When The Mystery Becomes Clear

"Our job is not to clear up the mystery;

it is to make the mystery clear."

Robert Aitken Roshi

Zen Master

Even in my earliest memories, on my back staring up into the beautiful blue sky, watching the fluffy clouds float by, my mind was filled with wonder.  I more or less could 'feel' a presence surrounding me even though I could not see it with my eyes.  I did not feel in danger, rather quite the opposite.  I felt very protected and safe, but from what I was uncertain.  

There were many things to let go of as a child.  Not necessarily things I wanted to discard, but the overbearing influence from adults overshadowed my personal conceptions, and I released parts of my imagination. A small kernel of awareness remained,  and it was the sense of this presence surrounding me, sight unseen.

As I grew older, my passion for reading brought me on searches to define this presence.  I read about  guardian angels, the presence of the Holy Spirit, and God's ability to be mindful of me every minute of the day.  These were possibilities, but in my heart, I knew they were not the definitions that would solve my mystery.

Canoeing in Canada every summer during high school, increased my awareness  of the magnitude of this nondescript presence.  It was as though energy was streaming from trees, water, and the silence of the woods.  Birds singing and small animals rustling in the night seemed to contribute to the whole.  

In time, what I had always called presence changed terminology.  I began to experience it as energy.  This energy seems to be life in all things including trees, waterways, and stones.  What I feel surrounding me is no longer a mystery.  

Yearly, I will find a small hide-a-way where I can just 'be' with this energy.  To let it engulf me without distractions.  To be fully present in this space refreshes me and assures me there is an abundance of love.  As I watch the moon cross over the stars in the sky, I am that child again, feeling protected and safe with a grateful heart.