A Simple Concept



Loving someone does not mean automatically acquiescing to their every whim.

Sometimes love shows itself in saying no to an attitude or desire that is harmful. But your opposing must be done tenderly, without anger or condescension. This is a difficult art.

 Eknath Easwaran's
Thought for the Day

In my early thirties, I read a concept changing my out look for the rest of my life.  The concept was simple and I was amazed I had never considered it before.  The simple concept was this: 

Yes and No are of equal value.

Yes is not greater than No.

Both reflect a choice.

Both are to be equally respected.

I am not certain where I had learned or more pointedly been taught that 'yes' was always the right answer, while 'no' was deviating from being a 'good' girl.  It was obvious to me that by replying yes, it made others happy, but saying no attracted the evil eye.  I felt badly when I said no, like I was disappointing someone.  When I was somewhat forced to say yes, I was disappointing my self which apparently didn't matter.  I felt guilty and sometimes ashamed for saying no.  The word yes seemed to be laced with being polite, socially appropriate, and more acceptable in relationships. Needless to say, this contributed to having unhealthy boundaries and limitations on my free will.

I cannot remember exactly when the word no was eradicated from my vocabulary, but I believe it was around the time I started screaming resistance in my mind.  Like a trick pony, I learned how to behave and was so successful I was led out into the performance ring to be paraded around.  Even the applause could not deaden the screaming inside of me. 

Once I digested the concept of yes and no being equal, I began to respect my own boundaries.  Observing the shocked reaction of others to my virgin replies of no, I felt the rewards of finally speaking my truth.  The fears of rejection, punishment, and abandonment were no longer greater than the sense of losing my self.  At the age of thirty, I began peeling back layers of falsehoods defining who I supposedly was to the outside world.  I began the long process of becoming who I had been all along on the inside. 

Yes and no can be very powerful words.

Both no and yes can be spoken quite courteously.

Honoring the self creates healthy boundaries.

Being in alignment with heart's desires charts our course.