Mysteries of Life

"I feel as though I have lived many lives, experienced the heights and depths

of each and like the waves of the ocean, never known rest.  Throughout the years, 

I looked always for the unusual, for the wonderful, for the mysteries of life."

Leni Riefenstah

When appraising my life,  I have replaced words like confused or lacking with wayfarer or seeker.  Rather than feeling wrong,  I accept how connected I have been to nature, poets, and sacred living not coinciding with dogma and religion.  Although I fit in with numerous groups, I tended to do better floating in and out of them.  Instead of thinking of myself as an outsider, I choose to use the word observer.

As the years have passed, I realize my lessons were one on one, impacted by individual ticks and worries.  I was  not able to just gloss over everyone, ignoring the radiance hidden within each soul or the deep trouble brewing beneath transparent skin.  Not being in pack mentality, life was more intricate and it taught me to navigate less erratically in the midst of diversity.

I was the constant in my life, not my family or peers.  As frightening as that tended to be, my passage carved great depth within me.  My choices were based upon the belief that others were the same as me.  I believed all intentions would be good for each involved.  Whether I evolved through innocence, naivety, or lack of awareness, I longed for honest and true.  The rewards (other than my children) have arrived later in life.  I now discover the exaltation of being loved and the rapture of experiencing the mysteries of life.