Victim or Student

"When God is going to do something wonderful, He or She always starts with a hardship;  when
God is going to do something amazing, He or She starts with an impossibility." 

Ann Lamott
PLAN B: FURTHER THOUGHTS ON FAITH



At some point in time, we finally make the transition from "Why is this happening to me?" to "What is the lesson to be learned?"  When we set our selves up in the martyr role, we are stuck in a pity party.  As a victim, our energy is focused on the personal misfortune.  When we take the viewpoint of a student about to learn a lesson, our focus is on creatively developing our strengths to address the problem coming out stronger on the other side. 

When I make presentations, I frequently have the audience take a blank piece of paper, and divide it in  half by drawing a line across from left to right.  This will be forming a time line.  I first request each person to write under the line, listing hardships or challenges they have faced over the years.  One can feel the tension growing in the room.  A heavy silence invisibly hangs over us.  Next, I request each person to write above the line, just using short phrases about celebrations and accomplishments.  A more joyful atmosphere unfolds.  The tension lifts and members of the audience engage with each other.  Lastly, I ask them to go back to their paper and make a star or check mark by any event that dramatically changed their lives.   It is during this time realization sets in.  Our lives are impacted and redirected by experiencing difficult times more so than through happy events.  The stars or check marks tend to be under the line and not above.

It is important to re-frame the circumstance so that we can see it as a learning tool.  If the situation facing us is more overwhelming, we may not see the lesson to be learned until after the fact when time has passed and we have survived.  In the moment we feel so very alone, and scramble to find the necessary tools to rectify our difficult situation.  Many years may pass before the realization hits us ... "If that had not happened to me earlier on, I would never been prepared for this moment."

Thinking of life as a puzzle, we have many pieces sliding easily into place, making a nice border.  Then there are those inner pieces that have to be arranged and rearranged before the proper fit is made.  Some pieces arrive early and we hold them in wonderment, thinking, "What am I supposed to do with this?"  Later, the dawning shines.  There are other pieces we know we need to complete our puzzle, but some pieces simply cannot be found.  We find ourselves waiting for what seems like eternity.  Eventually, however, when the pieces are all neatly  together, we can appreciate the overall beauty of our life.