As a female, we were expected to be loving, kind, and understanding. As a mother, we were called to be nurturing, creative, and protective. As individual women, there was little time allotted to evolving into a personal entity. Any effort made towards self fulfillment was considered to be selfish.
So it is no wonder women my age who grew up selfless hit the empty nest syndrome and experienced depression as they faced a hollow life. Many of these women had no responses upon being asked what they would like to do with the remainder of their life. With such a long history of personal neglect, there was a total disconnect with any sense of an authentic self.
If women, my age, faced the challenge of entering into the man's world, guilt for seeking a career was heavy laden. Frequently, the only female role model available was the stay at home mom. So the career seeking female while trying to adapt to the challenges in the world of employment, continued to try be a super mom and accommodating wife.
When women my age began turning 40, questions started bubbling up to the surface. Who am I and what am I doing in this life? By the time we turned 50, our questions remained on the surface and we began to follow up with our speculations.
Our rigid world seemed to open up to yoga, piano lessons, art lessons, exercise, volunteer work, gardening, and perhaps second career choices. We pushed ourselves beyond the idea that self care was selfish. We began journeys back into our inner landscapes, removing layers of expectations created by others. We kept digging deeper until we discovered our inner strengths and began to build upon them.
Sometimes our families encouraged our growth, just as long as our relationship with them didn't change. Once our unfolding began to lessen our involvement with them personally, criticism started to seep in. "Who do you think you are," was a question frequently raised. We got the green light only when others were not inconvenienced by our search for a more meaningful life. Guilt and shame were frequently used in attempts to bring us back into the fold.
As our souls evolved and we took back our passion for growth, relationships did change. Our rose colored glasses had their lenses cleaned and we were forced to face the level of intimacy with our loved ones. Some mates were supportive and celebrated progress while others were threatened and tried to undermine our unfolding.
In THE BOOK OF AWAKENING, author Mark Nepo states:
I loved a friend for many years who was unable to listen or be kind or patient, and rather than feeling just how much that hurt, I always "hung in there," secretly believing that he would change and grow and one day emerge before my eyes as the friend I always believed he could be. ... As long as I could dream of my friend as I wanted him to be, it softened the true pain of how we were actually living.
It is difficult to observe those around us who cannot experience our life with us. Sometimes the situation triggers thoughts of being selfish for wanting more in our lives, but the voice buried deep inside always returns asking, "What about me?"
In truth, true happiness is not about things, places, or those we know. Happiness is created by knowing your inner self, believing in your own truth, and reflecting your self out into the world. Peace and calm will surely follow.
"To thine own self be true."
William Shakespeare
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