Celebrating a Life

Son, you outgrew my lap,

but never my heart.

Unknown

When we have more than one child, we wonder how we will ever have enough love for each one.  Somehow, love just appears.  We may love each child differently, but amazingly love abounds.

Today, May 10th is the birthday of my second son.  He was the most difficult child to raise out of four.  Outside of our family, adults viewed him as quiet and shy without ever smiling.  Inside our home, the child bounced off the walls tormenting all of us. Once he learned to channel his high level of energy, he began to accomplish wonderful things.  

My love for Ryan was different in that it required more patience and understanding.  His off the wall unexpected insights always caught me by surprise.  His observations and assessments were always perceptive.

Unlike his older brother who knew everyone under the sun, Ryan held few people close.  Once you were his friend, however, his loyalty and trust were admirable.  I loved this child from some deep source in my soul.

As a baby and toddler, people would say things like, "I bet he hears everything with those big ears," or "I bet he doesn't miss anything with those huge eyes!"  In time, Ryan grew into his features and became a very nice looking man.

By college, he left athletics behind him and became determined to graduate even though he had to work full time.  He would some how manage to slip home to rekindle his unspoken love for his younger brother and sister.  He made the house come alive with his sarcastic humor and trickery.

He reflected a strong ego, but it was obvious that he used it as a defense mechanism.  I knew he had fallen in love when he came home one Christmas and told me, "I have met a girl who is smarter than me."  He is married to a beautiful and industrious woman and together they have two wonderful children.

Ryan has been exceptionally successful in his work and has been very generous with family, friends, and employees.  I am proud of him and admire him.  No matter how much time passes between visits, we immediately connect wherever we had left off.  My bond with him has been strangely secured in other life times and I know our energies will stretch beyond human boundaries and star studded skies.

Thank you, Ryan.  Thank you for being such a wonderful son and for loving me through thick and thin.

Socks on the Line

To heal our relationships,

we have to move closer to people

we do not like,

learn to work with them

without friction.

When we do this,

we are remaking the images

in our minds ~

which means we are literally

remaking the world

in which we live.

Eknath Easwaran

Words to Live By

 

Relationship is one of the best teachers in life.  As human beings, we often find disharmony with family, friends, or business acquaintances.  Our general reaction may be to ignore or distance our selves when conflict occurs.  This, of course, is not the ideal way to handle the situation. 

What we frequently fail to recognize is that we project certain images upon others and when they do not act according to our imposed image, we react negatively.  We do not see the person as they truly are, we see them as we think they are.

To be clear, I will state that no one has any obligation to tolerate violence or abuse of any kind.  I am not addressing extreme issues that require absolute avoidance.  I am speaking to every day occurances that are a part of life in general.

When we feel discomfort with another person, instead of stepping away, stay present and observe the other person.  Really listen to what he or she is saying and try to put the conflicting viewpoint into a non-judgmental context.  Open your heart to feel what is being said from some one else's heart, rather than your own.

We do not always need to approve or condone the opinions of others, but if we can stretch our selves to understand differing viewpoints we can remain side by side without friction.  We can agree to disagree.  We want others to respect and honor our unique approach to life, and so we must do the same in return. 

It is really like socks hanging on a line.  Some are quite different while others are similar, but they all have a place to be.  We all have the right to wear our own socks, but perhaps we need to stand in other people's shoes. 

We are a diverse population and we are all entitled to have our own space to authentically exist.  Tolerance will help us create a world in which we can all live.

Finding True Meaning

The finest thing in the world

is knowing

how to belong to oneself.

Michel de Montaigne

Of Solitude

Through contemplation and introspection we draw upon our inner wisdom as well as life's experience in discovery of our true nature.  Before we can accomplish a sense of wholeness, we must explore and embrace unknown parts of our self.  Equally important, we need to be able to define and express our personal values and ethics. 

We each have integrity and honesty and the degree to which we utilize these qualities in our life creates a pattern.  This pattern reflects who we are, how we attend to details, if we are organized and the manner in which we embrace beauty.  These things portray our basic nature.

To benefit from inner work, we spend time alone.  This time is needed for psychological, emotional, and environmental space.  As we grow to understand our discoveries, we begin to radiate this growth out into the world. 

Through inner exploration, we become aware of what is meaningful and heartfelt to our personal life.  Using this information to guide us, we can eliminate what no longer has purpose and embrace a new sense of living.  We will have a better understanding of who we really are and will become more comfortable in being our original self.

When this is accomplished, the long search for filling the void within is over.  We are able to turn to our inner self for answers we have been seeking else where.  Filled with integrity and honesty, we are able to navigate in relationships and in life purpose, finding true meaning and significance.

  

Gather Random Flowers

I say, if your knees aren't green

by the end of the day,

you ought to seriously

re-examine your life!

Bill Waterson

Calvin & Hobbes

We usually plant our flowers on the first of May, but this year spring has arrived quite early.  We spent a few days purchasing a variety of flowers to be planted in our rather large decorative containers.  I gather favorites for the front porch, but leave all other choices to my 'significant other' as he has numerous green thumbs that I seem to lack.

Planting flowers together seems to be our annual passage into spring, summer, and fall.  The array of colors surrounding our back deck and walk-way lifts my spirit with every glance.  He will labor over these beauties for three months, but it is a labor of love.  His dedication and tenderness to these plants is like personal therapy, calming and inspiring. 

For three months, I will slip out back and snip little flowers to tuck into miniature vases to give to friends.  I love to clash vibrant colors together or to pick delicate pastels depending upon my mood.  Either way, I lovingly gather random blossoms, thanking them for being a gift in my life. 

Collecting little vases is easy.  I use small salt and pepper shakers with lost lids, jelly jars from Christmas baskets, pickle jars or old apothecary jars.  Any thrift store usually has tiny decorative vases for under a dollar.  I find my self collecting these throughout the year as I give them away and need to replenish my stock.  There is always twine, raffia or old ribbon to add to the surprise little gift.  I miss this outlet of creativity when I run out of jars and we finally put our flowers to rest.

Pick up some flowers the next time you are at the grocery store.  When you get home, divide the bouquet and clip the stems.  Make little groupings without worrying about matching colors.  Then arrange each grouping into a little glass or bottle, placing them around your home or apartment.  Try one by your bed or in your bathroom or by your favorite chair.  Sometimes the kitchen window has a perfect little ledge!  It is surprising how this little gesture of gathering random flowers can brighten our spirits for days.

To Make a Difference

I want an earth that is healthy,

a world at peace,

and a heart filled with love.

I want my life to count.

Eknath Easwaran

Words to Live By

It is easy to be defined by the varying roles we play in life whether it is parent, career person, community icon, or lover.  Eventually, however, all of these labels fall short of the identity we long to have. 

It is ironic that we spend so many years of our life adding layers to our personality, only to spend our later years discarding all of the unnecessary debris.  We long to uncover our authentic essence and be truly who we were originally meant to be. 

It is exhausting to project an image of someone we are not and it takes courage to become who we were meant to be all along.  We need to nurture both our bodies and our earth to achieve an ideal state of health.  When we create peace within, we personally begin to initiate peace on earth.   It is only when we love our inner selves that we can extend true love to others.  We want our lives to count, to make a difference.

For me personally, I have chosen three qualities to lead me to authenticity:  unconditional love, integrity, and courage.  If I can successfully embrace these three things, surely my life can make a difference!

Blessings of Solitude by John O'Donohue

 

 

 

 

 

May you recognize in your life the presence,

power, and light of your soul.

May you realize that you are never alone,

that your soul in its brightness and belonging

connects you intimately with the rhythm of the universe.

May you have respect for your individuality and difference.

May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique,

that you have a special destiny here,

that behind the facade of your life

there is something beautiful and eternal happening.

May you learn to see your self

with the same delight,

pride, and expectation

with which God sees you in every moment.

John O’Donohue

 

 

This morning I was missing a friend of mine who is on vacation, so I spent some time on her blog: 

 

Nan Yoga ~ Along the Path 

http://www.nanyoga-alongthepath.blogspot.com  

 

She has introduced me to numerous poets over the years through her inspiring style of teaching yoga.  She is also a member of the writer's group I attend.

 

Reading John O'Donohue's poem happened to occur while I was thinking of the writer's group meeting yesterday.  As I had not attended for some time, I was very impressed to find an atmosphere of positive thinking.  The focus was on steps that had been taken (even if baby steps) rather than reporting on the many tasks left undone.  There was enthusiasm and encouragement which quickly became infectious.  I realized that in my absence, these writers self-confidence and recognition of self-worth had definitely heightened. 

 

In reading Blessings of Solitude by John O'Donohue I was once again reminded of principles that keep us strong and focused.  We need to recognize and embrace the gifts and talents that happen to be unique to our selves, honoring them rather than comparing them.  In times of loneliness, rather than shutting down inwardly, we can reach out to the beauty surrounding us or utilize prayer, meditation, yoga, etc ...  All of these actions connect us with Divine Spirit, The Universe, God and Angels.  We can readily grow more fully into our selves if we hold the reflection of how we are seen by our Creator.

 

Personal discoveries made in solitude develop trust and confidence.  We are a part of a very large picture and this very large picture will not be complete unless we contibute our unique splash of color!

 

 

Don't Be A Robot!

Decide to make your life what you want it to be.  No one else can decide for you, and certainly no one else can do it for you.  Your decisions will line up life in the way that you choose it.

DECISIONS

Alan Cohen

There was a time in my life when I believed saying 'yes' was the most acceptable response, and saying 'no' was the most disapproved response you could offer.  I am embarrassed to say I was in my late twenties when I read in a book both yes and no were of equal value.  I had never considered this before.

Being a 'people pleaser' I sought out the answer I thought people wanted which usually meant agreement.  Yes was affirming and no was negating. Thereafter, I learned to become more comfortable replying no, but I would include a lengthy explanation defending my answer.  In time, it became more easy to just say no. 

The difference, of course, is looking for the answer within our selves and basing our response on what brings alignment to our situation.  It is respecting our selves and honest decisions increase our self-confidence.  Precise decision making improves relationships as well.  Clear responses help others understand who we are and what we expect. 

The better we know our selves, the easier it is to make decisions.   If we never pay any attention to what we think or believe, our inconsistent answers confuse others.  When we begin to think through our hearts rather than anticipating what others expect, our lives become easier and remain focused.

So to polish up on our decision making, we can stay in touch with our inner feelings as we respond to mundane questions.  Answer honestly based on how you truly feel.  Paper or plastic?  Coffee or tea?  Seriously, let's not be robots!  Pause and think of what we want our response to truly be and be aware of personal preferences.

It is very important to remain flexible.  What we agree to today may change as we gather more information along the way.  It is not a sign of weakness to change your decision, but rather an act of strength.  When we neglect to make a decision at all, in many ways the decision is made without us and we may appear and feel to be weak.

According to Alan Cohen there are times when it is in our best interest to reserve decision making, but with resolution not procrastination.   He says there is often times wisdom in allowing a period of time to pass before drawing a conclusion. When we are comfortable making incidental decisions, we are better prepared in responding to the greater questions.  We are in better sync with our inner feelings and our responses will be more heartfelt and accurate.

On the Exhale

With awareness there comes choice.

And so you are able to say:

"I allow this moment to be as it is."

And then, suddenly,

where before there was irritation,

there is now a sense of aliveness and peace,

and out of that comes right action.

Eckhart Tolle

We have a tendency to look forward to gatherings.  Somewhere in the back of our minds, we are envisioning a wonderful time.  Unfortunately, this is not the way things always unfold.  Maybe it rains forcing all of the visiting adults and children into our home. Perhaps some adults discover a hot spot of political discord and the tension envelopes everyone.  Waiting for late comers while the meal dries out or someone cancelling at the last minute might pull us off balance. 

Eckhart Tolle suggests staying in the moment, in the now.  He tells us to just let things be.  I have discovered by letting go of my thoughts, allowing the situation to appear and then releasing my emotions can quickly bring back my sense of peace.  We simply need to remain in the moment without reaction.

Our society is very fast paced.  We are very absorbed in "doing" rather than "being".   We move so quickly through our lives we miss the beauty held in each moment.  We are walking so quickly we forget to look up at the beautiful blue sky or notice the flowers or the gentle fragrances in the air.  We are so caught up in our schedules that we miss conversations or comments containing synchronicity or a sudden spark of joy.

If we would just take time throughout our day for a deep breath into our selves, our minds would clear and stress would ride out on the exhale.  By taking three deep breaths within moments we are refreshed.  If we can do this a few times

sporadically throughout the day, we would be amazed at how much better we would feel and how more easily we could handle our day.  Our responses to decisions might be made more clearly and efficiently. 

Eckhart Tolle uses the words 'right action' and I do believe we would all prefer to go through life using clarity and wisdom.  We cannot do that if we are bombarded by prejudice, conflict, disappointment and fear.  These very things prevent us from being who we want to 'be'. 

"I allow this moment to be what it is," states Mr. Tolle.  We may scoff as this sounds entirely too simple and disregard it entirely.  If we are truly smart, however, we will give this simple suggestion a try and we will be amazed at the relief we will experience. 

Balancing Relationships

Reconciliation is to understand both sides;

to go to one side

and describe the suffering being endured

by the other side,

and then go to the other side,

and describe the suffering

being endured by the first side.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Vietamese Monk and Writer

(1926 ~     )

There is a story about three blinfolded men and an elephant.  Each man is positioned at a different side of the elephant and then asked to describe the animal before them. 

The first blindfolded man is standing at the tail.  He describes the animal as being a large rodent, based on holding the elephants tail.  The second blindfolded man is positioned at the side of the elephant.  He declares the animal to be a huge round ball not having a head nor tail.  He has come to this conclusion by spreading his arms far and wide.  The last blindfolded man is holding the trunk of the elephant in his hands.  He reports his findings as some sort of large snake.  This story is an excellent example of personal perceptions.

There is also the saying of 'walking a mile in another man's shoes.'  Even if we walked in another man's shoes, our experience may be entirely different.  We would have our own perceptions.

From this stand point, how would we ever balance differences in relationships?  If we can never really feel what another person is experiencing, how can we truly find resolution to balance the scales?

The answer, I believe, resides in understanding differences with an open heart.   I am certainly not suggesting lowering standards, tolerating violence of any kind, nor condoning extreme behaviors, but to simply cognitize differing opinions.  If we do not understand, we grow farther from each other.  Through understanding, we can be brought together creating balance.  We can agree to disagree.

When I do not feel emotionally safe, I usually withdraw protecting myself when stepping forward might be the better choice.  Exploring the other persons behavior and responding might be better than simply reacting in an inappropriate way.  By understanding the other person's motivation, it is easier to navigate justice for both parties.

Too many times we feel the need to win rather than to balance.  If we are sincerely interested in advancing any relationship, the intention needs to be considerate of both sides desires. 

Compromise is a wonderful tool for resolution.  It allows both sides to feel respected and expidiates balance.  It tends to take away the sense of competition. 

Whether we are finding discord in our personal or professional lives, remember that perception is in the eye of the beholder.  To open our hearts with compassion and to try to catch a glimpse of another possible interpretation, we are much more apt to find compromise which results in balancing the scales.

May Day 2012

May flowers always line your path and sunshine line your day.
May songbirds serenade you every step along the way.
May a rainbow run beside you in a sky that's always blue.
And May happiness fill your heart each day your whole life through.

Irish Blessing



When I was in elementary school, we learned how to make May baskets out of paper.  They were quite small, but a few wild flowers could be tucked inside.  I imagine they were especially sweet for a child to give away, but maybe only a granny or mother would appreciate the childish handiwork upon the first day of May.

The idea of May Day baskets stayed with me.  Not every year, but some years I was able to throw a few flowers together in a small basket and leave it on a special friend's front porch, ringing the doorbell and then running away.

Then I had more time so I could actually arrange some flowers into duplicated baskets and adventure out to all of my friend's homes to leave a May Day surprise.  They were not always artistic, but I believe my friends felt the love behind my gesture.

One day a sister of my heart gave me one Pansy in a tiny little bottle with a leaf for greenery.   In the moment, it meant more to me than a vase filled with roses.  It made such an impression upon me, I began collecting little vases or bottles ... chipped, ugly, china or colored glass ... and planted cutting flowers in the yard.

I am now able to snip a few flowers and choose a random vase to bring with me when invited to a friend's home or get my hair cut or want to leave a surprise.  I no longer wait for May Day nor do I feel limited to just one day.  I do this all year.   It is so much fun! 

Happy May Day

Everyone!

Mastering the Challenge

May the dreams of your past

be the reality of your future.

Anonymous



In order to create a new outcome, we need to be open to new ways of doing things.   When we are dissatisfied, we need to explore our past and discover where we wandered off our path and how we lost our way.

Change is the catalyst to enable us to achieve our goals.   I believe it was Albert Einstein who said, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results." 

So we examine our own behaviors to learn where improvement is needed.  I have personally found when giving up the focus on what other people have done incorrectly, I seem to have plenty of time to look at my own indiscretions.

Sometimes the closer we are to a situation, the more difficult it is to be objective and understand the complexities.  We may seek the help of friends, but gaining an audience with a seasoned therapist who really 'gets you' can be most rewarding.

When we love our selves enough to feel safe with embracing personal weaknesses as well as strengths, we can move forward in rekindling hopes and dreams.  When we can release anxiety over what other people may think, and trust the voice of spirit we can gracefully be resilient again.

When we experience any kind of change, minor or major, the importance is in the discovery of the lesson.  It is necessary to ask, "What am I to learn from this?"  Through mastering the challenge, our lives become more authentic and enhanced.

Dreams don't always come true, but if we are faithful servants to the lives we live through honesty, integrity, and kindness, we will find our selves in the midst of joy and happiness.  If we do not find our selves in the midst of a dream, then it is time for change. 

Through self-discovery, I have found my self able and willing to forgive and heal.  By believing in the power of individual change, I am prepared to once again have faith and trust.  The human spirit can experience great things once it is open to the incredible journey of life.  So I return to my dreams in hopes of creating an inspiring future.

  

Calling for Help

Emmanuel

If you were to climb the highest mountain

and look at your world,

you would see

much more Light than Darkness,

much more love than hate,

much more kindness than violence.

It is only that these negative areas

are more vocal.

They are calling for help.

They are like small children, lost and fearful.

Knowing not what else to do,

they shout and scream and strike out.

Pray for them.

Pray for all of them.

and do not fear.

Emmanuel's Book

Compiled by Pat Rodegast and Judith Stanton

I would like to believe 'there is nothing to fear, but fear itself'. Yes, there is darkness in our world, but it is a teacher just like the light.  It can be an opportunity to learn for ourselves or to reach out to another. 

I must admit, I very rarely watch the news or read newspapers unless I am searching for something in particular.  I do not like the way I feel after I have been exposed to overwhelming negativity, rarely balanced by the positive.  All of the crime, violence, death and sad stories make me feel anxious, vulnerable, and disconnected from the source of love.  I don't like to feel this way.

At the risk of sounding like a Pollyanna, I much rather focus on all that is good.  I do not believe I hide my head in the sand as I am well aware of all sides of human nature, but I would rather place my attention on the goodness of my fellow human beings.

There are many authors who encourage readers to place their attention on what they want to 'grow' in their lives.  If our thoughts create our experiences or perceptions, it makes perfect sense to me that we are better off focusing on the light while being aware of the dark.

To be aware of the dark we are much more prepared to help, to bring our light out to shine.  Our light can be a beacon to someone who is stuck in the darkness. 

In many instances life is like the book and movie, Pay It Forward.  There are so many instrumental people who have helped us along our career path that we may never be able to go back and thank them.   There may have been unknown people during an emergency situation who assisted us or our family, but will always go unrecognized.  Of course there have been friends along the way who have helped us countless times.  So we can extend the same generosity to some one else or Pay It Forward!

There is extreme power in prayer, so we don't even have to leave our homes or spend money to reach out.  We don't even have to know the people personally.  We can pray for the children who go to sleep hungry at night.  There are families who have members being murdered in broad day light.  There are soldiers who are protecting our country.  There are those who are fighting an illness fearing death will leave family devastated.  The list is endless. 

Like attracts like, so be positive thinking and generate kindness.  Let fear fall away.  Just for today, see only goodness in the eyes of others and let them see the same in yours.   

  

Shards of a Broken Spirit

 There are three kinds of violence: one, through our deeds; two, through our words; and three, through our thoughts.  Most of what we call violence is in the form of action, and it is with our actions that nonviolence naturally begins.  But as long as our minds harbor violent thoughts, that incipient violence will find its way somehow into our speech and behavior.  The root of all violence is in the world of thoughts, and that is why training the mind is so important.

Eknath Easwaran

Many years ago, I served on a Regional Commission for Domestic Violence Prevention.  Doctors, lawyers, ministers, and many other professionals attended.  The determined fore runner was Mick Addison Lamb.  Through educating the public and private sectors, he paved the way for attitudes to be changed, county police procedures to be updated, and eventually laws to be put into effect.  As an in home counselor for social services, I knew first hand how devastating violence could be individually as well as collectively to a family and community.

As I read the above passage, now years later, I was once again reminded of the link that thoughts needed to be trained or else they can explode into words, not just behavior.  I started to recall the terrible things I had heard people say, threatening things that crippled others mentally, yet avoiding the physical.  It is easy to show physical evidence like a broken bone, but it is next to impossible to display the shards of a broken spirit.

The shards of a broken spirit can go undetected indefinitely and it is most difficult to fit all of the pieces back together again.  It is a mental and physical process in addition to the spiritual healing.  

We all have harsh thougths from time to time.  Strong words may cross our minds and we may wonder, "where did those come from?"  Or in a moment of disagreement, insults might fly out of our mouths reflecting feelings we didn't even know we had. 

It is important for us to remember that we are all capable of some degree of violence.  If we are aware of our thoughts and sift through them rather than burying them deep inside, we are much more apt to use nonviolent behavior and no harmful words. 

We can choose our words carefully and strive to bathe others in loving kindness.  If we have any inkling that we are in danger or are a danger to others, it is imperative to seek immediate help.  There are ministers, therapists, abuse counselors, and many other members of society willing to listen and assist in finding a road to healthy thinking.

Let's not point the finger at others, let's focus on our inner selves.  Be as good as we were intended to be!

Linger in my Heart

If there comes a day

when we can't be together,

keep me in your heart,

I'll stay there forever.

A. A. Milne

Winnie the Pooh

The most valuable gifts in my life have been friendships.  I have always been a person to be surrounded by people, but few did I ever really let in.  The ones I allowed to enter, still linger in my heart.

For me, friendship is best compared to a large old white house with a front porch and a pretty fenced in yard.  There are passers-by I would be happy to hang over the fence and chat with, but I would not want to open my gate.  There are others who I welcomed into my yard, but very few were invited onto my porch.  To make it to my porch swing where stories were shared was quite an accomplishment.  Then there were the small handful who actually made it in through the front door.  They were my forever friends.

It is interesting to look back over my life and recall the women who significantly impacted me.  None are necessarily alike in appearance or life choices, but they all are heart connected. 

Once firmly on my spiritual path, I began to gather a Circle of Women as I needed heart felt exchange, support, and insight.  Since then I have led several circles and learned deeply from them all. 

Then there were the women who somehow grew to be more than friends.  They became Sisters of my Heart and we shared a bond that went beyond words and time. 

I have always been attracted to a diverse population of women.  I have such a thirst to discover all fabrics, to examine all weaves, and to create a rich and colorful tapestry in my life.  Some strands have snagged, some threads have faded, but all of these loved ones continue to be the pattern warming my soul.

I can only hope that I have meant something to them as well, these Circles of Women and Sisters of my Heart.  I linger in their hearts, still.

  

  

Loving in the Moment

To Cherish Your Beloved

When we know that the person we love is impermanent, we will cherish our beloved all the more.  Impermanence teaches us to respect and value every moment and all the precious things around us and inside of us.  When we practice mindfulness of impermanence, we become fresher and more loving.

Thich Nhat Hanh
YOUR TRUE HOME


It is not easy to love all of the time, especially those who are closest to us.  Somehow it is easier to find fault with the ones we love the most, and that is just not right.

When I am with my grandchildren, I find myself to be far more lenient than when I was raising my own kids.  While visiting, I find myself fully present in the moment.  I listen carefully to what they say, try to respond with good comments, and really try to reflect the love I feel for them.

Unfortunately, in many of our most important relationships, we drop the ball.  We seem to develop the attitude that 'they' will understand ... over and over again.  We perhaps say unfiltered things to them that we would never dare say to a stranger or close friend.  This makes no sense to me, and yet it is sadly true. 

There are many old sayings:  "Don't cry over spilt milk!  Don't go to bed angry!  Don't let these be the last words you speak."  Far too many times I have heard people crying over the death of a loved one while saying, "The last words I said to him were awful and I never kissed him good-bye!"

The point is not to tolerate misbehavior nor withhold disappointment, but to use appropriate words for a loved one.  We can make our point just as easily using a calm and loving voice rather than shouting with anger.  Even when we have unfinished business, we can still temper it with love.  Instead of a cold shoulder, we could be mindful of how much we do love this individual, and give them a hug saying, "I really need to think this over."    This keeps the door to communication open and we are not adding to the already long list of complaints.

Thich Nhat Hanh suggests by staying in the moment, remembering that we are all impermanent, we will cherish our loved ones more.  So it becomes important to treat each other with loving respect, letting the minor offenses fall, as we keep our hearts and minds open.  It becomes most important that our loved ones are continuously told how much they are loved.

"Oh, they know how much I love them," is what many folks say, but people want to hear the loving words and not assume.
In remembering impermanence, we learn to reframe what we say:  "I love you dearly, but I do not like your behavior.  I cannot imagine my life without you, but I cannot agree to these decisions."  So there is a balance to what we say, and it is said calmly with love.  It is honest communication that aligns us.

In each present moment, I will try to be mindful of my own impermanence.  I will endeavor to cherish the good in every one and all things hopefully becoming fresher and more loving.

To Dream of Change

 Dream

and give your self permission

to envision a "YOU"

that you choose to be.

Joy Page

When you are snuggled in the safety of your own bed, you need to give your self a hug of acceptance and love.  You need to stop the words of criticism flowing through your brain and you know exactly the ones I mean.

"You are not good enough!"

"You never do anything right!"

"No one is ever going to love you!"

"If any one ever really knew you ... "

Original words of criticism are words usually spoken to you prior to the age of three.  They are held captive, creating deeper and deeper groves while being played over and over again and collecting other degrading words along the way.  Those words no longer serve you and you need to gently let them go.

Quietly in your bed, you need to focus on a bright light of love, letting it cover us entirely inside and out.  This bright light can be associated with any thing or any one you hold with respect and love.  It can be as simple as a moon beam, sunshine, angels, the light of Christ, or Divine Spirit.  Let this light wash over you, cleansing you of all negative thoughts. 

Allow this light to be unconditional love, bathing you in healing energy, and empowering you to dream of a positive life waiting for you.  Feel that you are surrounded by love and the Universe is encouraging you to move forward into the light.

As you dream, see your self dancing in the light, laughing and being happy while surrounded by loved ones.  Let the sense of worthiness fill your being.  Know with all of your heart that you are perfectly capable of accomplishing your dreams.

As your head rests on your pillow, begin to explore what changes are needed for you to proceed.  Imagine what you might want to do that will trigger the beginning of your dream. Start small with your plans, but visualize the entire dream come true.

You must be willing to change, and to be able to over come your resistance.  Know in your heart that everyone deserves happiness and everyone, including yourself, is deeply loved.  Open your heart to possibilities and dream a little dream.  Relax into it.  Give your self permission to think big.  What truly is your desire.

When a dream takes form, hold it in a sacred space in your heart.  Use all of your senses ... feel it, see it, hear it, touch it, and speak of it out loud.  Be aware of Divine Spirit supporting you and wanting you to succeed.  Ask for support and guidance.  Believe that anything, in time, can happen.

You must begin, however.  You must initiate the first steps and then follow through.  You must see your dream every morning and every night.  It is vitally important to think of it at meal times, mid-morning, and afternoon.  The more you can breathe it into being, the stronger it will become, attracting what you need.  

Be steadfast, disallowing 'ney sayers' but listening to solid advice that will perpetuate your dream.  Believe change will come.  Stand before a mirror and really, (I mean REALLY), look at yourself.  Love the new you before you.  Imagine with all your heart that the light shining through you is a reflection of love you deserve.

Carry your dream wherever you go, noticing the changes going on around you.  As long as you are working towards goodness without any harm to an other, the light will kindle change within you.

Southern Wise Women

For most of history

'anonymous' was a woman.

Virginia Woolf

Upon moving to Nashville, Tennessee, I attended a spiritual discussion group at Scarett~Barrett in hopes of meeting new friends.  The woman I randomly sat next to just happened to have been born in Peoria, Illinois, within an hours drive from where I used to live.  This synchronicity brought surprise, laughter, and the beginnings of friendship.  When Judy learned of my interest in writing, she graciously invited me to attend a writing group at the senior center, Fifty Forward.

From the very first writing group, I felt warmly welcomed by true "Southern Hospitality."  All of these women were seniors to me and they have grown to be the elders I have never had.  Those in attendance, week after week, seemed to be unaware of the wisdom they held.  They are bearers of history, reflectors of family development, and conquerors of life's many challenges.

Each author takes a turn to read a piece of her memoir, poem, or creative writing.  With each testimony, the stories wrap themselves around my heart.  These women share personal insights into lives that I have previously never experienced.  There is no extended family in my life, and these women unknowingly have become respected and admired grandmothers, aunts, and sisters, blessing my life.

Wanda's fingers are always knitting as she listens at the table.  Her words are so descriptive I feel as though I have sat in her son's home up in the mountains appreciating nature's panoramic view.  Carolyn, with all of her southern sweetness shares her next detailed account of family history with names and dates written in exacting penmanship.  After the reading, she neatly folds the letter into a stamped envelope to be mailed to grandchildren and great grandchildren.  Betty's writings bring back my own memories of childhood times spent in Wisconsin.  We have chatted about places of interest we have both visited.  Janie at times seems to be unconcomfortable to have everyone's attention, but she is a natural storyteller of her younger years.  Sharing her early thyroid treatments, her words remain crystal clear.  Sybil is the eldest of the group, I believe in her mid-nineties.  She has a spry and spunky spirit that has experienced a life of adventure with her own sense of style.  Lou is our leader.  I sense that she has held many responsible positions throughout her life, mastering them all.  She appears somewhat stern upon first meeting her, but I have learned that she has a heart filled with gold.  Sitting next to her every week, I have sensed she would extend a loving hand to help anyone if a need should ever arise.  She may have accomplished more serious writing than all of us put together, but it is not her style to show it.  Alice appears as though she has placed her life in God's hands so she can experience life innocently and simply.  Her faith is portrayed between her written words, giving testimony to the presence of God in the midst of her life.  Although there are other remarkable women in this group, I will lastly mention Ann.  She reads from her memoirs and frequently speaks of her grandsons, Harry and Jack, especially Jack.  It is only with the passing of time that I have recognized my self while looking into the heart of this woman.  There is an uncanny parallel between our lives, and I find her to be a kindred spirit!

At this time and place, my ten months in Nashville, Tennessee, are drawing to a close.  I am eternally grateful for the synchronicity in meeting Judy.  Her kind heartedness introduced me to to people, places, and events, but most importantly her heart and home.  I have started the transition back into a full life waiting for me in Illinois.  I will return to Nashville for ample visits with my daughter and perhaps we shall all gather again.

Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

May Divine Spirit always surround you.