Good to Go

 

 

 

 

Old friends pass away, new friends appear.  It is just like the days.  An old day passes, a new day arrives.  The important thing is to make it meaningful:  a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day.

Dalai Lama

The vacation days here in Key West have passed way too swiftly. The days remaining are too few, but precious.  We will try to absorb as much beauty and warmth as we can (up to 5 inches of snow await us at home). 

 

 

We will be meeting our friends today at the Key West Art Show.  We have attended this before and find it to be very good.  We will wander through the exhibits talking to various artists and hopefully make a few purchases.  Then we will have lunch with our friends.

 

 

Last night we ate at a neighborhood authentic Cuban restaurant .  The place was packed, the food delicious, and the prices very reasonable. Typical of our evening, we slowly walked back through Old Towne to the rental house accompanied by our friends.  We sat on the back porch enjoying these lovely souls, knowing the days were on count down.  This couple is a blessing in that we all like each other ... not just the wives or a business connection.  We all bring something different to our relationship so conversations are random, but heartfelt.

 

 

Little by little, I feel my self beginning to withdraw from this place I love.   I do believe the gifts I have received here would not have been so quickly apparent at home.  When we step out of our comfort zone, leave normal surroundings, and have fewer distractions or responsibilities, it is easier to maintain awareness of what we need to mend.  I have had time to notice different parts of my self needing repair and with the help of this gorgeous weather and diversity of people, I am in a good place.

 

 

In truth, I had hoped to be able to return home ready to leap tall buildings and spiritually fly.  So foolish these traps we set for our selves.  I am simply me.  If I am not me, who will be?  I must continue to be the best me possible.  This challenge may have been a life time project, but I am no longer "under construction".  There is enough time left, I hope, for me to put on the final touches and then I'll be good to go.

Sense of Direction

                                                   Accept your light and let it shine

to create your own lighthouse

on a stormy night.

Pauline Duncan Thrasher

Friends are a true treasure and they successfully  help us face many of our challenges.  They remind us of our inner light encouraging us on our way.  Often times, however, we find ourselves alone on a dark night and our problems can appear to be over whelming.

At the very most southern tip of Key Westhe light house still stands.  Looking up at it and wondering how many lives it had saved over the years, I imagined shipmen floating in darkness and then glimpsing a brief flash of light.  What relief they must have felt especially on a stormy night. 

We can all be a light house for others, standing strong and permanent in our welcome to others.  Our positive attitude can draw others towards us again, just like a light house.  We all carry light within and we need to be our own light house.

It seems as darkness falls, our concerns grow heavier.  We easily forget the  words of confidence spoken during the hours of light.  So we must strengthen our own light by revisiting our list of affirmations, or reading past journals testifying to our strength in previous difficult times.  We can meditate or contemplate or spend the time in quiet prayer.   All of these habits help to ignite our flame so we can be strong in the face of a storm.

Wouldn't we all rather be a strong light house, a beacon of light for ours selves and others rather than be afloat in the darkness surrounded by the unknown?  And that is what happens when we do not feed our light, and keep it strong.  We end up floating in the unknown darkness, losing all bearings and sense of direction.

By our favorite chair or nightstand, we need to keep a ready supply of matches ... inspirational writings, poems of hope, affirmations or journals ... whatever lights your fire!

The Setting Sun

Today, I choose to cherish myself like a beloved child.  I treat myself gently with compassion.  Practicing alert attention, I find delight in the treasures of the day.  I allow meaningful moments to assume enhanced perspective.  Counting these blessings, I enrich my impoverished heart.    Julia Cameron

These days have been difficult for me.  My body, mind and spirit seem to be laced with apathy.  I can barely find myself in my own thoughts.  It is easy to be in the present moment when there is nothing there. 

My dedication and discipline to my writing has been absent, hopefully for just a short holiday.  Whatever I choose to read, I have read before.  I have no desire to see anyone nor do I wish to go anywhere.  I feel suspended between what was, what is, and what will yet to be.

The crystal blue beauty in the eyes of my younger friend should have inspired me.  Pulled into her heart,  I allowed my light to shine upon her gifts, strengths, and challenges.  Such a beautiful soul she is and yet I was not ignited into realms of reflection.

Listening to another friend's heart breaking, I wanted to be present to instill hope with the promise of good things yet to come.  Her spirit needs to be replenished or she will not help anyone at all.  So much giving on her part, asking for nothing in return.   Miraculously angel feathers float into her view! 

Although I do not yet understand this loftiness I am in, I am at peace.  I feel calm.  There is no anxiety, pain, sorrow or loss.   I patiently wait for the setting sun, signaling another day soon to be done.

Life is a Process

Now I become myself. It's taken
Time, many years and places,
I have been dissolved and shaken,
Worn other people's faces,
Run madly, as if Time were there,
Terribly old, crying a warning,
"hurry, you will be dead before -----"
(What? Before you reach the morning?
or the end of the poem, is clear?
Or love safe in the walled city?)
Now to stand still, to be here,
Feel my own weight and density!.....
Now there is time and Time is young.
O, in this single hour I live
All of myself and do not move
I, the pursued, who madly ran,
Stand still, stand still, and stop the Sun!

~ May Sarton ~

(Collected Poems 1930-1993)

 

 

 



It is in gathering years that we can create enough distance to be able to turn around and look back at our life.  Otherwise, we stand so close to life itself, we do not have accurate vision.  When life is right in front of us, it is difficult to see the big picture.

It is with the passing of time deeper meaning can be recognized and applied.  Patterns begin to take form and we slowly catch on to the errors of our ways, and accept responsibility for what we have done or left undone.

Life is a process offering opportunities, transitions, and shifts.  From the beginning, our core is nothing but goodness, but during the process of living, we acquire many masks and falsehoods before we finally become determined to return to our true self.  Layer upon layer of old emotions, experiences, and memories are finally discarded as individual awareness strengthens and Spirit nudges us along.

It is a glorious experience to finally stand in stillness, no longer running from who you thought you were.  Our heart is finally filled with love and compassion and we are discouraged no more.  When forgiveness and healing cleanse the soul, we feel safely embraced by the beauty of the world and a oneness with all that lives within it. 

Do not be in a rush.  It takes time to truly recognize our most beautiful inner self.  Enjoy the journey as life unfolds.



Get Out of the Way!

The strength of a woman is not measured by the impact that all her hardships in life have had on her;  but the strength of a woman is measured by the extent of her refusal to allow those hardships to dictate her and who she becomes.

C. JoyBell C.

 

By the end of my senior year in high school, I had learned that everyone had a cross to bear.  I also learned that a time would come to pick up the cross and carry it. 

I dragged my cross around for many years trying to find healing and probably attention as well.  I grew very tired of the effort it took and those around me grew very tired of hearing about it.

Unfortunately, I assumed that carrying my cross would be the solution, not understanding that it was just another step in a long process.  Although it is easier to pick up and carry a cross rather than drag it, it remains heavy and impedes progress.

Eventually the thought of setting down my cross floated across my consciousness, but my cross was an identity and a label.  Even though I no longer needed the cross, it was too frightening to consider who I might be without it.

After a while, I unburdened my self in a safe space and gathered the courage to move forward.  I felt lighter without the cross and became amazed at how much easier it was to navigate without it. 

One treads lightly after such a burden, but healing awakens the spirit and the willingness to run the risk of living life again.  Forgiveness welcomes the warm sun that brightens the dark within, encouraging the heart to open again.

Refusal to allow our past to dictate our present or future strengthens the spirit.  The biggest obstacle is our self.  We must learn to get out of our own way. 

Lay down your cross ... your baggage ... your guilt ... your grief ... or whatever it is you are dragging around.  Get out of your own way and start living again!

Imperfections and Flaws

Please heal my wounded places

and free my heart to love.

Marianne Williamson

Our lives move in cycles.  What lessons we think we have learned seem to appear once again, disguised just a little differently.  When we think we have mastered the lesson, life seems to run it by us just one more time to make sure we really did get it!

Our lives travel in spirals.  We may meet different people or live in random locations, but our life experiences seem to repeat themselves.  No matter where we go, there we are.

It takes so long to recognize our 'wounds' and then even longer to cognitize how they are impacting our behaviors.  Then corrective measures are taken to replace inappropriate thinking or actions with positive affirmations and constructive movement.  We must be willing to allow healing to occur, but even when willing, it takes time.

Forgiveness speeds our healing and is a necessary part of the process.  Forgiving our selves is perhaps the hardest task of all, even when we were the victim. 

Climbing out of the darkness becomes easier once we put down our baggage.  It is important for us to clear out the old before the new can be entered.  Even when we do this to our satisfaction, we take another turn on the spiral and find our selves shedding yet another layer of 'stuff'.  The good news is each layer becomes easier to shed.

In learning to love our selves, imperfections and flaws, we are better prepared to love one and other.  We must not be afraid of the dark.  Let us shine our lights for each other, helping everyone to find the way!



Who Knew ...

A lot of it had to do with being a people pleaser,

being the ultimate good girl.

I wanted everyone to like me.

I didn't really have a voice.

Tracey Gold

I stood before you with an open heart like a window opening for you to view, but who knew.  Who knew you only saw a mirror reflecting what you chose to see and declined to see my best.

Who knew you listened to only the kind words spoken and turned a closed ear never to hear the rest.  I struggled so hard to be a loving presence and who knew you ignored my needs and quest.

Who knew playing all of those other parts for all of those other people would finally leave me with nothing but remnants of my beautiful self, waiting to be honored and explored.  Who knew what I would find when all caved in and I toppled inside.

I will write my words and list my needs.  I will speak my truth and let it fall where it may.  I will forgive and forget and begin again.  Who knew this would happen to me.  Who knew.

OSHO Message



You will feel the most significant experience,

you will become ecstatic if you can feel

that the whole existence needs you,

that you will be missed,

that if you are not here there will be a gap,

you will be missed.

You are not unnecessary,

you are not superfluous;

you have tremendous significance.

Hence, love yourself.

You are needed as much as the trees,

as the flowers, as the birds, as the sun

as the moon, as the stars.

You have to be here and

you have a right to be the way you are.

Osho

 

We are in relationship, one to the other.  We too easily forget we are an important ingredient to our own personal/spiritual growth, and also to the personal/spiritual growth of others. 

Celebrate your strengths and honor the intricate connection you hold for the greater good.  My wish for you is that one day you will see your lovely self as I see you ... amazingly beautiful inside and out!

All Parts of the Self ...

Be gentle with your self.

You are a child of the Universe.

Max Ehrmann

Life has many blessings, but we find ourselves usually on guard, prepared to protect our children, health, livelihood, and personal selves.  The challenges we face in our lives can come unexpectedly and we want to be ready.

Unfortunately, we often times get stuck in this protective mode when we need to most comfort or nurture our selves.  It is too harsh for the body, mind, and spirit to remain in an adrenaline rush.

Too frequently, we forget we have many parts to our selves and each needs attention.  We will say we do not have the time, but I say, you cannot afford to not take the time.

Instead of staying tightly knotted into a bud, we need to let our selves gently unfold, one petal at a time.  To release our full fragrance or vibrancy we must expand.

To do this we must be aware of our total self and what parts make us whole.  We should be able to reflect a playful side, an innocent curiosity like that of a child.  We can allow our selves to appear unknowing as we do not have every answer nor can we be all things to all people.  Certainly we all hide our pain taking it in stride, but we also can be cognizant of how others learn through our sharing the stories of loss or pain.  Lastly, we too often take our gifts and talents for granted. 

It is a typical scenario for one friend to say to the other, "How do you do that?  It is beautiful!  I could never do that."  (This can pertain to sewing, singing, gardening, cooking, art, decor, style or professional skills, etc... )  The response is always a minimization of the talent.  The other friend says, "Oh anyone can do this.  It is easy!"  It is easy for them as it is their gift and they think anyone can do what they do. 

Wisdom gathers over the years and we eventually learn to honor all parts of ourselves in areas where we once thought we would be boastful or selfish.  Vanity and pride are not what I am referring to here.  We must see the blessings in our lives and share them with others.  In each moment, we must be present with all parts of ourselves, not prepared just for protection. 

Let the tightly woven bud closing over all of our unique aspects, gently open.  Let the sun shine unfurling our petals expressing and displaying the beauty within.  Honor the Universe by honoring what we have been given through sharing with others.  We are children of this Universe and we need to be just as gentle with ourselves as we would be with others.

Three Chairs for Therapeutic Insight

We may define therapy

as a search

for value.

Abraham Maslow

While attending a class for learning therapeutic tools, I was introduced to the Three Chairs.  Each chair represented a particular behavior and a person could sit in one chair or move around in all three chairs.  During the presentation, it was easily understood how a person could spend minutes, hours, or a lifetime in any one chair or randomly using all chairs.  

The Child's Chair: seats us when we are being demanding, expecting immediate gratification, acting unreasonable or emotionally out of control.

The Survivor's Chair:  seats us when we are in 'fight or flight' mode, rigid or considering just two options like right or wrong accompanied by an adrenaline rush with the desire to run. 

The Adult Chair:  seats us when we decide to 'sit' with our issue and discover the many options that may be at hand.  Both sides of an issue are explored and resolution is paramount, but appropriate time is allowed for all to unfold. 

In the front of the class room three chairs were labeled: the Child's Chair, the Survivor's Chair, and the Adult Chair.  Each student took a turn in front of the class, sitting in the chair that best represented the part of the issue being shared. As the story progressed, the storyteller moved from one chair to the next helping to identify how thoughts were being processed.  Chairs were not used in any particular order and students progressed or regressed back and forth. 

When we are faced with a complexity of life and find our self reacting instead of responding, we can use the image of the three chairs:  Child's Chair ~  I was spoiled or the youngest child or I only received attention through childish fits of behavior;  Survivor's Chair ~ Life required me to protect myself, to be strong and prepared to run for safety;  Adult's Chair ~ I am perfectly capable of addressing my needs in the present moment without acting in childish ways or being defensive. 

Which chair am I sitting in?  This simple question triggers immediate insight.  The goal, obviously, is to move into the adult chair for healthy processing. 

I find the Three Chairs technique to be user friendly.  It is easily applied and the results are amazing!  When used, it brings a higher awareness of when we are reacting instead of thoughtfully responding.  Give it a try!