Compassion, Regulated

"I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead,

help them reveal the greatest version of themselves."

Steve Maraboli

Compassion for others has been prevalent throughout my life. It was never a decision or choice; it was just automatically present. It wasn't about feeling sorry for the person but rather seeing a goodness inside of them that needed nurturing and recognition.  There was my desire for them to see the value of their authentic self.

Accepting a person's right to be where they are, knowing that change will occur only if they are ready, assists in maintaining healthy boundaries. There is wisdom in knowing when to step back. A person, ultimately, follows his or her journey alone. They will find their self-worth with or without me.

Unfortunately, there are other scenarios where my compassion runs too deeply and over extension occurs. My own energy field becomes depleted in my efforts to encourage and support. It is difficult to walk away when his or her potential is not yet recognized, but each in our own way, in our own time.  

 

Wounds Need Compassion

"A kind gesture can reach a wound that only compassion can heal."

Steve Maraboli

Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Actually, it takes strength to hold ourselves open when we are feeling vulnerable. Choosing addictions like shopping, scrolling, or other harmful self-destruction, creates avoidance, not assistance. When our pathways narrow into darkness, allowing others to walk by our side can lead to healing.

Determine what would support you in the best way. Sharing with a friend who can just listen, expressing fears by scribbling them across a blank page, or finding sacred space in nature. Offered compassion gives the body a chance to heal and allows new pathways for spirit to inspire.

It can seem as though 'going it alone' is a preferred method, but there is a time when outside assistance can treat our walk of shame, loss or disappointment. The input of professionals or elders can bring attention to options we cannot yet see. When wounds are feeling overwhelming, we need compassionate others by our side.

 

Authority and Command

"How would your life be different if you stopped worrying

about things you can't control and started focusing

on the things you can?"

Steve Maraboli

It is when we do not believe in ourself that we resort to manipulating situations. If we truly had faith in the self and a Divine plan, there would be a willingness to allow situations to unfold. When there is a sense that things are not going our way and we do not accept the fate, we rearrange what is meant to be, only to face the same discord later.

When we intervene, dodging the obvious outcome, we are simply postponing what we are resistant to face. Our energy would be best used by investing in new ways to proceed. Perhaps we do not have to relinquish the goal. Just because it is not naturally unfolding, it doesn't mean we should give up as there might be a better alternative.

An automatic reaction to discord is to tighten up as in taking control. Conversely, it would be beneficial if we stood back, loosening up, to speculate when it is time to let go. It is important to stand our ground, but not to the point of demolishing our soul. Great insight appears when we pause to reflect upon things we can actually control.

Prepare The Way

"It's a lack of clarity that creates chaos and frustration.

Those emotions are poison to any living goal."

Steve Maraboli

There is a flow to our thoughts when we speak slowly and use simple language.  When we speak from our heart, using truth as we know it, there is no right nor wrong.  Opposition does not disintegrate authentic experience.

What we learn from our lessons is not up for debate.  Our energy becomes invested in how we will apply the new found knowledge.  We do not need for any one else to agree or grant us permission.  As long as we stand aligned with soul, harming no one, our inner light will propel us towards deeper understanding.

If we compare experiences with others, the overall impact may become diluted.  Whether we are standing with tears streaming down our face or with joy jumping in our heart, we experience the ring of truth preparing our way.

Taking Flight

"If you hang out with chickens, you are going to cluck,

and if you hang out with eagles, you're going to fly."

Steve Maraboli

When I sit on Mother Earth and lean against a tree, I look up to see clouds floating and birds flying.  How simple flight seems to be ... calming, freeing, and imaginative.  During a session with a trusted and highly respected light worker,  my body was stretched across the massage table, while my mind was expanding into first hand experience.

I have forgotten what prompt was used, but suddenly I was looking through eyes that were not my own.  As I moved closer into these portals, I realized I was a hawk flying miraculously high in the sky.  Then I gently moved into being a silk scarf, billowing down to the earth.  Weightless and suspended, I felt the perfection of being in the flow.  Lastly, I was in water, curving into the curl of a wave and becoming foam, almost non-existent.   

My truth does not have to be any one else's truth.  It can be accepted or rejected; however, this is not reason enough for me not to believe in the Oneness of all things. Spiritual experiences have come to me during Shamanic Breath Work,  Hypnotic Regression, Dreamscapes, and Creative Visualization.  Even if these experiences separate me from the clucking of chickens, I will be  happily content gliding with the birds.

Clarity of Self Image

"I find the best way to love someone is not to change them,

but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves."

Steve Maraboli

To be a good listener is the first step in healthy support.  If our heart is in the right place, we don't need to understand precisely all of the points of disruption.  The speaker is helped just by having us listen without distraction. Be invested with eye contact, lean in, and do not interrupt. It is important for the friend to know we are without judgment and listening as best that we can.  

These emotions do  not make them a bad person.  If they have not taken any actions to display the situation, then no harm.  It is in the acting out that generally causes deeper problems.  We can encourage a "time out" to allow for a sense of clarity.  It can range anywhere from a few seconds with deep breathing, silent prayers or spending lengthier time with trusted friends.

As the designated listener, it is important to wait for the person to reach completion before taking a few minutes for feedback.  If appropriate, clasp hands or embrace.  Eye contact is important. Acknowledge the difficult situation, but remind them of their inner kindness and assure them of his or her personal strengths. In the long run, suffering through challenges usually bring us to a better sense of existence.

An Inside Job

  

"Live your truth.  Express your love.  Share your enthusiasm.

Take action towards your dreams.  Walk your talk.  Dance and

sing to your music.  Embrace your blessings.  

Make today worth remembering."

Steve Maraboli

If we are truly an unique gift of God, we can liken ourselves to a treasure chest.  Every morning, we can lift the lid, look inside, and choose which part of our complex self we want to utilize on this day.  If our spirits are flying high we might choose something creative or if our emotions are tangled, we can be intrigued by our lesson while searching our inner wisdom.

When we daily check inside of our treasure trove, we can go about our day confident and focused.  We will not waste time wondering what people think of us or question which false mask to wear for the day. We will have less anxiety and more confidence engaging in the day, by utilizing what is inside of us.

To create a great day we can choose to live our truth, express our love and share our enthusiasm.  We can take action towards our dreams or dance and sing to our inner music.  If we focus on what gifts we have within, the fear of judgment dwindles.  The day is worth remembering when we make it an inside job!  (Paraphrased from Steve Maraboli)

Delusion of Who You Were

"I'm not crying because of you, you're not worth it.

I'm crying because my delusion of who you were

was shattered by the truth of who you are."

Steve Maraboli

It is an error to see only the spiritual side of someone, overlooking the human side.  There is no need to judge human error, but it is healthier to be aware of its presence.  If we anticipate impossible expectations, we will ultimately be let down; and we will be angry at the human rather than our lovely selves.

In couples counseling, it is apparent that both parties are responsible.  Maybe one person has dominated with 97 percent negative behavior, but the other person needs to examine the 3 percent of their own.  Do we see our partner as we want them to be or how they really are? Are we projecting false expectations and then broken hearted when the results fall short?

Once we begin to see others as they really are we will have better clarity.  We will no longer be delusional about relationships.  The idea of changing someone sabotages honor and respect of others.  If we continue to be extremely distraught over the actions of others, taking a long look at what part we played will initiate healing.  We can let go of the drama and  focus on our actions, gaining better insight into our amazing selves.