Wholeness For Half?

In exchange for the promise of security, many people put a barrier between themselves and the adventures in consciousness that could put a whole new light on their personal lives.  -June Singer




Alan Cohen, author of A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE, mentions that love songs in our culture keep us small and needy.  They do not celebrate the joining of two complete individuals, but rather a desperate outreach for someone to rescue us from loneliness or some other lost love.  There does not seem to be any recognition of what each evolved person brings to the table, but rather how two individuals are joining in hopes of becoming one.

Alan Cohen shares:

Good relationships are built on two individuals walking side by side to the light.  The other person is not the object of our happiness, but a partner in adventure.  We do not need these other people, but we can certainly enjoy them.  They do not have the power to give or take away our good, but they can add depth, color, beauty, reward, and delight to our life.  We love them not because they rescue us from the abomination we are,  but because they remind us of how beautiful we are. 

Women have the tendency to give too much of themselves away, meeting the needs of many, and ignoring their own personal needs.   It is good to give to others, to reach out and nurture, but we need to be nurtured in return.  If we continue with our out pouring of love and affection without being replenished, we will run dry.

Compromise is certainly a part of the relationship equation, but not if it means that we must reduce our self to being half and not remain whole.  In definition, the word compromise indicates that each side gives way to some extent.  It is in reference to time and space striving for balance, not in jeopardizing our values or character. 

"Perhaps that is why so many of us have had difficulty maintaining our whole self in a relationship, how can we remember who we are when we trade our wholeness for half?" asks Alan Cohen.

Partners in relationship support each other in body, mind, and spirit during good times and challenges.  Genuine interest in each other and each other's endeavors is displayed.  Honest and open communication is present at all times.  As a partner, a contribution is made in laughter, praise, and adventure.  Joined at the hip? No.  Individual interests? Yes.  The presence of respect? Always.  Embracing diversity?  On going.

Relationships are how we learn our lessons.   Whether the relationship is to our self or to others, success depends upon the quality of time and healthy effort invested into the relationship. 

 True friendship can occur only among equals.

Plato