Autism ... Understanding the View

 

 

AUTISM

A LONELY JOURNEY

Author Unknown (See below)

 

 

My childhood calls me back home again where I dwelled clearly alone,

Hid in shadows of damning wakes fearing clatter others chose to own.

My mother's side I seemed to be always, holding tightly to her,

When people gathered in our midst causing soaring worrisome blur.

Yet mostly I would find my own place whence I'd gain peaceful abide,

Building castles of fantasy's design ere lovely fairies danced 'round inside.

 

Very few entered my world wholly encompassed by silent platitude,

Tho' one at a time, I'd allow within enjoying moments in a playful mood.

Caught off guard by a word or display of hurtful bursts thrust my way,

I'd rise in ire fighting depths of suffocation releasing a stormy repay.

After challenging deeds cast wickedly, I'd lament hating what was wrought,

Not wanting to inure another's soul, thus spiraling midst abyssal thought.

 

I recall a happy day as two friends and I walked gaily together at recess,

Entwining our arms round each other's necks courting Spring's caress.

Singing and skipping joyously with me wrapped in the middle with pride,

Till my bracelet fell down one of their dresses, ending our side by side.

I couldn't claim my best bangle as mine fearing to speak for myself you see,

So, day after day, I'd pine for it in the school's lost and found repository.

 

I loved school totally and I learned thru continuous repetitious bouts,

Always working eagerly tho' struggling to fight my unending doubts.

Shyness held me back too often, as I feared being charged a stupid dunce,

Knowing my answers to questions were uttered in error more than once.

So advancement on a level of part5icipation in class was, denied to me,

But I surpassed expectations and borders passing each grade successfully.

 

School was my safety net as it lent me power to go past barriers of limit,

But not knowing when, where and how to speak showed me I was a dimwit.

In first grade once I got in trouble for blurting out when all was quiet,

Finding I was in big trouble by causing others a laughable roaring riot.

In third grade, I realized that words of poetry arouse from me penned to page,

With fourth grade giving me recognition as an artist of some, talented engage.

 

I still lived in fear of being too close not letting others near my solemn space,

Whence asked to play, attend parties, etc. oft' I'd opt out without any grace.

Fridays after lunchtime I withered alone in the school's auditorium of dark,

Whence movies and cartoons let school kids find delight with each embark.

I'd sit by myself most times, although asked to join in and be with my friends,

As sadness closed in on me, until I silently cried inside employing no amends.

 

 

 

****While visiting THE HIDDEN LANTERN a small book store in Rosemary Beach, Florida, I purchased some random books.  Later, as I was browsing through these books, I came across this testimony neatly typed on single page attached to nothing else.  It is not my story, but I felt so drawn to share it with deep respect and compassion.