Four Minutes Per Day

Alan Cohen, A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE:
....many people report a sense of emptiness in their lives.  How can we expect to feel fulfilled if we do not tell each other the truth about who we are and what we feel?

"The Center for Lifestyle Management reported that the average American couple spends approximately four minutes a day in meaningful conversation." (Quote from Alan Cohen)  I find this to be very disturbing as I know that every person speaks/thinks, on the average, 60,000 words per day.  If an individual is sharing only four minutes of truth and feelings with a significant other, it is no wonder that relationships stagger! 

In private practice, I encountered several situations working with couples who were strangers to each other.  Each person expected the other to know what they wanted, how to be loved and cared for without communicating the desires.  "He should know to send me flowers,"  a woman might say or "She should know that
I watch sports all Sunday afternoon," he might reply.   Basically, the expectation is for other people to be mind readers. 

When expressing the need for a woman to tell her mate what she wants, she may reply she shouldn't have to tell him, he should just know.  Perhaps there is some truth to that, but when results are not forthcoming,  folks need direction or prompting.  The woman unfortunately may feel that if she had to voice her needs, it just wouldn't be the same.  This defeating attitude will enhance her emptiness.

If we want a certain end result, we must express the desire.  Articulation will create an end result more rapidly than a guessing game.  And when the desired action is finally produced, and attitude of gratitude is required.  Reinforcing good behavior with praise, encourages repeat performance. 

What do you need?  Clarify it as crisply and detailed as you possibly can to your self.  Think about it.  Write about it.  Visualize the desire being true in the present moment....what would it feel like, look like, and be like.  If you cannot conceptualize your desire, you cannot express it in depth with others.  If you cannot communicate your need to another, it will go unfulfilled.  So it is a give and take situation.  Information must be shared in order for result to be reciprocated creating a sense of movement towards wholeness.

The photo in this post...did you look at it or did you just think, "Boy, that's weird!"  Take another look and become aware of all the detail, and how random things placed together became a whole.  Think of how much more you could understand this work if you had heard or read the artist's explanation or intent.

Just like our desires, once voiced, can bring us into intimacy with our loved one, our growing self awareness can remove feelings of emptiness and escort us towards fulfillment.  Learning to express our needs will extend meaningful conversation to more than four minutes per day!  Come on, you are so worth it!