SIX DANCE LESSONS IN SIX WEEKS

 

 

 

People hasten to judge

in order not to be judged themselves.

 

Albert Camus

THE FALL

 

 

The Waterfront Playhouse (celebrating 73 years in Key West) presented SIX DANCE LESSONS IN SIX WEEKS.  The two hour play was listed as a "part comedy, part drama and part cha-cha-cha.  There were only two performers in the entire play.  A man, who portrayed a gay dance instructor and a woman, who played the role of a widowed Southern Baptist minister's wife.  They were very suited for the characters they played and the viewing time rushed by.  They played to a full house receiving a standing ovation at the end.

 

I certainly wouldn't want to write a review for this play, but the story line ran very close to the truth of how we can consider our selves loving and kind, not prejudiced, but still have hurtful words pass out of our mouths without even realizing it.  In the production, the gay man frequently and boldly called out the woman for her stereotyping and the aging southern belle did not mince words to bring his false assumptions and unaligned defenses front and center.

 

It is my hope communities today are much better at embracing diversity in cultures, religions, races, and politics.  I am uncomfortably aware of the hatred in the world, but I am addressing the prejudices we unknowingly portray.  I am referring to things we say off the top of our heads that when we are challenged we discover we have no real basis for the accusations we have just made ... just assumptions, things we have learned from our family of origin or individual experiences now judging a certain group instead of the singular offender.

 

We can all recall incidents of making a faux pas, but I shudder to think of the many times I have not been aware of offending someone as I unknowingly blathered on.  There are times when I run through a conversation in my head hours or days later and cringe at something I have said that was perhaps open to a different translation.  The words can never be withdrawn and trying to clarify by reopening the conversation usually makes things worse.

 

When someone challenges us about words we have carelessly uttered, we sometimes discover our opinion has been based on false assumptions or as mentioned before, lumping an entire group of people into a negative category based on the behaviors of  just one person.  Even in generalizing ... "These kids today are spoiled.  Single parents are not up to the challenge.  Doctors are in it just for the money.  Other countries are evil.  Our world is doomed."

 

The bottom line is we must be accountable for our opinions.  We must listen to what others say in addition to what we are saying.  If we hold an opinion, we must be well informed to support it based on facts not assumptions.  There is no need to back down or alter personal beliefs, but we need to  listen to what others have to say.  This of course requires an open heart, compassion, and respect  for others.  We must also be willing to recognize our own short sightedness and to be willing to adapt and change when needed. 

 

SIX DANCE LESSONS IN SIX WEEKS illustrates how we are all human beings needing love and acceptance.  It portrays how we are so busy pointing out the fleck in some one elses eye, we peer around the boulder in our own.  We all have many parts to our selves combining us into a whole being.  Not all of our parts are pure or sterling.  It is helpful to be aware of our weaker parts, to strive to accept and adapt them, and to become integrated in our awareness of not just others, but our selves as well.

 

 

 



The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

 There is in every true woman's heart

a spark of heavenly fire,

which lies dormant

in the broad daylight of prosperity;

but which kindles up, and beams and blazes

in the dark hour of adversity.

Washington Irving

THE SKETCH BOOK, 1820

My thoughts grow conflicted when I ponder words of judgment like good, bad, and ugly.  I have known people who have portrayed themselves as good, but who have fallen far from the mark.  I have never really thought of people as being bad, but have known those displaying very demented behaviors.  And as for ugly, isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?

There have been some things I once considered good for me, but now with science's advanced research I realize they are bad for me.   There are some actions I once thought were bad, like not attending church, but I definitely no longer hold that to the extreme.  There are objects that I once found to be ugly, but they have grown on me as my tastes have changed.

The basic nature of man is goodness, but through bad choices, he can appear to be ugly.  With so many varying factors, how in the world can I align my thoughts and make a decision!  Perhaps this is the point.  In many cases I will never know the truth of the matter and so I will never be able to decide.  More to the point, perhaps one never needs to decide on matters he or she knows nothing about.

So I don't sit in judgment.  I listen and watch, and I may assess and process, but I do not become rigid in my conclusions.  To form rigid judgments is just being opinionated.  It is good to have an opinion if you can leave your mind open for other consideration.  Many people have used the saying, "The mind is like a parachute. It works best when open!"

Do not misunderstand.  I do have passions of the heart, mind, and soul.  I will hold my tongue respecting others right to voice until I am disrespected my self.  Then my spiritual light ignites and hardily beams and blazes.  I will say my truth with clarity and dignity holding an open heart with compassion for others ... hopefully tempering the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

What The Eye Sees ...

The eye sees only what the mind is prepared to comprehend.


ROBERTSON DAVIES 

The Wordsworth Dictionary of Quotes

A few years ago, I heard a story worthy of repeating.  This story is about perception and I loved the ending!

A woman was in between flights at an international airport.  She decided to purchase a bag of cookies to munch on while she waited for the departure of her next flight.  Finally finding a chair in the midst of strangers, she settled in with her book and cookies.  

Deeply engrossed in her book, she mindlessly reached for a cookie; but much to her surprise, she found another hand in her cookie bag!  She quickly jerked her head to see just who this greedy hand belonged to.  A well dressed man sat next to her greeting her with a smile, as he proceeded to eat a cookie.  "Of all the gall," she thought.  Oh well, what was one less cookie.  She continued to read, but once again when she placed her hand in the cookie bag, his hand was exiting with still another cookie.  She was furious!  She gave him a look that would fry bacon, but he just smiled back.  

As her last flight was finally called for boarding, she decided to finish the last cookie and throw away the bag.  As she turned, however,  she discovered the man breaking the remaining cookie in half and gesturing to her to take the last half.  She grabbed her half of the cookie from this rude gentleman and boarded her flight.

She was still steaming when she took her seat on the plane next to the window.  She replayed the entire cookie scene in her head, still appalled  at the inappropriate behavior or this rude man.  Placing her book upon her lap, she reached down into her purse to retrieve her glasses when her hand touched upon a crinkling bag.  She pulled the bag out of her purse and to her amazement she was looking at her bag of cookies! 

Can you feel it ... the dawning of truth, the embarrassment, the recall of all judgment placed upon the innocent man, and the humiliation of not being able to explain your side of the story?  

Perceptions are frequently obtained through too small a lens.  We need to use a panoramic view finder to see the big picture!  

Are You Sure ... Thich Nhat Hanh

YOUR TRUE HOME by Thich Nhat Hanh


Are You Sure:

All of us are only human, and we have wrong perceptions every day.  Our spouse or partner is also subject to wrong perceptions, so we must help each other to see more clearly and more deeply.  We should not trust our perceptions too much -  that is something the Buddha taught.  "Are you sure of your perceptions?" he asked us.  I urge you to write this phrase down on a card and put it up on the wall of your room:  "Are you sure of your perceptions?"

There is a river of perceptions in you.  You should sit down on the bank of this river and contemplate your perceptions.  Most of our perceptions, the Buddha said, are false.  Are you sure of your perceptions?  This question is addressed to you.  It is a bell of mindfulness.

...................

Daily, we make assumptions about people, places and things.  We interpret  our thoughts as though they were 100% truth.  What we think impacts our behaviors and interactions with others.  


Quite honestly, there are times when we would be better off just saying, "I don't know."  Although it may sound rigidly religious, we can be more mindful about letting judgment remain in the realm of divinity.  I don't want to judge others primarily because I don't want others to judge me.  I would rather face judgment of the heavenly who can see the entire picture or know the entire story.


We never really know the entire truth, so rather than stressing over who to believe, let it go and devote your time to praying in what ever form that takes for the people involved.  This helps everyone from a higher level instead of passing personal judgment.


Years ago, a college friend called from out of town to tell me he had just purchased a rather large business where I was then living.  He was very excited.  When he arrived in town, we met for a drink bringing our college year books and catching up on activities of our friends over the past years.  This man was very handsome and personable.  He had an infectious laugh and a very kind heart.  I knew him to be fair and trustworthy.  He was still single and I was already contemplating the available women he might find interesting. 


During the following month, news articles, billboards and advertisements reflected his purchase of this local business.  As word began to circulate in the small community, I was happy to tell others about him.  As the weeks passed, I began to hear some very negative remarks about my friend.  I heard that he was dishonest, untrustworthy and he would not be welcome in our town.


I was able to track down where the rumor had started.  His largest competitor admitted he took it upon himself to be quite creative about my friend's work history.  By twisting the facts with a negative spin the competition was dead before it even had time to take root.  The accuracy of the town talk didn't matter and everyone easily believed what was not true.  My friend was doomed prior to arrival.


Perceptions.  We all have perceptions, but we do not always have all of the facts.  In certain situations, no matter what we think or who we research, it will be impossible to know the absolute truth.  Before our perceptions slide into judgment, slip into prayer for all peoples involved as they all will be suffering.  If we truly are operating with an open heart, we offer forgiveness, compassion, and a willingness to reserve all judgment.


The end of the story:  My friend indeed did come to town aware of the vicious rumors being spread by his competitor.  He conducted business with his high standards and soon his business grew.  People got to know him and like him, but they never 'let him in'.  He was always just on the edge as the old perceptions were still lodged   in the minds of others.  The community never really embraced him completely.  His competitor of course continued the slander.  Eventually, my friend married for the first time and decided to begin his family in a new location where they could truly call it home.  


Perceptions.  We really need to ask ourselves, "Is this true, absolutely proof positive true?"  And even if it is true, we have no need to judge, or enter into an arena where we have no business being.  Even if we have a personal interest, we need not be self appointed juries.  I am not encouraging any one  to accept or embrace negative behaviors, but rather to use your emotions in a positive way hoping to bring healing
to all involved.