Where I Next Need To Go

 

A blank journal, carefully selected lays open in front of me.  It is in recognition of a new birth year.  I allow myself the indulgence of looking back over the previous years selecting and recording only positive contributions. Some of the memories I list at one time would have been recorded under negative situations, but by rewriting my story, I can change perspective. 

Personal characteristics once assumed to be poor behaviors are now referenced as well developed coping skills.  Repressed feelings are now recognized as normal reactions to not having needs or desires recognized nor met.  Shame and guilt placed upon me as heavy armor, have been lifted and my light shines. 

It is difficult to face the world with vulnerability, and to allow hurtful situations to pass through me. There is no more hanging on, no more fantasies, and my fears are somewhat diminished.  I am no longer weighted down by 'should haves' or 'what ifs'.  But life can and does hurt.

It has taken a long time to carry my light into dark places, to accept what is mine and what I by no means own.  I feel lighter and happier, but my mind continues to grow curiouser and curiouser.  My extroverted personality has switched places with my hermit tendencies, and I continue to enjoy a more simple life.

This new year is calling me forward, just as I am, but with more celebration.  Each day I will find the words for my journal reflecting appreciation for who I am and who I still yearn to be.  Daily I will be grateful for all sisters of my heart and for the lessons they have taught and shared with me.  I will be more mindful to send prayers of thanksgiving to all  wayfarers  who pointed me in the right direction and often traveled with me. 

As I recall all of my greatest gifts, I acknowledge many arrived as  blessings and not at all what I had expected, or  thought I needed.  My children remain my greatest teachers, along with ancestors, and the ancient ones.  My light, however, I brought into this world, learned to let it shine, and radiance will lead me where I next need to go.