Remove From the Fire

""Do you know the feeling, 

when your heart is so hurt,

that you could feel the blood dripping?"

Lady Gaga

Spiritual Masters claim we get hurt by allowing others to do so and we give them permission.  They say we must empty the vast amount of pain within us to allow ourselves greater control over our own sensitivities.  If we secretly hold in our mind the wish for the other to be hurt back in return, we are experiencing the same pain a second time.

Author, Judith Corvin Blackburn, Ph.D  has been a mentor, teacher, friend, and a living example of how to navigate a spiritual life.  Years ago, I was sharing my pain of repeatedly being hurt and she offered me some advice.  She said to sit down with the other person and have direct eye contact with them.  In a gentle voice state, "You are hurting me."  If there is no response, repeat again and again not changing the words.  This is an interesting exercise as we see first hand how the persona chooses to react.  The importance is not who is at fault, but giving the other person the opportunity to see the damage he or she is creating.

When someone hurts our feelings, we claim they are having a bad day.  As sensitive people, we think we need to be tolerant of others, but not at the cost of being hurt during the process.  When we learn to stand up for ourselves, we listen with compassion. If we get sucked in and criticized, we must have the awareness to say, "This is not a good time.  We'll talk later."  It is not being rude to remove the lovely self from the fire.