Sweet Words of Self-Discovery

It took me a long time

not to judge myself

through someone else's eyes.

Sally Field

The concept of life being a competition is foreign to me.  I much prefer to think of life as a celebration of our individual gifts and talents.  Instead of working against each other, I prefer to think of all peoples coming together in a joint effort with eclectic ideas.

In order to come forth to celebrate, we must understand and honor our unique strengths.  We cannot depend upon others to tell us 'who we are' or what work we could or should be doing.  Yes, we all need helpful direction and guidance from time to time, but what is that saying ... "What other people think of me is none of my business." 

Back in the '70's and 80's Neuro Linguistic Programming received positive attention as an approach to psychotherapy.  NLP assisted a person in developing self-awareness and effective communication that would change patterns of mental and emotional behavior.  Much of NLP was about re-framing and I loved it. 

For example, I had never been an athlete nor had I ever been particularly coordinated, but I found myself married into a family of athletes.  Soon I was saying things like, "I am such a klutz," or "I cannot be a jock!"  It became apparent to me, that the more I made those statements, the more inept I became.  So NLP encouraged me to re-frame my statements which I did do with great success.  The idea was to focus on your strength and not your weakness.  My statements became to sound more like, "My strengths are more in writing skills than sports," or "I am rather challenged by tight rope walking."  I quickly learned to use the word challenged for cannot.  It was a matter of reprogramming myself.

We are our own worst enemies.  More than likely, we are more critical of our own self than any one else.  There is no one who knows us better than our selves and yet we readily embrace the judgments of others more deeply than our own personal assessment.  We may say that we love deeply ... others perhaps, but how deeply do we love our selves?

Therapists frequently say, "Love your self!"  Talk about not relating.  Years ago hearing those words were about as helpful as someone saying, "Fly off this cliff!"  Further along my journey, however, I did learn to love my self and there is no greater feeling. 

I am now of the age where if I want to be something in particular, I best be getting on with it.  Instead of saying, "I want to be a writer" it is much more supportive to say, "I am a writer."  It is much more heart felt to say, "I am your friend," instead of "I want to be your friend."

My daughter set an example for me with one of her friends who was being emotionally challenged.  She said to her friend, "How can I love you better?"  Her friend sadly replied, "I don't need anything."  My daughter said, "I didn't ask you what you needed, I asked how I could love you better!"  Her friend 'felt' the sincerity and the depth of the remark and began to smile.  Words are powerful!

   

Forget about enlightenment.

Sit down wherever you are

And listen to the wind singing through your veins.

John Welwood

In other words, quit searching and be present with your self.  Spirit is the wind singing through you, waiting for you to hear the sweet words of self-discovery.