What Does Daddy Look Like?

"Ice upon ice, and yet, inside,

she melted and mourned all the same."

Katherine McIntyre

My parents would go on fishing or hunting trips while my older sister and I would stay with neighbors.  When I was in second grade, my parents left with a few couples for Canada. I experienced great anxiety watching my father drive away. I was exceptionally bonded with my dad and it was difficult to fathom life without him.  

As an hour slowly drifted by, I experienced panic as I could not remember what my father looked like. Hard as I might, I could not conjure up his features.  In sheer fright, I ran to my sister begging her to tell me, "What does Daddy look like?"  

When my parents returned a week later, my sister of course, told the story to the family and friends.  I felt shamed, ridiculed, and unprotected.  The joke lived on through my adulthood.  Whenever I went any where, my father always asked if I wanted a photo of him to take with me.   Even though I am no longer that little girl, the memory of perceived abandonment stays with me.