Just Being Me

 

 

 

I bare my nakedness to the world

that the world may see who I am;

not the mask that hides my flaws,

not the mask that hides my beauty.

I bask in the light and I take off the mask!

 

Jocelyn Soriano

 

 

It is difficult for all of us to stand naked before the world.  For some it takes years of great courage while others are adventurers leading the way.  Then there are those who simply forget they are wearing a mask and therefore never disrobe.

 

Thinking back, I can remember how frightening it was to allow people to see the real me.  To be able to be the same person in private as well as in public, risking judgment and scorn.  And then when I became fully integrated, I experienced incredible freedom and joy with the prospect of just being me. 

 

No matter where I went, there I was ... not wearing masks to fit particular occasions, and not cloaking values which would dishonor my spirit.  Instead of feeling vulnerable, I felt empowered.

 

In order to live fully in our own skin, we must articulate our silence, explore our inner landscapes, and decipher our dreams.  We must know ourselves thoroughly in order to present ourselves as in integrated human spirit.   There is nothing better than simply just being me!

 

 

 

 

Corkscrews On The Top Of Her Head!

We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads are equal in value no matter what their color.    ~Maya Angelou

 

Many years ago, I became intrigued by a young woman.  We were both in attendance of our husbands' softball games.  Week after week, I would watch her ... always alone, dressed very casually in jeans with a random top, large round glasses, and very long natural curly hair with random corkscews sticking out of the crown of her head.

My curiosity overcame my sense of rudeness for invading her private space on her red wool plaid blanket spread over the grass.  As she appeared to be somewhat of a recluse I was amazed when she openly welcomed me to sit awhile.

In no time at all, Kath Ann became and remained one of my dearest friends.  We had little in common except our own individual uniqueness, but we bonded like forever friends.  

Kath Ann was newly married and still basking in the delights of creating a new nest.  I had been married for several years with two little boys in tow.  She came to my home often and we would share books, both avid readers.  She told me how she 'threw clay' and loved being a potter.  (This explained the few corkscrews on the crown of her head ... her long hair had frequently been caught in the clay with the wheel turning!)  She, too, had been in the field of social services.

In spite of growing as close as women can, I was unable to tell her of my failing marriage, my overwhelming sense of failure, guilt and shame.  My parenting skills were slipping, my focus was evaporating, and I longed to be invisible.  Within months, everything came crashing down.

When I told Kath Ann I would be moving within days, she was shocked and hurt.  She said she had known something was wrong, but didn't want to be invasive.  We vowed to remain friends.

Time passed and we both moved to different locations.  She furthered her education and moved to a California University to be an interpreter for foreign students.  She, too, divorced and I never saw her again.  She died at a very young age of breast cancer.

Kath Ann will remain my forever friend.  I treasure the years we shared together and I will never let her memory fade.  I still love those big round glasses and crazy corkscrews on the top of her head!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Answers

 

 

 

 

Your mind will answer most questions

if you learn to relax

and wait for the answer.

William S. Burroughs

We seem to seek answers to the extent of over thinking or being too analytical or overwhelmed.  It is vitally important to gather knowledge, but in time we must learn to apply it.  We can compile numerous facts, but still sit scratching our heads without answers.

We consult literature, reports, professionals, family and friends before we finally sit with our own intimate counsel.  We hold the truths, the solutions, and the answers, but we are too busy seeking outside of ourselves.

It is in solitude where we are most apt to hear answers. Answers are whispered from our hearts and souls, from the Divine living deep inside of each one of us.  It is in being silent whether on a walk or in meditation that solutions seem to magically surface.

There is nothing wrong with seeking a second opinion, but learn to 'trust your gut' or follow where you are divined to go.  If we are congruent with our selves, inside and out, we will sense what is the right answer!

Positive Imaging

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life;  not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens.

Khalil Gibran

What we hold in our mind is what develops in our lives.  If we wake up thinking we are going to have a miserable day, then we will have a miserable day.  We may say to ourselves, "I am smart, creative, and caring," but if we spend all day criticizing and minimizing ourselves, which concept do you think will play out?

If we think we are sick, fat, or stupid, our body, mind, and spirit will be happy to perform in just that way.   If we are inconsistent in reflecting our desires to the universe, we are sending conflicting messages and the universe won't know what we want.  

We really must endeavor to be more pure in our thoughts and repeat positive affirmations regularly.  When we are continuously nice to our selves, we begin to believe in our worthiness.  We are more able to deflect judgments from others.

When we we wake up of the morning, we can create an image of our selves being happy, productive, and loving.  When we see this image, we begin to feel how it would be and visualize how differently others may treat us. 

It is important to carry this positive image of our selves all day long.  At bedtime, we can make a list of all the good things about our day and about our selves.  Then hold the image again while falling asleep.

I believe it was Budhha who said, "The mind is everything.  What you think you become."

The Energy Surrounding Us

E

 

 

Every book, every volume you see here, has a soul.  The soul of the person who wrote it and of those who read it and lived it and dreamed with it.  Every time a book changes hands, every time someone runs his eyes down its pages, its spirit grows and strengthens.  

 

Carlos Ruiz Zafon

THE SHADOW OF THE WIND

 

 

For the majority of my years, I had been unaware of the synchronicity and magnetic energy present daily in all of our lives.  In some respects, life is like a dance with constant movement in variable directions impacting the steps of others.

 

There are the obvious situations between our selves and family, teachers and mentors.  There are exchanges of emotions, lessons, and subtle energy.   Less obvious are the exchanges of energy we make with the sun on our faces, strangers passing with a smile, or simply placing our attention on a random object. 

 

Everything is made of energy and this energy is exchanged upon the slightest movement.  Energy is exchanged with all of our senses ... feel, smell, hear, taste, and sight.   Daily, we are bombarded by the energies of all people and things surrounding us.  We just don't think about it.

 

We walk into a room and instantly feel safe or uncomfortable.  We pick up a book and the message we read resonates within us or we just cannot find a connection.  The fragrance of food either energizes us or makes us feel heavy or sluggish.  The thoughts we think inspire us or cause us fear.  The music we listen to either offends our sense of balance or soothes us.  Energy can be harsh or abrasive just as easily as soft and comforting.

 

When we try to be consciously aware of our surroundings we can easily identify the triggers of energy for what we feel, smell, hear, taste and see.  By doing this, we accept more responsibility for nurturing and protecting our body, mind, and spirit.

 

 

 

Reflections

Reflections must be reserved for solitary hours;  whenever she was alone, she gave way to it as the greatest relief;  and not a day
went by without a solitary walk, in which she might indulge in all the delight of unpleasant recollections.

Jane Austen


Whether we are gazing into a mirror or a crystal clear lake, we find ourselves pondering the discrepancy we feel between the image being reflected and our true inner selves.  There may be times we wonder who that person is staring back at us. 

Catching a glimpse of our reflection may even startle us as we may have distanced ourselves completely from our image.  Or the opposite can be true.  We may feel so fragmented, we know who is in the reflection, but not the identity of who we are inside.

There are many of us who have stopped looking into the mirror.  We may brush our teeth, touch up our makeup, or comb our hair without looking into our very own eyes.  By not looking into the reflection of the mirror, we can avoid the aging process or the deception we may feel from not living as our true selves.

Look into the eyes in the mirror, disregarding all flaws and imperfections.  Connect with the image returning a gaze and practice saying, "I love you!"

Sacred Moments

Two perhaps three times, I was sure I would touch the essence and I would know.  I was sitting immobile with watery eyes, I felt my backbone fill with quiet certitude.  Earth stood still, heaven stood still, my immobility was nearly perfect.  If it happens to me once more, I shall be moved neither by the postman's bell nor by the shouting of angels.  I shall sit immobile, my eyes fixed upon the heart of things.  

ZBIGNIEW HERBERT
(trans Czeslaw Milosz)
Revelation


Magical moments come unannounced.  If we do not embrace them at the very moment, we may never recapture them again or worse yet, never recognize them at all.

Inspiration appears in the face of a newborn, the sun gently setting,  or a star streaking across the sky.  Insight awakens as we whisper a prayer or sit quietly in meditation.  Others find total connection with Divinity as they stretch into a yoga pose or slip in the the runner's "zone". 

When sacred awareness arrives unannounced, the mysterious essence sinks deeply within, while the moment itself disappears as swiftly as the brush of a butterfly wing!  If we neglect to carefully stay in the moment, the experience can be overlooked entirely.  It is as though a sheer veil is slightly pulled aside for us to glimpse into another world, and when the veil gently falls back into place, we question what tricks our imaginations have played upon us.

Since we so readily dismiss these experiences with details falling to the way side, it is a good practice to keep a journal just for these special moments.  Then on particularly challenging days, we can be reminded of the sacred moments when wisdom came our way.

Blessings of Autumn

                               Everything has its wonders,

 even darkness and silence, 

and I learn, whatever state I may be in,

         therin to be content.            

 Helen Keller

 The days of Fall are quickly passing.  The leaves are so beautiful, but soon they will begin to fall.  A few mornings of frost have made certain that it is time to start putting an end to all of the flowers that have brought such beauty into our lives all spring and summer.

My daily walking routine has been joyful in the cooler weather and my appetite has shifted to home made soups and chili.  And of course, all things pumpkin ... bars, muffins, breads, and cookies.

This is by far my favorite season of the year.  I feel so alive and connected to all things in nature.  I am so much more aware of the last few butterflies and the migrating hummingbirds.  I have been doing everything possible outside, especially on the back deck.  I am more intentional in sending gratitude and thanksgiving to our trees who have given us shade and unfolding beauty.  I will eat apples, read books, knit, journal, and work with my iPad out back just to prolong my enjoyment of being outdoors.

Way too soon, I will be slipping off my shoes, standing on a cold Mother Earth in my bare feet, and saying good-bye to the many blessings of Autumn.  Winter will soon follow, keeping me captive inside our home, withdrawing into inner landscapes and in a hermit mode.  A hibernation waiting for the first signs of Spring!

Rippling Across the World

We gain strength and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face ... we must do that which we think we cannot.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Envision your beautiful self in your daily routine, whether it is scurrying to work, shuffling children off to school, or creating an agenda for your day.  Stand back a little ways from your thoughts and observe how fear nips at your ankles like a yapping small dog.  Instead of barking, the little fear dog yelps in your ear, "You are not going to make it," or "Who do you think you are to try to do this," or "People are going to think you are crazy," or "Your friends or colleagues are going to laugh at you!" 

Fear chases us throughout the day. Sometimes the voice drones on for so long that we no longer hear it even though our brain is recording every message.  Fear creates barriers and limitations causing us to use our energy for worrying rather than  for success.

Fear assists in sensing danger, but generally speaking, fear is a false image.  Fear is rarely factual, and once we step through it, we will reclaim our fragmented energy to propell us forward into our desires.

No one wants to appear foolish, nor do they want to make mistakes or become a failure.  All human beings have these concerns, such as:  Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison, Hellen Keller, Martin Luther King, Jr.   Discoveries in space, medicine, psychology, and many other fields can be credited to people who stepped through their own personal fears.

Do not let fear hold you back, please.  The world really does wait for what you have to say or do.  Your efforts will be felt around the world as you add your insights into the positive forces rippling across the world.

Never Too Late!

It's never too late to become

the person you might have been.

George Eliot

Sometimes I cannot help but wonder how my life might have been if I had returned to Chicago after college rather than marrying and becoming a mother in a small city.  The social life of a big city does not enter into the equation, but the challenge of social services in a large city would have been daunting.  The harshness of life may have altered my personality, values, and attitudes immensely.  Then again, I may have followed a writing career which would have led me through a variety of experiences. 

Even now, however, years later, I still have the opportunity to write.  Perhaps not as a career, but giving writing the attention my life now allows.  I post on my blog every day, belong to a writers group, journal and  continue to work on a handbook.  My livelihood does not depend upon my writing, so it is a joy rather than a pressure to produce. 

Many women return to earlier passions ... piano lessons, dance lessons, additional education, small business entrepreneurs or various opportunities in the arts.  It is never too late to expand and grow ourselves to the fullest of our desires.

Upon the Lips

Language is wine

upon the lips.

Virginia Woolf

There is incredible power in words and even when spoken innocently, words have the power to do harm.   There is also incredible power in words to uplift, support, honor and respect.  It is necessary to be responsible for our words and how we choose to use them.

Just like wine, language offers a wide selection.  There is sweet or bold,  fruit tasting or woody blends, and expensive or cheap.  Wine can be found in unique bottles with corks or in small pints with screw on caps.  Words are wrapped in all kinds of coverings as well.

Wine is intended to be sipped and words are best used when they have been lingered over.  Too much wine has consequences just as rushing too many words can offend.  Establishing a healthy pace is best for both wine and words.

The importance of words is discovered with the art of expression.  Finding voice and articulating opinions, values or wisdom is of major importance for all people.  Reflecting our unique self through writing, art or the spoken word is of importance, as expressing ourselves is a testimony to our living. 

Level of Kindness

Some people go to priests;

Others to poetry,

I to my friends.

Virginia Woolf

Every week I attend a gathering of spiritual women.  We have been meeting for numerous years stretching, growing, learning, and sharing.  As one woman makes a discovery, through her sharing we are all moved forward.  If one woman stumbles in darkness we are there as sisters to support her best we can.  

Although we are certainly different from each other in age, career, and family, we all share the common bond of caring for the spiritual path of others.  During our time together, we ask for energy, light, and love to be sent to those we know as well as those we do not know.  We extend our intentions to our community, city, state, and across the world to all those who hunger or are lost in pain. 

Many of my friendships are equally supportive.  These "sisters of my heart"genuinely care about me and uplift me with their awareness and insight.  They seem to intuit when I need words and when I simply need the comfort of their presence. 

Frequently, it is difficult for me to reach out to others as my natural tendency is to withdraw.  It is important to remember when friends are lifting me up, they are lifting the level of kindness in the world as well.  We must be gracious receivers as well as givers.

 

Harmony Surrounding Us

The beauty of a woman in not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair.  The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.  ~Audrey Hepburn

The identity of the woman was unknown to me.  I was simply standing near her when I felt so drawn to her.  As my attention was pulled to her, she looked up and briefly stared into my eyes.  Nothing was said, and there was no body language to be read, but we exchanged appreciation for each other through our eyes.  We both knowingly smiled and continued on our  separate ways. 

As I washed dishes by the kitchen window, I observed a very plump female cardinal sitting on the edge of an old iron pot.  Water had gathered in the bottom and apparently she needed a drink.  Perfectly balanced with her feet clinging to the edge of the pot, she gracefully tipped her body over to reach far below.  As she pulled herself back up, water was dripping from her beak.  As though she could sense my eyes upon her, she cricked her neck and looked right at me.  I felt as though she really did have an awareness of me so I silently whispered, "You are so beautiful." 

The lady across the street spends lengthy morning hours sitting on the ground in the midst of her flowers.  I have only met her once, but every morning while I wait for my coffee pot to finish dripping, I look to see if she is in her garden.  I can only see her back, but her movements are slow and deliberate.  She isn't just weeding, she is delicately removing unnecessary growth that detracts from the flower.  She unknowingly creates a very peaceful scene and I begin my day with a sense of calm.

When I pay attention to what surrounds me, I frequently find affirmation, encouragement, and oneness.  When I relate to my surroundings, I feel much more connected and alive.  All things are living together in a harmony we hardly recognize as we are too focused on the negative aspects of life.  We choose what we see and draw it to us.  If we but take the time to slow our selves down, the journey can be enhanced by the harmony we see surrounding us.

Withstanding Scrutiny

We cling to our own point of view, as though everything depended on it.  Yet our opinions have no permanence;  like autumn and winter, they gradually pass away.   ~ Chuang Tzu

It is important to know how we feel about life, death, and all things in between.  When we form rigid opinions, however, we are shutting out other information that could deepen or change how we perceive things to be.  Perhaps, this is the clue ... new information could facilitate change.  We feel much more comfortable with permanency surrounding us and all things securely in place.

By nature, I am a curious person and quite inquisitive.  I have a strong belief system which has been based on eclectic information gathered over the years.  Glancing back, I can see how some of my beliefs were replaced while others grew more certain as I found additional information to reinforce how I felt. 

In order to maintain opinions, it is good to allow them to be vulnerable to other's thoughts and assessments.  Personal truth can be aired and refreshed by the inspection of some one else.  Do we hide our truth for fear it will not withstand up against an other?  Many times, just the opposite happens.  When we face an opposing view, our opinion can be strengthened through the discussion.

Ideally, we can stand firm with our convictions, but with an open heart to respectfully listen to others.   New information will either reinforce what you already believe or bring new insight to what you originally believed.

My opinions have evolved over the years by opening my heart to the thoughts and learning's of others.  I do not have to believe or reject wisdom, but listening respectfully is wise as truth with stands all scrutiny. 

Killing the Messenger

Everyone we meet serves us.  Some help us by bringing us peace and joy;  others help us by challenging us to find clarity within ourselves.  Let us honor both our friends and foes as teachers who lead us to greater power and truth.  ~ Alan Cohen


Friendships have always been a vital part of my life and friends are the treasures deepening my wealth.  Their messages have been accompanied by love, encouragement, and support. 

Then there are the other messengers who have dealt me a harsh blow, whose behavior I will never condone, and yet, forgiveness must be extended.  These messages have been better understood with the passing of time, even if the pain has not yet subsided.

If we are to believe we are all one and at the end of life the most difficult teachers will be revealed as those loving us the most, won't we all have to readjust our thinking!  How different our assessments will be. 

In the meantime, we can be more mindful of how we share messages with others.  We can make a point, even if angry, by using a normal speaking voice.  If our message is unpleasant, we can still choose to use a kind voice. 

Let us try to be kind to all messengers, both friend and foe.  Seek the lesson in what is delivered without killing the messenger!



Daunting

History repeats itself, and that's one of the things that's wrong with history.  ~  Clarence  Darrow

Once again, I am spending time with journals written in 1924 stemming from the first half of the twentieth century.  The writings reflect experiences while in the presence of Masters of the Far East.  Topics are about the illusion of time, healing, manifestation, and our relatedness to each other and to God.

As I read these old texts, the messages are easy to understand as it would seem the material is also found in many current writings of our own time.  There are common discussions about evolving, the end of the world, and the necessity for balance with the body, mind, and spirit.

Truth, it would seem, survives time and place.  Truth is spoken in all languages in all lands in the hearts of all men, women, and children.  Why is it then that unhealthy competitiveness, lack of respect and threats of war continue to recycle throughout history?

Is it possible that we as human beings evolve without making the necessary changes?  Can we become enlightened and yet not follow through with significant changes?  These possibilities, for me, are daunting ...

Gifts from the Art Fair

 I was in a queer mood, thinking myself old;  but now I am a woman again ~ as I always am when I write.  

Virginia Woolf

A few days ago, we went to the Peoria Art Fair.  It was a gorgeous drive as the leaves on the trees had taken on vibrant fall colors.  We have had so little rain, I expected the leaves to crinkle up and turn brown, but this clearly isn't the case.

I thoroughly enjoyed the drive as either side of the highway was splattered with deep rich colors.  It felt as though the trees themselves were casting out a powerful energy to anyone willing to take in the beauty of nature.  This array of colors and texture certainly set the mood for the art fair.

We arrived one minute prior to the opening, but the parking lot was mostly full and many art enthusiasts were already wandering through the works of art at the river front park.  Oh, I was excited!  The sun was out and the temperature had not even reached 70 degrees.  It was a perfect fall day and quality art, interesting artists, and a creative atmosphere would soon be tantalizing all of my senses. 

We wandered the art fair for a few hours while I marveled at the creativity of many artists from Michigan, Colorado, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Tennessee, Florida, Alabama and other states as well.  The art exhibits were very diverse so each tent brought an interesting and unique surprise. 

I must admit my favorite part is talking with these creative artists, listening to where their imagination leads them, and how they express their art to obtain the end result.  One such artist, Erika Mock from Superior, Wisconsin, was delightful!  She creates textiles for body and soul with the suggestion of "Balance your  life with art."  She was an enchanting and spunky individual and we had an immediate connection.  Everything about her was unique and I felt as though I had met a kindred spirit.  Her website:  www.erikamock.com

Designs by Dana also captivated me, but for a different reason.  At this exhibit, several women were working together.  They were all dressed uniquely, and with artistic flair!  They were decorated from head to toe and they were having the time of their life!  The tent was filled with buyers interested in their textiles, but their atmosphere of good friends having a 'hoot' pulled people right in.  They encouraged every one to try something on, while their laughter and sense of sisterhood  encouraged every sale.   Their designs can be found on facebook, Etsy.com or www.DesignsByDana11.com

Brenna Busse is an artist from Minneapolis, MN and can be found at www.brennabusse.com  She makes these incredible pieces difficult to describe.  To call them a doll would be insulting.  They are intriguing forms with richly colored fibers.  Only the tiny head, hands and feet are exposed.  My instant reaction triggered thoughts such as:  historical form, ritual, honor, symbols,  and intricate details.  She was a gracious woman who definitely enhanced my day's experience.

There were more artists working with oil, water color, or combined mediums.  There were steel designs and very unique jewelry worthy of future heirlooms.  And just as interesting were those attending the art fair.  It was an atmosphere of fun, peace, and friendliness even though it was an odd assortment of folks who had never met before.  They were the true gifts from the art fair,  inspiring my mind, my heart and my soul!



The Space Between

                 Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.

Raymond Lindquist

For various reasons, we need to make adjustments to our attitude, or situation, or issues with others.  For our own mental health, we are encouraged to eliminate all that weighs us down and to welcome all that lifts us up.  This, however, is a process.

Transitions are successful when we take our time, carefully extracting people, habits or responsibilities in order to start fresh.  What is difficult is the space between letting go of the familiar and waiting for the new to arrive.  Even though we no longer desire the old, it still may feel more comfortable than standing in a void waiting for change.  Even when we invited the new in, it may not be comfortable for awhile as we are not yet used to the comfort of the calm or joy. 

We gather the new to us over time. We don't just get one big special delivery.  Like all good things worth waiting for, we are called to have faith, be patient, and to trust.  We take baby steps with great awareness so that we don't simply duplicate what we had before. 

Changes or transitions are very difficult processes, but they can also be fun and creative.  In order to facilitate this, one has to be in touch with themselves so they are crystal clear about their unique desires and individual needs. 

So when we find ourselves wanting change, we need to prepare for the transition.  Get deeply in touch with our inner feelings and become acutely aware of how we want things to be.  By using our imagination and careful planning we eventually discover ourselves living with the rewards.

Stepping on the Toes

    

Disappointments in love, even betrayals and losses, serve the soul at the very moment they seem in life to be tragedies.  The soul is partly in time and partly in eternity.  We might remember the part that resides in eternity when we feel despair over the part that is in life.

Thomas Moore

Care of the Soul

Taylor Caldwell and Jess Stearn collaborated on  a work of fiction in 1977 entitled:  I, JUDAS.  The novel created  a new gospel and allowed Judas Iscariot to reveal causes and motivations of his own actions.  Judas, in this story, displays an intention not to betray, but to force Jesus to assert His messianic role.

Not focusing on biblical or historical accuracy, this liberal interpretation of misunderstood intention shines an entirely different light upon the validity or possibility of misconstrued truth.  Judgment aside, exploring two sides to a story truly opens the heart and mind.

We all experience betrayal of some sort during our life experience.  It is a costly and painful experience taking a depth of time to heal.  As times passes, however, there is enough room to step back and see the situation with a broader lens resulting in perhaps a better view of what really happened.

As human beings, we have the tendency to view experiences through our own rose colored glasses.  We form decisions based upon our  previous experiences coloring occurrences in the present or now.  The only actions we can be certain of is our own and even then there are times we question our  personal behavior.

This leads me to the importance of judging no one as Divine Spirit can do just fine without me.  I am not interested in taking sides as I will never have absolute clarity to understand all aspects of any given situation.  I have the absolute right to take a stand for my self, but not to step on the toes of others.

Checking Lists Twice


I love deadlines.

I like the whooshing sound they make

as they fly by.

Douglas Adams

Making lists is one of the things I excell at.  I have had years of practice to fine tune this skill.  I make a list for the day and within that list I make other lists for the store or what must be done by noon or prep for dinner.  My list has categories as to what must be done today and what items might roll over into the next day.  I will also make a list projecting into the week so I have a loose idea of what will be required of me.

There are certain note pads I use for the grocery store and different paper for household chores.  My weekly projection is in my organizer.  Then of course I have my journal for more personal agendas. 

At times I wonder if I am really that organized or just a well disguised procrastinator.  If I eliminated all of the lists, would I have much more time to get chores completed?  I am not yet convinced.  There is something really satisfying about checking off completed tasks from my list!  There is a sense of productivity looking at all of the crossed off completions.

Coffee cup in hand, I spend early morning composing.  If I am particularly swift and finish early, I find myself checking the lists twice.  After all, that is one of my oxymorons ... an organzied procrastinator!

The World as Holy

Once we sense and know God's Presence here, this world becomes something holy, and we become something holy  -

something we already are.

Jason Shulman

Receiving God

Speaking for myself, I was taught that the world was a sinful place and we were all sinners.  As a child, I would feel  heaviness of the sin I was born with and imagined it to grow with most anything I would do. 

The word holy was reserved for heaven, the saints and martyrs, and Jesus the Christ.  People on earth where sludging around in sin, riddled with imperfection, and  praying for forgiveness and grace.  The sacred tabernacle on the altar housed God's presence, safely away from those who were present.  We were so lowly that salvation could be found through our ministers or priests as our mediators to God. 

It took years for me to think otherwise.

Today, there are many ways to personally approach God ... meditation, prayer, visualization, etc... and with practiced awareness, we simply can feel God present right inside of our most beautiful selves. 

When the light and love of God in our heart shines through our eyes out into the world, we can see the world as holy.  Everything we look at becomes holy.  When we can view everything surrounding us as God's creation, our world reflects holiness.  

Yes, humans are imperfect, but could we just focus on all of the good rather than the imperfection?  Can we find a margin of respect for those who are different from us rather than just fearing them?  

This may be way too simplistic, but if God created all of us, how can I even imagine for a minute that I am better than you when we were all made equal?  I grew up hearing that only Roman Catholics would be going to heaven.  Later I was told that not all Jehovah Witnesses were going to heaven, but there was a certain number of them who would surely go.  

Well, I cannot help praying that when we all arrive at heaven, (and is heaven actually a place or state of mind) it will be a big surprise party!  Won't we all be surprised when EVERYONE is there! 

Fallen without Grace

                                May you live all the days of your life.

Jonathan Swift

The first time I read this quote from Jonathan Swift, I didn't really understand it. Now I understand it all a little too well! 

A few weeks back, I was out for my daily walk when I had a very hard fall.  I was lucky not to have broken my jaw, wrist, rib or hip.  My face smashed into the sidewalk, breaking my glass frames, chipping two teeth and grotesquely smacking my chin.  I felt immediate jarring pain shoot up my chin straight into my head. I could feel crumbled teeth in my mouth as I struggled to get up.

My phone was broken from the impact of the fall so I could not call for help.  My face was bleeding, as well as my hands and knees.  I forced myself to walk the remaining four blocks home.

As I limped up our driveway, I began to sob and my body trembled.  I couldn't stop shaking.

Russ was very compassionate and helped me into the house.  He helped to cleanse the abrasions on my face, hands and knees.  I refused to go to the doctor, so I put ice on my chin, knees, and wrist, later switching to heat.  Bio-freeze became my best friend.

Long story short, the bruise on my rib is long gone, and my knees healed just fine.  My phone was repaired and so too were my frames, except there is a chip in my lens.  The dentist repaired my teeth which didn't hurt as much as the bill.  My chin was marbleized with a very rich dark purple with a knot the size of a walnut.  The abrasions on my face and hands have healed.  The worst of the fall ended up being a possible sprain in my right arm.  Being right handed, my every day routine became a painful challenge.

During the next several days, I withdrew to the couch, and tried my best to move through the physical sensation of feeling like I had been beaten up.  Every time I glanced in a mirror I was startled by the bruises glaring back at me.  It was difficult to mentally adjust to looking so battered ... not out of vanity, but from the fear of falling I felt internally. 

During the last few weeks I have not been 'living' life.  I have been tolerating pain and remaining unproductive.  The days have slowly passed me by with very little to show for them.  This is not how I want to be.  I have fallen without grace.

Forever Friends

A good essay must have this permanent quality about it;

it must draw its curtain round us,

but it must be a curtain that shuts us in

not out.

Virginia Woolf

The gathering of words written upon paper takes courage, encouragement and creativity.  Thoughts are expressed through words which free fall into a gangly string until the writer hears the correct cadence.  Writing doesn't just happen.  Words are not randomly spit out once and then that is it.  Words are carefully chosen so that the reader will feel welcome to settle in and to stay for awhile.

As the writer, I decide what it is I am going to tell you and then in what order it will unfold.  I anticipate what you most want to hear and what will best advance understanding of the words. At times the passage of thoughts I choose branches off or comes to a dead end.  The exciting times are when I am "in the flow" and spirit is rushing words through me. 

As the reader, I want to be caught up in the words by the completion of the first chapter.  I don't want to have to "try" to get into a book.  It either grabs my attention or not.  I want to highlight words that truly resonate so I can return to them often.  Frequently, I will read with a journal by my side to write down enhanced versions of what I have just read.

Words are my forever friends.  Some have faded or have been forgotten, but many have inspired me or challenged what I hold dear.  Words have enhanced my life through escape, imagination, wonderment, and possibility.  Over the years, definitions have been altered, and the cause may have been from the interpretation of the writer or the reader.  Either way, I have loved having the curtain wrap around me, drawing me in!