Holes in the side of the barn ...

Ultimately the bond of all companionship,

whether in marriage or in friendship,

is conversation.

Oscar Wilde



Women tend to master companionship to a greater degree than men.  Perhaps it is the physical expressions that accompany female conversations like a pat on the hand or a hug.  Then there are the little gifts, maybe unexpected flowers or a nice bottle of wine or a surprise card received in the mail.  So easily one's spirit can be lifted by a simple gesture of a dear friend.

The skills of communication are imperative such as:  acceptance without judgment, compassion without refrain, and listening without resolution.  Most people when in need of a friend are not necessarily looking for resolve, but rather just needing to hear themselves think out loud or just be heard.  Any friend must know how to just sit and be present for the other ... no special mantra or chant is required.

There is a need to let the bad with the good come tumbling out, knowing that the dear friend will never throw it back into your face.   Author John Gray states, "When negative feelings are suppressed, positive feelings become suppressed as well, and love dies."  Relationships frequently end through lack of healthy communication while participants scratch their heads wondering what happened. "What did I say?"  Sometimes it is what you didn't say.

When I was in high school, my beloved home room teacher, Vernoy Johnson gave me an illustration that I remember to this day.  He told me that words were like arrows being shot into the side of a barn.  He said that you can pull the arrows out once they had been shot, but the holes in the side of the barn would remain forever. 

So often we are careless with our words.  We say things out of anger that we really don't mean or refrain from saying meaningful feelings that might alter the destination of a friendship.  If in friendship we do not confront each other, imaginary walls are built, and healing may never occur.  I wonder how many friendships fall by the way side over simple misunderstandings.

While reviewing our lives, I am certain that other than family memories, our tender moments are laced with happy recalls of friendship.  We probably can think of funny situations, embarrassing moments, or heart to heart talks shared with best buddies.  A dear friend is priceless.  Unconditional love, gentle gestures, and simple acts of kindness allow us to enter the healing light of friendship.  An established arena of safety is where our friends stand, calling to us, "Well, come on!  Well come on!"