The Cost of Shame

James Carroll Beckwith

1852-1917

"Shame is, hands down, the most uncomfortable feeling. And, because it produces continuous  
 amounts of inflammatory chemicals in the body, it is also a health risk. Brene Brown, in her  incredible book Daring Greatly, reminds us of the following: 

Guilt says: I made a mistake

Shame says: I AM a mistake.

(Comments by Christiane Northrup)

Recalling our past and examining our present, there are areas where we may feel guilty.  We all have had experiences when we did not behave in our highest good or in best behavior.  Even if a situation was a misunderstanding, we may be left feeling guilty.  These feelings, however, can be altered through forgiveness and love for ourselves as well as others.

Shame is not as easily controllable.  Shame can cower even the strongest of heart.  It reaches into vulnerable areas sometimes totally unexpected, and debilitating.  Guilt makes us aware of inappropriate behavior.  Shame squelches us into feeling unworthy, disgusting, unacceptable, and damaged.  We can use  therapy or various forms of self-help  to heal the feelings of shame, but they cling so closely, pierce our very being, and convincingly appear as reality.

How we phrase our comments, can make an extraordinary difference upon the recipient.  Our criticism, if necessary, needs to be focused on the behavior and not upon the person his or her self.  When both behavior and person are attacked, the damage is even more deeply ingrained.

When judgment falls upon us from someone we admire or hold in high esteem, we can emotionally become paralyzed.  If the reprimand is  "You did a horrible job!" , we can regroup by thinking we can do better and regain respect.  If  the reprimand is "You are a horrible person to have done this!" can stir numerous reactions:  emotional hurt, physical pain, hopelessness, unworthiness, and even unacceptability to God.

Just as with a child, a parent comments on the behaviors and not on the individual.  This allows the person to still feel valuable, and capable of correcting poor choices.  The behavior is unacceptable and must be addressed, but not at the expense of damage from shame.  It is healthy for all of us to learn to avoid inappropriate actions while still feeling loved.

Not Ours

It is one thing to know that we are responsible for our selves alone, and yet another to not carry others burdens.  Sometimes our children or friends will call relating a personal crisis to us.  Long after wards, we may still be worrying about the situation.  In reality, the child or kindred spirit may have already worked out a resolution. 

When others are making life time decisions, we are frequently concerned.  Even if we do not voice an opinion, we still carry the thoughts around in our head.  We do this when we are not involved in the outcome or the results of the decision.

Previously, we have talked about 'worry jars' that can be quite revealing.  Every time we have a concern, we jot it down on a small piece of paper, fold it, and place it in the 'worry jar'.  At the end of the week, we can empty the jar while looking through all of the papers.  We will discover that most of things worrying us, never came to pass.  It shows the wasted energy when caught up unnecessarily in situations out of our control.

As loving human beings, we do indeed care about others, but there is a process tried and true.  When something disturbs us, share it with the Divine and then let it go.  Know that we have placed our concerns in trusted hands.  We lighten our load through prayer, meditation, or yoga which can help us both physically and emotionally release what is not ours to carry. 

Dense Fog

"Light tomorrow with today."

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

It is not much fun to wander through the fog, not seeing where we are going and maybe not even understanding where we are headed.  We may walk right past opportunities or not recognize mentors we would like to know.  Fog can be the half way mark between darkness and light.

If we are experiencing a dense feeling like fog, don't wait until tomorrow hoping for a better day.  Take matters into our own hands, even if there is a struggle,  and work our way towards the light. 

Each of us feeds our fire in different ways.  Some of us need rest and solitude while others need action and socialization.  We need to define what will get us going again, right now, in this moment. 

Sometimes we cannot move through a dense fog without the assistance of a friend, mentor, or Divine guidance.  Reach out for whatever we need, rather than waiting for something to come along to perk us up.

By addressing our own needs, we can feel empowered.  While processing insight or guidance, we begin to feel enhanced.  When we use our energy to fuel a fire within, we can end the day with a sense of accomplishment.  Our tomorrow will be better by brightening this day.



Joyfully Celebrate

 

 

Maria Montessori

 

 

Michael J Fox is an excellent role model.  In spite of his challenges, he has learned to adapt his learning processes to what meets his needs.  Recently, I read a quote by him making reference to the growing numbers of children not excelling in schools.  His thoughts were along the lines of altering the teaching methods to fit the student so they too can excel.

 

Twenty years ago, Jean Houston was speaking in Chicago.  At that time she was encouraging the audience to find one on one ways to stimulate learning.  She shared stories of how she had traveled in other countries and our own, working individually with children who were failing in the school system even though they scored very highly on tests.  While working with these children privately, she discovered they responded to more creative ways of teaching.  For example, a student struggling with math, did rather well once taught through music or measuring longitude and latitude. 

 

What Jean Houston was promoting basically what Michale J Fox suggested.  We need to adapt our methods to the abilities of the student.  What works for one does not always work for others.  Perhaps we need to work with qualities not reflected in standard testing.

 

During the Renaissance, lessons were taught through music, art, poetry, and many other options broadening the ability to learn in varying ways.  Students of this time period excelled in various ways enhancing both strength and weakness. 

 

The qualities listed above by Marie Montessori form a wonderful tool to use with our children, grandchildren, friends or self.   When we are feeling too limited or unproductive, we can gaze over these qualities and be reminded of different ways we contribute to life. 

 

It seems that Marie Montessori, Jean Houston, and Michael J Fox are all saying the same thing.  Adapt to personal weakness by strengthening our authentic gifts and talents.  Find a way to be our original self and then joyfully celebrate. 

 





 

 



Responding in Kind

 

 

 

Weaving my way through a lengthy discussion on line, I grew exasperated.  The conversation originated when a person made  a list of all people doomed for hell.  This was not the stereotypical rant.  It was a list that included skateboarders, for example.  Actually, the list totally included most breathing human beings. 

 

I felt very sad reading the person's rigid judgment, but I did not feel much better upon reading the other side of the discussion either.  Responses were all very critical of the original author.  I would have to say, the 'nay sayers' were more judgmental than the author's original comment.

 

If we have the intelligence to recognize a judgmental person, can we not have the compassion to remain kind?  We are all entitled to our opinions, right or wrong.  It is discouraging to me when responders become worse than the commentator. 

 

The Dalai Lama says, "What is love?  Love is the the absence of judgement."  So unless we are being harmed or threatened, we must hold ourselves accountable.  It is not that we condone actions, thoughts or behaviors, but we must stand in our own capacity to love others without growing the situation larger.



Altering the Route

 

 

 

 

"Remove what obstructs us so that we can be who we are, holding nothing back.

 We do not need discipline to be kind, just an open heart." 

 

Mark Nepo

The Book of Awakening

 

 

It may sound crazy, but way too often I forget who I am.  I forget that I am a ball of energy taking on human form to experience all that God has created.  My existence is for learning, creating, and feeling based in human kindness. 

 

There are times I feel unbeatable.  I feel as though I have passed to the front of the class, mastering my darkness and filled with light.  I am determined not be just be a flicker of a flame, but a beacon like a lighthouse.

 

This too passes, and exhausted from over extending myself, I decide to pull back.  Then I pull back some more, and eventually find myself in darkness.  I have not used my resources for reading, avoided my daily insights, ignored friends, and slept instead of meditating.  Is it no wonder I regress.

 

Pondering what my obstruction is, I quickly realize it is simply me.  I get in my own way.  I am my own worst enemy instead of a bright shining star.  I can say it is the weather or a disappointment not expected, or an unkindness done by some other; but, those are all excuses giving myself permission to remain stuck.

 

Each of us can determine what cycle we run through our heads.  What patterns might we follow and what would alter the route.  If we write in a journal, logging our days, we can go back and see how we stumble and where we became lesser than we were before.  If our journey is documented, it gives us living testimony in our own words, that we can and will succeed, over and over again!



Blissful Habit

(The Peace and Love Train)

 

 

 

When we live in each moment, kindness is readily available.  When our thoughts are not tainted by what just happened a few seconds earlier or what is going to happen a short while, we have the present moment to be kind.  With much practice of bringing kindness into our present moment, it can become a blissful habit.  We find ourselves with an attitude of gratitude no matter what stands before us. 

 

We know all things happen for a reason so we can embrace what stands before us as the teacher.  If we are grounded (connected with the crystal core of Mother Earth and the Divine Light at the same time.) we can determine the point of the exchange without slipping into fear or dismay.  We can meet life head on, as we know all things pass and will pass more readily when we avoid denial or unaccountability.

 

In our private moments we can cast spells of kindness out to those who struggle, fearing for their very existence.  We can float heartfelt thoughts of encouragement to those who have no home and no food.  We can extend a light in our mind's eye as a beacon of hope to children who are suffering.  We can create a community of kindness in our thoughts and hold all those who are less fortunate in this visualized space. 

 

As we walk down the street, we can simply smile extending kindness to passers-by.  It very well may be the only sign of pleasantness they receive during the day.  So stop the chatter in your brain, and fill the silent space with kindness to be distributed freely throughout the day. 



The Work of the Women

 

 

 

I would like to believe women in my family have been building a stronger feminine image than our ancestors.  There are so many more opportunities and resources to strengthen the path a woman follows. 

 

My mother was extremely artistic.  She had the ability to design a wedding gown by sketching it on paper.  She also had the talent of imagining details so she could bring patterns into life through the gift of sewing. Her abilities to design and sew  were impeccable.

 

Combining Slavic recipes with Swedish delicacies, my mother was an exceptional cook.  She would spend hours making dinner and everything was from scratch.  She kept basic recipes, but they were only a starting point for her.  Additional ingredients  privately stored in her mind, went far and above original intentions. 

 

The obstacles in my mother's childhood and adulthood kept her repressed and limited.  She lacked self-confidence, received very little education, and viewed relationships as threatening.  She was reserved in issues of trust, love, and affection.

 

When I became an adult and was able to view my mother from a distance, I was saddened to see that she kept herself locked in a cage.  To my greater disappointment, I realized she had the key in her grasp all along.  Fear kept her captive.

 

My creative abilities are in differing forms than my mothers, but I know that they came from her.  Although I do not sew, I love to hand quilt, knit, crochet, water color, sketch, and write.  I am a very good cook which I am sure has been influenced by my mom as well.

 

I, too, had obstacles in my childhood and adulthood that kept me repressed and limited.  Unlike my mother, however, I had a college education, career, and mentors who encouraged me to come out of my self-imposed cage.  I used my key to open doors to opportunities that had never been offered to my mother.  Raising four children also taught me how to love, trust, and share affection.  I caught glimpses of my worth in their eyes.

 

The next generation, my daughter, is growing stronger still.  She has passion, drive, and a deep desire to help others.  Even though she has endured her own issues, she is aware of the greater strengths of her soul.  She is creative in many ways and is a very fine cook.  Her greatest strength, I believe, is the ability to awaken self-worth in others.  She inspires young girls and women to celebrate their own uniqueness, gifts and talents. 

 

So as generations evolve, I am ever so hopeful that the recurring lessons are becoming mastered.  The power of the feminine is definitely strengthening which will lead to the perfect balance with our masculine sides.  One day we will all be whole, embracing our Divine souls as Spirit has always intended.

 



 



Freedom of Creative Expression

 

It is one of those days where nothing is going right.  Coffee pot ignored the preset. Difficult to get on the Internet and stay there.  Computer program freezes up and then I lose everything. 

 

Who keeps throwing up all of these walls?  What is the message here? Maybe I am being guided away from my routine, to stretch my boundaries in a different direction.

 

So I set my sails for areas that rarely become my port.  I put on some happy music, light as many candles as I can (without starting a fire), crank up some music, and unearth my water colors!  I position myself in front of the window looking out to all that lives and breathe in the sunshine, until I feel filled with radiant joy. 

 

For hours I am lost, free floating in the wash of the colors from my brush.  Exploring different strokes and images from varying brushes.  Sensing a need to expand even further, I find my calligraphy pen and sketch in some vague details. 

 

When my water colors dry, I will save them for a spell.  Eventually they will be discarded, but the memories of the freedom I felt in creative expression will be ever lasting!

 

 

 



Unseen Realms

 

Books have always been my tool for survival.  At an early age, I would escape into a book to avoid what was going on around me.  I found inspiring characters who exampled a world that I thought I would never get to see.  The sharing of the adventure, however, was good enough for me.  When I completed a book, I would hold each character as though they had been a friend who had opened doors of happiness, windows of opportunities, and moments of joy.

Books can be  for learning, and learn I did.  I found examples of ways to live, hope for a different tomorrow, and encouragement that my life could change.  Ancient traditions, varying cultures and historical misconceptions broadened my mind in terms of what one reads is not necessarily history, but what has been written down as history.  I was intrigued with the many religious beliefs outside of my own adaptations of Catholicism and Lutheranism. 

The underlying question was always why?  In earnest, I tried to understand why people did what they did.  If I could understand why then it would be easier to not judge, to forgive, and to be a person of integrity. 

In poetry, I am much the same.  I try to understand the meaning beneath the cadence and the words.  Sometimes a poem is just a poem, but rarely does it not touch some small part of the soul.  Poems I cherished in my youth, I still read today.  It is interesting how the words reflect different meanings as they have passed through the seasons of my life.  Still treasures these authors, poets, and dearest of friends.

I suppose being a random reader is what shaped me into such an eclectic person, but it also expanded my sense of creative visualization. As I read, words on a page became real. I would fall into flowering landscapes where I would feel deeply all of the nuances inferred by the words.  In a gentle and nurturing way, reading introduced me to the unseen realms of our world.



 

A Gentleness Permeates

 

 

 

 

“Stillness offers an experience

of being

and a recognition that being

 . . . my essence . . .

is a part of all Being,

all Essence.” 

 

Nancy J. Napier

 

 

Beyond what we can see and outside of our physical self, love is in the air.  All living things breathe air and it gently floats among the plants and trees.  When we sit very still, eyes closed, and have a sense of our own energy we grow comfortable and easily open to the presence surrounding us.  Our energy extends our earthly limitations and blends with all things in love.  When we focus on peace and calm, a gentleness permeates. 

 

When we are lost in space and time, we can stare at the sky or the ocean and feel ourselves opening to the greatness around us.  All of our senses are enhanced and we can melt  into union with all of the elements of earth, wind, water and fire.  With barriers down, we can experience oneness with the beat of Mother Earth, the cadence of the wind, the movement of the waves, and the dance of the light to cradle us in this moment of blended essence.

 

 

The Sacred Flame

"... loving yourself requires a courage unlike any other.  It requires us to believe in and stay loyal to something no one else can see that keeps us in the world ~ our own self-worth."

 

Mark Nepo

THE BOOK OF AWAKENING

 

 

 

While thinking of my college days, I happened to recall how I wore my hair straight, but half way down my back.  I never wore makeup and chose simple silver jewelry.  I wore flowered dresses (they were known as shifts) and made several of my own from simmple patterns.  When graduating from college, my car had a peace sign on it as well as flower decals. 

 

From a distance, I am certain others may have labeled me a flower child, not knowing I had never marched for peace nor  participated in demonstrations.  Although my college room mate burned her bras with great regularity, I simply never wore one.

 

To look back at those days, I projected calm in spite of the turbulence brewing within me.  I sought out the easy way to do things in order to avoid conflict.  I could not tolerate arguing of any sort, and would frequently leave if anyone was shouting at another. 

 

In those college years I absorbed the writings of Khalil Gibran, Pearl S. Buck and Chaim Potok.  I believed the key for respect and honor for all peoples would be found outside of myself.  My writings were dark, stemming from the black hole expanding within me.  All of the illumination I would discover outside of myself was quickly quashed by personal dark shadows.

 

I remember myself in struggle with life, but building a strong persona to reflect towards the world.  I was smart, creative, and determined to save the world with psychology and social work skills.  I would rescue others while I slowly fought the waves of stagnant emotions in the caustic sea within me.

 

My college years were several life times ago.  With strict task masters, I learned lessons the hard way and frequently wandered off.   It was when I finally came to a complete stop, that I was able to  unearth the sacred flame waiting for me within. 

 

 

 



Return to Heart

 

 

(Brene Brown interviews Jennifer Louden)

 

 

 

Ask a woman if she is self-nurturing herself, and she will automatically reply with something similar to:  "I don't have the time.  I don't have the money.  I need to make an appointment."  This simply is not the foundation for nurturing the self.  These are luxuries we would enjoy, but they are not requirements for rekindling the spirit.

 

Somehow the word "pampering" has taken on the connotation of self-indulgence.  Our brains immediately jumps to a spa vision, then quickly returns to reality, and dismisses thoughts of pleasure.

 

At the core is self-evaluation.  If we can hold our selves with compassion, acceptance, and love, we discover self-nurturing can mean just turning inward.  To cleanse our attitudes or neutralize our opinions, we can just take a few minutes to be in our sacred space within our hearts.  This is where we can embrace the self and feel unconditionally loved.  In addition, it is in this very space that Divine Spirit awaits us.  Our heart can hold the space of God's love to be returned to time and time again.

 

When we return to our heart, it is not an expense or an activity to be worked into a busy schedule.  It is a matter of briefly closing our eyes and feeling at home bathed in a warm light within our very being.  It is knowing that at all times, we are connected to both Mother Earth and Divine Spirit.  We can pamper our lovely selves at will.    So, will you ... return to your heart?

 



As Above, So Below

 

 

We are such interesting human beings.  Our practices, behaviors, and perspectives can be unpredictable and yet repetitive.  This is where our free will comes in.  The more we love ourselves, how we feel connected, and if we keep an open mind, our choices will be creative, eclectic, and inspiring.  The indicator would be remembering, remaining aware, and choosing wisely.

Eckhart Tolle's book, THE NEW EARTH, amazed me.  It wasn't that he had anything necessarily new to say, but the words he chose to use spoke directly to me.  Once through the first chapter, my world was set on fire.  Chapter by chapter, his lovely words nestled into my thoughts, actions and behaviors.  I was awake, alive, and aware. 

Eckhart Tolle's writing just happened to catch me at a time my mind was totally open and receptive.  His previous book, THE POWER OF NOW had been sitting on my bookshelf for months, unread.  So much is about  perfect timing. 

In an article I read, Mr. Tolle mentioned how he had been writing his book in the United States, and his words were flowing.  Then he went to England for awhile, and his words became a struggle and would not spill out onto the page as before.  When he returned to the United States, once again his words poured out. 

We are greatly impacted by the energy surrounding us and the vibrations in the earth.  We are often times unaware of how we may be happier and more content in one setting or restless and uncomfortable in another.  When we are in alignment with our environment, body, and soul, we experience a sense of connection sometimes difficult to explain.  We may feel warm and embraced, or powerful and highly creative.   

Sadly, when we are in this experience, we rarely give thanks or understand the blessing.  Our awareness is only that we feel good.  It is when we remain conscious of these times of perfect balance, we can recreate it accordingly.

We can create this experience through chanting, tuning forks, music, meditation, yoga or prayer.  It is a matter of grounding the self with Mother Earth, feeling her energy through the bottoms of our feet.  We can visualize her crystal core sending vibrations up through our legs.  As this energy is flowing up through our spine, we can be reaching upwards for the Divine.  Once our connection is felt with Divine Energy above, we can pull it down into our body through our head.  The vibrations from below will swirl with the energy from above, and we will feel incredible peace and calm.

Make Heart Day Special!

 

Happy Heart Day!

 

 

 

There are too many, who find themselves feeling alone whether in relationship or not.  This hyped up Valentine's Day seems to accentuate feelings of unworthiness.  Some people patiently wait for the day just to slide by and be done with.

 

Well, this year, heart day is different! The heartfelt results will be built by our own desires.   Here are some suggestions to get us started:

 

1.  Buy some special flowers in honor of the spirit within

2.  Stop for carry out and set a magnificent table with linens and candles

3.  Go to a show, splurging on popcorn and the works

4.  Visit a book store and choose a Top Ten List book, go home and read

5.  Ignite the fireplace, settle in with a quilt, candle, munchies and a journal

6.  Invite friends over pampering them or doing an easy help your self or order pizza

7.  Skype with a dear friend recalling many memories

8.  Attend a public gathering at a museum, art gallery, or historical house

 

Truly, if sitting in loneliness, we have no one but our self to blame.  Honor our very being, love at least one aspect of our personality, and discern what will lift our spirits.  Take action to celebrate and honor who we are rather than sitting in the victim chair.  We are capable of making decisions to nurture our heart.  So girl, go light your fire!



Soars in the Sky

 

 

We are sun and moon, dear friend;

we are sea and land.

It is not our purpose to become each other;

it is to recognize each other,

to learn to see the other

and honor him for what he is:

each the other's opposite and complement.”

                                                                    Hermann Hesse  

Narcissus and Goldmund

 

 

February 13th is the birthday of my over decade long partner.  From the outside, we make a nice looking couple; however, on the inside, we could hardly be more different.  Both of us are quick to humor in a very quirky way, but our interests are rarely the same.  He is very analytical, sports orientated, and conservative.  I am emotional, spiritually orientated and fairly liberal.  He is an avid television enthusiast whereas I am a dedicated reader and writer.  I am nourished by people and he is nourished by solitude.

 

This actually brings balance to our relationship as there is no competitiveness and creates a large berth for our individual unfolding.  We are both comfortable in our private space  so we can spend stretches of time in our own worlds. 

 

As we are so diverse, we are frequently exchanging roles as teacher and student.  We can learn from our differences rather than being challenged.  Admittedly, we both prefer to be the teacher and rarely succeed as an inspiring student. 

 

Fortunately, we both agree to spending extended time by the gulf mid-winter.  Although it is his birthday, I am the one gifted by the sunshine on the penthouse deck, watching the waves roll in.  After we celebrate with an elegant birthday feast, I will settle back outside, sitting in the darkness.   I will breathe in the stillness and watch the stars.  My heart will fill with unspoken words as my spirit  soars in the sky.   

To Thine Ownself Be True

 

"Be sure you put your feet in the right place,

then stand firm."

 

Abraham Lincoln

It takes years to establish where to place our feet.  We do a lot of shuffling, repositioning, and changing of our shoes.  Once we determine our truth, however, it is vitally important to keep our minds open, but our feet firm.

When we are at our very best, we know our truths clearly.  Beliefs are at our core, radiant and pulsing.  Unfortunately, when we unintentionally take a few steps away from our center, we find ourselves stumbling.  We grow detached and lose our focus. 

It is beyond me, how we can in one moment sense our power so strongly, and feel so Divinely connected, and yet simply let it fade away.  When we return to our intimate point of knowing, it is like returning home. 

Our inner knowing is much like a small ambitious child.  It can be left alone only in small increments and needs to be monitored and nourished routinely.  If left unattended, it can  become lost. 

Each and every day, it is important to know where we stand.  This helps us to maintain healthy boundaries which can strengthen relationships.  When we are cognizant of the ground where we place our feet, it is less likely for us to wander off.

 

Rainbow Eucalyptus

 

Rainbow Eucalyptus Trees

Maui, Hawaii

 

 

 

There would be very few of us who would not know what eucalyptus looks like.  There is something about the fragrance that my sinuses want to repel.  I have had flower arrangements with stems of eucalyptus as well as a favorite square wreath made entirely of these leafs and stems.  Somehow I never gave much thought about the origin of this plant.  It was classified in my mind with other dried plants like babies breath, yarrow, lilacs or sage.

 

While visiting Maui, we were on a back road viewing all of the many waterfalls.  The scenery was plush and we stopped often.  We spent quite some time loitering in a bamboo forest which allowed a quite meditative state.  Then we crossed one of many bridges and noticed a cove filled with brightly colored trees.  Our curiosity immediately got the best of us.  I really thought someone had purposely altered these trees as they were so bright in color they were almost garish.  There were splashes of bold green, purple, red, and orange. Who knew they were Eucalyptus trees?

 

It was necessary to touch the bark and follow the roots.  I had never seen such a psychedelic tree and my mind struggled to accept it as the barer of the simple eucalyptus stems.  I love trees of all kinds ... white birch, willow, oaks, maples, evergreens ... if it is a tree, I am drawn to it.  I have to admit, the Eucalyptus trees are highly unusual rainbow colors and they  certainly are a marvel!

Slow is Remembering, Fast is Forgetting

  “Only love interests me,

and I am only in contact

with things I love.”

Marc Chagall

 

 

Any act in life can become an art.  If we love what we are doing, it brings out our creative nature.  Whether it is mowing the lawn, planting a garden, rearranging furniture or painting walls, our action can become a waking meditation.  Eating an apple, slicing veggies, or setting a table can become an act of simple grace. 

 

While visiting New Orleans, I was walking by the St. Louis Cathedral on my way to buy some beignets (delightful form of donuts famous in New Orleans).  Jackson Square is right across from the cathedral bordered by an iron fence.  It is a delightful small park, and numerous artists dedicated to their love of painting gather there.

 

Key West is peppered with artists of all kinds.  Every night at the Sun Set Celebration, musicians, jugglers, artists, and vendors amuse those who gather.  Artists, however, are everywhere one wanders.  Whether you are at the Southern Most Tip, the Harbor, Old Towne, Bahamian Village, or the Ocean Front, you will find people of all ages deeply focused on their love for painting.

 

There is a saying that 'if you love what you are doing, you will never work a day in your life'.  Too often, we do not support the artist within each of us.  We say we do not have the time or we are not good enough which are just excuses.  If you love to do something, you can find the time to do it.  If you are a beginner, then be a beginner.  For many of us, love is the action and not the outcome.  The act in which we choose to create restores us.

 

Life is so fast paced, it is easy to let things that truly matter to us, slide.  We strive to be our best, and in that speed, we misplace things that would assist us in feeling whole and connected.  When we go so fast, we forget what is truly important in the bigger picture.  When our pace is more slow, we begin to remember. 

 





Subject to Time, Place, and Circumstance

Never judge anyone for the choices that they make, and always remember that the opposite of what you know is also true. Other people's perspective on reality is as valid as your own, so no matter how certain you are that you're doing the "right thing", you must humbly accept the possibility that someone who does the exact opposite from you might actually be doing the “right thing” as well.

Everything is subject to time, place and circumstance.

  Buddhist Boot Camp
"Doing the 'right' thing"


We are our own worst critics.  We rarely silence the voice in our head that constantly recalls errors of our past.  It is important to remember that we learn through our poor choices.  Investing in  more than my share of debilitating situations, it was difficult to drag myself forward with any sense of hope for restoration.  Then somewhere along the way, I read the adage:  "You did the best you could with the information you had at that time."  This allowed me to remain accountable for my decisions, but with gained experience or information see other options.

"We did the best we could do at that time and place."  This is true even if our best was truly lacking.  I believe the point is to learn from the experience and not repeat it.  The focus can be on what we have learned, how we have advanced, and what better insight we now have, rather than wasting energy on what had gone wrong. 

During my career working in homes with families, there was a man I declined to work with judging him on his documented violence.  I served the family, but refused to engage with the father who had been removed from the home.  Through shear coincidence, I came into contact with the father, not knowing who he was until later.  I had found him to be engaging and communicative and therefore shocked to learn his identity.   I pulled his social history, with permission, and read through the lengthy pages of his tormented life.  Reading of the abuse and torture he had persevered from his birth forward, I marveled that he was even alive.  I knew my judgment was undeserving as I realized I had no idea how I would be if I had been exposed to his time, place, and circumstance.  It was not pleasant walking in his shoes.

It is important to remember, when we feel the temptation to judge, that we are only seeing one piece of the pie.  We are experiencing only one  portion of this person's life.  We have no right to judge without having the vision of the whole.  We do not have to accept nor voice our perceptions.  Be the observer and remember that all judgment is subject to time, place and circumstance.

Permission to Play

 

 

 

 

 

 

We hold ourselves accountable for every moment of our day, balancing our time between family, career, and 'must do's' if our energy holds out.  Many might say they do not have time to play without realizing time allotted for creative expression would stretch our energy further. 

 

When we have young children, we can participate in their activities as a form of release.  Coloring with a child,  building with Lego's, or reading can be equally pleasant for both child and adult.  Playing games with older children can spark ideas and help to maintain a presence in each others lives. 

 

Just recently, I realized that I do not allow myself to play enough.  Although I am thoroughly entertained by writing and reading, I need additional outlets.  I love to water color just for the pleasure of what appears in graceful strokes.  Making collages are thoroughly enjoyable for me if I have the right selection of magazines.  Knitting is still an option, but I rarely engage in my love for quilting.  The love for coloring with my old cigar box full of crayons is easily utilized by finding mandalas to color. 

 

I have discovered there is plenty of time for what I might choose to do, but that I stand in my own way of personal choice.  I am still cautious of ridicule or sarcasm of how I choose to entertain my creative spirit.  While playing THE TRANSFORMATION GAME with friends, it was brought to my attention that I could find numerous safe places to play and not confine myself by my own self-imposed fears. 

 

My desire for creative expression is expanding.  I feel as though an entire new frontier of possibility has just opened before me.  The choices are endless.  I feel so very alive to have returned to my creative flow.  Rekindled energy moves me beyond my limitations.

 



 

 



Moment Moving Forward

 

 

Emile Nolde

(1938-1945)

 

 

The DAILY OM by Madisyn Taylor consistently offers inspiration and opportunities to expand through on-line classes by guest teachers.  As I read through her pages, there is always something that greets me in an eager way. 

 

The DAILY OM offers an on-line class by Sadie Nordini (21 Day Yoga Body) which I found to be interesting. As an individual who journals on a regular basis, I found her list for self-exploration to be very provoking:

 



Excuses for why you can't do your transformative work today
Truths you believe that cause you stress, anxiety and limitation
Ways of seeing your experiences that promote lack, not abundance
Allowing other people's needs to come before your own
Stories you're sticking to that make you the victim of your life instead of the master

 

I find the above list to be the very basics of self-sabotage.  They are the verbage of ego and not the true self.  They are statements of fear we each must step through in order to initiate heart felt change with positive results. 

 

Whether we pursue yoga, swimming, walking, dieting, etc ... it is our basic attitude that will determine our success.  We must remove limiting thoughts and self-destructive images in order to accomplish transformation.  Be gentle with the inner and external self, taking baby steps in each moment moving forward.

 

It is what I do ...

 

“We are not called by God to do extraordinary things,

but to do ordinary things with extraordinary love. ”   

― Jean Vanier

 

 

 

In sixth grade, I received a check mark on my report card reflecting that I did not "keep profitably busy."  It truly hurt my feelings and I took the remark rather personally.  I do believe this comment still stings in reference to how I choose to spend my time.  It causes me to be defensive about my  hours of  reading and writing without showing an absolutely tangible outcome.

 

Reading Mark Nepo, THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, his writing infers that what we choose to do is more important than the sting.   My calling to share with unknown others and to devour authors  is greater than judgment.  It brings me a sense of who I am and that happens to be very important to me. 

 

It is not a secret that I spend most of my mornings writing and my afternoons reading non-fiction.  Fiction is reserved for the evenings. This is my routine and it brings me comfort to stick with it.  I am not rigid, but a bit disciplined.

 

In a discussion about my writing, I heard a skeptic ask, "Do you really believe your writing will be on the coffee table of every home, generating millions?"    I responded by quoting Alan Cohen from A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE, "It is more valuable to touch a small number of people in a quality way then to amass fame or fortune." I am not driven by any material outcome.  What flows through me during the time I write is shared with integrity as a simple gesture that makes my heart full.   It is what I do.

 



 



Our Original Spin

Do Something.

If it works, do more of it.

       If it doesn't, do something else.     

    

Franklin D. Roosevelt

 

 

It is up to each one of us to bring a personal touch to our life.  It is fine to duplicate Pottery Barn in your home or top  fashion, but put your original spin on it.  Label it yours by a stroke of authenticity.

 

It is always interesting to me to visit a woman's home an notice all of her special touches, claiming space as her very own.  Even if your preference is to be uncluttered, you can leave traces reflecting your beautiful self.

 

It is part of the feminine spirit that quests for the creative whether it is a book, glass, silver, sheet music or candles.  Women tend to have collections that may not mean anything to others, and that is perfectly fine.  These collections, whether large or small, have a priceless value and contribute to our very being. 

 

I once was invited to a home of a friend to discuss community resources.  Once settled in, I happened to notice a corner with a table filled with unique candles all aglow.  The home owner followed my gaze and almost apologetically said, "Oh, all of those candles hold light for different loved ones in my life.  They stray from my mind, but when the candle is lit, they are not forgotten, still held in the light."  I was speechless. 

 

Over twenty years ago, I had the privilege of visiting a bungalow not far from where I grew up.  I loved the character of the home itself, and felt an immediate kinship with the woman dwelling there.  There was a small alcove in one of the walls that may have originally been a shelf for the style of phone being used when the home was built.  In this alcove was an unscented tall glass candle that burned for endless hours.  When we left for lunch, I asked about extinguishing the candle, but the home owner told me no.  She explained that for years now, she continuously burned these candles around the clock.  The burning candle would catch her eye from time to time, reminding her that even though she forgets about spirit, spirit never forgets about her.

 

When we have quirky mementos or small rituals for our day, we bring magic into life.  The simple acts allow us to experience once again childlike imagination.  It stirs up happiness, hope, and connection with the Divine.  We need our original spin.

 

When I was a Juggler ...

 

 

 

"The reward for uncovering the truth 

is the experience of honest being."

 

Mark Nepo

THE BOOK OF AWAKENING

 

 

 

There was a time in my life where I was an accomplished juggler.  To ensure friendship, I would orchestrate dreams come true.  I would reorganize my personal life at all cost to be the best friend ever.  I would accommodate, modify, minimize, maximize, and be invisible if necessary.  All in the desire to be a true friend.

 

Well, the trouble with being a juggler is it demands total focus on what you are tossing in the air.  There is no time for personal thought or observation.  You are presenting entertainment, but when you stop, those you have amused walk away.  The juggler knows that as long as he can keep your attention, the greater the odds of acceptance.

 

When juggling, one must keep in constant motion.  Maintaining a rhythm does not allow time to imagine or create.  One gets stuck in the current pattern, unable to stretch or take great strides. 

 

True art is in the giving and the receiving without anticipation for reward.  If you love to juggle, than by all means juggle for this pleasure, and no other motivation.  This is how we are called to be in this world.  Do what we know and love without expectation.  It is human nature to want to please and there is nothing like hearing the roar of a crowd, but we must acknowledge our own value first.  Our actions must be aligned with our personal desires and not trumped by the needs of others.



When we have grown into our gifts or talents, we have a deeper sense of self.  If we happen to make someone laugh, then we too, can laugh with them because we are authentic.  If  we believe in our lovely self, but a gathering of others  fail to see what we offer, we need to find another audience to appreciate what we have to offer. 

Leader, Straggler or Learner

 

 

 

Women at the Windows

Alan Osterlind

(1855-1938)

 

 

"To walk behind means that I need to follow.  It means I can share new ideas, give hope, and open my heart.  If I walk behind, it means that I can look ahead and see the faces of my sisters looking back at me.  I can see them smiling and laughing with great joy.  I can imagine that one day it will be my face that is looking back, giving hope to someone who is walking behind."

 

FIND YOUR WAY HOMEby the Women of Magdalene

with Becca Stevens

 

 

There are many walks in life.  In some we may be the leader, the one lagging behind, or the one learning in the middle.  The sign of a good leader is that he or she brings the people around with him or her.  When we set example and teach others, we all prosper. 

 

Not in a group, but as an individual, we can slide into any one of these positions of leader, straggler, or learner in between.  When we are present with others, we may switch our place numerous times, rotating through conversations.  The amazing thing, is that we often times do not even realize the role we are playing.

 

In discussion, we may make a comment that has been settled within us for years.  Those around us react as learners as they have not heard this wisdom before and thus, we become  the leader.  There are other times we are the ones falling back, perhaps caught in a different mood or frame of thought.  We claim space at the back to travel at our own pace.  When we are physically, emotionally or spiritually injured, we can enjoy the place in the middle.  For whatever reason, we need support before we take flight once again.  We are encouraged by those who travel before us.

 

Neither one of these places (leader, straggler or learner) is an inferior or superior position.  We can benefit greatly in each stage.  We must remain flexible and willing to learn from each other.

 

 

 

 

 



Pockets of Time

 

Psyche

Nikolaos Gyzis

 

 

 

"Since time is an illusion

invented by the human intellect,

it is entirely pliable,

expanding or contracting

to reflect the thoughts

we are holding

at the time.

 

Alan Cohen

A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE

 

 

 

 

In the artwork of Nikolaos Gyzis, PSYCHE, we at first glance see a most delicate  woman, sitting with something red in her hand.  If we spent a little more time with this piece of art, we may have noticed the woman indeed had wings.  By chance, if we lingered a little longer, we may have noticed she was delicately balancing on the ledge of an eye. 

 

The point in mentioning this is really about time and what we choose to see.  As Alan Cohen suggests, much depends upon what thoughts we are holding and how much time is allotted.  When we practice staying in the moment, it is only when we drag the past or project into the future that we can find ourselves overwhelmed.  We are called to unclutter each moment, letting it exist on its own. 

 

"I don't have enough time," is a statement that is heard repeatedly.  The fact is we always have time and the same amount of time.  It is how we choose to use it.  We distribute how our time is used, unless of course ego has control over it.

 

Albert Einstein shared, "A day spent with a beautiful woman seems like a moment; an hour at a job you hate feels like and eternity."  If we are experiencing only the contraction of time, then we need to bring more things into our lives that we truly enjoy.  When we nurture or entertain ourselves, we can feel lost in time. 

 

Years ago, I lost my watch.  It made me keenly aware of how I was a prisoner to time.  By not wearing a watch, I discovered all kinds of pockets in time.  I felt free to live my life based on my choices and not on the demands of time.  My life took on a better cadence, I felt more peaceful, and everything was accomplished when required.  These pockets of time allowed me to appreciate a full life and not just in 15 minute increments. 

 

 

 



Words, Lovely Words

 

 

 

 

 

“One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.”

Jack Kerouac   

The Dharma Bums

 

 

A therapist once asked her client, "What would be the perfect words to hear that would make you feel whole?"  Without any hesitation, the client replied, "It wouldn't matter as I would not believe them anyway."   This is a sad reflection of low self-esteem, but it does raise the question of perfect words.

 

I love words, but not like in historical novels where one truth is buried in numerous paragraphs.  I receive pleasure in linking words together, but not in a rhythmic poetic way.  I kind of like to just string them along, maybe a little lofty like sheets flapping  on a clothesline drying in the breeze.  I like words so much that my favorite thing to do when I was younger was diagram sentences.  Yes, I know, but that is the truth.

 

Although I am proficient at speaking in front of people expressing my passions, I probably prefer to put pen to paper where I can actually see my words.  When I write a word down, it comes to life and asks me, "Is this what you mean?" 

 

Words written by others, gathered together in books are some of my best friends.  They are always available, unchanging, and supportive.  The written word, as in a personal letter, is a form of comfort and connection.  Chosen words, tend to have more of an honest reflection that we are more apt to behold.

 

Words that have been given voice, cannot always be retracted.  One cannot suck them back in nor apologize adequately.  The written word can be erased, retracted or deleted.  It can be better defined by etchings or sketches to help the mind embrace the original intent. 

 

Words, lovely words.  How empty my life would be without them.