Master of Disguise

"Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes your have made or dark

images you hold about yourself.  They remember your beauty when you

feel ugly;  your wholeness when you are broken;  your innocence when

you feel guilty; and your purpose when your are confused."

Alan Cohen 

I love the analogy of being a white old fashioned house with a porch swing and a flowered filled yard protected by a picket fence.  There are folks I will chat with over the fence, yet never invite them into my yard.  Then there are those who are welcomed into my yard for rather short periods of time.  Very few are ever invited to share my porch swing, but hours of secrets can be shared there.

Even fewer guests are invited into the privacy of my home, and even then, some rooms might be sectioned off.  The basement is never visited as the energy is filled with dark debris. Alone, I tread upstairs to the attic where all is sacred.  It is the highest point in my life where I become nurtured and restored.

I believed I had successfully hidden myself behind boundaries, fences, and divisions.  I thought of myself as a master of disguise, until the realization those surrounding me saw through my masks and loved me just the same.  So now I keep the gate open and freely beckon visitors in, letting them plop down wherever they feel most comfortable.

Reflection on Opposites Attract

"Those who truly love us will never knowingly 

ask us to be other than we are."

Mark Nepo

There is a tendency to project our best selves early in a relationship whether it be business, social or personal.  In a sense we become a sales person highlighting the accomplishments we have made so far in our busy lives.  Often times, our sales pitch does not include how we like to stay in our pajamas until noon or how we cuddle with a favorite book for hours at a time.

It is said that opposites attract so how exactly does that work out?  The farm boy is dazzled by the citified slick gal and he is surprised when his rural family balks.  The go getter bristles with energy, but finds comfort in the hibernation practices of his new mate, until he is totally frustrated by being isolated.

The key, I believe, is respect.  We each get to be who we want to be with respect to our boss, friends, and partners.  Just because we join together, does not mean that we each give up our passions.  There must be a blend and a flexibility woven into any relationship.

Divine Spirit Does Not Respond as Fast as Amazon ...

"Today's energy encourages us to call on Divine strength rather than ego strength.

One is the true presence of love ... mighty and powerful.  The other, simply an 

illusion with seemingly temporary solutions."

Joelle Rose Szlosek 

Reiki Master and Intuitive Numerologist

"All you have to do is ask," says the best friend, the parent, the caring neighbor.  When we are in conflict, however, asking can seem like an unsurmountable task.  We are hesitant to show our weakness or error in judgment, feeling ineligible for goodness to bestowed.  

The Divine must share some of the same frustration, waiting for opportunities where humans will reach out.  The Divine knows our minds and desires so there is no surprise when we finally fall to bended knee.  The key is to be speaking from our heart, not the ego.

Divine Spirit is liberal in extending opportunities for us to stretch and grow.   Unfortunately, we as humans are waiting for 'just what we ordered'.  We expect Spirit to answer our pleading exactly as our ego thinks it should be and the sooner the better.  We are an impatient lot who rarely realizes the goodness Divine pours upon us, as we are not open minded about our resolve.

Unpleasantness Bubbles Up

"Dig within.  Within is the wellspring of Good;

and it is always ready to bubble up, 

if you just dig."

Marcus Aurelius

Winter has given me snow and ice, so I will snuggle in to explore things I normally ignore.  Instead of just accepting the surface understanding, I dig a little deeper to see what might be a trigger laying in wait for me to discover.

If we go beneath our emotional surface, we can take an adventure following our memories back to an original experience.  It is not easy nor pleasant to travel into old disappointments, but the exposure can become a healing result which enhances our health and disposition.

We are rarely upset by the reason we believe.  Trails of experiences are hinged together creating a crevice growing larger until we shine light upon it, excavate it, and happily move along.  The good thing is we do not necessarily have to itemize scenarios.  We can partition off periods of our lives and through meditation, prayer, journaling or therapy,  we can view episodes from a distance, gain insight,  and then let them go.  Otherwise, unpleasantness may bubble up at inopportune times and spaces.

Enemy on the Road

"The deeper I go into myself the more I realize

that I am my own enemy."

Floriano Martins

It was a dark stretch in the road and I felt like enemies were lined up on either side, so I veered down a side path.  It was still dark, but I felt as though I could finally peel some of my heavy armor off. Odd to realize, however, the enemies were critiquing from inside my head.

To recognize the enemies voices as my own, duplicating nay sayers from the past, can be discouraging.  It feels so counter productive to sabotage my own yearnings and to watch my own self-esteem spiral to depletion. Holding myself accountable for my own wrong doings, I wonder how to proceed.

Once I realize that being "God's perfect children" meant we were loved by Divine, flaws and all, I began to find my way.  Greener pastures introduced me not only to beautiful wild flowers, but to the diligence of life giving weeds as well.  Space was cleared from around me allowing room for trial and error followed by forgiveness and compassion.  Bathed in the sun, and cleansed by the rain, I no longer am concerned by armor or enemies.  I even go naked in the spring.

Become Exposed

"The only way that we can live, is if we grow.  The only way that we can grow

is if we change.  The only way we can change is if we learn.  The only way we

can learn is if we are exposed.  And the only way that we can become exposed

is if we throw ourselves out into the open.  Do it.  Throw yourself."

C. Joy Bell C.

When we fail to regenerate our energy, we become very low keyed and complacent.  We can either be stagnant, wallowing in our comfort zone or miserable wallowing in our discomfort.  Action is the key to moving into change and change charges our batteries.  It gets our energy up and flowing!

The movement advances us towards a skill set we desire.   It doesn't matter if we are moving towards personal self improvement or a better job or a new dwelling space.  All of these require us to move and build our stamina.  There needs to be a change in our routine in order to produce a different outcome.

Be clear about what we seek, but not tightly bound to designated circumstances.  The Divine wants to help us, support us, and direct us which becomes difficult if we are too rigid.  Expect the unexpected. If we are so focused on just one scenario, we totally overlook an excellent opportunity as it doesn't present as we imagined.  Exposing ours lovely selves to change initiates growth, and growth thrusts us into a greater purpose of living.

Turn Kindness Inward

"It was like discovering that some part of you wasn't yours at all. And

it made me wonder what else I couldn't claim."

Sarah Dessen

My spiritual momentum had been expanding in a comfortable way and I at last believed I was truly a kind person.  I didn't have to think about nice things to do, opportunity just unexpectedly happened into my path daily.  How good it was to feel the comfort of finally being 'me'... kind.

In vision, the bottom of my belly may have had some lightly sifted debris, but the layers working their way upwards became soft  and gentle.  I was finally fulfilled.  My body felt aligned, stretched, connected, and I was within kindness to all things.

Then Bella died and my kindness seemed to drain away.  Any residue was buried deeply in my gut, layered with dark strains of loss, grieving and judgment.  I was filled with doubt ...  bouts with anger ... and wisps of abandonment.  Conflicted, I am truly glad she is no longer in pain, but selfishly wish her back.  Perhaps it is time to turn kindness towards my self and allow my sorrow to lift so I can go back to being kind to self and others. 

Divine Does Not Abandon

"I figure, sometimes, bad things happen to us so we can achieve a higher

purpose and attain greater happiness and fulfillment in life."

Omoakhuana Anthonia

There are so many atrocities occurring throughout the world, and I cannot bring myself to believe that any one's chosen Divine would be deliberately orchestrating such wrath.   As they often do, questionable challenges come into my life, but I do not believe they are acts of a vengeful God.

Once our energy is focused on how to resolve a situation, there is no room for self-pity, drama, or acts of anger.  Repeatedly we can ask, "What am I to learn from this?" until the answer finds its way into our creative resolution.  

Indeed, once on the other side of the boulder blocking our path, we are glad we were at least productive and can see the goodness in life once again.  As the distance increases, we can look back and see how the situation gifted us with a stronger skill.  Maybe we have  higher self esteem or an awareness of a new skill or courage to veer off onto a new path.  It is wise to embrace what is before us, reach out to resources surrounding us, and know the Divine does not abandon us.

Hearts Creating Beauty

"Any fool can be happy.  It takes a man

with real heart to make beauty out of the

stuff that makes us weep."

Clive Barker

In the morning, I try to read something inspirational to prompt insight into the unplanned day before me.  I explore the words gifted by Khalil Gibran, Mary Oliver, Mark Nepo, Julia Cameron, and Anne Lamott, to mention a few.  Being still, I hold their words in my mind's eye, hoping to be lifted anew.

My heart fills with curiosity, while I wonder where my eyes will roam to suddenly discover a bit of magic.  Sometimes the unveiling is immediate, but often times, hours pass before the connection between gifted words and illusive beauty unfold.  

When poetic words blend with beauty, a connection transpires.  It can be visual like the glistening of the freshly fallen snow or a deep knowing that alters a perception. Beauty is wrapped with heart strings, spotted on a colorful falling leaf on a golden pristine day where the blue sky is a backdrop for  tufts of white cloud at play. 

Easier to Just Give Up

"The key to ultimate happiness and fulfillment lies within our own

transformation.  The more we learn and grow and evolve as individuals,

the more we will find happiness and satisfaction in relationships, work, and life."

Kristi Bowman

When our life is filled with happy moments and expanded visions, it is easy to build on to what we have; but, when life darkens, as it will, it is more challenging to strive towards the light.  In the moment, it feels easier to just give up, and wallow in the heaviness of disappointment.

Even when we know that breaking through a challenge will expand and improve us, the task requires determination and energy we simply do not feel in our bones.  Spending some time with drama, we know this is not what we want either.

Gathering memories of prior challenges we have faced and conquered, we begin to shift into forward movement.  Internally, we know there is wonder and joy to be benefited by our transformation.  Evolving lifts us with deeper explorations, adventures, and wonderment.

Victim or Heroine

"Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim."

Nora Ephron

Common factors in domestic violence are the inability to see options; unable to gather energy for both emotional and physical movement;  and physical fear for self, children or additional family members.  The battered women have been emotionally beaten down in addition to being subjected to violence  and eventually believe they deserve such unacceptable treatment.  

It is my opinion, women experience this scenario in different degrees at major turning points in life.  Women have the tendency to be patient, to tolerate, and to accept the blame for any family dysfunction.  The woman slowly becomes like the rose who can no longer stand the tightness of the bud and finally unfolds.  

The stage of victim hood is finally exited when one can tolerate no more. As momentum builds, a woman will make a choice, even if it is minuscule.  The tiniest movement begins the assent to becoming a heroine.  Patterns may be repeated, but with a willingness to not be conquered, courage builds a sturdy platform for a woman to excel.  From this platform, the heroine begins again and again...

Spirits Carry On ...

       

"It's daring to be curious about the unknown, to dream big dreams, to live outside

prescribed boxes, to take risks, and above all, daring to investigate the way we live

until we discover the deepest treasured purpose of why we are here."

Luci Swindoll

If we view our life as a book, there are many chapters within the cover.  A few of the chapters may seem unconnected to the rest of our story, until more chapters unfold.  There are instances we choose to minimize, only later to realize they were pivotal pieces to the whole.

Favorite chapters might be reread on a regular basis, and with hindsight, some we deliberately skip.  Cherished friends are memories written across the page and laughter or sorrow are present as well.  It might take an accumulation of assorted chapters before we begin to see the point of our own story.  

Regarding the development of the character we portray, it is important to remember we have choice and as authors, we can rewrite or change the direction of the story.  Of course by the last chapter, we do realize our purpose as a human but as the book cover closes, our spirits carry on ...

Until the Day is Done

"It's a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things

you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack."

Germany Kent

Temperature dropping from 33 degrees down to the teens mid day with nothing but high winds and dark gloom.  Without natural light I tend to waver which impacts my creativity, productivity, and outlook on life.  So I decide to light a candle.  

After lighting one candle, I decide to light a candle for each thing I am grateful for ... except I run out of tea lights.  I gather the small lit candles together and feel the radiance from the flicker of the wick.  I imagine the flame is like a warming fire.  

It suddenly registers with me that all days are not meant for creativity and productivity.  Some gloomy days are meant for nurturing and restoration.  So I gather my favorite quilt, current book, and journal to hibernate until the day is done.

The Day It Begins

"The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own.

No apologies or excuses.  No one to lean on, rely on, or blame.  The gift is yours

 ... it is an amazing journey ... 

and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day it begins."

Bob Moawad

Around the age of thirty, I followed my parents specific suggestions and carried out an action I was not invested in, but my desire to please them was strong.  When it was all said it done, they were far from happy with me and were very critical not only of my actions, but of my very person.  It was at this point 
I realized they were never going to be proud of anything I did, so I might as well do my own thing.

Although this was liberating, I followed in their footsteps and became my worst critic.  Their voices became blended with my own and the struggle to please continued to fail.  It was not until I realized I was still trying to please others to bring me happiness, so I began the long trek of discovery into what I could do to make my lovely self happy.

While nurturing myself, if I failed, it was acceptable as deep within I knew I could do better.  It was easier to focus on my individual core than trying to pick up scattered pieces.  It took me a long time to embrace empowerment and the accountability accompanying it.  It was a long journey to get where I am, and I continue on the path ... at least it isn't all up hill anymore!

Heart Day ... Love To Go Around!

   

"Love, like everything else in life, should be a discovery,

an adventure, and like most adventures, you don't know

you're having one until you're right in the middle of it."

E. A. Bucchianeri

There are some characters who have been in our lives for years and no one could ever replace them.  At the onset, we may not have particularly cared for them, but as time passed, we began to notice the true beauty of his or her nature.  Then there are the others who attracted us immediately with their charisma, and in time we realized everything was just skin deep.

These characters in our lives may have played numerous parts.  We may have met them at work, but eventually the relationship turned into a deep friendship or they might have married into our family and became the sister we never had.  During our lengthy interactions, we come to realize how deeply we love them.  When we recall our history together, we see how this person has always had our back.

Valentine's Day is a perfect day to remind our friends how valuable they are to us.  It is a day to celebrate love and love is not restricted to romantic or sexual relations.  If we do not have plans to celebrate love, gather loved friends together and be reminded of how very much love there is to go around!

Break Through Debris

"Courage doesn't happen when you have all the answers.

It happens when you are ready to face the questions

you have been avoiding your whole life."

Shannon L. Alder

Dark clouds hanging from the sky create a sense of repressed emotions.  The gloom impacts our perception of the world and of the self.  Without announcement, light breaks through the thick clouds and penetrates down upon us.  Somewhere within, we feel a slight stirring of hope.

Challenging issues we choose to ignore have the same impact.  They crimp our imagination and discolor our outlook.  In time, what we avoid turns into heavy baggage.  The denial of our problems costs us more than if we would turn to  face the darkness.

There is truth in leaving the past in the past, unless there are unresolved issues.  It takes courage to pull out a memory and experience the negative emotions.  Identify what age this event occurred and discern how the experience continues to impact current reactions.  It helps to remind our lovely selves we are older and wiser and our light can break through any debris.

Tree or Shadow

"Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow.

The shadow is what we think of it, the tree is the real thing."

Abraham Lincoln

When I think of Abraham Lincoln, my mind can go in hundreds of directions, but to limit him to one word, I would choose honesty.  Information about President Lincoln reflects a self-taught man who consistently brought complicated subjects to a level to be understood by all men using accurate words.

I do not have the sense that Abraham Lincoln desired to be anyone but his improved self.  He believed that every individual could work hard and therefore be rewarded with safe living.  He was able to look beyond the obvious and discern the truth beyond.  

He came in contact with numerous reputations about others, but he would hold his assessment until he met the individual in person.  He believed reputations were just shadows and preferred to engage with the real person.  He inferred that shadows were what we assumed people were, while meeting a person let us view the real thing.

Sharp Pains

"It takes courage...to endure the sharp pains of self-discovery

rather than choose to take the dull pain of unconsciousness

that would last the rest of our lives."

Marianne Williamson

Steaming wallpaper off a wall can be rather taxing, until the mind free falls into subject matter unconsciously.  Unfortunately, there is yet another layer of wallpaper under the one currently being removed.  So again there is repetition in action, arms aching, when we aimlessly consider why and when all this layering transpired.

Hanging wallpaper can be exciting, but usually it is covering something up like a damaged wall.  Time passes and we outgrow the pattern so we choose another to be applied.  Is this not what we do in life?  Do we not continuously place layer over layer that which needs to be corrected?

Two layers of wallpaper removed,  holes in the wall finally filled and trim repaired, wondering if  this would not have been easier to have corrected in the very beginning.  And that is life, layer after layer of avoidance and denial until we find the courage to dig deeply and unearth original form.

Participate in Journey

"Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise

from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love 

yourself to become a new person."

gerard way

Young women envision being married, having a lovely home, and adding children to the mix.  They dream of the quaint neighborhood and the 'hot' hubby, excelling children and the perfect job.  When the scenario is complete, these individual women realize they left what is truly important out of the picture.

At any age, woman in general do not ask, "What do I need to be self-assured, have a sense of worthiness, and enhance my skills?"  If anything, these pursuits occur after one discovers the house on the  street doesn't provide personal needs.  The decision comes down to, do I want to live in a society accepted neighborhood appearing to have it all, but truly miserable with the self; or do I want to live a life filled with me being seen ... how and who I am with material attachments being a bonus.  

Life doesn't just come to us.  We must be a verb and participate in our journey to self-discovery and a deeper meaning to life.  Even if we are certain of who we are, if we are not nurturing and expanding, we are being lesser than we were entitled to be.

Body Nudges Towards Balance

 .

"Bring your awareness down from your thinking mind and into

  your body.  It is,  after all,  the temple that is  housing your soul."

  Deborah King  

   

Deborah King, teacher of Ayurveda, suggests we lower our awareness down from our thinking mind and into our body as we diet.  Her instructions were excellent prompts and I wondered why they would not also work for other activities such as participation in sports, gatherings, routines or any other components of life.

What if we became deliberately mindful in all things including diet?  Would we not ask the same questions such as:  Am I acting out on impulse? Does this make me feel better or worse? How can I alter this routine?  To answer any of these questions, we would have to have an awareness of our body, not just our brain.

It is time to turn off the automatic pilot and take notice of our intuition.  Our bodies know if we are hungry for food, inspiration, or solitude.  Our body nudges us when we are physically over spent, but our brain frequently overrides what is best for us.  Simply pay attention to the nuances of the body in addition to the ego or brain.  Being in tune with the body, mind and soul will bring us harmony.

Freshly Sparked Idea

"Reading is an active pastime that requires an investment

of emotion as well as our concentration and imagination."

Madyson Taylor

Books beckon us to be quiet and concentrate; stir our imagination and emotion; and allow us to travel landscapes while prompting the stretch of our mind.  Reading distracts us from our daily routine or the crush of our daily work.  Both non-fiction and fiction do wonders for the soul.

Characters, real or imagined, can influence us as well.  We can regard them as truth tellers or the venom of the devil.  They can become our dearest friend or our worst feared enemy.  The memory of  a character  can influence us either in a negative or positive way.

The words of any book linger in our minds.  We may want to pursue a subject referred to or a place we had not heard of before.  They might develop a yearning for a certain kind of mentor or a gathering spot for friends to gather. As the words we have consumed float about in our brains, we are most generally enhanced by at least one freshly sparked idea.

Escape into Realm

"The world was hers for the reading."

Betty Smith

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

Attending a private college prep high school elevated my study habits and expanded the awareness of choices in the educational world.  The private school was based on a campus with both a college and seminary.   Diversity in every realm influenced who I am today accompanied by extensive access to thousands of books. 

Books both fiction and non-fiction were stepping stones towards strengthening my physical abilities, mental health, and spiritual direction.  They exposed me to stories which helped me feel normal in a dysfunctional personal world, and guided me towards hope of improvement.  Books contributed to my ecumenical stance as the authors supplied me with experiences across races, religions, and boundaries.  

One can travel any where through the use of books.  Numerous writings on one subject can offer approaches to be cultivated by our own minds.  We can explore cultures, architecture, and history and various subjects without leaving our favorite chair.  When we feel small, invisible or isolated, open a book and wander through the pages.  It can be a delightful escape into any chosen realm.

Suspended in the Presence of Eternity

"When you are present you can sense the spirit -

the one consciousness in every creature -

and love it as your self."

Eckhart Tolle

There is an energy in all things and together they produce a frequency.  The best example I can offer is from my memories of walking into a bar near eleven o'clock at night.  The air is stale, the conversations are depthless, and the energy feels not only dark but heavy.  I gained this experience years ago, but the negative presence can easily be recalled.

I can  remember entering a pew and kneeling in a Roman Catholic Church. Even though I was a child, the smell of incense, rich colors of altar cloths, glowing candles, and Latin chanting filled my heart with a mixed presence of joy, sorrow, and solitude while angels hovered near.

It has been a long time practice to seek the Divine presence in nature.  It has a spiritual way of lifting me into realms of sacred reality blessing me with feelings of peace, joy, and hope. The best energy for my soul is found in the midst of trees, the floating moon, and sparkling stars. It is where I can feel suspended in the presence of eternity. 

Inventing Heart's Delight

"It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live somebody else's life with perfection."

Anonymous, The Bhagavad Gita

Duplication falls short of perfection.  An original movement or artifact is created by an individual using a unique skill set.  We can come close to imitation, but it will never be truly our own.  It seems if we deliberately adjust our project showing a little quirk of our own, the manufactured piece is better appreciated.

Copying is prevalent from the beginning whether we are cooking, creative expression or labor.  As we trace the work of others, we are building our own skills. As they develop, we begin to show a thumbprint of our own.

When we are praised knowing the production is not fully ours, the feelings are not nurturing.  If our beginnings are followed with encouragement and recognition, we are propelled forward into perfecting our own work.  Ultimately, our life calling will not be flawless, but we grow though our own process, discovering and inventing to our heart's delight and contributing to the whole.

Minimize and Maximize Beauty

"Instructions for living a life.

Pay attention,

Be astonished,

Tell about it."

Mary Oliver

Mary Oliver may have passed into the next realm, but her messages to us through her essays and poetry will long be with us.  Her writing is inspiring and yet simple.  She sticks to the point without a loftiness which could lead us astray. 

Pay attention:  Be aware of surroundings, not lost in thought or daily routines.  Look with new eyes.

Be astonished:  Be entertained by simplicity such as falling snow flakes, the antics of a two year old.

Tell about it:  Jot it down, sketch it, paint it, tell a friend or simply hold it in the mind's eye.

When we learn to expand appreciation we feel connected, inspired, and entrenched in the happenings surrounding us.  We develop an awareness of the larger background pieces bringing depth or grandeur, just as we take notice of the smaller unrecognized things contributing to the larger picture.  As we minimize and maximize our perceptions, change occurs and our vibration partakes in a glorious frequency.

In Memory of Bella ... January 31, 2019

In Memory of Bella
Red Bone Coon Hound Mix

Rescued from Shelter
January 31, 2019

"Dogs have a way of finding the person who needs them
And filling an emptiness we never knew we had."
Pinterest

"Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen."
Orhan Pamuk

"If I was granted one wish

I would wish that my best friend

could live forever."

The Color of the Future

"I cannot let the fear of past color the future."

Julie Kagawa

The errors of our past are nothing more than lessons to build upon our future. If we master the lessons we seldom return to the specific challenge, but if we do not master the experience, we will find it popping up unexpectedly in our present.

If we have not discerned the importance of a lesson, we may fear its return.  Fear itself colors our patterns and increases the likelihood of the return.  It is vitally important to not take shortcuts around our challenges or allow our lovely selves to be rescued.  If we do not fully face what is before us, indeed, we will see it again....presenting a little differently.

When we are attuned to emotional patterns running through our head, and it is possible to pick up feelings from the past.  If we identify the feelings we are able to acknowledge them and let them go.  If we dwell on them fear will return.  If we walk with our heads facing the sky, we are easily filled with hopeful expectations, disallowing fear to color our future.  

Rescue or Empowerment

 

"I was not rescued by a prince; 

I was the administrator of my own rescue."

Elizabeth Gilbert

There was a time culture trained women to falsely believe or fear  they could never succeed on their own.  Even if strides were taken with courage towards liberation, arrangements were made for a destined failure.  For generations we were told our place was in the home and men would rule the world.

The current women of recognized success have fought personal and public battles to win the freedom to be whomever and whatever they want to be and it has come at a high price.  Access to female icons, mentors, or way seekers were deliberately blockaded. The next generation of women have gathered strength to embrace freedom and are propelling themselves out into the world.

A sense of self once created will be guided. How much time do you give to dramatic thoughts? Have you historically leaned towards depression or empowerment?  What turning point will lead you to a better life that will set a respectful reflection of who you were meant to be?