Courage, Compassion, and Integrity

 "Keep a vigil.

Stay awake in the garden.

Hold to the light.

Revere goodness and integrity and truth."

A WOMAN'S WORTH

Marianne Williamson

Inside my office, I placed three small hearts above the door.  The first was for courage, the second was for compassion, and the third was for integrity.  When a  client sat in my office, they were facing me with their backs to the door.  I was facing them giving me total vision of three inspiring  hearts.  I would frequently encourage individuals to maintain their courage, compassion and integrity.  As I was doing this, I sometimes would ask myself, "Are you listening to what you are saying?  Do you practice what you preach?"

Courage has been steadfast in my life, although there has been times when I have been too weak to use it.  Frequently I acquiesced to the demands of others.  Courage at times was an unmovable boulder, too heavy to carry and too large to walk around.  With insight and healing, I learned to carry a small stone in my pocket as a reminder of my courage being so strong, any barrier would appear to certainly be a small rock.

It has always been easy for me to have compassion and it seems to be extended to all things.  Once several years ago, I came out of my down town office to find all the the lovely trees in the courtyard had been sawed off at the base and removed to allow workers to replace sidewalks.  I was overcome with grief and sorrow for the beautiful trees that had been seemingly slaughtered.  I felt as though I were looking at a battlefield. I hold the image still.

My definition of integrity is who you are when no one is watching. Although I did not have this definition as a child, I held the sense of the word within me, helping me to get through challenging times.  When I was falsely accused or it was assumed I had committed some dastardly childish act, I would quietly hold on to the emotions inside, reminding me I was good and God knew the truth. 

So I have learned to stay awake in the garden, nodding off just here and there, but I hold on to my light, to keep it shinning brightly both for myself and for others.  I cherish goodness and honesty in the hearts of others as I carry compassion and courage with a willingness to share.  It is integrity, however,  guiding my internal spirit in all things seen and unseen.

Best Friend

“I want to love you without clutching,

appreciate you without judging,

join you without invading,

 invite you without demanding,

leave you without guilt,

criticize you without blaming,

and help you without insulting.

If I can have the same from you,

then we can truly meet and enrich each other.”

Virginia Satir 

Relationships are sometimes considered to be the most challenging lessons in life, and also the most rewarding.  We learn through our relationships and all such unions require attention, respect, and honesty.  For whatever reason, we expect partnerships to be easy.  So easy we are tempted to veer from appreciation and gratitude for the gift it brings.

While attending a workshop, the audience was asked to list all of the good qualities a friend needed to have in order to be a favorite.  I remember having no trouble whatsoever with this list.  Qualities and characteristics flew out of my brain and straight out of my pen.  The list grew longer and longer as I wrote just as fast I could.  "Time is up," the instructor announced.  I gazed through my mighty list, proud of my expectations.

The instructor then asked us to neatly fold the paper, and so we did.  Then she told us to hand deliver this masterpiece to our very selves, taking note of our reaction.  I unfolded my paper and immediately thought, "No way," as I pondered the lengthy list.  I was overwhelmed by my righteous expectations.  I then began to consider what I would be willing to give in return.  This too surprised me as my reaction was quite miserly. 

Our matches may have been made in heaven, but I wonder if we were programed with additional resilience, determination, and endless patience.  I would guess not.  No matter how good a relationship may be, there is always room for improvement.  The bottom line, I believe,  is the ability and the degree to which a person can trust. 

Loving a person isn't enough unless we are able to do all of what Virginia Satir suggests.  We will easily become undermined if we love, but do not experience a balance of give and take.  Once resentment grows and we do not use our voice, our feelings are repressed coiling into anger.  If we do not face our anxiety our dreams can turn into nightmares.  Unfortunately, what we repress is not forgotten by the body.  The emotions we hold inside begin to cause our body to be 'dis-eased'.  When we are struggling both mentally and physically, our spirit easily becomes broken.

The most important relationship is the one we have with our very own selves.  So when we read once again the above writing of Virginia Satir and apply it to the relationship we have with our self, how do we fare?  Do we honor our selves as respectfully as we honor others?  Will our personal actions enhance us or harm us?  We must be our own best friend.