Celebration For What Remains ...

The stuff of our lives doesn't change.

It is we who change in relations to it.

Molly Vass

Reluctantly, I attended a meditation dedicated to a family who had a daughter, sister, wife, loved one whisked out of their lives without any notice.  I worried that the meditation would become dramatic and more depressing than the situation already was, as if that were possible.  But I was very inaccurate in my suspicions, as the evening left me feeling uplifted, strong, and honoring the lives of many.

We sat in a circle of faces known and unknown, both young and old.  There was a table in the middle of the room holding candles and items people had brought for the family ... an altar of sorts.  There were shells, rocks, necklaces, flowers and symbolic pieces of love.  We all signed a card as well as a small notebook our friend could turn to when she randomly needed to hear support when none was available to her. 

A puja was offered ... a puja is two circles with participants facing each other.  Only the outer circle moves to the left while the inner stationery circle holds the person across from them with the hands, eyes, and loving kindness enveloping them.  This may sound simple, but it is an extraordinary experience of silent communication.  It offers a safe place to release grief, love, forgiveness or any repressed emotions.  A few moments of being present in each others lives.

Artistic dance and expression followed.  In a circle, one by one, each participant was allowed the time to express what they were feeling through movement and the circle duplicated each individual sacred gesture. 

We also sat in a circle, allowing each person time to articulate their intentions for the family ... strength, hope, forgiveness, spiritual connection, beginning new paths.  Sentiments were also offered for the safe passage of this young vibrant woman into the thereafter, being greeted by what ever waited for her on the other side. 

There was drumming and chanting, freeing our spirits to join together in love, peace, and hope ... all energies extended to the table altar symbolizing the grieving family.  All lives were honored.  Lives of those present, past and yet to come.  Hopeful inspirations were abundant.

Driving home, I was so thankful I had attended this eclectic gathering of loved ones and friends.  It was not a morbid mourning of what was lost, but rather a hopeful celebration for everything remaining.

Brunch, No Cinnamon Rolls!

In every one's life, at some time, our fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

~Albert Schweitzer


After quite a long spell, two of my favorite friends invited me to their home for brunch.  We had a lot of catching up to do, and they asked if I would bring my home baked cinnamon rolls.  I was mindful to prepare the yeast rolls the night before our brunch so by morning they would be twice their size and fluffy. 
While I got ready to go, I popped the rolls in the oven.  When they were golden, I added some special ingredients and then topped them off with a cream cheese icing.  DELICIOUS!

I gathered my things, and I was about to walk out the door, I remembered that I wanted to bring my friends tomatoes from our backyard.  I set everything down, grabbed a bag and went out to pick grape, Roma, and Big Boy tomatoes. 

Again, ready to leave, I had another thought.  I'd really like to bring them some flowers.  So back outside I went.  I snipped some asparagus fern, a few leafy stems from the holly bush, and then asters, Mexican heather, lavender, sage, and zinnias.  Pleased with my random collection, I popped them into an old favorite bottle, placing one yellow ribbon around the neck.  PERFECT!

Feeling really festive, I threw a batch of Sangria together ... white moscado, peach liqueur, and sprite, adding fresh peaches, strawberries and blueberries.  Now I was ready to attend the brunch!

Arriving twenty minutes late, which is definitely not my style, I offered sincere apologies for my delay.  I anxiously unpacked my car ... Sangria, tomatoes, flowers ... but no cinnamon rolls!  I had packed everything BUT the cinnamon rolls! 

Boy did I ever get teased!  Throughout the morning, my friends took turns causing laughter by saying:  "Pass the cinnamon rolls, please.  Oh, that's right, we don't have any!  Boy, I sure am hungry for a cinnamon roll, we should have asked someone to bake some!" 

Sisters of my heart, great conversation, and sharing of our food ... all makings for a perfect gathering.  In spite of the teasing, my spirit was rekindled by their love, compassion, and acceptance.  Driving home, I was both grateful and thankful for the beauty brought so generously into my life by these two lovely souls.  Their presence in my life is indeed a present!

Breathe Deeply into Life

Be kinder than necessary

for everyone you meet

is fighting some kind of battle.

T.H. Thompson and John Watson

Everyone knows the importance of washing off fruit before devouring it!  I learned quite awhile ago that strawberries were the only fruit having seeds on the outside rather than on the inside.  What I didn't know, strawberries are chemically sprayed more heavily and thoroughly than any other fruit.  I shudder while rinsing the fruit, as I so often just pop one into my mouth.

So frequently we lack awareness about what goes on around us. Either we are caught up in our own world or we falsely believe others have a perfect life and dismiss looking any deeper. We get so stuck in our own challenges we neglect to notice the struggles of others. We may cave into ourselves, withdrawing from what surrounds us and hide in our own darkness.

Yes, we all march to a different drummer, but we are all marching none the less. A kind gesture to someone else also elevates our own sense of worthiness. Opportunities surround us to momentarily be present in the life of an other. Offering bird feed for the birds, fresh water for the bird bath, lovingly dead heading the flowers or a gentle knowing smile to a stranger pulls us out of ourselves and into the world.

Unlike strawberries, our seeds are tucked away deep inside just waiting to be nourished. Like strawberries, our outsides have layers upon layers of 'stuff' we have applied for protection. It is time we wash off our own chemicals and breathe deeply into life. Let love soak through our open pores and feel alive again!

A Friend Indeed

 

Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force.  The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward.  When we are listened to, it creates us, make us unfold and expand.

 

Shel Silverstein

 

 

Attending a spiritual gathering, I found myself racing through the parking lot.  On my way,  I noticed a license plate that I was certain I had seen in my neighborhood.  I walk most every day, taking in the birds, flower beds, trees, homes and license plates on cars.

 

Upon entering the building, I started asking several of my friends about who owned the car with this particular license plate.  As soon as the woman was pointed out to me, I knew we had never met. 

 

After the gathering, I approached this woman and introduced myself.  Our brief exchange was enough to determine that we had an instant connection.  We ended up car pooling a few times, then coffee, and then lunch meetings.  We discovered we had numerous friends in common and quickly became friends.

 

A few years have passed now and this woman easily has become a 'sister of my heart'.  Although she would sometimes say I am the teacher, she needs to remember that the teacher frequently becomes the student.  I have learned about her compassion, resilience, and desire to extend loving kindness to others.  She does not really realize how she is frequently pulled into situations where she becomes an angel in disguise.  She is more than willing to allow Spirit to use her in helping others above and beyond the expected. 

 

Life continues to challenge her, but optimistic she remains.  She is mindful to replenish her spirit so she can continue to generously give to unsuspecting souls.  Opportunities present themselves to her regularly allowing others to share their story as she is a wonderful listener.  She offers compassion without any trace of judgment or expectation in return.

 

Her friendship has been a gift to me and I treasure her presence in my life.  Our special relationship continues to expand and unfold as we lovingly open our hearts and souls.

 

 

 

 

Taking Pause ...

When we find our rhythm of compassion we have come home, we are in a state of grace.  We are in tune with a great universal cadence where a rich inner life is exquisitely balanced with a passionate engagement with the world.   Gail Straub


The basic definition for the word compassion is 'the virtue of empathy for the suffering of others and the active desire to alleviate it'.   As in all situations, we must have balance or be well grounded before we can truly help others.  If we become what is termed a 'bleeding heart' we may become stuck in the misery and misfortune of others.  We can easily become an enabler.  So we begin with having strong boundaries and a sense of realistic expectations. 

We need awareness or the ability to pay attention to the events and situations surrounding us or in a broader sense, other countries or cultures.  If we have a sympathetic consciousness we are easily motivated to create change for the good. 

Compassion is an interconnection or element of humanism.  It is a component of love and reflected in the GOLDEN RULE:  Do Unto Others What You Would Have Them Do To You.  The act of compassion can be as narrow or as broad as we want to make it.

Compassion is emotional in nature reflecting our depth or vigour or passion.  It can be triggered by music, art, nature, animals, people or life itself.  We experience compassion in different ways at differing times by either expanding or contracting our feelings.

In reading about compassion, we may have brought personal experience to mind.  Perhaps we recalled random acts of kindness or a particular passion for a cause.  I wonder, however, if we even once considered compassion in relationship to our inner selves.

We need to be as compassionate on the inside just as much as on the outside.  To do this, we must become still in the moment asking our selves what is going on inside of us.  Are we in despair and repair or joyful and peaceful?  Are we focusing on the blessings in life?  Is our body riddled with stress and fatigue?  Do we feel connected to a greater source, the world around us, family, or close friends?  Are we loving and forgiving with our selves?

Taking pause, we can allow awareness of our own well being.  If we offer compassion to our selves, we will more appropriately extend it to others.  Can we engage with our selves as generously as we interact with others? 

Try it, you'll like it!

Little Opportunities

Opportunities multiply

as they are seized.

Sun Tzu

There is much to be said for major life changing experiences requiring deep thought and consideration.  We frequently forget, however, the little opportunities that can collectively shape the direction of our lives.

When paying attention, our daily lives are filled with small exchanges that when acted upon, adjusts our self-respect and shifts our perception of others.  When we stay in the moment, we are much more apt to catch the little opportunities to bring a breath of fresh air or a ray of sunshine into life.

The other day, I was sitting at an outdoor cafe enjoying coffee.  I am a people watcher, love to sketch, and frequently jot notes into my journal.  While I enjoyed my morning, the behavior of the people around me became teachers of the gifts found in the little moments of our day.

At a table near by, a woman sat by herself staring into her cup of coffee.  A muffin sat on her plate, untouched.  Her body language reflected an attitude of loneliness, slouched as though she were carrying a heavy weight.   A small part of me thought of striking up a conversation (Spirit probably nudging me), but I was settled in and looked the other way.

A short time passed and the tables were full.  A new woman was carrying around her breakfast tray looking for a place to sit.  She approached the woman whom appeared lonely and asked, "Might I join you just for a little bit?"  The body language of the lonely woman immediately shifted.  She perked up, sat straighter, and a warm smile spread across her face as she replied, "Oh, please do!"  As I watched, they ended up sharing their food and fell into a lively conversation like old friends. 

This was a little opportunity, nothing earth shattering or life changing, but significant changes were made.  The lonely woman's spirit was lifted, she felt included, and with the possibility of a new friend.  The other woman more than likely felt so glad she acted upon the nudge she felt to join the lonely woman.  She, too, must have felt happier and appreciated. 

Through out our day, we have little incidents pop up where we can decide to act selfishly or to honor the spirit of an other.   We may find a perfect parking spot right near the door, but choose the one three cars down as a gift to someone else.  We may allow the person with a grocery cart with only a few items to cut in line in front of us or wave another driver of a car to get in line ahead of us when the traffic is jammed. 

There are millions of little things.  A simple smile for a stranger, assistance to someone who is struggling with a door, help gather papers that have just been dropped or send a short random e-mail to a friend who has been on your mind.

Small and seemingly insignificant actions can change the attitude of someone for the remainder of the day.  Simple attention to a small detail may allow a loner to feel a part of a group.  To be included, rather than shut-out of a conversation can lift self-esteem and change the immediate perception of life. 

We don't have to wait for a financial wind fall to help others.  We don't need to wait for the perfect volunteer position. Through little opportunites, we can become instruments of peace, happiness, and kindness.  In return, our spirits will soar!

Precious Moment

Don't let the thought of future

(or past)

obscure the preciousness

of the present.

Eckhart Tolle

Over the years, I learned that for me personally, I cannot dwell on the past or else I get overwhelmed with sadness; I cannot look too far into the future as I too easily get overwhelmed; but if I stay in the present moment, I can manage just fine.  And I sense this is what Eckhart Tolle is suggesting to us.

Our fast paced society has us believing we must be "doing" something each and every minute rather than "being" in each available minute.  This is not to say we should be sitting around like zombies. 

The importance is to remember each moment offers calm or beauty or messages.  If we are too much in a hurry, our stress will build.  If we have our heads buried in reports not looking up, we may miss the lovely flower outside of our window.  If we are totally occupied in our own thoughts rather than listening in the moment, we may miss a message that the Universe provides.

So as our lives go speeding by, let us try to slow down while maintaining an awareness of precious moments happening right now.  The gift may be just a gentle moment of calm, a sweet fragrance drifting in the air, or an insightful comment spoken by another.  Simply be aware in each moment and notice the difference.

The Whole Package

I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure.

I make mistakes,

I am out of control,

and at times hard to handle.

But if you can't handle me at my worst,

then you sure as hell don't deserve me

at my best!

 

Marilyn Monroe

 

I came across this quote the other day, and it made me laugh.  Not at Marilyn Monroe, but at the spin she attached to defining herself.  It seemed up front and honest to point out weakness, and yet maintain appreciation for strengths. 

Our strengths can be our weaknesses, and at times our weaknesses may stand out more than our strengths, but is this not human nature?  A person may criticize a friend for displaying passion for a cause, but that very same person may welcome the friend's same level of passion to assist in a personal crisis.  

We do not have instruments in the back of our heads to regulate our emotions.  Yes, we have an obligation to monitor ourselves, but we also have an obligation to be authentic.  As we slowly move through the sludge in our lives, we may not always perform for the highest good.  It may take us a while to gain momentum or to recalibrate our direction, but ultimately after cleansing, we will shine again.

We eventually learn to recognize our weaknesses, and   hopefully temper them with our strengths.  We want, however, to be embraced in good times and in bad.  We want to be accepted as a whole package. 

We desire a person to see our authentic self and to love us inspite of our imperfection.  A phrase worth repeating, "Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest. It's about who came and never left your side."   We long for a companion to support us when we are ill or dying, not just when we are fun and adventurous.

I can only assume that Marilyn Monroe had many admirers when she was famous and performing.  They were probably present for the parties and road the waves of her success.  When she escaped into weakness or fell into the darkness that eventually overcame her, I wonder where all of the feet were that needed to be standing beside her.