"Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned
is not only shameful, it is destructive."
Annie Dillard
While scrolling through articles in hopes of discovering stimulating insights, I came across what I would call appalling suggestions. For new engagements, the author was encouraging people to keep to themselves, hide preferences, and to adapt a character for the situation. It actually said to protect yourself, so others do not know where to attack you.
Perhaps if you were in a threatening situation, there would be a need for this behavior, but if you are engaging with new people by choice, why be misleading? Being boastful is not welcomed, but sharing what you have learned and reflecting where your interests lay is helpful. Healthy, not deceptive conversations lead towards progress.
At some point inconsistencies will be noticed. When lying, it is nearly impossible to retain precise information originally shared. It is necessary at times to be evasive or vague about private matters, but that is different from deliberately projecting a false image. It is very discouraging to invest in a relationship only to learn it was built on falsehoods.
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