"It's common to reject or punish yourself when you’ve been rejected by others. When you experience disappointment from the way your family or others treat you, that’s the time to take special care of yourself. What are you doing to nurture yourself? What are you doing to protect yourself? Find a healthy way to express your pain.”
Christina Enevoldsen
Travel stresses me out, but anticipation of being present with people from my past, my anxiety is full blown. Vivid are my imaginings of how I will be treated in a condescending fashion, and can feel the eyes of judgement upon me. It is as though I am re-entering the lion's cage where I will be once again clawed to the bone. Dramatic? Well, yes, I do agree, but fear is running rampant.
It is one of those times I need to gently sit by my lovely self and say, "Really? You are going to subject your self to criticism yet again? You are going to allow a person to easily steal your honor and respect?"
To gather a sense of balance takes some time. There is no sense of comfort collapsing into the murky past, and yet it can feel more comfortable than facing the unknown with nothing but fear in my pocket. Eventually, my stubbornness gets channeled into creative drive and I begin to map out my route to self-satisfaction.
There are various reading resources I can turn to, stoking my fire. I harvest my journals reminding me how to overcome my fear. I do some writing, creating a new story so that I won't fall into old patterns. Meditation helps me to visualize confidence, respect, and honor, both for myself an others. In prayer I communicate with all I regard as sacred, requesting protection, both physical and emotional.
I now feel better prepared to face that which is untamed. Even without my armor, I can safely tread, placing one foot after the other, knowing my perception creates everything I see. Who I truly am today, what I stand for and what I believe, define a new way to be. I just need to remember to breathe.
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