Then if one is of  the drinking sort hitting all of the well known drinking establishments, attendance is not likely at the exceptional Butterfly Garden.

 

Here at my computer, living in the Midwest indeed feels very bland.  The streets lack the sounds of random musicians, unique shops galore, endless out door eating establishments, and privacy at a sandy beach.  Fresh fish, fruits, veggies and private owned bakeries are only memories.  All of this and even more continues to call me to people watch at the shore.

 



Creative Options

 

 

 

We don't all have instant access to a comfy beach chair by the ocean.  Through meditation or visualization, however, we can be any where within several deep breaths.  We can create within our minds such detailed scenarios, we can feel sand between our toes and smell the salty breeze.  We can be relaxed through the imagined sound of waves rolling into shore while feeling sunshine upon our face. 

 

Unfortunately, we spend more time imagining worse case scenarios. Worry can paint very dark pictures in our mind.   We may experience feelings that are not of comfort, such as abandonment, loss, grieving, failure, or disaster all entwined with fear.

 

We have choice, but too often we are not aware of what lies before us, based upon what occurred in the past.  If we are busy looking behind us, we don't have the time to  look at the present nor invest in the future.

 

If we open our minds to various options and then discern what best meets our needs, we are more apt to transcend situations with greater ease.  When we role play in our minds, visualizing best case scenarios, we tend to have more successful results.  The key of course is remaining alert to the bigger picture and using creativity in search for solution.

 

Remain awake to surroundings, conversations, and the unfolding of nature.  Wisdom arrives in a wide range of communications, and we must be readily listening. 

 

 

 





A No Show

I

"If you just think what you know to think,

say what you know to say,

and do what you know to do,

you'll blow all their little minds!"

 

THE UNIVERSE

www.tut.com

 

 

 

Just recently, I was expected to blend into a reunion from my past.  This would not have been so daunting had it not involved an ex-husband.  I wanted to go, but my desire to attend was over shadowed by my thoughts of forthcoming judgements.  When we go back to what was once family, we have a tendency to regress into the person we happened to be at that time.  My 'ex' is from so long ago it is as though he was from another lifetime.  It really wasn't about him, but about my own criticism of my self.

 

Why do we give our power away?  How do we allow our lovely selves to become so easily minimized?  I know I am not alone in this.  We all do this to a degree.

 

My mantras became, "stay in the moment," and "remain grounded," or "be nice to your self".  What does it take to remain conscious of everything I know and believe?  I am no longer the person from yesteryear.  I have to state that I have evolved rather nicely from who I used to be, so what's the problem!

 

As life unfolded, I had a wonderful time.  I focused on the people who really meant something to me.  I did great, I humbly report.  I stayed true to who I am, and used my voice with clarity.  Did I blow minds?  No one's but my own, and with memorable style and grace.   ( Oh, and my 'ex'  ... he was a no show! )   

 

 

 



Releasing Tears for Wholeness

 

 

 

"Nothing ever goes away

until it teaches us

what we need to know."

Pema Chodron

 

 

Our culture teaches us that being sad is a weakness.  As children we were not encouraged to express our sadness, especially through tears.  Unspoken directives were received to 'suck it up' and we were always eager to please. 

 

In a writing of Panache Desai, he compares  people who have bottled up sadness to  weeping willow trees and people who become stronger by expressing sadness to  great oak trees.  This comparison struck me in particular as I have always loved trees.  My earlier favorite was a weeping willow which with hindsight totally symbolizes my tendency to keep sadness safely tucked inside.  How heavy the boughs were!  Whenever I would mention a weeping willow, others would consistently make a statement about how awful the root systems were.  Again, I find this interesting in terms of how deep my roots of sadness expanded and how disruptive they became.

 

I eventually shifted my likings to the weeping birch tree.  The white etched trunks were strong and erect with boughs tending to droop.  Hopefully this reflects my ability to stand up for myself in spite of my sadness.  Perhaps this even reflects my growing understanding of sadness being no greater nor lesser than happiness.

 

I doubt any one would categorize me as a sad person.  I do not project this image at all, and yet when I release years of sadness from me, I am amazed at how much more freedom I have.  There feels like I have more than ample room within to expand in creative and solitary ways. 

 

I now regard a spring rain as tears gently cleansing the leaves of trees.  The rain as a cleansing agent is really quite similar to the experience of sadness.  When we allow ourselves to really feel this feeling of sad we can allow our tears to wash it away.  In acknowledging such feelings, we can experience a sense of wholeness. 

Unraveling the Tangle

 

 

 

"Why do you stay in prison when the door is so wide open.

Move outside the tangle of fear thinking.

Live in silence."

Rumi

 

 

The subject of fear has been weighing heavily on my mind.  Intellectually, I do know that fear is not factual and whatever we fear, usually doesn't happen.  Fear is a heavy energy continuing to dampen our spirits.  It forms barriers where barriers do not need to be.  Artificial boundaries are also created by fear, limiting us from experiencing life to it's fullest. 

 

These presumed fears restrain us from building relationships and enjoying the deepest arms of relationships.  Fear encourages us to wear false masks or to withdraw from others.  This holds us in bondage.  (It is interesting to note animals shed fear, they shake it off, and continue on.  Only humans cling to fear  Panache Desai)  It is necessary for us to gather our courage in spite of our feelings of fear.  We need to move forward, letting ourselves be exposed to the lessons we yearn to experience.

 

When we think of fear as an energy, we know we can learn to balance it through our own creative measures.  Some use exercise while others use various forms of art.  As we acknowledge the heavy energy within us, we can take action removing ourselves from the role of victim.  We can untangle our facts from fear like sorting out the laundry or brushing out our hair.  Once we do this, our energy is strong enough to allow the release of fear and move forward.

 

Once we have balanced our energies, we are no longer held captive.  We can recognize old patterns of rejection, abandonment, betrayal or death and deal with them with positive reasoning.  To ask  our selves if these are old patterns being triggered or if they indeed are current.  Either way, we have the courage and the energy to create a different response. 

 

Instead of running from fear, we can face it head on and feel empowered.  As we create new reactions to old problems, we do become strong enough to experience vulnerability.  Life may require us to move further away from our circle of friends or employment in search for a healthier life style. Our courage will be rewarded by life expanding.

 

  

The Light In Others

At a very young age, we learned to look up at the sky seeking out the twinkling of the stars.  Oh how magical they seemed and remember how easily one became mesmerized?  These were our early lessons with light.  As we grew, we gathered more information from the light in the forest or the aura embracing a flower.  Reflections from water, moon or sun made an imprint upon us as well. These experiences evolved into kindle feeding our personal light.

Radiant humans draw us near by their simple light presence.  Then there are others whose light is barely a flame.  One is required to be patient until the flicker of the flame can finally be seen.  When we await the glimpse of a sudden showing of the light within, we can be richly rewarded as all humans are carriers of Divine Light.

No matter how bright the light, each and every one of us has value and a message for each other.  A small quivering flame can powerfully impact us, so seeking out brightly shinning souls is not always the path to take.  We are surrounded by individuals bearing truth, but unfortunately are overlooked as they may be more withdrawn or simply unnoticed.

It is when we simply respect and honor each light within, we will see the beauty in each other.  No one enjoys being hoodwinked and it is important to be careful while learning from others;  however, it we remain so barricaded and closed off, we will not be blessed by the wisdom at hand.  We expand our individual light by recognizing the light in others.

Intrigued By The Passing

 

 

 

 

"Write it on your heart that every day

is the best day

of the year."

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

Reprogramming myself is indeed challenging.  Every night as I rest my head upon my pillow,  I make a mental list of all the things I am grateful for and give thanks for all of the good.  When I wake up in the morn, I once again clear the slate of all things passed, beginning the day anew.

 

Throughout the day, when I catch my self being critical I try to unearth the reason for it.  Am I feeling threatened, lesser than, or invisible?  If someone is really pushing my buttons, I determine what specifically is annoying me.  Then I do a quick search inside to discover if I am projecting behavior or if the behavior is being reflected to me for a reason.

 

It is hard to undo all of the 'doing' I have allowed.  I try to be aware of life being an on going process with endless opportunities for evolving.  Upon completing even the most mindless task, I take a moment to celebrate.  I am joyful with the smallest of my steps forward keeping me distracted from self-criticism.     I apply layer upon layer of positive attitude believing it will support me through the day.  

 

Each day will be constructed with the tools I decide to use.  My foundation will be built according to my views.  I grow closer to embracing winds, enduring sunburn, aging, and keeping  my self warm.  I am intrigued by the passing of each and every day.

 



Slow Line

          

 

              

Through meditation and the practice of disciplines such as slowing down and keeping the mind one-pointed, we can learn to do something that sounds impossible: when thoughts are tailgating each other, we can slip into the flow of mental traffic, separate thoughts that have locked bumpers, and slowly squeeze ourselves in between.

 

THOUGHT FOR A DAY

Eknath Easwaran

 

Meditation is known for releasing stress, relaxing the body, tuning into silence and basically slowing our lovely selves down.  There is however, a secondary reward which can assist us in every moment of the day.

 

When we have learned to slow our minds down in meditation, it is a skill that can also be used in daily living.  When we slow down  our intake of things, we are more apt to maintain balance,  emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  When we see or hear our surroundings in slower motion, we are less likely to react. Our chances of acting appropriately increases.

 

When we feel triggered by any action seen or heard, we can open ourselves to the larger picture which generally reflects the possibility of taking things too personally.  When our thoughts are constantly being projected without censorship, we are likely to falsely assume we are a target.  If there are pauses in our thinking, there is time to effectively evaluate a situation.

 

An scenario displaying this would be:

I am in a grocery store line, waiting to check out.  The person in front of me is paying with a credit card and cash.  Then the credit card is rejected.  I am shifting from one foot to another wondering why I always end up in the slow line.  As my annoyance begins to flourish, the person behind me rams the cart into me, hitting my tender ankles tearing the skin.  Now furious, I begin to turn formulating insults in my mind, feeling personally attacked.  At the full turn,  however, I manage to take a breath and open my eyes to the full picture.  A little boy is hovering behind his mother and the mother is totally humiliated and quite anxious herself.  This has the potential for a full blown argument. Since I had added a pause, I am able to see the small frightened child who was just as anxious as me.  I choose to smile at the little guy, who then comes out of hiding. Laughing, I tell the mother while pointing to the child, "I had four little ones and I sure miss them all!"  The mother sighs with relief.

 

 

Power in Words

 

 

 

"If a writer is so cautious that he never writes anything that cannot be criticized,

he will never be able to write anything that can be read.  If you want to help other people

you have got to make up your mind to write things that some men will condemn.

 

Thomas Merton

 

 

 

There have been numerous authors who have written under fictitious names or have written their truths disguised as fiction while other authors skim the surface hoping the reader can read between the lines.    For some, writing can be painfully slow, being entirely too critical, traveling at a snail's pace.  Others establish a formula for a winning book and repeat that formula continuously.

 

When a pen is held in hand, there can be an established flow that does not discern what kind of paper is available  or where one happens to be situated at that very moment.   Insight comes more easily when a writer is perhaps not trying so hard.  Content can arrive while driving, sleeping, exercising or reading. The key is to recognize the gift of thought and write it down.

 

Every writer has at least one style of writing to bring personal pleasure. One person may be a gifted poet, but might also find satisfaction in other arenas.  The point is any person who captures a thought has the ability to write it down.  The emphasis is never upon who will ever read our writing, but the truth is we all have something to say.  Whether we make notations on slips of papers, in journals, or in the margins of favorite books, matters not.  In spite of not acknowledging any value, the act of honoring the self is worthy.  Even if the writing is burned or destroyed, the written word remains powerful.

 



Spectator or Participant?

 

 

"Hope is the thing with feathers,

that perches in the soul, and sings the

tune without the words, and never

stops at all."

 

Emily Dickinson

1830-1886

 

 

Through self-discovery, I realized some emotions were quite foreign to me.  For example, joy.  When asked about this feeling, I could readily identify two events in my life, so I had a sense of what this emotion meant, but only as a spectator.    The word hope, for me, was closely associated with childhood and was reserved for describing the emotions of others.

 

So giving my lovely self permission, I allowed my eyes to open to the experience of both joy and hope as though I were a young child.  Instead of blandly navigating through my day, I moved rather slowly finding  appreciation for small incidental things.  Instead of just noticing the bird singing outside of my window, I took pause and sincerely gave the moment all of my attention.  I looked through the flowering branches trying to locate the bird now singing.  Once discovered, I let the song flow into my heart which lightened my perspective.  I then watched the song bird fly to the fence and a part of me flew with it.  In the slightest of moments, I felt joy in the freedom of both song and flight.  Hope was soon to follow as the bird disappeared and hope blossomed as I longed to see and hear this bird again.

 

It was amazing to me how I could block out joy and hope for years, and then within moments, experience them both.  It is important for me to remember that these two feelings were triggered by first giving appreciation.   Can life be altered so easily, by simply shifting our perception and observation?  In expanding our awareness of what surrounds us, instead of shutting it out could very well be the key to balance the trials before us.

 

If we find ourselves longing for a fuller life, let's give permission to open to life moment by moment.  To slowly travel through each day, allowing time for the incidental to take forms of joy and hope, as though we were once again a child.

 

 

 

 



Obligated to Share

 

 

 

"Sometimes it does feel like I can hear  the voice of God come quickly like the wind and whisper a passing thought, and then ever so often I have the courage to take that passing thought and discern the truth in it. Then once in a while I have enough courage to  speak about that truth to others and act upon it.  When I have had that kind of courage, it has always brought surprising and abundant results.  That must be how the Spirit works when we are brave enough to believe in God's Spirit at all."     FIND YOUR WAY HOME  by the Women of Magdalene

 

There are endless ways to communicate with the Divine.  As children, we seem to have constant conversations with the unseen.  As we grow older, we tend to shut down too many avenues that would ultimately increase our spiritual exchanges. 

 

The Universe speaks to us through nature, and the actions of others around us.  We can receive wisdom by over hearing some one else's conversation or by something someone says to us or unexpected insight.  What do we do with inspiration once it is received?  Will we take action?

 

It takes courage to share our insights with others.  We experience bravery when we are then confronted with questions and judgements.  We are not asked to convince, brow beat or force anyone to accept what we share.  No one is obligated to accept our experiences, but we are obligated to share them.  This is the way Divine Spirit uses us to be a witness.

 

 

 

Authors, Books, and The Written Word

"A book must be the axe

for  the frozen sea

inside us."

Franz Kafka

We can visit most any one's office and by scanning the books on the shelves, we catch a reflection of the person claiming this space.  Throughout childhood, school years. careers, and the passage of later years, books are heightening imagination, exposing theories, applying knowledge, and enjoying wisdom. 

 

Meaningful words are read from a page, processed though our brain, and either digested or rejected.  We stash some phrases in our hearts, memorize words for courage, and utilize what we have gained to support our journey. 

 

There are some books that become our life long friends like THE LITTLE PRINCE or WHERE THE SIDEWALK ENDS.    Many are road signs, indicating the twists and turns we have mastered or failed.  Each book can be an indication of the passages we have traveled.

 

There are also authors who some how became dear friends, if only in our minds.  We at times overly identify with a writer and recite passages carefully memorized.  If time is taken to explore the personal life of a favorite author, we can be very surprised by the eccentric life style or mind set of a person we have long admired. 

 

We have also invested ourselves into books.  We have somehow become a part of the weaving of the story and may have edited behaviors of particular characters shaping them into something they were never meant to be. 

 

Listen to an interview regarding  a special book and hear the intentions of the author. We may have

a completely different understanding than what was intended, to the even to the extent we adamantly

disagree with the writer.  It is in this very way, however, that a book stirs the waters within.  Through deepening our arguments or enhancing our belief systems, the words of the author broadens our horizons for which we shall always be thankful.

Authenticity Shines Through

 

"You certainly are not yourself today."

"I so seldom am," said Cecelia.

Elizabeth Bowen

 

 

Every waking day, we get to start anew.  We have the choice of rediscovering new patterns or enduring old behaviors.  The choice clearly is ours.  Life continues to change as we make this human journey,  adding layers of experience and shedding stacked up ill fitting habits of the past.   It is a journey, this thing called life, and it is an opportunity to sift through everything to allow our true nature become exposed.

 

Our authentic self keeps pushing inside, willing us to nourish and nurture the human we were meant to be.  It doesn't want to be covered up with exhausting debris, it wants to be exposed to the sunlight and set free. 

 

Every morning, we are faced with a new day.  If we can experience clear focus or a brief personal communication with Divine Spirit, we may find the courage to look though new eyes, to adjust or focus truly seeing what is working and what is not. 

 

Mid-day, we can once again assess what progress we are making by checking in with our inner self.  Are we feeling recharged by new approaches or are we feeling drained from just going through expected behavior.

 

At bedtime, try to visualize how we want our next day to look ... happy positive co-workers, supportive family, new insights.  Notice how differently we would feel in this changed perception.  Feel the energy created by being authentic.  Look into the eyes of others as they are surprised by our kindness or willingness to help.  Could that possibly be the return of happiness creeping back into our life? 

 

The key is to be aware of every action we take.  Choose to make it deliberate and purposefully positive.  Refrain from judging ourselves and others.  Our efforts are being used to design a day growing more similar to the visualization from the night before. 

 

Throughout the day, capture small moments of celebration.  Have an appreciation for the strength it is taking to slowly expose our authentic selves.  It all will not be easy, but there is no better investment than ourselves.  Constantly focus on the small steps filled with joy, and repeat them until authenticity shines through.