Get Out of the Way!

The strength of a woman is not measured by the impact that all her hardships in life have had on her;  but the strength of a woman is measured by the extent of her refusal to allow those hardships to dictate her and who she becomes.

C. JoyBell C.

 

By the end of my senior year in high school, I had learned that everyone had a cross to bear.  I also learned that a time would come to pick up the cross and carry it. 

I dragged my cross around for many years trying to find healing and probably attention as well.  I grew very tired of the effort it took and those around me grew very tired of hearing about it.

Unfortunately, I assumed that carrying my cross would be the solution, not understanding that it was just another step in a long process.  Although it is easier to pick up and carry a cross rather than drag it, it remains heavy and impedes progress.

Eventually the thought of setting down my cross floated across my consciousness, but my cross was an identity and a label.  Even though I no longer needed the cross, it was too frightening to consider who I might be without it.

After a while, I unburdened my self in a safe space and gathered the courage to move forward.  I felt lighter without the cross and became amazed at how much easier it was to navigate without it. 

One treads lightly after such a burden, but healing awakens the spirit and the willingness to run the risk of living life again.  Forgiveness welcomes the warm sun that brightens the dark within, encouraging the heart to open again.

Refusal to allow our past to dictate our present or future strengthens the spirit.  The biggest obstacle is our self.  We must learn to get out of our own way. 

Lay down your cross ... your baggage ... your guilt ... your grief ... or whatever it is you are dragging around.  Get out of your own way and start living again!

Really Living

If we don't change, we don't grow.

If we don't grow, we are not really living.

Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.

Gail Sheehy

Gazing back across the years, it seems as though I have led many lives within just one.  My life like a book has many chapters building upon the person I once was and who I seem to be today.  I would not choose to leave a bookmark in any special place, but rather move it along as the final chapters near.

It is no surprise to me, who I am today for I am very much the person I once set out to be.  I feel as though all of my masks have fallen away leaving me light enough to continue on my way.

Defining my self as a seeker, I have gathered knowledge primarily from books and mentors or teachers I acquired along the way.  There comes a time, however, when one must stop seeking and simply apply the wisdom at hand.  I no longer remember who said what or where or when, as all inspiration has melted into one. 

"And at what cost did this destiny come?" I ask of my self.  Ah, the price ... what did I pay?  "I paid dearly," the truth be told.  With every stage of personal and spiritual growth, as enhanced as I could be, I lost people, places, and things.  It puzzled me that others rarely could celebrate the existence of the awakened mind, but rather felt a need to turn away and leave me behind. 

By surrendering external things, I gained a deeper meaning of 'me'.  I found not only my spiritual self, but became one with all that is.   Divine Spirit is in all things surrounding me and the world is mine to behold.



Shame, Guilt, and Loneliness ...

Of all needs (there are none imaginary) a lonely child has the one that must be satisfied, if there is going to be hope and a hope of wholeness, is the unshaken need for an unshakable God.

~ Maya Angelou

This morning you lovingly caressed my face and gently stroked my hair.  These simple gestures stirred an ancient longing in me to feel loved and to feel emotionally safe.  These senses rekindled the memories of the unmet needs of my childhood. 

I remembered feeling shameful for having wants or desires as I was taught that children did not have valid needs.  It was selfish to want something for myself. All of these thoughts were interlaced with religious overtones creating guilt as well.  

Right from the beginning I felt disapproval from the grandpa man in long billowing robes with the long gray hair sitting in the clouds of the church's stained glass window.  "God" expected perfection I was told and in my heart I truly knew that I had lost before I had even started.  

My parents, as told in Sunday School, were representatives of God.  They were my caretakers on earth working for God.  When I did not feel love or acceptance by them, what chance would I have with a Supreme Being ...

Children of emotional or physical neglect withdraw into a private world still hoping that some one will recognize their loneliness.  Hoping some one will wrap them into warm and loving arms.  There is always an abundance of 'saving' going on in a church, but children rarely have a sense of that and even if they do, they feel fraudulent inside. 

Touch is such a simple and normal gesture, and yet it is frequently with held.  The term "failure to thrive" was given to new born infants who had not been nurtured physically nor emotionally thus lacking the desire to live.

So when the child of a family is neglected, the child hopes love and affection will be received from a being outside of the self that is all powerful and can do amazing things.  Then this magical being that reportedly can do anything, does not meet the worldly needs any better than the family ever did.  Hope is lost.  Loneliness is the companion of the withdrawn child.  

The unfortunate assumption of the child is that he or she is unlovable and unacceptable by not only his or her parents, but by an all loving God.  Shame and guilt join loneliness weighing

the spirit down into despair. 

Simple touch can speak a thousand words.  It is a gesture that is free and desired by all ages.  Observe children in play.  They are always reaching for each other.  Notice elders walking arm in arm or watch their faces while embracing a child or holding a baby.  Their entire world lights up!

So this morning when your gentle fingers skimmed the side of my face, asking for nothing in return, I felt my heart sigh.  Finally, I felt emotionally safe and not alone.

The Dark Knight of the Soul

Save me , O God, 

for the waters have come up

to my neck.

I am stuck in the mire of the deep,

and there is no where to set my foot.

I have come into deep waters,

and the waves overwhelm me.

I have grown weary from crying,

my throat has become hoarse;

my eyes have failed while

I await my God.

~Ann Rice

Harvesting journals can be an emotional, but insightful task.  By harvesting, I mean sifting through writings and highlighting dreams, challenges, insights, and words having significant meaning ... even when you don't remember recording them.  Reading personal inscriptions can be inspiring and reflective of challenges finally overcome.  It is like an emotional tracking system.  

Depression is a normal part of a cycle humans rotate through.  I do not mean clinical depression, but depression in general.  It can be referred to as PMS or menopause, or mood swings, but all people cycle through normal levels of depression.  There are varying degrees, such as: monthly, seasonal, or a one time life experience, etc ...

Several years ago, I spent months enduring an extreme sense of loss.  Loss of my self and of all things I believed.  While reading Carolyn Myss, I came across the phrase, "dark night of the soul".  It was originated as a title of a poem, DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL written by St. John of the Cross, a 16th Century poet and Roman Catholic Mystic.  In addition to his own thoughts, the poet reflected ideas of St. Thomas Aquinas and in part, Aristotle.

The poem written by St. John of the Cross, a Spanish Carmelite 

priest, narrates a journey usually traveled during the night, in search of the light of the Creator.  The poem was written while the priest had been imprisoned. A painful experience of abandonment enables a person to grow in spirituality and union with the Divine. 

My experience in the "dark night of the soul" was most unpleasant.  I felt entirely detached from all things holy, and harshly abandoned spiritually.  My mind was riddled with confusion and doubt.  Hindsight shows this was a gift of purification.  I aimlessly wandered through concepts and beliefs, discarding much of what I once held dear.  Issues from my past surfaced, raged with emotion, and eventually were processed. What remained shined brightly and there was plenty of room to welcome the new.  I felt a more personalized, and yet broadened perspective of the connection between us all.  I had lost rigid concepts and gained a spiritual union.  It was during this time my energy work became more pronounced and a sincere spiritual awareness of others became prevalent.

Spirituality can be very challenging, but always rewarding.  It is a path walked in solitude strengthening personal gifts, insights, and awareness.  Ultimately, oneness with nature and all people grows obvious, as well as the sense of oneness with Divine Spirit ... never abandoned and always empowered.

To Have Never Tried ...

Many of us are afraid to follow our passion,

to pursue what we want most because 

it means taking risks

and even facing failure.

But to pursue your passion

with all your heart and soul

is success in itself.

The greatest failure is to have

never tried.

Robyn Allen

Many years ago, I was the director of a preschool program.  Through time and brief exchanges, I became friendly with the mother of one of my little students.  She was an accomplished artist who reflected a passion for her work.  

I happened to mention this artist to a friend of mine who was an art teacher at the local high school.  Much to my surprise, my friend knew this artist.  So we put our three heads together and organized a play day for our children while we could work with some form of art.

This alliance stayed strong for quite some time offering us stronger bonds of friendship, laughter, and artistic expression.  Out of the three of us, I was the plagiarizer!

They knew what they were doing having had years of education and experience while I was a novice.  I was very thankful for the opportunity to experiment.

We all have a passion that needs to be expressed and by choosing to do so brings us closer to our spiritual connection.   This passion begins to be processed through our unique abilities and blends with Divinity.  

I refer to this experience as "being in the flow".  One becomes so absorbed in processing the passion everything becomes limitless.  

Whether it is through the written word, painting, articulating, or physical movement, our passion blends with our body, mind, and spirit. The end result is about feeling fulfilled not about equivalence to success.  The lingering sensation is experienced as oneness with all things.

THE WORLD AS I SEE IT, Albert Einstein

It is clear that all the valuable things, material, spiritual, and moral, which we receive from society can be traced back through countless generations to certain creative individuals.  The use of fire, the cultivation of edible plants, the steam engine ~ each was discovered by one man.


Only the individual can think, and thereby create new values for society ~ nay, even set up new moral standards to which the life of the community conforms.  Without creative, independently thinking and judging personalities the upward development of society is as unthinkable as the development of the individual personality without the nourishing soil of the community.

THE WORLD AS I SEE IT

Albert Einstein

We are led to believe that as an individual we cannot make a difference, but that is untrue.  If we focus on the goodness of each individual ... inventions, scientific equations, discoveries ... we find acts of kindness more rampant that acts of violence.  Acts of kindness simply are not news worthy.

We are all capable of extraordinary contributions if we but render the courage to be who we are and share what we have to offer.  Whether the gesture is to kneel in helping a child or sending space shuttles up into the sky, we are all called to bring forth our gifts to this time and space.

We must not wait for others to shoulder the load.  If each of us carries a small portion of the weight, the movement forward can be shared by all.

One of my favorite quotes, "Be the change you want to see," encourages us to look inward for unique ways we can contribute to this world.  Instead of criticizing others, use that energy to be creative in some alternate way.  Life is not a competition, but a time to respect and honor our personal strengths as well as the work of others.  We must nurture and nourish each other.

We need not wait until we have an earth shattering discovery.  Be eager to experience the insights of every moment and act upon them.  Whether through writing, painting, singing, or helping others, every positive actions moves the community forward.  

Hope Begins in the Dark

Hope begins in the dark,

the stubborn hope that if you

just show up

and try to do the right thing,

the dawn will come.

Anne Lamott

To be industrious throughout the day, keeps fear at bay.  Oh yes, I relax and play, but all things can be a distraction. 

It is at night, when my mind needs to be a blank slate for dreams to be drawn upon, little creatures dressed in doubt, apprehension and misgiving promenade across my mind with lurid details.  It is at this very time I must quiet my ego, in order for the blanket of silence to stretch out in preparation to gently break the fall of the wisdom descending from the stars.

It is in this quiet darkness just prior to sleep where hope begins to melt into my heart.  Like a magical elixir, hopefulness flows into me bringing calm, faith and trust.

With anticipation, I fall asleep with the promise of dawn.  A new day and a new beginning forthcoming!  I will forego all attempts to do things just right and allow myself to be led by this dawn's early light.

Too Far To Turn Back ...

A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE by Alan Cohen
Do not let fear tempt you to return to a condition you have outgrown.  You have come too far to turn back now.  Keep moving step by step and day by day, and miracles will meet you to take you to the other side.


                                               **********************************


The discovery of how to contain fear would be worthy of praise.  Could fear be contained in a jar on the counter or a special wallet attached to a belt or in a wall safe securing fear inside?  How different life would be with the absence of fear.

Fear is not factual, of course.  It is nothing but an emotion to be stepped through, to discover what awaits on the other side.  I knew a woman who visualized a special vacuum with an attached hose that sucked all of the fear out of her home.  The practice of using the imaginary vacuum hose calmed her spirits.  She claimed that the hose would not only remove fear, but would also eliminate disappointments, anxieties, and worries lounging in the air.   hmmmm...if Dyson only knew!

To move forward in life without being hampered by fear, build a foundation combining strengths with dreams.  Focus on desired aspects in life being both thankful and grateful even before arrival.  Recite affirmations throughout the day to balance any negativity.  Tend to the body by using some method of exercise or stretching that releases stress regularly. Support aspirations through reading, researching, and meeting with like minded people.  Be artistic using painting, photography, sketching or journaling. 

When all of these ideas are drawn together, there is very little room for fear of moving forward.  Life remains more balanced and the pathway to a fuller life unfolds, one step at a time.

Another Way of Speaking ...

Maybe that's why

I want to touch people so often --

it's only another way of talking.

Georgia O'Keeffe

While experiencing the lessons of life there are a multitude of emotional stages.  There are instances when we try to talk our way around the problem or sit in denial.  Other times we may be harsh and aggressive or accusing and judgmental.  When tired of talking and losing sight of healthy options, we may withdraw into isolation dissolving into tears and exhaustion.

By sitting in silence the shell of protection grows stronger around us encircling our spirit with sadness and loss.  Asking for help seems impossible as we fear yet another rejection.  It is difficult to admit we have needs so we remain stuck within our shell.

Then the miracle happens!  A friend or stranger steps forward and wraps our wounded self safely into her or his arms.  This simple gesture of communication breaks through our defenses and the pent up emotions are released.  Once again we can feel as though we have returned to a place of love or comfort where we can begin to feel worthy and accepted.

A hug is such a simple gesture and yet it silently speaks a world of healing words.  It is a form of communication without any language barrier that everyone can embrace and understand whether giving or receiving.

So when we, as loving human beings, have the sense that we are ill prepared to find the perfect words to assist a friend in need, remember the hug.  It is frequently more potent than well intentioned phrases, and it melts down the self-imposed isolation.  It is a language we are all capable of speaking!

Birth Anew ...

Every crack is also an opening.

Mark Nepo

 Excerpt from THE BOOK OF AWAKENING by Mark Nepo:

When in the midst of great change, it is helpful to remember how a chick is born.  From the view of the chick, it is a terrifying struggle.  Confined and curled in a dark shell, half-formed, the chick eats all of its food and stretches to the contours of its shell.  It begins to feel hungry and cramped.  Eventually, the chick begins to starve and feels suffocated by the ever-shrinking  space of its world.

Finally, its own growth begins to crack the shell, and the world as the chick knows it is coming to an end.  Its sky is falling.  As the chick wriggles through the cracks, it begins to eat at its shell.  In that moment - growing but fragile, starving and cramped, its world breaking - the chick must feel like it is dying.  Yet once everything it has relied on falls away, the chick is born.  It doesn't die, but falls into the world.

                                                   ______________

In the midst of any transition, we can feel very much like a chick hatching from an egg.  We can feel the old falling away before we can sense the new that hovers at the other end of change.  In between the stages of the out going old and the incoming new, we can feel oppressed or stiffled or suffocated while digesting what we have learned.  We may thirst for knowledge or guidance.  We endure ... developing patience while searching for the first crack that will allow the light to come in.  As we gather our strength and push forward, we birth anew.   

                                                 

Old Souls ...



Baby souls follow.

Young souls lead.

But old souls, Virginia, are happy

to dance alone.

The Universe

http://www.tut.com/

AGGRANDIZE with Gold ...

When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold.  They believe that when something's suffered damage and has history, it becomes more beautiful.  

~Barbara Bloom


Old vases have always drawn my attention.  I have quite a collection from flea markets, gifts received, and 'memory pieces' from departing friends.  By collection, I mean a gathering of items that 'speak' to me and not necessarily having any significant monetary value. 

As I have moved so many times over the years, I frequently will notice a hair line crack in a piece that apparently had not been packed as well as I had intended.  I'll still use the piece, but will turn the imperfect side to the back.  If there is a chip, I try to arrange the flowers to hang over the side hiding the flaw.  Chips, cracks, or discoloration are always turned to the back.

When I read the words of Barbara Bloom about the Japanese practice to aggrandize cracks with gold, finding beauty in the history, it made me think about life in general.  How would we be different if after surviving a damaging experience, we would celebrate survival?  What if we stopped hiding imperfections and honored the lesson learned or strength received?  Do you suppose if we could see each others history of struggle we would not be as threatened by each other ... that we would perhaps be joined by similarities rather than separated by the sense of irregularities?

Society seems to be riddled with shame and guilt causing the repression of events and emotions that have negatively impacted life.  I do not suggest highlighting trauma that has devastated life, but rather creating respect and recognizing the resiliency of the human spirit.  If we filled our gaping wounds with gold after cleansing/healing, patching the broken piece back into place with the whole, we would be more inclined to move forward with a sense of respect than hanging heads as damaged goods.

We are all on a journey, suffering and learning, collecting cracks, chips, and discoloration.  Let us use compassion as the gold to fill the brokenness of others so that they may move forward in life with grace and beauty.

No Need To Go To India



There is no need to go to India

or any where else to find peace.

You will find that deep place of silence

right in your room,

your garden,

or even your bath tub.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross



This weekend has been filled with laughter, good food, and excellent conversation.  To have good friends temporarily residing in your space lifts the heaviness of life and allows bubbles of happiness to reach the surface.

Returning to solitude, I realize that too often I make life too complicated, dig too deeply, and spend too much time in my head analyzing.  Where is my faith?  Where do I place my trust?  Worrying never accomplishes anything.

We must do our part by creating a desire or image of how we want our life to be, but then we must detach.  We must trust the process.  Stuart Wilde says, "Life was not meant to be a struggle."  We must have faith that Divine Spirit will provide.

Instead of being anxious or doubtful, we can use our energy to be steadfast and joyful.  We can be creative and hopeful, anticipating the dream yet to unfold.  Like a child excitedly holding a special secret inside, we can wear big smiles while carrying our vision within. 

Today I think I will place all of my worries into my 'worry jar' and sit outside on the patio with my bubble machine.  I will fill each bubble with happy thoughts as they gently float up into the sky...

Knot Again!

Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

author unknown

Honoring my decision to explore Kundalini Yoga even farther, I ventured to my third class.  This particular session was entitled NAAM YOGA and Meditation, being presented by a teacher that I had yet to experience.  The brief description stated, "Naam Yoga practice will cultivate the fearlessness to face negativity and transmute it into positivity for your self, others and the situations that you face. "  The focus was to be on opening the heart, increasing intuition, and stimulating self-healing of the body and mind.

I had already attended the INTRO TO KUNDALINI Class and the YIN YOGA Class.  I felt I was still searching for the perfect balance between stretch and meditation guided by a teacher I felt connected to.  While reading the description of NAAM YOGA, I grasped words like open heart, intuition, and self-healing.  To me, these words depicted gentleness, calm, and relaxation, but intead, I found myself being tied into knots. 

Although challenged, I was able to keep up with this fast paced class to the end.  My shirt and pants were soaked to the skin, but my body, not so gracefully, unknotted itself feeling like a champion!  I have never experienced such an intense workout ... and probably not again any time soon, either.

Yoga continues to physically stretch my body which it definitely needs, and the time spent in yoga meditation is leading me back into connection with my inner self.  Yoga is positively impacting my body, mind, and spirit. 

Perhaps yoga is not your choice and that is perfectly fine; however, there is an abundance of practices out there just waiting for you.  Creative Dance, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, Zumba, Pilates, and Martial Arts are just a few of the many available options.  Moving your body cultivates respect and discipline. 

Come on! Explore an adventure that is just waiting for you!

Taking Up Residence ...

If there is any human tragedy,

there is only one, and it occurs

when we forget who we are

and remain silent

while a stranger takes up residence

inside our skin.

 THE GLASS RAINBOW

James Lee Burke

It is raining yet again this morning.  I tell myself that the rain is nurturing the flowers, trees, and gardens.  I repeat to myself that animals need the water for bathing, playing, and drink.  I selfishly wonder why it can't rain all night while I sleep and be sunny during the day when I have things to do.

So I sit in my comfy chair and read my morning meditations while listening to the birds happily chirping at the feeders.  I make an entry in my journal realizing that my attitude is not one of gratitude.  There is a heaviness weighing on my heart which will make for a very long day.

With any transition, whether it is relocating, career change, marriage, birth or divorce, there are blessings as well as losses.  Blessings are easy to embrace, but not so much with the losses.  Losses need to be identified as such especially if they are not tangible.  Once recognized, support can be established which brings balance back into the experience of change.

So as I assess my losses, I know that I must create more support in my life.  I miss the insights, encouragement, and presence of friends.  Action must be taken to establish new friends, yoga classes, energy work, and connection with other writers.  Managing my time better would help as well.  Tending to the yard early of the morn (when it is not raining), unpacking some boxes, and then reserving time for exploring new options.

If my issues are not recognized nor addressed, my energy will continue to be drained.  My spirit too easily can become a mere flicker of flame rather than the bright light I am meant to be.  Without appropriate interaction with others, it is too easy to "remain silent while a stranger takes up residence inside our skin."

Dream a Little Dream

Always aim at complete harmony

of thought, word and deed.

Always aim at purifying your thoughts

and everything will be well. 

Mohandas Gandhi

Sometimes we focus upon a dream or goal the first thing of the morn and capture a snapshot view of how our life could be filled with hope and desire.  Then, unfortunately, we spend the remainder of the day criticizing our job performance, questioning our abilities, and dismantling the the dream steps of the early morn.

Dreams do come true, but our vision must be held in our thoughts, words, and deeds.  We must maintain positive thoughts about our most inner self and capabilities.  Expressing our desires out loud to a friend or employer can elevate our inspiration.  The action or the deed that sets dreams in motion is also required when attempting to fulfill a dream.

Dreams just don't happen by themselves.  We receive nothing but disappointment if we just sit at home wishing our lives away.  If we align our thoughts, words, and deeds in a positive manner, creating honest effort towards our goal, a positive outcome is much more likely. 

So why not dream a little dream? Carry it with you all day long reflecting on all of the strengths you have that would support your venture.   Engage others in brainstorming while truly listening for information that may synchronistically guide you to furthering your plan.  Lastly, take basic steps towards developing your concept.   Browse in a book store or explore the Internet in search of resources that expand upon your ideal. 

Sometimes, it is just a matter of taking a leap!

Come to the edge...

Come to the edge, he said.

No, I am afraid!

Come to the edge, he said.

No, I am afraid.

Then he pushed me and I flew!

Author Unknown

With hindsight, it is quite evident that when I have been brave enough to take a calculated risk, I have reaped rewards.  The times I have not been brave enough to move forward, synchronicity eventually connected the dots for me. 

Free will allows me to travel along my spiritual path and permits me to wander where I am not necessarily destined to go.  After awhile, however, I believe that Spirit finally says, "Enough!" and nudges me back onto the right road.

In my heart I do know that when I depend upon the great Divine, the outcome is far less frightening than when I lean upon my fears. When I allow Spirit to move me around like a verb, my highest good prevails.  In this way, being a verb, I am able to bring my light into the lives of others that I would normally not meet by just standing around being a noun.

So I stand on the cliff with my toes crimped upon the edge, waiting for the gentle push that will give me wings to fly!

Only One ...

I am only one,

but still I am one.

I cannot do everything,

but still I can do something;

and because I cannot do everything,

I will not refuse to do something

that I can do.

Helen Keller

Come Alive!

Don't ask what the world needs.

Ask what makes you come alive,

and go do it.

Because what the world needs

is people who have

come alive.

Howard Thurman

Catch A Falling Star

A brilliant idea,

like a falling star,

burns out when left in a free fall.

It is nothing more

than a streak in the sky

before it becomes fragmented.

author unknown

                                                      

Over the years, I have frequently heard the saying, "Trust your gut".  The saying has been explained to me as the need to act on your intuition before the thought floats to your mind where ego talks you out of it!

One way discoveries and inventions arrive is in the form of dreams.  If the dreamer stays focused and follows through, creating and developing the idea, the rewards can be unbelievable.  Songs, golf swings, mathematical formulas, machines and appliances have all been triggered by a creative thought whether awake or dreaming.  The key is in the follow through, to turn down ego's volume, and to believe in possibilities.

If we disregard a burst of brilliance, it will dissipate.  If we do not capture the moment with the innocence and imagination of a child, unique insight will vanish.  If we limit our own creative growth by thinking we can't, then we won't.  If we dare to catch the falling star, we will become more than just a streak in the sky!