Kept in the Dark

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"It is possible peacefully to separate yourself from the dysfunctional collective whose message is that we are helpless and must accept the world as it is, that we are powerless to change it or our own lives."  

 

Catherine Ann Jones

Writing As Healing

 

 

There was a rather lengthy article I was sifting through the other day.  A person was being criticized for being present with Democrats, but then again received the same criticism when appearing with Republicans.  In the article, the man was expressing his right to be seen with a variety of people without necessarily identifying with their belief system.  He also expressed his practice in choosing individuals for their character and his own desire to make a statement to others.

 

We all have opinions and they do not always align with our loved ones, community, or organizations.  It is vitally important for us to listen to what others believe.  Then we have the choice of disregarding or embracing the information.  We are not always allowed an outlet to do this. 

 

Writing provides an outlet for the writer holding the pen, to express the self uncensored.  It may even take a little time of digging around inside to discover what is actually important to you.  It is necessary to challenge our own thoughts to understand where they come from.

 

Belief systems are passed down through families.  Many are just accepted without any inquiry as to how the belief was developed.  Grandparents often say, "That's just the way we always did it."  Is that really enough? 

 

Two of my favorite falsehoods were told to me by my mother.  I began to doubt her lack of reasoning and blatantly began running my own experiments.  One of her favorites was, "Never wash your hair when you are menstruating."  In high school, I had very long hair that required daily washing, with or without my period.  The second favorite was, "Don't go out with your hair wet.  You will catch pneumonia."  These favorites began my questioning of oh so many things.  Laughing was not acceptable, I so began the habit of storing my thoughts inside.  This is fine except when these thoughts are not ever harvested.  The seeds of thought will not thrive if kept in the dark.

 

In the past, women especially were ignored and not revered for important input.  I can somewhat understand especially when I remember the common directive:  "Don't sit on the sidewalk or you will get hemorrhoids!"  Thankfully, education, respect, honor, and freedom of speech have increased the wisdom of women.  It is our right to do our own thinking and it helps to express it in private writing when personal input is not well received.  Be in tune with inner thoughts and recognize the power within.  We have the right to question.

 

 



How To Avoid Collapsing Into A Murky Past

 

 

 

"It's common to reject or punish yourself when you’ve been rejected by others. When you experience disappointment from the way your family or others treat you, that’s the time to take special care of yourself. What are you doing to nurture yourself? What are you doing to protect yourself? Find a healthy way to express your pain.” 

 

Christina Enevoldsen

 

 

 

Travel stresses me out, but anticipation of being present with people from my past, my anxiety is full blown.   Vivid are my imaginings of how I will be treated in a condescending fashion, and can feel the eyes of judgement upon me.  It is as though I am re-entering the lion's cage where I will be once again clawed to the bone.  Dramatic?  Well, yes, I do agree, but fear is running rampant.

 

It is one of those times I need to gently sit by my lovely self and say, "Really? You are going to subject your self to criticism yet again?  You are going to allow a person to easily steal your honor and respect?" 

 

To gather a sense of balance takes some time.  There is no sense of comfort collapsing into the murky past, and yet it can feel more comfortable than facing the unknown with nothing but fear in my pocket.  Eventually, my stubbornness gets channeled into creative drive and I begin to map out my route to self-satisfaction.

 

There are various reading resources I can turn to, stoking my fire.  I harvest my journals reminding me how to overcome my fear.  I do some writing, creating a new story so that I won't fall into old patterns. Meditation helps me to visualize confidence, respect, and honor, both for myself an others.  In prayer I communicate with all I regard as sacred, requesting protection, both physical and emotional.

 

I now feel better prepared to face that which is untamed. Even without my armor, I can safely tread, placing one foot after the other, knowing my perception creates everything I see.  Who I truly am today, what I stand for and what I believe, define a new way to be. I just need to remember to breathe.

A Woman's Worth and Weight

 

 

"I'd gotten caught up in our cultural belief

that our worth as women is closely tied

to our weight."

Christiane Northrup, M.D.

 

 

Throughout my life, I have been mentally fat.  I learned body shame at an early age. Layers of misconception have been applied to my personal faulty image.  Our cultural obsession with being thin instigated a split between a healthy relationship with my body and my self worth.  My unacceptable heavy body was dead baggage I would resentfully drag around for decades.

 

Marianne Williamson authored a book entitled, "A COURSE IN WEIGHT LOSS" and it is not focused on a diet.  It successfully addresses all of the issues underneath body shame and weight gain.  If you have never experienced this material and have a tainted body image, give this book a try.

"BEAUTIFUL YOU"a daily guide to Radical Self-Acceptance is authored by Rosie Molinary.  Every day there is a segment contributing to an action plan to empower the self.  It helps to create a healthy self  image, built up self-confidence and reframe the negative mind chatter. The reader becomes aware of self-defeating behaviors and begins to focus on personal strengths.  It truly is an upbeat companion offering positive suggestions for daily living.

 

There is one more book I wan to bring into this realm of self-image.  "THE TAPPING SOLUTION"

For Weight Loss & Body Confidence by Jessica Ortner.  The foreword is written by Christiane Northrup, M.D.   It teaches the reader an easy tapping technique to lower stress, to weigh less, and to love more.  It requires 15 minutes per day of tapping while reframing self-criticism.  It is a proven technique and hot off the press!

 

Body confidence is a very private matter.  An issue we do not feel comfortable talking about with anyone, except once in a while during a moment of weakness.  By using any of the three books mentioned above, a woman can find a new path to appreciating her entire package.  It truly isn't just the 'diet', it is the stories we are telling ourselves, our reactions to triggers, and the unbearable stress which drives us to blame our bodies.

 

Help is just a book away.  It is time to shed the heavy baggage and create a shining self-image.  These are wonderful resources and will assist the reader into a new perception and happier life.

 

 

Unleashing Thoughts

"Personal events are not the only forces that darken our psyches. Sometimes the soul's way is diametrically opposed to the collective tune, and we must find the courage to march to our own drum". Catherine Ann Jones



Daily Om is a wonderful daily read!  It offers insight to help one focus for the day.  Catherine Ann Jones wrote an article for Daily Om on May 24, 2014 entitled, "Heal Yourself with Writing."  It was an excellent entry into her on line course.  Anyone would certainly connect with her thinking.

My writing began with diaries when I was in grade school.  They were a wonderful escape for me, but designer diaries did not offer enough space for what I had to say, even though I really liked the locks with the little keys.  By seventh grade I was writing in composition books, actually the ones still available with black white design.  Over the years, I have used a wide range of  note keeping, stretching from notebooks to gifted leather journals. 

It is a misconception for people to believe they need a special pen and paper.  It is also not true that punctuation needs to be perfect.  I have a dear friend who never writes anything in her journal, but expresses herself by sketching.  There are no rules to writing.  One can use short phrases while others are writing gospels.  Some may even make weekly collages ... truly, anything works!

It is quite common for a person to sigh, saying "I have nothing to say or write!"  This is so untrue.  We all have unleashed thoughts bumping around inside of us, yearning for place to be.  The Art of Writing requires a person to pick up a writing instrument and just begin.  In time, a person will be amazed at what stories appear when allowed to be in a flow.  When we give ourselves permission to scribble anything, thoughts gleefully jump upon the page.  I encouage you to begin ...

Connecting with Ritual

"It is interesting that a branch of science - psychology - has led at least a few hardy pioneers full circle back to the realm that once belonged to religion, ritual, in order to answer the need for more personal connectivity with each other and the universe."  Peter Levine


Rituals were prevalent in  religious ceremonies when I was growing up. They enhanced any gathering with a broad span of situation:  birth, death, marriage, or receiving sacraments.  Rituals were the workings of the minister or priest. 

Speaking for women, as they began seeking sacred meaning outside of the church, their hearts turned to ritual.   Nature called to many souls, and became the backdrop for individual contemplation.  Woman created their own personal rituals with candles or flowers which led to making some type of altar.  In the earlier years, these actions were secretive as they had been taught that only men could do rituals. 

One may begin to think of women doing private rituals as paganistic and one has to admit there are still pagan rituals today, but this discussion is in reference to something different.  The ritual I refer to is an individual who has a relaionship with the Divine, yearns for communication in addition to prayer on other days than Sundays.  The created ritual can be as simple as lighting a tealight every morning in celebration of life or as a request for safety during the day.  It can be on a larger scale with music, flowers, shared wisdom by friends establishing a sacred circle.

The importance is having the ability to honorably connect with the Univserse, Divine, God or Goddess other than one church service per week.  Women long for a sacred communication and joyfully design a ceremony to enhance their need for connectivity. 

Our lives hold rituals that are not necessarily sacred, like brushing our teeth, reading before bed, driving the same route to work, coffee in the morning and any other repeated action daily.  There are others as well such as Sunday Dinners, Family Meetings, Saturday date night or laundry on the weekends.

If being creative is not your strength, there are numerous books sharing the art of ritual, offering situations such as divorce, new job, awakening, guidance,  daughter's passage, or personal prayer.
The possibilities are endless.  Experiment with bringing just one small ritual into a daily or weekly agenda and notice the advancement of enhanced connection.



To Hear One Speak

 

 

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly;

what is essential is invisible to the eye."

Saint-Exupery

 

 

When we are facing a challenge, we often wear a mask hiding our fear.  So as the role of a good friend, one must be a good listener.  Any chosen confidant knows the one speaking is not really in search for answers.  The one sharing simply wants to express himself, to allow his/her words to be displayed out in the open, and to hear one's self speaking the truth or not. 

 

The art of listening focuses on the tone of the words, the animation of the face, and what is not being directly said.  This of course calls to us to use our hearts.  We can then feed back what we have observed validating the emotions being presented before us. 

 

Most of us fear not having an appropriate answer, and yet if we but listen with compassion, that provides the needed answer.  As we hear the facts of the dilemma, we can sort through them and with our heart imagine what this all might feel like.  What actions needing to be taken are derived from how we perceive the experience through our emotions. 

 

The next time we find ourselves in a position of listening, observe what emotions are being stirred.  What is the person not saying, but written all over their face?  When the words are being spoken, what wave of emotion are they riding? 

 

In life, we are not called to be the keeper of answers to all challenges in life.  We are called, however, to be present in the lives of others.  As we witness the unfolding of life, we are enlightened through the understanding of heart felt compassion.

Shine Like The Sun

"Be Grateful For Your Life, every detail of it..

and your face will come to shine like a sun.. 

and everyone who sees it.. 

will be made glad and peaceful.." 

~Rumi~

The grocery store is a perfect place to spread joy.  It is easy to greet regular employees found in the dairy aisle, deli, meat counter, or produce.  An on going conversation can be stretched from week to week. Seniors always seem to stand just a little more erect once complimented on a specific item they wear or a simple remark about the weather.  Little tykes can easily be praised and the parent releases some of the built up stress.  

Dropping little nuggets of joy around a store is much like a gardener planting seeds.  Humor and pleasant greetings help to lift any heavy feelings floating in the air.  Compliments are like the sun nurturing a seed. There is no way of knowing how a simple gesture of kindness can impact a person.  The positive energy once received can help one bloom or flourish, passing the goodness on throughout the day.  To share emotion is similar to cleansing rain:, renewing and stimulating growth.

The amazing thing is when an individual makes it a habit to be generously kind to others, they are also raising their level of happiness.  Positive or validating words to others, also increases our own personal level of attitude and gratitude.  When we allow our face to shine like the sun,  we create a thriving garden around us.

Understanding Circumstance

"Nothing in life is to be feared.

It is only to be understood."

Marie Curie

1867-1934

When we our faced with fear, it is important to ask if the information at hand is factual or if we are projecting emotions onto a situation that is basically safe. What we fear generally never happens, therefore, we waste precious energy that could be invested into something positive.

When we feel fear, we can ask ourselves why:  history repeating itself based on past experience; not knowing or willing to see what risk is involved; or no reality based information to support what we are feeling.  

This is not to say that 'gut instincts' need to be ignored; actually, quite the contrary.    What are our senses trying to nudge us about?  The answer again is to sort through information in order to determine if this fear is fact or fiction.

Fear can be a great warning system as well as a strong barrier.  We need to be open to what can be gained or lost and determine if we are willing to do so.  There are times when the only action perfect for fear is stepping through it to the other side.  

Fear robs us of energy that when funneled into positive thoughts, could  become the source of reward.  If we give too much power to fear, we have too little remaining to successfully move forward.  The ability to understand the circumstance eliminates or minimizes overwhelming fear.  With knowledge, clear thinking guides us through any darkness or fear.

Tarnished Chain

 

 

 

 

"It's crazy how you can go months or years

without talking to someone, but

they still cross your mind every day."

 

R. Steve Mahong

 

 

Study hall in my junior year at the private academy was a disappointment in that not one of my friends had the same schedule.  Early on, I chose a table with only one other person sitting at it.  I was aware of his name, but knew nothing about him except he was the epitome of the 'dark side'. 

 

At my college prep academy, those reflecting the 'dark side' were a definite minority and usually ostracized.  I falsely believed  we would never talk to each other and I could have some alone time.

 

As the months passed by, Allan Rooms and I became confidants.  We talked about anything and everything not related to school.  He was a self-reported outcast with his wealthy family and it was no wonder.  He wreaked of cigarette smoke (which was not allowed nor cool) and wore filthy clothes.  His hair was unkempt and he had severely dark rings under his eyes as he never seemed able to sleep.  He always slouched, never held himself straight, and shuffled with an irregular gait.

 

The only place I spent time with Allan was in study hall as he was a senior and we did not share classes.  If we happened to pass each other, we held eye contact and nothing more even if we were by our selves.  A strange relationship indeed.

 

Throughout the year, our relationship deepened as I discovered I was the keeper of his silent world.  For whatever reason, Allan knew he could trust me and although we never physically touched each other, some small part of my heart engaged with his.  He offered strange tales as I sat and listened.

 

Right before he graduated, he took a  small wooden cross hanging  from around his neck and slid it across to me.  He said nothing and I just shot him a questioning look.  As far as I knew, he had worn it every day.   It was small with gold paint chipped on every side.  I held it tightly in my hand and that was the last time I saw him.

 

A few years later, I read in the alumni news that Allan Rooms had died while fighting in Viet Nam.  I felt a very deep sorrow and a large sense of loss.  Immediately, I went to my college dorm and unearthed the little cross on the tarnished chain.  I sat and cried, promising I would never forget him.  I wish he knew I remembered him still.

 



 

Opening A New Cover

"It is okay to doubt

what you have been taught

to believe."

 

Mentors Channel

 

 

 

A friend of mine has been on a spiritual path for quite some time (haven't we all whether recognized or not) and she asked to borrow some books to explore different perspectives.  I pulled a few books off of my shelves hoping to provide her with a wide range of beliefs.

 

A while later, my dear friend  approached me, rather seriously, saying she really was having trouble getting through one of the books.  She disagreed with the author's viewpoints and questioned the credibility.  I assured her that it was perfectly permissible to disregard any information not resonating with what one believes.  I encouraged her to move on to another.

 

This has been a gentle reminder about my reading habits.  I like to stretch and grow my spiritual beliefs.  I often read something I don't necessarily believe as it reinforces what I do believe.  I don't want to live in a shell clinging to a few beliefs without challenge.  If I find material to be too extreme, I immediately discard it.  There are too many books out there to be wasting my time on one's I don't like. 

 

So there is a difference between expanding what one believes through reading  and exposing the mind to offensive writings.  It is important, however, to push boundaries a little for the sake of learning.  If I find myself stuck in a book not 'speaking' to me, I will move forward a chapter to see if there is still something waiting for me to explore.  The next chapter may not trigger my resistance and I might be more open minded.

 

The practice of reading for exploration is a good one.  By opening a new cover, one may find new knowledge to nurture the soul.  Visiting different perspectives does not require the reader to give up values.   I personally feel any belief system can withstand questions or doubts.  If we are so rigid in protecting our beliefs, never opening to discussion, then we will never know the strength of what we hold dear.  

 

 



"I know, and I can help."

"I know and I can help."

Bessel van der Kolk

TRAUMA * ADDICTIONS * INTIMACY DISORDERS

Conference Nashville, Tennessee

 

 

Bessel van der Kolk is one of the world's foremost authorities Post Traumatic Stress Disorders and other related disorders.  He has extensive credentials and his presentation was filled with studies, research, and current discoveries. 

 

During his presentation, Mr. van der Kolk referred to the importance of feeling safe.   An individual suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder needs more than drugs.  If an arena of safety is not provided or abused within the context of receiving help, the person may experience the original impact of trauma again, intensifying fear.

 

There are a large variety of people who have suffered trauma and resist healthy professional relationships where healing can take place. As a friend or co-worker, we can be present in the crisis at hand and assist the victim in finding professional help. 

 

Professional services are required.  Therapeutic intervention may also include skills such as hypnosis, EFT, EMDR or SE to name just a few.  The important piece for a person in relationship with a victim of trauma, is to assure them you understand even if on a minor level.  Display compassion and empathy with the assurance of trust.  Once this part of the relationship is in place, we can assist the person in finding professional help.  We can be one of the witnesses to their  recovery. The primary skill is listening. 

 

When a person is facing challenge and they hear, "I know and I can help" the beginning of relief is immediately felt.  It indicates an action or the first step in the direction of healing.  As human beings, we are all capable of developing compassion and empathy to witness our own  challenges and those of others. If these qualities are not displayed by a professional, the victim needs to discover one who does provide the arena of safety.

 

Bessel van der Kolk primarily focused upon the parts of the brain impacted by trauma and the damage that occurs.  In great depth he described how our relationships and our perceptions become impaired when trauma is repressed or never addressed.  From desensitizing experiences in life, nightmares, fractured relationships, to chronic trauma or other areas of dysfunction, a person cannot experience a full and healthy life of promise.  Drugs can be at the beginning of the  bridge to healing, but are not a remedy in themselves.

 

The Art of Being Present

 

 

 

 

"If people would simply pay attention to the harmony or disharmony within themselves, they would be able to eliminate the arduous and impossible task of trying to control the behaviors of others."

Abraham

 

 

When my granddaughter was three years old, my son was holding her over his head,  letting her fly through the air.  They were both laughing, engaged in play, but my granddaughter said, "I've got you daddy!"  Her perception was interesting  as he was the one totally supporting her above his head. 

 

This same little girl wore a velvet court jester's hat on her head every day, even at bedtime.  The strange part was that she always seemed to be examining me, deep in thought, as a very old soul.  Her eyes never wavered, and they seemed to penetrate deeply into my essence.  "What do you see?" I would ask her. She replied with silence.

 

Her father was the same way.  He too was an observer of others.  Neither he nor his daughter were out going, but nothing ever escaped their eyes.  Without judgement or any need for control, these two peas in a pod learned through observation as silent observers.

 

Too often we feel the need to 'fix' someone.  Our ego implies we have the answers to the problems of others, distracting us from any needed alteration of our own.  The irony is what we are drawing attention to in others is exactly what we should addressing within ourselves.

 

My son and grandchild may have been more aligned to the  human experience by just being present in some one's life, rather than being an invasive participant.   They were the witness to a life unfolding without any driven need to interfere. 

 

 





Creating Hope

When I read biographies of people such as Nelson Mandela, I marvel at what personal courage he maintained while facing fear every minute of the day.  Although my fears are not physical nor rarely real, they can be threatening and paralyzing.

The responses I once used as coping skills were fight or flight.  Since I had never allowed my self to ever display or express anger, flight was pretty much my go to response.  Flight does not always have to be a physical act.  It can be an emotional withdrawal as well.  When I am unable to cope and become overwhelmed, I experience what is called freezing ... like a deer caught in headlights.  Even though I may have numbed my self from on coming pain, I emotionally get stuck and cannot move in any direction.

The good news is I can now identify these actions as soon as I engage them.   When mindful, I can side step fight, flight and freeze, by redirecting my self to support, encouragement, and emotional safety.  It is okay to reach out to a trusted friend or respected therapist.  Gathering old journals, I can find other times when I had allowed self-worth to slip away.   I read several entries in my own writing to re-experience the successful actions I chose, restoring my self-esteem.  Lastly, I self-nurture ... bubble bath, massage or energy work, trip to a book store, coffee with a kindred spirit, or wander in nature.

It is important for me to track this cycle, knowing it may return again.  It is valuable to me just to express my self exactly as I feel, so that when I revisit these writings, I will be reminded of my own personal courage, vulnerability, and endurance which ultimately creates hope.

 

When Hard Pressed

Conflict has appeared in what is usually a warm and accepting environment.  I am totally caught off guard and I feel tension spreading through my body with waves of fear.  I experience my mind building a strong defense to secure things will remain comfortably in my favor.

It pays to sit awhile, to toss ideas around so they can be worn out and set in a corner of the mind.  I let my concerns drop down into my heart and I scoop the fear from my belly.  Sigh.  Peace returns and I can view the situation from a greater distance, allowing creative opportunities to surface.  

Instead of trying to 'stack the cards' in my favor or decide what is 'right', I can venture into positive outcomes when change occurs.  My intuition is somehow able to bring to the the surface ideas enhancing the situation rather than producing a negative climate.  

To allow the mind to stop thinking and to wait for insight that will benefit all involved, is truly a preferred way of decision making.  When hard pressed, it is best to just admit clear insight is not apparent as of yet, and more time is required.  Automatic responses are rarely in any one's best interest.  Give permission to take as much time as needed until thoughts, feelings, and emotions are aligned.

The Spiritual Art of Slowing Down

"It's easy to operate under the illusion that what we are doing is so important we cannot stop doing it. We think we cannot slow down, especially for something trifling.  But that is exactly the sort of thing we must never be too busy for.  Stopping is a spiritual art.  It is the refuge where we drink life in."


FIRSTLIGHT
Sue Monk Kidd


In one of her earlier writings, Sue Monk Kidd shares a story about being in a huge hurry, traveling through North Carolina mountains.  She had important things to do, but she noticed the car in front of her come to a complete stop.   A very large turtle was slowly crossing the mountain road.  She had to patiently wait for the animal to safely cross.  While doing so, she began to notice the movements of the slowly paced turtle, comparing them to her own which were at breakneck speed.  

As she sat waiting, Sue Monk Kidd unrolled her window.  She felt a gentle breeze,as the swaying of the trees caught her eye.  She breathed in the fragrances and began to notice all of  the beautiful colors of the mountain area.  She 'tasted the beauty of life' and felt 'God's contemplative peace enter her heart.'

We tell ourselves how we cannot afford to slow down, how we have deadlines that only we can successfully meet, and how necessary it is to remain faithful to our schedules.  This all of course is an illusion.  It is a story we tell over and over again.  Then a turtle wanders onto the path, slowing us down to experience the 'spiritual art' of slowing down.

Nova, Thief or Act of Kindness?

"Things are seldom what they seem."

W.S. Gilbert

The six hour drive home from Nashville, TN has just been completed.  I have been absent with my lovely dog, Bella, for seven days.  I stand in front of my kitchen window marveling at how green and thick everything has become in my absence.  As I drink my water, I notice a man standing outside of my new neighbor's fence.  He is fairly tall, gray hair, a white golf shirt and khakis.  

I wonder what this man is doing just standing there.  Then I notice the neighbor's dog, Nova laying in the thick grass.  Nova is a very large Great Dane who seems to be kept outside a lot.  Prior to my leaving, I had heard him crying out in the yard all day.  I often wondered if he had shelter or enough water.  

As I am watching the stationary man, a woman appears by his side.  I cannot see her face as her hair is thick and curly whipped by the wind as the storm approaches.  She moves swiftly, reaching the lock on the inside of the gate and entering.  Nova jumps excitedly.  He attempts to place his paws on her shoulders, but she dodges him.  I have the sense that she is talking to him and her hands are in a frenzy attaching a leash to the dog's neck, and quickly exiting my neighbor's yard.  The man, woman, and Nova walk out of my sight.

It all happened so quickly, my mind has trouble catching up!  I don't know what to do.  These two people hardly looked like thieves, and I cannot imagine them unlawfully removing Nova.  I wonder about animal control, but neither adult was dressed like this and the man didn't assist the woman.  If they had been from animal control, I believe they would have accessed Nova less aggressively.

I watch into the night for Nova to return, but there isn't one light in the house and nothing stirs in the yard in the heavy rain.  I wonder if these people were friends of my new neighbor, coming to get Nova as the owner might have been delayed somewhere.

I wonder if I should have called the police?  I have only a story to tell and nothing more.  I didn't even think of snapping a picture with my phone.  Driving for so many hours has lulled my senses.  So feeling somewhat guilty, I do nothing, but spoil my own pet.  

Morning comes and as I let my Bella out into our yard, there is no sign of Nova in his yard.  The house blinds and shades are exactly as they were yesterday.   I have no way of knowing if he has been rescued in an act of kindness or kidnapped before my very eyes.  I am going to be heartsick if Nova was stolen while I stood idly by my window.  My writer's mind swirls with dramatic stories while my heart just longs to see  him returned to his home.

Trauma, Addiction, Intimacy Disorders Conference ... Nashville, TN

Woman Reading

Leon Kamir-Kaufman

1872-1933

All religions , arts and sciences are branches of the same tree.

All these aspirations are directed toward enabling man's life,

lifting it from the sphere of more physical existence

and leading the individuals towards freedom.

Albert Einstein 

U.S. Journal Training, Inc. provided an excellent conference in Nashville, Tennessee.  I attended with my daughter and received excellent material from great names such as:  Bessel van der Kolk, Joan Borysenko, Rob Weiss, Christine Courtois, Pat Love, Claudia Black, Pamela Peeke, and Don Meichenbaum Each presenter, well respected in their field, ignited the audience day after day.  It was stimulating to be present in the midst of transitions from what I learned in school and to what is being researched and supported currently.

We were surrounded by authors willing to sign his or her most current books, and materials about treatment centers.  I was delighted to find my interests referenced in discussions:  EMDR, Somatic Experiencing, Emotional Freedom Technique, Equine Therapy, and Expressive Art Therapy.  

There are a variety of experts in the field of trauma.  Treatment as a catalyst for change impacts the core issues.  It is a matter in which a person finds rhythm rather than resistance.  Versatility in treatments leaves no one on the outside.  There is something resonating for everyone.  Even drumming and the art of transformation in spiritual recovery helped to untangle the web of healing trauma.

If you are interested in these topics, 'google' any of the names and a world of reference will be presented. Everyone needs an update from time to time, to stretch and to grow, while stretching out dated information.  

Invitation to the Divine

"What does a running vacuum cleaner have to do with God?

Thee question seemed important, critically important.

This incident may sound small and silly, but it was a turning point.

God, I realized, is not partial to stained glass."

FIRST LIGHT

Sue Monk Kidd

As a child, I was mesmerized by the sacredness of the Roman Catholic Church.  Filled with innocence, I was deeply moved by the stained glass windows, burning candles, and the magnificent statues in the darkened church.  The liturgy said in Latin added to the ambiance and holding my private little missal made me feel deeply rooted in faith.

I have parted ways with 'organized' religion, but my faith has been liberated.  I find the presence of Divine Spirit in the dandelion pushing it self up between the crack of the cement sidewalk.  I catch a glimpse of Divine in the setting sun.  I feel God in the breeze as it gently moves the branches of the ancient wise trees.  I sense the simplicity of Spirit while watching a hawk glide through a cloudless sky.  I hear the voice of all things sacred speak to me through words of friends, books, and landscapes.  

I truly believe if we but open our hearts and ears, we will experience sacredness in all things around us  ... children, nature, songs, paintings, and conversations.  We are never truly alone and Spirit is always waiting for us to invite the Divine in, no matter where we find ourselves to be.

Perspective on Death

"When someone special chooses between two great and wondrous paths, like studying the arts versus sciences, living in Florida or California, or dating Sky instead of Skylar, is there sudden devastation, heartbreak and tears for the road not taken?  Or is there celebration, jubilation, and excitement for the infinite possibilities that lie ahead?

Yeah, and so it should be when someone special chooses to pass beyond the veils of time and space, as all must one day choose to do.

The Universe

www.tut.com

It seems there are so many people 'passing' these days.  People who are lovely, gifted, and enormously wise or who are young, vibrant, and glorious contributors to the lives of many.  Death doesn't make sense to those of us who are left behind.  

If I am to believe in God my definitions are widely expandable, never confined to a singular person or thing. As I believe I am a spirit experiencing a human physical form, my home definitely would be where I originally came from, and that is where I would want to return.   

Why would I not want to leave the confines of this life when called, knowing there is never ending wisdom beyond the veil?  I cannot help but feel joyful for those who cross over where they can continue to help us from the other side.  Yes, I am deeply saddened when a loved one slips away.  I mourn.  I grieve.  I struggle with my loss, but I am still deeply curious as to the experiences now unfolding and  evolving, for my dear.  We will certainly have in depth conversation when we are finally together again.

Look Both Ways

"Describe the face you show no one

and the face you show the world.

Without judging either, 

begin a conversation between the two."

SEVEN THOUSAND WAYS TO LISTEN

Mark Nepo

No matter how integrated we may become, I venture to say we will always have different faces.  Our perceptions change and we don't always visualize the same scene, so our reactions will be different.  As we evolve hardly anything remains the same.  Being an animated person, I change facial patterns often.  But perhaps I am taking the word 'face' too literally.

Indeed I strive to be authentic in my core.  I want to be the same compassionate person to any person I might meet.  I do know, however, the person I am or the face I show to anything I deem sacred is much less complicated.. My original childlike self, vulnerable and imaginative is most generally exposed to nature and spirit, but not necessarily to everyone.  

So what would a conversation be like between the two?  If you take the time to do this, it really is quite interesting.  One of mine is quite vulnerable and simple whereas the other is deeply complicated and protected.  One is uplifting while the other can be exhausting.   One is very trusting and loved, but the other is cautious and fearful.  That is what it is like for me.

One side is very spiritual whereas the other is designed for human life on earth.  The discovery is that I really like both sides of my self and no longer feel damaged or ashamed.  The outer face keeps me grounded in this world and the inner one is lofty.  At this point in  my life, I truly feel I am one person trying to live an authentic life, but looks both ways before crossing a street.

Best Mother's Day Present Ever

There is a quote about:  sons being sons until they marry;

and daughters being daughters forever.

Three boys had been born to me, and when I was pregnant with a fourth child, I so hoped for another boy.  It would be much easier for hand me down clothes, sharing rooms, and I felt I knew the ropes for boys.  On Mother's Day, May 11, a little girl was born to me and changed my ways forever.

My daughter being the youngest was spoiled by her brothers and both parents.  She definitely was not a prissy thing, as the boys included her in everything.  She wore their hand me downs, but a bow or a dash of pink was always added.  On Sundays and special occasions she sported little gloves, patent leather shoes with matching purse, and plenty of ruffles.  I think she learned to navigate both sides of the coin.

Throughout her life, we have read together, shared books, and quiet times.  I was clearly a presence in her life, and surprisingly to me, she has also remained a clear presence in mine.  We have learned from each other and always seem to be on the same wave length.  She is more intellectual than I ever was, but her focus is in my field of study.  There is nothing she can talk about that I have no interest.

My daughter has a beautiful light within and she shines brightly for being tall, but small in frame.  Stylish, compassionate, articulate, and pure fun would be just some of the ways to describe her.  Hannah her rescued golden mix has wrapped herself around my heart.  Her significant other is a blessing and feels like another son.  I am proud of her and thankful for her.  She continues to be the best Mother's Day present ever!  

Happy Birthday, Amanda Rose!

Never Far From My Heart

"He who can be a good son

will be a good father."

Author Unknown

As a mother, I have brought three children into this world, three boys and the youngest a girl.  My second son, Ryan, was the most challenging to raise as he was super energetic and very independent.  With this challenge, he received a lot of my attention whether welcomed or not.  As I monitored him perhaps more closely than the others, I felt a definite unspoken bond between us.  

This son of mine is definitely not flawless, but he has driven himself to success.  He continues to have the sense of humor that laughs my socks off, but still reduce me to tears in his more tender moments.  I praise his wife of many years and admire his children who have thrived under life experiences.

From early memories (running in the back yard stark naked with cowboy boots on and his training pants on his head), to those more current (living in a house so huge I forget certain rooms), I have consistently loved this boy every minute of his life.

He has a strong sense of relationship, but not allowing just anyone in.  He is very stubborn which he has benefited from by holding out for the best.  He holds his tongue, but when he speaks, you had better listen as he will nail the subject clearly.  

What I like mostly about Ryan, is his continuing kinship with his brothers and sister.  He remains in sporadic touch with them, but they all instantly pick up where they last left off.  There is something about his sincerity that allows a person to feel deeply accepted in spite of what is being said.  This child has given me the opportunity to learn how to love beyond reason, to trust those deserving; and to reward unsuspecting kindred spirits.  He encouraged me when I struggled, laughed at me when I meditated, and loved me when I made mistakes.  

In my heart of hearts, in all of my knowings, this son of mine has been brother to his brothers and brother to his sister in other life times.  We have shared life times together in many roles that return to me in dreams and memory recall, and through unspoken words.   This child, this son, this soul is forever not far from my heart.

Happy Birthday, May 10th.

Personal Strengths

"The ultimate goal should be doing your

best and enjoying it."

Peggy Fleming

It is important to discover our personal skills and not take them for granted.  To recognize we have a gift helps us to follow a directed path.  Unfortunately, we often know our specialty, but out of some need, set it aside for something different.  At early ages, we display an ability recognized by adults who then either support and courage or discourage and block our intentions.

There is a story of a successful blind man born into a very poor family.  While attending a community gathering as a child, he found himself playing incredible piano scores.  His peers did not discourage him based on the fact that he was blind.  They gathered donations and gifted the family with an old and out of tune piano.   

There are examples of musicians who had started playing or singing in their church choir and how the church or community advanced their opportunities. The same is true of athletes who had been noticed at an early age and trained by caring adults.  Unfortunately, these are exceptions.  Stories of those who were forced into a father's business, groomed from childhood, or pressured into more recognized careers not accenting personal gifts, denies an inner expression which could have been harvested.

When we recognize we have a particular skill and we do not have an arena to display it, we can cultivate it on our own.  Through time, we can increase our skill finding great joy and passion.  The importance is in honoring the gifts we have received.  There are those who claim they do not have any such gifts, but it would be more accurate to say these folks have actually taken their strength for granted or minimized its worth. The skill does not have to be perfected, as the goal is to enjoy it. 

To Be Present For A Friend

 

 

"It's better to write about things you feel

than about things you know about."

L.P. Hartley

 

 

 

 

It is not a secret that I belong to a writers group.  We have been together for several years and we are very eclectic and diverse.  We hold our meetings in various places in the community, but recently we have been loitering in Edgar's sponsored by Goodwill.  The cafe seems to welcome us and not mind us occupying one of their big tables.  The staff is very friendly and we do above and beyond in supporting their foods and coffees.

 

As often times happens, another large table was hosting a group of women of varying ages.  I would estimate three generations were represented.  One of the writers noticed something had happened.  When we viewed the other table, all of the women were hovering around  a woman representing the elders.  It was easy to assume the woman was experiencing a stroke or a heart attack,

 

On of our writers knew a woman in the other group, so she immediately went to assist.  The remainder of our group said prayers, positive  thoughts and spiritual light.  The staff at the cafe swiftly alerted medical response teams.

 

I am mentioning this incident for one reason alone.  Not that it was an emergency nor a difficult health situation.  My intention is to comment on the actions of the surrounding women.  They were not filled with drama nor were they weeping and sobbing when the ailing woman lost consciousness and did not register a pulse.  These women were nothing but compassion and love.  As a group they stood with respect and loving kindness.  All of them remained clearly present, prepared to witness whatever unfolded in spite of their triggered personal emotions.

 

In time, the woman regained consciousness and was transported to the hospital. We were able to focus once again within our own group.  All of us did comment on how this incident effected us.

 

Before I left,  I approached these ladies telling them they  were like gathering angels for their friend.  How wonderful to have friends gathered around us and loving us, during a difficult situation.  Friends willing to be spiritually present in any stage of our unfolding.  We all stood and exchanged hugs which  reaffirmed their kind actions.  They all seemed  to be relieved, trusting they did the best any one could do ... just by being present.

 

 

 



 

 

These Were My Desires

 

"Unfulfilled desires are dangerous forces."

Sarah Tarleton Colvin

 

 

Self discovery is an ancient quest and also a never ending one.  Granted, it is sometimes interrupted by life or deliberate diversions, but when we once again turn our selves inwards, the authentic self is waiting to be explored.

 

As my mind drifted back in time this beautiful spring day, I recalled the attitude of my parents when they sent my older sister off t college.  There were thorough discussions about what she wanted to study and how to orchestrate four years of curriculum. 

 

Then my mind wandered back to when I was accepted at the college of my choice.  My parents as well as friends of theirs made comments about my going to college, meeting my perspective husband and discontinuing my education.  They wagered on my time in college as being a one or at the most two year stint.   Their were no conversations about what to study or what to do with my education after four years.  Expectations of me were very slim.

 

I did graduate from college with a double major in psychology and sociology.  I used this education in a very significant career as well as honing parenting skills.  My achievements were far greater than what was expected of me.  I felt good about earning my degree.

 

I cannot help but wonder however, how my life would have unfolded had I listened to my peers and kept my agenda narrowly focused.  I can see through hind sight how badly my self-esteem would have suffered had I not received the proper training for a specific field.  I would not have been able to secure a position such as I did where I could daily help children, women, and individuals to the extent that I was then able.  I would not have been able to secure an acceptable income for my own children.

 

The key of course is doing what you love.  I followed my heart and absorbed everything available to me as I was curious and always wanted to learn just a little bit more.  In honesty, I was driven to understand myself just as much as I yearned to untangle the lives of others.  These were my desires.

Unleashing the Agony

 

 

"There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you."

Zora Neale Hurston

 

 

We all carry stories inside of ourselves.  Some have been shared while others have been hidden.  Our untold stories can cause us emotional and physical pain. There can be great reward in writing our personal experiences, even if we burn them immediately afterwards.

 

There may be fear in telling our story and the revealing may be bittersweet.  The truth is painful, but once our story is released, the pain of repression can be healed and released.  It is when we let go that our difficult memories can be released.  Do not be afraid to cry, as tears can be part of the cleansing.

 

If we are repressing a traumatic incident, we can support ourselves by setting aside a special time to nurture ourselves during the process of letting go.  We can gather favorite items of comfort or even a trusted friend to witness our release.  We could light candles or buy a special pen and paper for the telling.  We can write our story out and save it for future additions or we can destroy the document forever letting go. 

 

Especially creative people can use metaphors or create fantasy about their subject matter.  Some are very good at poetry or writing lyrics to a song.  There is not a right or wrong way to do this.  The importance is following through with unleashing the agony we have held within for way too long.

 

 

 



Cottages and Fairy Tales

"Fairy tales were not my escape from reality as a child; rather, they were my reality -- for mine was a
world in which good and evil were not abstract concepts, and like fairy-tale heroines, no magic would
save me unless I had the wit and heart and courage to use it widely."
Terri Windling


 I love sweet little dwellings with flower boxes, and open windows.  I often wonder if  I fancy these little abodes as they were definitely a backdrop for many fanciful stories I read in my early years.  Cottages whether made of large stone or random planks of wood, call to my creative spirit.  All of them seem to be somewhat known to me and I feel a yearning for a stay of solitude.

A trip through the woods to grandmother's house or the gingerbread house were not happy experiences.  In both fairy tales, the children were scared to death and surely suffer from post traumatic stress disorder to this day.  So why is a little cottage a symbol of comfort to me?  It seems so conflicted.

As I ponder this subject, and compare it to my eclectic nature, I come to realize that my drive to overcome hardship involves a vivid imagination.  Changing the creepy cottages of my youth into blissful places to reside, gives me a sense of security that goodness will prevail.  The changed cottage symbol gives me hope that things will not always be as bad as they are.  I believe in the resilience of childhood to propel us into a life of safety, respect, and honor.

In my little cottage, I will be a creative eccentric putting a delusional spin on a previous sad tale.  I will be writing my story in complete detail, but in a language of illusion to protect the history carved into my soul.

The Challenge of our Ancestor

"Our names were made for us in another century."

― Richard Brautigan

Science is disclosing anxiety may be hereditary.  Tests with DNA are documenting that cells carry characteristics of our ancestors.  If we are able to track our ancestors, we may learn of their challenges and how those challenges are still being faced today.

My mother was from a large catholic family.  I do not know any of her circumstances, except she ran away from home when she was a sophomore in high school.  She left a town in Wisconsin and arrived in Chicago, Illinois.  She must have been protected by angels as she found shelter with a very loving Swedish husband and wife.  She made use of her gift of sewing to support herself.  She made wedding dresses and soon built a clientele requesting custom made suits, establishing her career as a seamstress.   

As I said, I do not know my mother's story, but as I reflect back on memories, aspects of her life are illuminated.  She indeed was a very creative woman, but buried her gifts and stifled her creative spirit.  Unfortunately, she was not respected, honored, or encouraged within our home.  It developed an awareness  of women being lesser than.

I am very familiar with my story and how it painfully unfolded.  I spent years trying to get my creative spirit on a track of purpose.  I survived without respect, honor or family encouragement until I gave birth to my four children.

It was through this family process I  learned trust, support, and the building of dreams.  Perfect family? Far from it.  During my younger years, I always saw my mother figuratively living in a cage, only later to discover she held the key.  I was not going to be like her.  

Although I survived many pitfalls in my life, I was proud of my daughter for dodging the feminine issues both my mother and myself endured.  My daughter navigated through life with strength in spite of her personal struggles.  She was creative, smart, and determined all on her own, and on behalf of  my female ancestors I was filled with joy.  This is not to say her life was easy or free from illusions  or pain.

Not only with my family, but  generations are living the challenges of their ancestors and the feminine collective as well.  There are patterns stretching across centuries amended with each generation.  

It is with this concept I see the importance in healing each generation and the celebration of our ancestors who maintained strength to do their personal best.  Life is about challenge.  It is how we learn. As unique individuals, we have the ability to approach underlying patterns and correct the charted path for those who will follow us in the future.