In the Flow

I've been a fish:  in search of bottom when I've surfaced, in search of surface when I 've bottomed, and the ribbon of God's sea passing through my gills is what I've felt and thought and spoken.

Mark Nepo

The Book of Awakening


In my life, I have too frequently found my self treading water exhausted rather than gently going with the flow.  Going against currents weaken our discovery for what we yearn to know, while fighting upstream can be an obsessive distraction.

According to Mark Nepo, like the small fish uses a gill for turning water into air, we must turn our experiences into something that can sustain us.  We can transform our pain and heartache into something positive to help us move through our days rather than trying to figure out how it all works.

We can determine for our selves which flow we want to follow, as not all of us are meant for mainstream.  No matter what we decide, we must find our soul to be trusting and mindful of what we learn while in the flow!

Finding True Meaning

The finest thing in the world

is knowing

how to belong to oneself.

Michel de Montaigne

Of Solitude

Through contemplation and introspection we draw upon our inner wisdom as well as life's experience in discovery of our true nature.  Before we can accomplish a sense of wholeness, we must explore and embrace unknown parts of our self.  Equally important, we need to be able to define and express our personal values and ethics. 

We each have integrity and honesty and the degree to which we utilize these qualities in our life creates a pattern.  This pattern reflects who we are, how we attend to details, if we are organized and the manner in which we embrace beauty.  These things portray our basic nature.

To benefit from inner work, we spend time alone.  This time is needed for psychological, emotional, and environmental space.  As we grow to understand our discoveries, we begin to radiate this growth out into the world. 

Through inner exploration, we become aware of what is meaningful and heartfelt to our personal life.  Using this information to guide us, we can eliminate what no longer has purpose and embrace a new sense of living.  We will have a better understanding of who we really are and will become more comfortable in being our original self.

When this is accomplished, the long search for filling the void within is over.  We are able to turn to our inner self for answers we have been seeking else where.  Filled with integrity and honesty, we are able to navigate in relationships and in life purpose, finding true meaning and significance.

  

Falling from the Tree

                                                                     

 "How silently they tumble down

And come to rest upon the ground

To lay a carpet, rich and rare,

Beneath the trees without a care,

Content to sleep, their work well done,

Colors gleaming in the sun.
                          

At other times, they wildly fly
Until they nearly reach the sky.
Twisting, turning through the air
Till all the trees stand stark and bare.
Exhausted, drop to earth below
To wait, like children, for the snow."

Elsie N. Brady, LEAVES 

-

Even though I enjoy all four seasons, fall is my most favorite.  Whether referred to as Autumn, Harvest, or Fall it is truly a time for Thanksgiving!  Fall offers nature's display of radiant colors, cooler weather, apples and apple cider, pumpkins and gourds, festivals ... the list is endless. 

Today, I breathe in the crisp fall air while I walk a trail, and listen to the leaves crunching beneath my feet.  Indeed, the leaves gather as though they are a radiant carpet of colors randomly sewn together.  The wind rips a few remaining leaves from the security of the branches and somehow this forced decent fills me with sadness.  As I watch the leaves free-fall, I admire their grace.

The wind increases, the temperatures drop, and I pull my scarf more tightly around my shoulders and neck.  Not many more days are left before winter will settle in bringing months of hibernation.  Already clocks have been set and darkness falls earlier, condensing the hours before I settle into bed.

All of the colors of fall will fade and slowly die away, and be replaced by the stark black and white of winter.  Coming forth will be heavy days laden with gray gloom.  When the snow blankets the earth, there will be an awesome silence dotted with red song birds and the trails of scampering animals. 

This year in particular, it is difficult to let fall slip away into winter.  Perhaps it is the realization that I, too, am slipping into my life's winter season.  I must be one of the colorful leaves still clutching at the branch, not yet ready to fall gracefully from the tree.



One Rainy Day Closer To Fall

"Some people walk in the rain,

others just get wet."

Roger Miller

It has rained all day long for three days in a row.  I tell myself things like:  rain is good for the flowers; rain is cleansing; rain makes us appreciate the sun; and rain makes puddles to delight children and ducks!  The great trade-off is that it is no longer one hundred degrees with high humidity.  It is now much cooler, and in spite of the rain, a joy to be outdoors.  I do realize that within a blink of an eye, an Indian Summer can and will appear. 

Fall is my most favorite time of the year, however, so I would be happy to pack away bathing suits and sundresses in exchange for jeans and 'hoodies'!  The leaves turn amazing colors, apples are delicious, and sitting around an outdoor fire mesmorized by the flames just couldn't get any better.

My love for cooking shifts to things like home made breads, soups, chicken and noodles, roast in the crock pot, pumpkin bars with thick cream cheese frosting or a really good dutch apple pie!  Hot cider is always a perfect beverage to welcome the fall. 

When fall arrives, I am more than ready to throw open the windows, sit out on the patio, and appreciate all of the changes nature is making around me.  I can take long neighborhood walks, go to parks, and attend numerous fall festivals.  I find myself feeling alive again!

The rain still falls and the wind continues to blow, but I am happy that it is bringing me one day closer to fall.  I will sit inside, read my book, do a little writing, and maybe even work in a nap!

a dot ...

I did at that moment

believe the world around me

to be unreal.

I felt myself as a very fine,

still point,

a dot without dimension.

Gaspara Stampa

(1523-1554)

ideas of heaven

by Joan Silber

         There are times I feel this way, to be a dot without dimension. 

True Value of Time

Know the true value of time;

snatch, seize and enjoy every moment of it.

No idleness; no laziness; no procrastination;

never put off till tomorrow

what you can do today.

Lord Chesterfield

Making the Whole Beautiful

She could never go back

and make some of the details pretty.

All she could do was move forward

and make the whole beautiful.

Terri St.Cloud

http://www.bonesigharts.com/

There are just so many years left in my life, so I feel the urge to be more accountable and productive.  I have the sense that I will be greatly disappointed in myself if I leave this world with tasks left undone. 

In this last decade, my personal garden of creative design has been poorly attended.  There are numerous rows that have continued to grow in spite of my absence, but struggle in the death grips of the wild weeds.  Signs of new baby sprouts can be seen, but without necessary nurturing they will not prosper.  More hardy plants off to a good start somehow got nibbled down before reaching fruition.  Elements out of my control bring too much rain or not enough sun.  I must be a dedicated gardener before my seasons end.

The unrestrained recesses of my mind create a vision of my imaginary garden shed housing all of my tools.  I give a shove to open the old door that swings reluctantly on creaking hinges, now allowing the sun to shine in for I know that only light can guide me. The discovery of my old tool box brightens my vision with excitement.  Sorting through my instruments, I find some to be rusty, but many only need a cleaning to be in perfect preparation for the tasks at hand. 

It is easy to imagine myself kneeling inside my fictional garden patch with my wrinkled hands digging deeply into the rich soil which allows me to feel connected and alive again.  No gloves for me, thanks, as the dirt embedded behind my nails reminds me that I am real.  With these hands, I remove all that has wilted or died on the vine, and gently coach the roots of new things to spread deeply into the ground. 

Committed to this last effort at planting, I carefully select bold colors such as purple and yellow dotted with red.  I arrange lily of the valley, lilacs, and peonies to prompt familiar fragrances.  Then I create a boundary, guarding my creation from those who would bring destruction to my dreams.  I ask the winds to blow unkind words away, and for sunbeams to form a tunnel so the new life can safely reach up towards the blue sky.  Mother Earth has agreed to drink all unnecessary rain before it floods my domain.  And of course, the light of the moon will keep the darkness away.

We each have an imaginary garden and our box of tools is uniquely filled.  There is a certain responsibility to our patch of creation and only our individual attention will cause it to thrive and grow.  It does not matter if it is big or small, as it is in the design that reflects how we developed our skill in using the tools so generously given.  Together, let us move forward and make our gardens whole and beautiful!

Letting Go and Holding On



All the art of living

lies in a fine mingling of

letting go and holding on.

Henry Ellis

Just for Today ...

A moment of self-compassion

can change your entire day.

A string of such moments

can change the course of your life.

Christopher K. Germer



Just for today, I think I will treat myself like I would treat a best friend.  I will speak nicely and use supportive language instead of squashing ideas with negativity.  I will dress a little nicer to honor my body for supporting me throughout the years.  Maybe I will visit a beautiful park instead of walking my regular 3-4 mile route.  I will open my ears to the sounds of nature rather than mentally creating lists and deadlines.  I'll stop at the store and buy some flowers and bring the living beauty of life back into my private space.  Lighting a candle will be another reminder to celebrate all that I am.  Then at the end of the day, perhaps I will journal from my heart all that I have learned from being nice to me ... for just one day.

A Place To SIt

                                                                               

A PLACE TO SIT

                                                                            Kabir

Don't go outside your house to see flowers.

My friend, don't bother with that excursion.

Inside your body there are flowers.

One flower has a thousand petals.

That will do for a place to sit.

Sitting there you will have a glimpse of beauty

inside the body and out of it,

before gardens and after gardens.

---Translated by Robert Bly

Following a Path

Look at every path closely and deliberately.

Try it as many times as you think necessary.

Then ask yourself, and yourself alone ...

Does this path have a heart?

If it does, the path is good.

If it doesn't, it is of no use.

Carlos Castaneda

Courage, Freedom, and Light

"We have come into this exquisite world to experience ever and ever more deeply our divine courage, freedom and light."
HAFIZ

I have always been a person of courage, but in the past it looked more like defiance or going against the grain or following the road less traveled. I have been careful not to confuse courage with bravery, as I see the two as being very different. To me, bravery has more of a physical stance to it, a position of defense; whereas courage is an emotional attitude of heartfelt hope in spite of barriers or limitations.

Freedom has been many things to me: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. Physically, I needed to separate myself from people and situations that were not in my best interest. Mentally, I have always had the freedom of thought, but most generally, kept insights to myself. Throughout my life, I have been challenged by emotional freedom. Although a survivor skill for protection, numbing myself needed to be dismantled in order to feel the depth and magnitude of the senses as well as to be able to voice them aloud. Spiritual freedom is a blessing, a release from organized religions unattainable rules of perfection. It is with spiritual freedom that soul experiences the true nature of being whole.

Light is my forever friend, always present even in the darkest night of the soul. Perhaps there have been times that light has only been the size of a pin head, but enough to keep me engaged. The childhood song, "This Little Light of Mine" gave me strength when no one in the physical was able. Then the "Light of Christ" had a significant effect on me, so much so that I soon learned to direct this light to others. Being in the light guided me to safety, brought teachers into my life, and opened doors. Discovering one of many tools to work with energy and light changed my life forever.

This journey down my spiritual path has led me through deep experiences with courage, freedom, and light. After all of these years of seeking, I find it humorous to have been simply led within.

Home away from Home

This has been my home away from home, the perfect place to day dream, observe, and become one with nature. Sitting in this chair places all of my senses on high alert and opens my heart which blends with creative intuition. Being in this space creates a form of meditation that allows me to sit motionless indefinitely.

When I do leave my umbrella and chair, it is to wade through the shallow water of the shore to collect rocks. I love the contrast of the cold water hitting my sunburned legs and the sensations the grains of sand make under my feet. I once read of a blind man who could identify numerous types of sand as he walked upon the beach. There is no limitation to the expansive abilities of our senses.

I viewed, once again, a video by Brene Brown trying to memorize and absorb her wisdom. If you have not listened to her, please go to her website and enlighten yourself. She speaks on THE POWER OF VULNERABILITY using humor and intimacy with the skills of a storyteller. Brene Brown reflects that we all have our own story to tell and that too frequently we remain silent missing an opportunity to be a presence or a witness to others, keeping ourselves small and silenced.

I am always intrigued by the people surrounding me. I feel a strong desire to connect on some level whether it be verbally or simply through observation. I have an unwavering drive to understand the makings of the human being and the spirit within. This often times becomes challenging as all of us seem to have this fear of being discovered.

Perhaps in my efforts to study others, I diverted looking at myself, hiding under layer upon layer of masks and disguises. Shame and fear originating at a very young age convinced me that I was unacceptable. My highlighted imperfections were in sharp contrast to the expectations of any god. This unworthiness distanced me from what I was dedicated to seeking.

To survive, I had courage, determination, and a broad range of acceptance of others. I could easily understand the depths of plight, but denied myself personal joy, gratitude and heartfelt happiness. What I allowed and generously gave to others, I would deprive myself.

It has not always been a good thing to be able to see into the hearts of others. Seeing soul level can be both limiting and empowering. Opportunity to become authentic presents itself regularly, but courage is needed to side step the shame and the guilt, to risk being seen as our authentic self. When emotional debris is removed, our inner light shines more brightly, exposing the 'self' to the gifts we brought into this life to reach soul's purpose.

Brene Brown implies that our children are born wired for imperfection and we need to let them be seen as such and not perpetuate the illusion of perfection. Traveling through life with the attitude of "I am enough" would ease the journey, make the passage more kinder to the self as well as to all others.

If we celebrated our uniqueness, rather than focusing on differences, the sense of separateness could be eliminated. Our imperfection if viewed as part of our authenticity, might increase worthiness leading us to run the risk of vulnerability with healthier relations. Whole hearted connections would indeed circulate amongst us evolving into a community of tolerance. One can only dream of what then might follow...

Integrity ...

                                 Integrity is who you are when no one is watching.

Ocean View at Mama's Seafood House

Resting by water always brings cleansing and comfort, but it too can show anger through waves knocking you down with the current dragging you further out across its abrasive bottom floor.

Two Men in Lahaina

                          
                           DON QUIXOTE
                        Kaukini Artists Gallery




There are two men from Lahaina challenging my thoughts about life and contentment. 

The first man appeared to be down on his luck, riding a rusty old bicycle. His long gray hair was greasy looking, pulled back into a pony tail. The stained t-shirt was well worn around the neck and his aged shorts were threadbare. His body was leathery tan with half-broken sandals attached to his feet. He didn't seem to be aware of his environment although he was constantly talking to his beautiful parrot riding on the handlebars of his bike. He seemed content.


The second very tanned man also had unusually long gray hair, but his was clean and protected from the sun by a very Hawaiian looking scarf. He, too, wore a faded t-shirt but it seemed to be a chosen favorite just like his comfy torn khaki shorts. He was polished in his appearance as he rode his well kept bike down the street, greeting shop owners or acquaintances along the way. He appeared to be comfortable.

These two Hawaiian men were about the same age, close to the same build, and shared various similarities as well as dissimilar characteristics. I envisioned one to be at best a handyman of some sort while I mused about the other being a musician or artist or chef. Either way, both men had a place in this community.

I observed both of them on different trips to Lahaina which is an oddity in itself. The streets are packed with tourists especially when a Princess Cruise Ship happens to be in. Why did these two men attract my attention, especially when I never saw them together or in the same area? I began to work the pieces of this puzzle around in my mind. I watched for a picture to form. Which man was happier? Who had the strongest sense of purpose in life? Did either have family? The working of the puzzle was labor some, but I really wanted to find meaning in these encounters.

Sitting on the lanai this morning, watching the whales play and listening to little children squeal in delight while jumping into waves, understanding finally dawned. There is no importance for me to determine who, what, where or why. All along my response could have been to just thank them for being part of my experience and to send them love, energy, and light. To appreciate their 'being' just as much as the whales, flowers, and ocean!

Each one of us determines our own sense of happiness and to speculate into the lives of others is purely judgmental. Although I felt a strong curiosity about both of these men, I never felt any negativity. I am a life time dedicated people watcher and by observing behaviors I learn a great deal, believing that every one on my path has a message for me. So my observations were innocent, but my speculations wasted energy.

Most generally, I send energy to everyone who passes my view or comes to my mind. Daily I extend love, energy and light. These two Hawaiian men have prompted me to also include well wishes. If they appear before me, as I hope they do, I am going to once again send them energy, but also mentally project: Be safe! Discover a sense of love today! Give loving kindness to others! Thank you for being!  For this is truly how I want to navigate through life, extending love to all others.