“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.”
Barbara De Angelis
Surviving a few major relationships, dedicated to a vibrant career, I willingly faced life as a single, but surrounded by solid friendships. By living alone, I had freedom to do whatever I wanted within reason. I resided in a condo much like a tree house, having access to the sky, the stars, and the moon. I gathered various groups whenever it pleased, and entertained with a creative flair that greatly appeased. I continued to enjoy the fullness in my life, but I desired to have a companion to finish out my remaining years.
Living by one's self for any length of time creates spontaneity and flexibility without having to account for impulsiveness. Freedom to readjust schedules on a whim, eat cereal for dinner without a second thought, and stay in pajamas for a full day without a care. There is pleasure found in shutting the house down at 7 p.m. retreating to bed for long evenings read. This freedom to do as one pleases creates the ability to become rather indulgent in an innocent but selfish way.
We hold our selves accountable for what we say and meet our personal needs as so inclined. We speak our truth without fear of embarrassing a mate or causing conflict and tension within the home. We can run late and eat on the fly, and change course unable to see the bookstore without dropping by. Each part of our life is orchestrated exacting harmony in our lives.
There came a time , for me at least, where my life indeed was full, but I wanted to bring someone into my fold, to share and be shared as life would unfold. And in doing so, one needs to change the notes in one's song, adjusting words to a new harmony. It takes time and experience to find the balance of two dancing instead of one.
So we speak of integrity and it should continue to hold true. No matter if we are alone or sharing life we must use our voice to speak our truth. We must come out of our analytical thinking and express our needs in spite of the confusion that may fall. We must stay true to our self even while sharing this doubled life. It is too easy to lose our self, relinquishing our right to freedom we deserve to hold.
It is necessary for each of us to preserve our freedom and to respect the freedom of others. It is ours to have and to hold each in our own right. Let no one take it away.
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