A Reflection of Integrity



"People don't always mean what they want you to think they mean," his grandfather told him.  "If you listen hard enough, your ears will begin to see things.  And one day you will be able to listen to someone and see their real meaning hidden underneath their words.  And sometimes you will even find those meanings sitting right on top of their words, as bold as ever, because a lot of people won't know that your ears can see the truth."

Sidney Poitier

MONATARO CAINE



It is with great pleasure to read THE MEASURE OF A MAN written by Sidney Poitier.  It is a reflection of his life and everything I had sensed about him seems to be playing out.  I respect him and admire him for his journey has been filled with struggles.  If we are a live, we face struggles, but it is in  how we choose to  handle them that becomes of interest to me.

As a young child, Mr. Poitier learned to read body language as many on the small island either spoke very little or  would not speak at all.  To navigate through his young years, he depended upon his own senses to understand the intentions of others.  He grew up with freedom to explore the sparsely populated island of poverty, and was deeply loved by his family.  Never seeing a mirror or even a store window, he had no idea of what he looked like, so he held a strong image of himself dependent upon his ability to handle life.  His very early years were filled with confidence, acceptance of self and others, and integrity.

I will not focus on the struggles of Mr. Poitier's life as he moved to larger islands and communities.   I will place great emphasis on his belief in himself and his determination to retain integrity.  His early years of development were saturated with a strong sense of self and honoring others.

As his life unfolds, he is offered parts to be played reflecting a lesser man.   As attractive as the offer may have been, Mr. Poitier chooses the roles he plays very carefully.  He will not play the role of someone to be presented as a lesser man.  He desires to project images that are positive and not scenes that were offensive to his character.  He wanted his characters to reflect a sense of morals. 

I find this most interesting, as I have always wondered about the suicides or over-doses of seemingly successful artists who play villains or undesirables.  I have read about actors living in the chosen role prior to rehearsals, and never breaking character in between filming, in the attempt to become most like the character being played.  So if we ingratiate these characteristics, over laying our own, dressing and embodying said personality, is one not in some sense really impacting their own persona?

Sidney Poitier is a human being so of course he has a negative side just like everyone else, but it seems that he has done well in embracing and balancing the good with the bad.  His conduct as a man with integrity has led him to a variety of adventures, nominations, awards and diplomatic representation. 

Simply put, I admire this man and always have.  Ever since high school, I have had the sense that at his core, he was a man of integrity.  He has not had an easy journey, but he has followed his instincts and maintained self-respect in spite of the world surrounding him.

Impossible to Anticipate

"There is nothing,

for good or for evil,

of which a person is incapable."

Jan-Phillipp Sendker

THE ART OF HEARING HEARTBEATS

As I wait for spring to unfold, I also endure this sense of suspension.  There is a lack of passion and a desire to detach.  Being still and living in nothingness, for me, is a growing intensity.  I realize all transitions take time, new situations are uncomfortable, and there is always a period of settling in; but, I find myself to be unnerved.

I realize as an energy worker, it is important for me to hold light to counter balance the darkness seemingly stepping out from everywhere.  Daily I send love, energy, and light to far away places, to states united and to not so far communities.  Rage, anger and hatred seem to be erupting, but the worst are those with the calm and cold eyes. 

I try very hard not to judge and to be forgiving, while the understanding part is the most challenging of all.  We can say whatever we want, but until we are directly in a particular position we truly do not know for sure what we would or would not do.  It is impossible to anticipate what our actions would be if in total desperation. 

I believe in a goodness inside of everyone, but we each have choice as to how we will respond, with good or with ill-intent.  I mourn the loss of the innocent, and I praise the immediate reaction of strangers.  All of us must start listening more intently and being vigilantly aware of our surroundings.  Not to be practiced out of fear, but as an effort to be more interactive with the immediate world  around us.

Listening In Our World

"Each point in the journey is an end to itself.

One is not better than the other.

Only your heart knows what to follow

and where to stop."

Mark Nepo 

SEVEN THOUSAND WAYS TO LISTEN

Mark Nepo is one of my most favorite authors.  In his newest book, SEVEN THOUSAND WAYS TO LISTEN, Mark Nepo is merging the word  listening with the already present word, (if not over used word), awakening.  He appraises listening as being imperative to the awakening process.  If we listen to what surrounds us or whispers within us, we can experience a deeper journey.

We may yawn and think we know all about listening, but do we really?  The art of listening is based on being totally present in stillness with our selves or others.  Too often, we hear the beginning of a conversation, and once we get the drift, our mind turns to other things.  We have used our inner judgment to turn off prematurely, missing an opportunity for newer or deeper understanding.  When we think of our family, friends, and professionals, only a few stand out as really exceptional listeners. 

Mr. Nepo discusses three friendships:  "the work of being, the work of being human, and the work of love."  These three friendships are the foundation for awakening.  To be aligned with our experience of self we must listen.  To resonate with each other, we must listen.  To establish a peaceful community, we must listen.  When we maintain these three friendships, we are more apt to awaken more deeply.  Listening enhances our connection with Divine Spirit.

This author goes on to say we wander off center either withdrawing too much or extending too far.  If we remain flexible, we can adjust our selves in whichever direction is needed, but if we are unaware, we can become withdrawn to fault or overwhelmed by distractions.  When our "balance point" has shifted one way or the other our 'habits must catch up' so we can continue to "assess and reassess". 

Messages come to us when we are still or through others or with life experiences.  If we develop listening skills, we will not only hear these messages more clearly, but we are more apt to relate these messages with others and impact our community as well.  A message is about receiving information and giving it back out into the world. 

We are all personal messengers, giving and receiving hopefully with others, and contributing in a positive way to our community.  When we care enough to listen, we can create more loving relationships in our world.



Instant Messages

   

    When we begin to listen with our hearts rather than our heads, our whole world changes and becomes softer.   The Daily Om Madisyn Taylor    

Over the holidays, we frequently find our selves in conversations appearing to be irrelevant or boring.  We scrunch up our faces as unspoken responses as we busily rush through mental lists of things yet to accomplish.  We are not listening at all to the ramblings of the other person.  The only thing we are waiting for is the period at the end of the final sentence!

 

Listening is an art enhancing our ability to feel.  Being present to another person's story  can create greater understanding for our own lives and develops our ability to appropriately feel or have compassion.  Listening to one and other helps to create peace and calm within each of us and contributes to the quality of our surroundings.

 

Even if we find our selves cornered by a rocket scientist, we can use our listening skills to capture insight and understanding.  If we watch a person's face as they speak, we may notice:   enthusiasm or disdain; joy or sorrow; tearing eyes or steel cold depths; or a particular woman or man hiding behind a mask.   

 

It is no longer unusual while networking at a professional or social gathering to discover the invisible grid running through our lives.  Investing time in someone we learn that we know a person in common, or used to have a mutual friend, or attended the same college in different years.  This information comes within the stories we truly listen to and they are little gifts making our big wide world smaller and smaller.   The more we truly listen we are more apt to sense and feel the connectedness amongst us all. 

 

By opening our hearts instead of critiquing, we begin to realize everyone has a message for us.  In some way, words that appear to be randomly shared,  resonate with   our immediate situations.  The other person rarely realizes he or she has just released valuable information. 

 

These messages, I believe, come from Divine Spirit.  I believe we are used for another person's benefit.  Perhaps for a brief exchange of words, we are instant messengers, angels if you will.

 

There have been times, someone will approach me and thank me for sharing my information with them as it became a turning point in their life.  It is such a revelation to me and  I search my mind trying to think of what I could have possibly said!  It would be too embarrassing to say, "What did I say?" Such a question would seem to minimize the value of his or her experience.  I fully realize Divine Spirit has used me to deliver information to a person when needed with me being totally unaware. 

 

God does speak through each and every one of us.  So listen better and be amazed at the gifts you receive.  The art of listening makes life much more exciting.  Listening a little bit more closely, trying to anticipate what message you may hear, or just observing a person for the very first time even though we have known them for years enhances our experiences.  The art of listening makes us feel more connected to individuals and all that is holy.

No Resolutions, Just One Promise

Go ahead, struggle through it.
Pick up the pen already and put it to the page and stop whining. Write.

Pick up the brush and be mean to yourself for a change, paint.

Dancers, put on the loose chemise, tie the ribbons in your hair,
at your waist, or on your ankles and tell the body to take it from there. Dance.

Actress, playwright, poet, musician, or any other.
Generally, just stop talking, Don’t say one more word unless you’re a singer.

Shut yourself in a room with  ceiling or in a clearing under the sky.

Do your art.

Generally, a thing cannot freeze if it is moving.
So move.
Keep moving.

~ Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

As the end of the year approaches we can not help but recall some of the resolutions we made in previous years, but never followed through.  Some of us will have lists of anticipated mastering while others may only have a few.  Either way, seldom are we truly successful in following through.

Let me suggest not making any resolutions.  Just make one promise to our self, and if we mindfully honor it, all else will fall into place.  If we respectfully keep the promise, we will navigate through the year with numerous accomplishments and a greater sense of self.

And what is this magical promise?  To thine own self be true. 

Think about it!  If we are monitoring our selves and really  feeling deeply within  how situations or people impact our behaviors, we use our sense of self as the measuring stick.

If we pay attention to our thoughts:

I really do not enjoy my work.

Instead of a goal to discover new employment with our crazy economic situation, begin my visualizing the kind of job where you would be challenged, creative, and happy.  Be excited about it and network with others.  Experience how this makes you feel more in control of your life and how hope stimulates how you feel inside.

My living space is unacceptable.

Instead of making a goal, begin to imagine what you may want or need to feel comfortable.  In your mind's eye, see your self happy, safe, and inspired in a new surrounding.  Be aware of how this allows the experience of calm and contentment.  Tell others what you might want to find.  Take random walks or different routines of driving and you may just discover a sign. 

I have out grown my relationships, I need new friends.

It is important to acknowledge how people make you feel.  Do they drain you or excite you?  It seems judgmental to say your friends are no longer meeting your needs, but wanting to expand your circle is not wrong.  We develop new interests or long for deeper friendships.  Just pay attention to those you come in contact with in your daily routine.  Frequently we are simply overlooking someone as we do not take the time to respect or honor those around us.  Attempt to learn more about these people and you may find yourself pleasantly surprised.  Let your feelings be your guide.

Whenever we set goals, they can almost feel burdensome from the get go.   We can make a list, misplace it, or forget about it entirely.  If we simply listen to our selves, we will know what we want and deal with it in the present moment.   It isn't about daily planners, calendars or time management.  If we remain present in the moment aware of our true nature, we will create a richer way of living by appreciating what we beckon into our life moment to moment.

Just one promise:  Be in the moment with your beautiful self!

"Let Your Note Be Clear" ~ Rumi

"God picks up the reed-flute world and blows.
Each note is a need coming through one of us,
a passion, a longing pain.
Remember the lips
where the wind-breath originated,
and let your note be clear.
Don't try to end it.
Be your note."

-- Rumi

Dennis Merritt Jones is an Award-winning author, Keynote speaker, and spiritual mentor.  My daughter brought him to my attention with an article entitled:  Let Your Note Be Clear:
Are You Listening to Your Emotions?   He was referencing the poem by Rumi displayed above.

We all have longings or yearnings which we choose to disregard.  We distract our selves and repress the feelings whether out of fear or anxiety.  To pay attention to the nagging feelings, we just may be called to action and therefore we resist.

What if these repressed ideas were really unexpressed desires of the soul?  What if these random thoughts were messages from deep within us.  They could be prompts to redirect our intentions. 

In choosing to repress emotions, the energy builds within us and eventually can manifest itself in our physical bodies.  If we would take brief moments to at least acknowledge the promptings we receive, we would be advancing ourselves emotionally or mentally, physically, and spiritually. 

Not all messages are exciting or joyful, some are actually painful.  Once we embrace the emotion as a teacher, we will learn the lesson, release the fear, and freely move forward. 

Rumi says to "let your note be clear" and to do this, we must sit with our longings, and understand the message.  If we believe the yearnings from our inner being have been lovingly sent by the Divine, we will be able to navigate through our lives gaining wisdom as we honor and respect the message received.

He said, She said ...

The most precious gift we can offer anyone

is our attention.

Thich Nhat Hanh

He said:   If this guy doesn't make the next cut,

                 he'll be out of the tournament.

She said:  I don't feel so very well.

He said:   We better get some rain or the

                 our lawn will be fried!

She said:  I am not doing so very well.

He said:   If they don't win this game,

                 they can forget about the series.

She said:  I don't know what is wrong with me.

He said:   The markets are really unstable,

                  we really need to be careful with money.

She said:  I feel so alone.

He said:   My assistant is on vacation and

                 I have twice as much work to do.

She said:  I need you to be more present.

He said:   Are you finished? 

                 We need to go.

She said:  Did you hear anything I have said?

He said:   I'll get your coat.

She said:  Thank you.


Life can be lonely when we are not clearly present in the life of others.  We can be isolated even when surrounded by others if no one is listening.  We need to find our voice and speak up. 

For a listener to truly hear what you have to say, touch
his or her arm and maintain eye contact.  Be assertive, not aggressive.  Articulate the silence trapped within.  We have the right to speak our truth even if the listener doesn't agree.  We must use our voice!

Even if what we have to say is not important to others, it is important to us and deserves to be said out loud.  We need to learn to be good listeners our selves, as communication is the key to peaceful living.

The Listeners

Most people do not listen

with the intent to understand;

they listen with the intent to reply.

Stephen R. Covey

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Before all parts of ourselves are integrated, we have unknown aspects of our personality that will surface, expressing thoughts that surprise not only the listener, but ourselves as well.  During a conversation, we may hear ourselves say something and then instantly think, "I didn't know I felt that way!" 

When we are not fully integrated, we remain ego driven.  We do not feel the strong connection with the world and others, and therefore focus on the needs of our own.  In conversation, we may not be seriously listening as we are planning what we will next reply.

Listening is really an opportunity to learn or understand information on a deeper level or to become informed about something entirely new.  It can be an intimate pause to deepen a relationship or receive a concept that can change the direction of our lives.

Too often we hear ourselves supplying answers that run contrary to how we truly feel.  We may find ourselves being disingenuous or realize we have not heard the disclosure at all.  We may be thinking of our response or closing our minds to new information, and we have gained nothing from the exchange.  Listening can escalate into a heated discussion or a competition.

When we are integrated with our body, mind and spirit, we feel connected to all peoples and all things.  We are one and all deserve respect.  We honor the authenticity of each human being and understand  Spirit speaks through all of us, so we must listen openly.  We may agree to disagree, but we have an obligation to listen. 

More times than not, fellow human beings need to voice their opinion whether we the listener accept it or not.  We have a deep need to express ourselves.  As listeners, we do not have to have remedies or answers.  It is more important to have an open heart and focused eye contact.

When we are comfortable with our own beliefs, we are less challenged in hearing the beliefs of others.  We are all entitled to speak our truths in a space of integrity.  It is truly a gift to others when we develop the art of listening!

I loved to swim ...

With the gift of listening

comes the gift of healing.

Catherine de Hueck

We can learn a lot about our selves when we pay attention to the words we use and the facts we share.  We may even surprise our selves by what unexpectedly comes out. 

Many years ago, while attending a meeting, I was seated by a gentleman I did not know.  He asked me about myself and what I most liked to do.  I immediately responded, "Oh, I love to swim!"  Then I sat with those words for a long time.

As a youngster, I loved the water and I became a life guard when I was a young adult.  I grew up on Lake Michigan, but also had access to a pool on a regular basis.  In college I was a good strong swimmer, but lacked style and grace.   So, yes, I loved to swim ... past tense.

Facing this unknown gentleman, he immediately picked up on the pensive look on my face.  Being a good listener, he encouraged me to explain.  As we often bare our souls to total strangers, I proceeded to tell him I had just realized how disconnected I apparently was with my self.  Yes, I had loved to swim, but had not been in a bathing suit for years.  The very thought of being in a bathing suit gave me the willies!

Sorting out my feelings while I talked, I soon realized that it was the water I always loved and still loved.  It doesn't matter if it is an ocean, lake, pond, stream or bath tub, I am calmed just by being by the water.  The water some how relaxes and comforts me.  It is also cleansing.

After my meeting and the nice man departed, I continued to ponder his original question, "What do I like to do?"  This innocent question sent me on a quest to rediscover myself and to determine what no longer suited me.  What did I want to bring more of into my life?  There was so much to choose from:  painting, writing, reading, and collecting antique dishes, spoons, boxes, napkins, etc ...

Eventually, I updated the activities in my life and found more creative ways to express who I was.  I began listening to others about their own passions and what how these interests played out in their lives.  I listened more attentively to community announcements finding classes and workshops to expand my skills.

So the art of listening works both ways.  We must first listen to our inner voice to really connect with our heart's desire.  It helps to monitor our own conversations for authentic reflection.  Then as we listen to others we can enhance our understanding and skill.  We can creatively act upon our dreams and desires, but if we don't first listen, how will we ever know?