Self-Sabotage

As the long night slowly yields to day,

I, too, surrender to my next step

Which carries me toward

My natural state of limitlessness.



Danaan Parry





Every day of this week, I have been hoping to have a solid time for writing. I have this idea in my head that needs to get down on paper before it floats away as quickly as it arrived. It is a great thought and I keep adding color, feeling, and substance to it. Each day, however, something gets into the way.

So this morning I awaken, knowing that the day is absolutely free! I can get up, put the coffee on and begin my journey through the written word. I can finally write to my heart's content.

This doesn't happen. I sort laundry, brush lovely Hannah our Golden Retriever, wash out the bowls for Trudy the Tuxedo cat, dust mop floors, run the vacuum, and think about tackling the linen closet that seems to be in disarray. 

This is clearly self-sabotage! I need to give myself permission to create the time and space for my artistic or creative expression. Self-worth is certainly laced into this scenario. All of the roadblocks I have been placing in my way are just distractions. This hesitancy I feel is nothing but fear.

The ego laughs at its ability to mess with my mind. It whispers, "who do you think you are?" It creates images in my head of others invalidating my work. I know this old trick and I must quickly step through this self-imposed fear before my ideas evaporate into thin air.

I open the back door, slip off my shoes and stand on Mother Earth. I let her energy run up my legs and restore my energy. I look at the birds flying freely, flowers pushing themselves up through the ground, and the beautiful blue sky. I breathe in the crisp calm air and release my stagnant thoughts. 

I am ready now. Once again, I am excited to share my words even if they never get read. It is what I do. It is what brings me fulfillment and joy. I am happy to be me!