Along the Way ...

Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to.  Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs or wants are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right.

Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.
THE DANCE OF ANGER



As children, we have opportunities to observe adults acting out in anger.  We may not yet have the depth to understand all of the components of the situation, but we very well may decide we never want to act in this manner. 

As children, we do not always realize anger is an acceptable form of our feelings.  We do not always realize it is the behavior in how we express anger that becomes a critical piece of the situation and not anger itself. 

There is nothing wrong with being angry, but abusive physical or emotional reaction to anger is clearly unacceptable.  If we did not learn appropriate means of expressing anger as a child, then we need to learn it as an adult. 

If we consider anger to be 'wrong' then we may repress it and in doing so, we may create issues with anger physically or mentally.  Repressed anger can damage the body, mind and spirit. 

We have the right to speak our truth, as we see it, even if we are incorrect.  We develop a sense of voice that does not need to be elevated or threatening to make our point.  Channeling our anger in appropriate ways can be healthy.

If we are not allowed to speak our truth for fear of being fired, or harmed, or placed at a disadvantage, we still need a means to express our feelings.  We need a safe place to express what we feel whether it is a trusted friend or a private journal. 

Along the way, we discover by expressing our anger, we can avoid major crisis or chaos in many of our relationships.  If we let our anger build up, we will have a greater tendency to say what we don't mean or do what we abhor.

While we develop our voice, we will find it advantageous to create a partnership with a good listener.  Maintain clear boundaries and honor each others confidences.  We need to keep searching until we find a person of trust.